Grieved Loss: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 3)

by Adelaide Forrest

  “I’m just going to stay with her for a bit. It’s a new house and a new room,” I said.

  “You good, Princess?” Ryker asked, ignoring me.

  “Mmm,” she murmured, already half asleep. He leaned in to kiss her cheek and then grabbed me around the waist.

  “Say goodnight to Ines, Sunshine,” he ordered.

  I kissed her but made no move to get out of the bed. Instead, I settled down deeper into the covers, tugging them up over his hands at my waist and deciding to pretend they weren’t there. He flung them back easily, plucking me from the bed and tossing me over his shoulder. With me perched there and fuming silently, he reached down and fixed the blankets for Ines, tucking her in nice and tight.

  “Call me if you need anything, Princess,” he whispered to her.

  “Night ‘yker,” she murmured back in that sleepy voice. He seemed satisfied with that, striding out the door, though he took the time to close it quietly.

  “Do I look stupid?” he asked as he walked down the hall to the master bedroom.

  “I’m guessing the answer you’re looking for is a no,” I said back. “If I say no, will you put me down?”

  He grunted when I dug my nails into his side through his shirt. I’d initially been looking for something to pinch, but there was nothing.

  The man didn’t even seem to have skin over the solid mass of muscle. "It’s time for bed,” he said, and he flung open the door to the master bedroom. I’d assumed, since Axel didn’t come racing out of it in terror when he took a shower, that there was nothing horrific about it. I didn’t expect the lilac accents through the room, or the front, brick exterior wall to be painted white. The entire wall on the side of the house was a massive window, the view of the woods outside it reminding me just how isolated we were. When he spun to kick the door closed quietly, I got my first view of the low platform bed with sheets and a comforter that looked nearly silver in contrast to all the white and black of the room, and the pillows were my favorite lilac color too.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t paint it lilac. I have some limits when I sleep here too,” he grunted, and he flung me off his shoulder until I thumped on the bed.

  I scurried to my feet quickly, unwilling to put myself in a position where I stayed in a bed willingly. Not with the monster in the room with me, anyway.

  “You should get changed for bed,” Ryker growled at me.

  “I’m not tired,” I lied, making for the door. “Besides, I want to wait and see if the kids need me at all.” He went for a panel on the wall, pressing a button and the light sound of feedback filled the room.

  “Audio monitors,” he grunted. “This room is soundproof, so we won’t hear them without it.”

  “Right, well I’m still not tired,” I spat, and then hesitation settled over me as I processed his words. “Why exactly does your room need soundproofing, Hulk?” I swallowed down my nerves, crossing my arms over my chest as I stared at him.

  He only raised an eyebrow back at me in answer, before he pressed on like the question didn’t need an answer.

  It most definitely needed a damn answer.

  “You were tired enough when you tried to curl up in bed with Ines.” He crossed his arms over his chest, looking all too menacing as he hovered in front of the bedroom door. “Go get ready for bed, or I’ll put you back in bed like that. I can’t imagine those yoga pants are comfortable to sleep in, and I know you’re probably dying to get out of your sports bra.”

  “Your understanding of female comfort is concerning,” I hissed, narrowing my eyes on him. “I need to shower. I didn’t get to shower after the studio today, since someone brought me here under the guise of a meeting and then held me hostage like a thug.”

  “A thug?” he asked, his scarred eyebrow raising as he studied me.

  “Yes, an over-muscled thug.”

  “Sunshine, you have no clue who I am, but I am not a street thug.”

  “Of course I have no idea who you are, you just inserted yourself into my life like a crazy person. This isn’t normal! What is wrong with you?”

  He chuckled, hanging his head and looking at the floor before he raised it and those vibrant blue eyes met mine again. The shadows toyed with the scar that stretched over his eye with the way he angled his head, and he only looked more menacing for it. “Go shower if you’re going to. Otherwise, we’re going to bed.”

  “I don’t want to sleep in the same room as you! I want to go to my home and my bed and sleep alone!” I knew my voice was bordering on hysterical, knew that the tears that burned the back of my throat wouldn’t be held off forever.

  I’d woken up that morning a single widow who would do anything for her kids. I didn’t even know what I’d become when Ryker had suddenly appeared, but I knew that I would still do anything for my kids.

  Even if it meant I had to stab Ryker in his sleep. The smile that crossed his face as he studied me didn’t bode well for me.

  “I’d like to see you try it, Tesoro,” he murmured, stepping forward. I stood my ground, refusing to back off once we were in the privacy of his bedroom and away from my kids and the other people he could hurt.

  “Try what?” I asked innocently.

  “I’m trying to be patient with you, but if you try to knife me that will go out the window. Now this is the last time I’m going to tell you to go take your shower. If your sweet little ass doesn’t march into the bathroom in the next thirty seconds, I’ll strip you down and you can sleep naked.” I didn’t want to think about the fact that he knew so much about us and our lives, that he knew me well enough to know I’d considered killing him in that exact moment. His next words only confirmed just how well he knew the thoughts that circulated in my head. “You have no secrets that are safe from me.”

  “I’ll shower in the morning,” I muttered, and he groaned before stepping up and taking my hand. He guided me into the bathroom as I tried not to struggle against his grip, but it felt natural when he reached in to turn on the shower. The space was massive, with dark grey tile walls and a huge, white deep soaking tub and vanity. Modern luxury, with little industrial touches in the skylights and natural wood beams that ran along the entire ceiling of the second floor.

  “You’ll shower tonight. You don’t like to go to bed with yoga sweat on you,” he announced, and I glared back.

  “I’m not taking off my clothes with you anywhere nearby, you giant meatball!” He chuckled at that, but grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into the shower spray with him. I shrieked, hot water drenching me like a drowned rat, and fled to the opposite corner of the shower.

  Still chuckling, he tipped his head back and ran his fingers through his dark hair to brush the stray bits out of his face. Something about the look in his eyes and the way the water dripped off his head when he tipped his face down to look at the floor nearly broke my heart, seeing a man more broken than I’d ever thought could exist.

  He ruined the sympathy that panged in my chest when he opened his mouth. “I heard cats didn’t like water.”

  “Was that a pussy reference?” I asked with a scowl.

  He roared out a laugh. For someone so intimidating, I never would have expected him to laugh as often as he did. “No, Sunshine. That was not a pussy reference,” he said, and when I didn’t bother to respond to that, he lifted his hands to the buttons of his shirt.

  “What are you doing?” I asked with wide eyes as he undid one button at a time. The smooth expanse of his chest came into view bit by bit, filling my vision with the tantalizing lines of every muscle packed onto his body. Tugging the shirt out of his pants, he undid the last few buttons. Even as panic flooded my brain, I couldn’t look away.

  I didn’t even know it was possible to have that many rippling abs, but it was official. There were eight of them. When he slid the shirt off his shoulders and tossed it to the corner of the massive standing shower, my eyes caught on the silver glint of barbells pierced through his nipples. The tribal wolf tattoo I’d seen on hi
s forearm continued up and onto his chest, curving over his collarbone before stopping above his nipple. When he spun to face away from me, I got a good look at the ink on his back and the angel that seemed to nestle between his shoulder blades and extend down to his hips. It struck me as odd that a man who was a self-professed criminal would have the tattoo of an angel, but when he shoved his slacks down his legs, I didn’t give the first shit.

  He had a male bubble butt, but even with the boxer briefs covering it, I could see that it was just as corded with muscle as the rest of him. His thighs strained against the fabric, stretching them to the limit. “I think you need to size up, big boy,” I laughed nervously. “Please keep them on.”

  “What’s wrong, Tesoro? You don’t want me to continue with the little strip tease you’re enjoying so much?”

  I flushed with embarrassment, but I couldn’t be surprised he’d picked up on my viewing party. I hadn’t been remotely subtle. “Fuck you, meatball. I’m just hoping you stay over there.”

  He turned around, staring at me from the other side of the shower before he closed the gap, trapping me against the wall with his hands extended so he leaned into me. He seemed so tall hovering over me, and I did everything I could to shrink into the wall.

  “I’d love to fuck you, Calla,” he whispered. “But I want you to be good and ready the first time I get inside you.” His rough voice deepened, and I tried not to look down at the muscles of his chest in my face or the nipple piercings that I suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about.

  “Please tell me that’s the only thing that’s pierced,” I blurted, my eyes widening in shock when I said the words.

  He chuckled, but didn’t speak. My dread mounted, because I’d seen some pretty startling pictures of dicks that were more metal than skin. “Are you asking to see my cock?”

  “Nope! Definitely not. I just wanted reassurance that it wasn’t some kind of monster. You know, for the rest of the female population.” I flushed, and I wished I could melt into the wall. I didn’t understand what it was about all the intensity the man had and why it made me act like an idiot, but there was something so unnatural about the way he fixated on me.

  Like there was no one else in the world, and the only person who mattered was me. I’d never had anyone pay that close of attention to me, and it left me feeling like I was floundering and in shock, speechless where I should have just been pissed.

  “It’s not the only place I’m pierced,” he admitted, pressing his lips to my forehead affectionately. “But I promise it isn’t a monster. Not because of the piercing anyway,” he said, and then he stepped back and left the shower. “I’ll grab you something to wear and leave it on the counter, then I’ll give you privacy to shower.”

  And just like that he was gone, and he left me feeling like I probably didn’t want to know how his dick was a monster.

  I needed to get the hell out of there.

  ✽✽✽

  I’d kill him.

  That was certain.

  I hadn’t stopped to consider just what he would pick out for me to wear to bed, but I knew for a fact the lilac chemise I shrugged on hadn’t been in my wardrobe.

  No bra.

  No underwear.

  He’d be lucky if I didn’t shove the nightie down his throat for him to choke on in his sleep, but as it stood it was all I had to wear. To get to the closet, I’d have to go through the bedroom.

  My thighs were too thick for this thing and my ass jutted out obscenely. Yoga was great for toning my body, but there were just certain parts of me that got more muscular and never went away. My legs were longer than my torso called for, but I lost any length I might have gained from that because of the way the chemise stretched over my ass.

  I spit out my toothpaste, rinsing my mouth and tugging my hair down from the ponytail. I had wanted nothing to do with the bed, but now I desperately wanted to use that blanket to cover up. Determined to just make a run for the closet, I took a deep breath before I flung the bathroom door open and bolted for the other door.

  Ryker grimaced, vaulting up from the bed to grab me around the waist and tug me into his body. A fresh pair of boxer briefs was all he wore, leaving all that muscle pressed against most of the skin on my back that the chemise revealed where it dipped low. “Ryker!” I screamed, kicking my legs as he lifted me off the floor and turned to carry me to the bed. “No!”

  “Relax, Tesoro. You’re safe with me.”

  “Liar!” I hissed, and he dropped me onto the bed on my stomach before rolling me to my back and crawling over me. Trapped beneath him, with his thighs and his arms caging me in on both sides, I froze and panted up at him. “You can’t just demand that I wear this and put me to bed. Let me change.”

  “No,” he grunted. “It’s your favorite color, and it’s so perfect with your skin. You look like a fairy or something.”

  I glared at him, but he didn’t seem affected. Instead, he just rolled me to my side and tugged me into his chest. His massive arm wrapped around me, and I considered comparing them to my thighs. I was fairly certain his arms were bigger.

  One of his thighs wrapped around my legs, pinning me tightly and I tried not to think about the monster bulge against my ass or the fact that he acted like I was a fucking body pillow.

  “Go to sleep, Tesoro.”

  “You can’t just tell me to—”

  “Just did,” he yawned.

  I pursed my lips but went silent, fully intending to wait until he fell asleep and then sneak out.

  But I fell asleep far too quickly for that. His body was like a furnace against me, lulling me into a comfortable warm place where my body felt safe like the idiot it was.

  Thirteen

  Ryker

  I never wanted to leave my bed. Calla was still snuggled against me, tucked in tight and warm against my chest and thighs, right where she was meant to be. In the night, her nightie rode up so her bare ass pressed into my groin, and I barely resisted the urge to grind my hard-on into her. Her breathing fell in the steady rhythm of sleep and the day before had been a hard one for my Sunshine. I couldn’t disturb her when she rested so peacefully in my arms for the first time.

  I’d watched her sleep enough times in the last year to know what it looked like, what she felt like when her brain quieted and she disappeared into the world of dreams. Dreams that didn’t seem to haunt her or scare her. For my Sunshine, sleep looked like a peaceful retreat. No traces of the pissed off hellcat I’d narrowly avoided the day before.

  Sweet. Pliant.

  Mine.

  But the sound of Axel getting up and out of bed beckoned, and the sun had long since started shining around the edges of the blackout blinds and curtains covering the window. “Calla, I have to get up,” I whispered, brushing her platinum hair back from her face.

  She groaned in complaint, wiggling away from me and murmuring sleepily. “Too warm,” she mumbled, drawing a hoarse chuckle from my throat.

  Even with my body heat still warming the bed, when I pulled away from her, she turned to follow me in her sleep, and it made it even more difficult to leave her when I glimpsed the little crooked smile on her face. Her eyes remained closed, still lost to that place where she didn’t know what was going on.

  But I forced myself to leave anyway, because she needed the sleep and Axel needed food.

  I leaned over her, staring down at her in the same way I had for so long. The only difference was that this time I could touch her without fear. If she woke up, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I didn’t have to sneak out of the house before the kids woke up or the neighbors could wonder about my car parked down the street.

  Calla mumbled in her sleep again, and I smiled down at her. “Go back to sleep, Sunshine,” I whispered, leaning forward to touch my lips to hers. In her sleepy state, she arched into me, taking what I gave with a brief moan. The feeling of her lips against mine was like the strongest shot to my system, and it killed me that I had to leave her. I wanted more,
the first brush of my mouth on hers nothing but a tease that made me crave everything she had to give.

  I’d have it all soon enough, but not right that moment. I couldn’t take what I knew she would offer in her half-aware state of being. Our first time wouldn’t be with her son awake and wandering the house and with her half-asleep so she could blame me when she came to her senses.

  She’d be fully aware when I finally took what was mine for the first time.

  I tucked her back in to fight off the chill in the room and then grabbed some sweatpants to go feed my boy.

  ✽✽✽

  After getting both kids up and making them French toast for breakfast, we headed outside. The day was already warming up, and I wanted them to enjoy the beautiful weather. Having already called Axel’s school and explained he wouldn’t be in for the day, I didn’t have it in me to wake Calla up. She was always up at the ass crack of dawn to get herself and the kids ready for their hectic mornings, and even on the weekends she had to do it to bring the kids to her dad’s so she could teach morning yoga. She deserved to sleep for once.

  I wouldn’t want to face her wrath if I took the kids off the property without her permission. So I wrote her a note and stuck it on the nightstand, then let Axel get himself dressed. For Ines we slipped some pants on under her nighty and pulled a princess dress over her head since I wasn’t comfortable getting her changed just yet. No matter how pure my intentions, when it came to the kids, I tried to remember that I was a stranger to them. I wouldn’t give Calla any reason to question my behavior with them.

  In time, she’d learn that I would kill anyone who even looked at a child the wrong way, but first I had to give them all the chance to get to know me.

  Axel bounced happily, all his energy from the previous night bubbling up to the surface as we went through the hallway to get to the back of the house. Ines carried one of her new dolls in her hands, the one I’d practiced with in car seats, coincidentally, and I chuckled as the poor thing dragged on the floor. But she was determined to carry her, determined that it had to be that doll, while I carted a blanket and two more dolls in my hands.