Grieved Loss: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 3)

by Adelaide Forrest

  It wouldn’t cost me any sleep at night.

  Twenty-Three

  Ryker

  I cursed Tiernan Murphy for the fact that it was late when I got home. I hadn't been able to kiss my kids goodnight, and Dante was the only one who greeted me in the living room when I stepped inside. "Any trouble?" I asked him.

  "Nope. She's sweet, now that she’s stopped glaring at me like I was the devil for being complicit in this." He stood, stretching his arms above his head. "I better get home before my wife puts my balls in a vice," he said, making his way to the front door. That Dante could call my Hellcat sweet was remarkable.

  "I hate to say it, but shit is about to get ugly. I'll be gone more than I planned. You good with that? Or should I find a backup?" I asked.

  "Nah, that's okay. Matteo put me on your girl full-time, but if it's as bad as I think it is, you should get someone on the kids when they aren't here," Dante suggested.

  "Already arranged," I said, and if he'd been most people, I would have been offended that he thought I wouldn't think of it. There was nothing that slipped my mind in terms of my family's safety.

  "Call me when you need me," he said, making for his car. I watched him go, made sure that Gio closed the gate behind him and it locked safely. I wouldn't take any unnecessary risks, and I suspected that meant I would need to take more guys under my direct payroll. Being Matteo's most trusted enforcer had its perks, and the fact was, I would never lack for money.

  I'd spend it all if it meant I kept my family safe.

  Once I shut and locked the front door, I moved to the stairs and climbed them. I took the time to step into each of the kids' rooms, kissing their heads and silently slipping out.

  By the time I made it to our room, I was exhausted and ready to drop into bed and sleep. But I wouldn't get into bed with my Sunshine without showering work off of me. Even without blood on me, it felt dirty.

  It felt wrong to sully her with that part of my life. She was nestled under the covers, her head turned away from me as she slept. I sneaked into the shower.

  When the scorching water poured down on me, I thought about jerking off. It had been my routine after work for years, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not when Calla lay in the other room, all warm and mine, just waiting for me to make love to her. I'd already decided that I would by the time I washed my hair and body, so I hurried through the motions.

  Our first time shouldn't have been as rushed, as frenzied as it had been. I'd meant to take my time with her, to savor her and explore every part of her body with my own. But emotions had run high and fucking her had seemed like the best idea at the time when she stood there and challenged me so beautifully.

  Stalking into the bedroom quietly, I stared at her for a moment. She'd rolled over to her back, the blanket slipping down to expose her blue nighty. She’d cocked one leg out of the blanket, looking delectable as her fair skin shone in the moonlight streaming through the window where she hadn't closed the blinds. I moved to them, shutting them as quietly as I could so I wouldn't wake her.

  I wanted her sleepy and pliant. Warm and lost to the sensations I gave her.

  She could regret them in the morning, and I was sure part of her would, but the more that Calla had to face this pulsing attraction between us, the sooner she could see it for what it was.

  Love.

  Inexplicable, illogical love.

  It made no sense, defied all reason that you could fall in love with someone the first time you spoke to them, but it was there no less.

  I knelt on the bed by her feet, touching my fingers to the smooth expanse of leg that beckoned to me. She jolted at my touch, like she felt that same undercurrent of electricity that I got every time I touched her. She didn't wake, proving to me she recognized my touch.

  Even in her dreams, she knew who I was. Knew that I wouldn't hurt her even after I confessed to killing someone. I trailed my fingertips up her calf, watching her skin pebble in goosebumps, and when I reached her knee, I tucked a hand around the back of it and pulled it further apart from the other so I could kneel between her thighs. My hand continued a path up the top of her thigh until I reached where the nighty covered her sweet little pussy. Her hips lifted momentarily, settling back down as she whimpered in her sleep with a needy sound that made me grin. Trailing my hand over her nighty, I continued until I teased the skin of her arm in a soft caress. Up and up I went, all the way to her neck and then her bottom lip. Those pursed lips parted for me, drawing the tip of my finger in and making me groan. When I pulled my hand away, I immediately replaced it with my mouth, settling my body down to cover hers in that same moment.

  My lips against hers, her shocked gasp of breath against mine felt like she breathed life into me. She invigorated me. She chased away the shadows that always controlled me.

  My Sunshine.

  I felt the moment she woke up, felt her confusion for only a moment before I coaxed her to open further for me. Her arms reached up, wrapping around me to touch my ribs hesitantly. But she opened, touching her tongue to my lip in encouragement. I gave her what she wanted, kissed her with everything I had.

  Not with force or intensity, but by pouring all the love I felt for her into that kiss.

  I pushed her to feel me, to feel my heart beating against hers as my lips drifted to touch the sensitive skin of her neck. The spot under her ear made her grind her hips against me in a desperate plea for more, and she gave a ragged gasp as her lips parted.

  I kissed my way down her throat, over her collarbone and to the swell of her breasts where they heaved with her body’s writhing. Her deep blue eyes stared up at me as I tugged the fabric down to bare her breasts. Her dusky nipples pebbled in the air immediately, and the sight of my olive skin against the luminescence of hers was enough to make me groan.

  My Sunshine wasn't a tiny woman. She had tits and ass and a body toned from her yoga, but my hands made even her breasts look small as I cupped one in my palm. I rolled my thumb over her other nipple, drawing a whimper from her throat. "Ryker," she moaned.

  Begged.

  Having her beneath me, being able to touch the body I’d tormented myself by watching on my cameras for so many years, felt like a dream come true.

  Finally, she was mine in truth.

  I slid further down, so that my mouth leveled with her breasts and swiped my tongue across the pebbled peak as she arched her back and thrust it up into my mouth. The taste of her flooded me instantly as I wrapped my lips around it, sucking and lashing it with my tongue. When I couldn't take it anymore, I switched to the other side, giving it the same attention as I slid my hand inside her panties and stroked my fingers through her wet slit.

  "Please," she whimpered when I slid a single finger inside her. She was so tight. So hot and wet and perfect for me as she clung to my finger.

  Releasing her nipple with a wet pop, I turned my eyes up to hers to find her staring down at me as I slid down her body and tugged her panties off. Tossing them to the side, I laid on my stomach between her legs, settling my face so I could look at her pussy.

  At my pussy.

  I'd seen it from a distance when she touched herself in the privacy of her bedroom, but I'd never gotten such a thorough glimpse of all her smooth pink flesh. She squirmed underneath me, and I felt when she became uncomfortable with my attention. She didn't need to be, because there was nothing wrong with her. Not a single thing I would change.

  Including the fact that she was so tiny one of my fingers could cover her pussy from clit to entrance.

  I wanted to devour her, but I forced myself to touch my tongue to her clit delicately. She jerked against me like a live wire, grinding into my face with an enthusiasm that I loved. But I put my hands at her hips and held her down, forcing her to lay there and do nothing but accept my assault on her body. The taste of her, the reality that I finally had my Sunshine underneath me and her taste exploding in my mouth, was a dream come true.

  She was mine, and she always w
ould be.

  I slid my finger inside her again, pumping it in and out in slow thrusts that made me nip at her clit when she tightened around me like she never wanted me to leave. When I added another finger, she whimpered, and I withdrew them both to slip my tongue inside her and fuck her with it.

  I could have eaten her all night, could have lived my life with my face buried in her pussy, but with the way she whimpered I knew she needed to come.

  "Ryker!" she yelped when I nipped her clit again, shoving two fingers into her and using them to stroke her g-spot while I sucked at her clit until she shattered beneath me with a scream.

  As soon as she came down, I pulled my fingers free and repositioned and put my dick inside her. "Condom," she whispered. I cursed the reminder and grabbed the condoms I'd stashed in the nightstand a few days before as I pulled out. She took it from me, rolling it on as if she didn't quite trust me to do the job. I smirked when her fingers nudged my frenum piercing and her eyes went wide, but she plowed on like she hadn't touched my dick for the first time. Her hands looked so ridiculously small wrapped around me that it drove me crazy, and I shoved her to her back again.

  She giggled, reaching for me as I covered her body with my weight and lined myself up to slide inside her.

  Even having fucked her hard just a few days prior, she still felt tight. I doubted there would ever come a day when I didn't have to work my way inside her slowly for fear of hurting her, but she seemed to relax easier. She seemed to trust that I would fit inside her this time and let me make my way in with shallow thrusts until my balls rested against her ass.

  I groaned, dropping my head to the crook of her neck and breathing her in. "Calla," I whispered as I moved my hips in smooth, slow glides.

  I was determined to be gentle, to show her everything that our first time together should have been.

  I was determined to make love to her, to make her understand just what I felt for her.

  She was my love, my life, my everything.

  "Ryker," she repeated in a whisper, lifting her hips to meet me thrust for thrust. I grabbed her under the ass, lifting until she tilted her hips in the perfect way for me to stroke her g-spot.

  "Touch yourself, Tesoro," I whispered. "Let me see your fingers dance over that pretty little clit." She swallowed, but did as I told her. When her fingers brushed against me and where I stretched her open, she whimpered. I grabbed her hand, guiding it further so that her fingers wrapped around me as I worked myself in and out of her. "Feel how perfectly you fit me," I said, hating the fact that the condom interfered with my vision.

  I wanted it to be just the two of us, with nothing in the way again. But I had to respect her reasoning.

  For a time.

  Once she was my wife, nothing would stop me from putting a baby in her belly.

  "Oh fuck," she moaned, and her pussy tightened around me as her orgasm took her. I shoved deep, sending her back bowing into a second orgasm that drew my own from me. When my cum filled the condom, I wanted to tear a hole in it.

  But I didn't for her sake. I drew her into my arms, rolling to my back so she sprawled on top of my chest. My fingers trailed up and down her spine through her nightie as sleep hovered at the edges of my vision. But I had to get rid of the condom.

  When Calla let out a soft snore, I chuckled, gently rolling her to her back as I pulled out of her.

  I disposed of the condom and grabbed a towel to clean her while she slept.

  She wouldn't want to wake up with condom lube on her and smelling of sex.

  Twenty-Four

  Calla

  I tried to fight back the panic. The thought of my father spending time with Ryker made me anxious.

  I didn't know why. It wasn't like I should have cared what he thought of Ryker.

  It wasn't as if I liked the ridiculous, sarcastic, arrogant Hulk of a man.

  The thought I might wasn't even worth repeating. Especially not after the horrible mistake I'd made in my sleepy haze the night before. But having him touch me like that, like I was everything, was enough to bring me to my knees.

  Even in the happiest days of our marriage, Chad had never touched me like he worshiped me. Like every inch of my skin and every freckle was precious to him and he needed to explore it.

  Taking him inside me had never felt like coming home.

  Not the way it did when Ryker finally took pity on me and fucked me. But it hadn't felt like he fucked me.

  It felt like he made love to me and that just wasn't true. You couldn't make love to a person you didn't know. But knowing that Ryker could make me feel like he did, more than my husband ever had in our marriage, what did that say?

  It was more evidence to Ryker's assertion that my husband didn't love me. I’d thought about it frequently since he’d said it, and every hour that passed led me closer and closer to one truth. That while I knew our marriage had been rocky at times, I’d thought we built it on a solid foundation of love that, in reality, never existed.

  And that left me grieving for a man who had deceived me. Lied to me.

  I just didn't know why he would do such a thing, and why I’d been so blind to it.

  The knock on the front door jarred me out of my thoughts, and I jumped in place. My hip slammed into the kitchen counter, and my hand threatened to spill extra powdered sugar into the frosting I had beating in the stand mixer. "You okay, Tesoro?" Ryker asked, stepping up behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist, his lips pressing a warm kiss to the back of my neck as he leaned into me and breathed me in. I tried not to take comfort in the casual display of affection, or that Ryker seemed like he couldn't get enough of touching me.

  Even when it wasn't a sexual touch, he constantly looked for ways to touch me and hold me. Like he needed the reassurance that I was with him, and he couldn't quite believe it.

  "I'm fine," I said, tugging away from the comforting touch even if it threatened to break something inside me. Adding Oreo crumbles to the frosting, I tried not to be too bothered by the loss. I'd let myself be lured in with Chad's false promises and easy touches, taking them for love when they might have been nothing close to that. There was no way Ryker could love me, and I couldn't make that same mistake again.

  Turning off the mixer, I took to frosting the cooled cakes while Ryker continued on like I hadn't tried to brush him off. He went for the front door, tugging it open to reveal my father standing there and looking curious.

  "Oh good lord, I thought for sure I had the wrong address," he laughed, stepping inside when Ryker moved back out of the entryway. My father's eyes were wide when he looked around, taking in the absolute luxury of the converted warehouse. I didn't know why Ryker hadn't bothered to fix up the outside, though I suspected it had something to do with him liking that most people thought it was uninhabited until they came up to the gate, anyway.

  But he'd spared no expense on the rest of the house.

  "Grandpa!" Axel yelled, charging through the kitchen to hug my Dad's legs tight to his chest.

  "Hey, Axe," my Dad said, patting his head and shoulders to return the affectionate squeeze. "Where's your sister?"

  "She's playing in the living room. All wrapped up in her dollhouse," Ryker said, and he nodded his head to Axel. "Why don't you give your Grandpa a tour?"

  "Really?" Axel asked, excitedly.

  "Sure thing. This is your home too, little man." My father barely pressed a kiss to my cheek as Axel took his hand and dragged him into the living room. "The bathroom is down the little hall across from the front door, and you saw the kitchen and dining room," he chattered excitedly as they passed me and went for the play area and living room. Ines's new dollhouse was the latest addition Ryker had brought home with him one day, looking frilly and pink and ridiculous next to the industrial bones of the warehouse.

  "Hi, Grandpa!" Ines piped up from her little corner where I hadn't been able to pull her away from the damn dollhouse for days.

  "Hey, pretty girl. Axel's giving me a tour. Wanna c
ome?" He held out a hand, and I turned my attention back to the cake as Axel led him to the stairs to show him their bedrooms, I was sure. I'd have shown them off too if I'd had something that spectacular as a kid.

  When everything with Ryker inevitably crashed and burned, it would be impossible for me to give them something like that. I hated him for giving them something they'd never be able to keep.

  "Do you need help with anything, Sunshine?" Ryker asked once they were out of sight. He didn't move to touch me, eyeing the way I focused on the cake and tried to get the frosting as seamless as possible on my turning table.

  "Could you just check the pork? I don't want it to overcook and you know I suck at cooking meat."

  "Anything for you," he murmured, touching his lips to my cheek in a kiss before he pulled the pork tenderloin from the oven to check the temperature. We stood side by side, not speaking, as seemed to be our way. I never knew what to say to him, and then I wondered why I even wanted to say anything to him at all. It seemed like an impossible task to make small talk with him. Except for the days when he had to disappear for work, we spent all our time together.

  It should have felt suffocating and terrifying, but somehow it was oddly peaceful. He didn't feel the need to fill the silence with background noise, but I often wondered if he'd ever volunteer any information about himself. "Will we meet your family?" I asked him, and the pan clattered when he dropped it back into the oven.

  "No," he grunted.

  "Oh," I said, and annoyance colored my tone as I finished frosting and went to wash my hands.

  "They're dead," he explained with a sigh, and I felt my body flinch. I'd automatically assumed that he'd intrude on our lives and insert himself without a care for what we might want, and never return the favor. Guilt flooded me for it, as he’d given us no sign that we wouldn’t be the epicenter of his world.

  "I'm sorry," I whispered, hanging my head over the sink with my shame. I knew what the loss of my mother had meant for my life. I couldn't fathom the loss of both my parents.