Chisolmwood smiled. “You’re so much like her you could be my Genevieve in the flesh. If only I could have saved her from the life she had, married to him.”
Lydia stepped out of the protective cocoon Austin and Harrison had formed around her and walked to the other side of the room.
She kept her back to the duke and for several long seconds stared at the lifeless logs in the grate. When she couldn’t stand the anger raging through her any longer, she slowly turned to face him.
“What did you use to blackmail my father?”
“His debts.”
“How much?”
The corners of Chisolmwood’s mouth lifted. “More than your brothers and Major Talbot could begin to pay. Although they’ve made a valiant effort to do so.”
She remembered Gabriel’s demand for the largest note in exchange for his presence at the ball Chisolmwood hosted.
Her world shifted around her. To keep her father and brothers from being ruined, Gabriel had told her he didn’t love her. Then he’d demanded the largest of her father’s notes. She focused her gaze on Harrison. “How much is left to pay?”
The expression on Harrison’s face turned hopeless. “More than we could pay if I sold everything we own.”
Lydia’s heart plummeted to the pit of her stomach. “And if I refuse your son’s offer?” She faced Chisolmwood bravely even though a feeling of dread overwhelmed her.
“Everything that isn’t entailed will be mine, and everything that is entailed will fall to ruin in a matter of a few years.”
Lydia fought the thundering of her heart. This was the same choice Gabriel had faced. “You’re that desperate for your son to marry me?”
“I’m that desperate to make your mother’s daughter a duchess. I’m that desperate to give you everything I wanted to give your mother but couldn’t.”
“Even though you know I don’t love your son but love someone else? The same as my mother loved someone else and didn’t love you?”
“No! Your mother loved me. She always loved me. Always!”
Lydia suddenly realized that the Duke of Chisolmwood had lived with the delusion of her mother’s love for so long his fantasy had become a reality. Which meant there were no lengths to which he wouldn’t go to see her married to his son.
“My son will come to see you shortly.”
Lydia tried to meet the duke’s threats with a courage she far from felt. As if he realized the threat she was about to make, he held up his hand to stop her words.
“You’ll accept his offer. You are too much like your mother to do anything different. You will make whatever sacrifice is necessary to save your brothers from ruin.”
“Is that what you think my mother did?”
“Of course. With never a word of complaint.”
Lydia stared at Chisolmwood and searched for the words that would make him believe her mother had been happy with her father. But she suspected anything she said would fall on deaf ears.
She let her gaze move to where her brothers stood together. The soldier in Austin faced her with his jaw clenched tight, his shoulders squared, with the forced bravado of a man facing a firing squad. In contrast, Harrison studied her with the quiet strength that had always been his forte. Oh, how she loved them.
She knew how much they hurt for her, knew how much they wanted things to be different, but nothing could change what she had to do.
“Liddy—” Harrison started to say but Lydia held up her hand.
“Don’t. You’ve known all along how this had to end.”
Lydia faced the duke. “You may tell your son I shall be expecting him to call.”
She turned away from him before she had to see the superior gloat of victory on his face, and walked toward the door. She couldn’t stand to be in the room with the man who’d just destroyed her chance for happiness, and yet…
She stopped when she reached the door. She couldn’t leave without telling the Duke of Chisolmwood something she hadn’t told another living soul, something even her brothers didn’t know. She turned.
“I was with my mother when she died. She was very weak and in a great deal of pain. But at the end, she wouldn’t take any more laudanum because she said it muddled her mind. I sat beside her on the bed and she took my hand and pulled me close. She wanted to make sure I heard her last words.”
“What did she say?” The look on Chisolmwood’s face filled with hopeful anticipation.
“She said, ‘Take care of your father. Leaving him behind is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.’”
Lydia didn’t wait to see Chisolmwood’s reaction but stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her.
She thought of her life without Gabriel and understood what her mother had meant.
Chapter Twenty-One
Lydia made her way through the crush in the Plunkett’s ballroom on her way to the terrace. The crowd was unbelievable tonight, with nearly all of Society back for the start of the Season.
It had been nearly a week since they’d returned from France, and each night she’d gone to either a ball, a musicale, or the opera.
As everyone in Society had noted, the Marquess of Culbertson had also been in attendance.
She glanced to an alcove at the back of the room near the door that led outside and studied him. He was deep in conversation with her friend Emmeline. The two seemed to get along very well so Lydia didn’t feel guilty about leaving him.
She left the ballroom and breathed in the cool night air. With a heavy sigh, she rubbed her fingers against her temples. She was as tired as she’d ever been. And as confused.
Culbertson had come to see her as his father said he would, and he’d asked her to marry him. She’d accepted because she had no choice. Not if she wanted to keep her brothers from losing everything. She didn’t doubt for a second that the Duke of Chisolmwood would follow through on his threat.
Lydia took in a huge gulp of air and hugged her middle. If only she’d never met Gabriel. If only she’d never fallen in love with him. If only they’d never made love. Then she wouldn’t know how wonderful love could be. Or how much she would always miss him.
She felt like a fragile string being pulled so tightly she was ready to snap. She’d never considered herself as having a delicate disposition. Never thought she might fall apart at the slightest provocation. But that’s how she felt now—as if the next step she took might not be on solid ground and she’d fall into a pit so deep she’d never be able to climb out.
And it was all his fault. Gabriel’s. Twice she’d thought she’d lost him in France, but even that hadn’t been as painful as when he’d walked out of her life the day they returned. She knew then that he’d never come back and she wasn’t sure she was brave enough to survive on her own.
She wanted to laugh. This was his fault, too. She desperately wanted to be alone with him, to sit with him someplace quiet and talk, to let him hold her and kiss her and make love to her.
She thought of the Marquess of Culbertson talking to Emmeline in the candlelit alcove and wondered how long she could be gone before they’d miss her. She knew not long, and took a step toward the doorway, then stopped when a voice whispered from behind her.
“Have you come out to enjoy the beautiful evening?”
The earth shifted beneath her. For just a second she was afraid to turn around in case the voice didn’t belong to Gabriel. In case there was someone else in the world whose nearness sent shivers down her spine. In case there was someone else with the ability to cause her heart to thunder in her breast.
But she knew there wasn’t.
She prepared to show him she hadn’t given him a thought since he’d left, and slowly turned around. It only took one look for her breath to catch in her throat and her heart to soar. She had to force herself to breathe.
“Gabriel.”
“Lady Lydia.” He bowed politely. “How are you?”
“Very well, thank you. And you?”
He
smiled. “I’ve been well.”
His gaze didn’t leave her face. It was as if he was memorizing every feature. She felt the same, as if he might have changed in the last week. She studied him to make sure he hadn’t.
“I’m rather surprised to see you here. I don’t remember that you were especially fond of crowds.”
“I’m not.”
An uncomfortable silence stretched between them and she filled the gap with the first words that came to mind. “I was just returning to Lord Culbertson. He’s waiting for me. Would you care to join us?”
Gabriel shook his head. “I came to talk to you.”
She hesitated. “I don’t think—”
“It won’t take long.”
When she hesitated longer he finished with, “It’s important, Liddy.”
He stepped closer and leaned against the stone railing.
She knew from experience it was his habit to take his weight off his injured leg when it ached. “How is your leg?”
He lifted his cane and smiled. “Getting stronger. I won’t be a threat on the dance floor any time soon, but now I can walk across a ballroom floor without making a spectacle of myself.”
“At least you have an excuse. I danced with Lord Bingly earlier this evening. Looking at him, you’d think he had two perfectly good legs. My toes found out how deceiving appearances can be.”
She was glad her comment elicited a small chuckle. She suddenly felt somewhat uncomfortable. “Harrison tells me the Queen has requested to see you. Have you been yet?”
“I have an audience with her tomorrow.”
Lydia thought how exciting it was that the Queen had asked to see him and wished she could be there when he returned to hear every word Her Majesty said to him. She suddenly recalled how the two of them had shared every event with the other, every thought.
Her heart gave a sudden lurch, then settled into a soft ache because she knew that would never happen again.
She almost wished she’d never discovered why he’d lied to her when he’d said he wouldn’t marry her without her dowry. She wished she didn’t understand how difficult it had been for him to walk away from her that day.
“Has the Marquess of Culbertson asked for your hand yet?”
Lydia’s heart shifted painfully in her chest. She reached out to steady herself against the stone railing. After she composed herself, she took a deep breath and turned to face him with a broad smile on her face. “Yes, Geoffrey asked me to marry him.”
Gabriel paused, but in the dim moonlight she couldn’t tell if his expression changed.
“Did you give him an answer?”
“Of course. Haven’t you heard? The duke is hosting a gala affair tomorrow night to announce our engagement. All of London will be there. I’m surprised you weren’t invited. In a way, you are responsible for the two of us getting together.”
“I am, aren’t I.”
She dropped her hand from the railing and gave him her back. Before she had time to move she felt him step up behind her. His body towered over her, big and warm, all strength and power, and her breath caught in her throat. She waited for him to touch her, praying he would, fearing he wouldn’t.
Ever so lightly, he placed his hands atop her shoulders, gently pulling her back against him, back to chest, hips to loins, legs to thighs. An explosive heat surged through her and she leaned more snugly against him.
She didn’t want to be separated from him, didn’t want to think of having to step out of his arms.
She leaned her head back against his chest. “I know now what happened the day Chisolmwood came to see Father. I know why you lied to me.”
His muscles stiffened around her.
“Damn,” he whispered.
“It’s not your fault, Gabriel. I know that now. I would have made the same choice if our roles had been reversed.”
He nestled her closer. “I know you would have, but I hoped you’d never find out.”
“I’m glad I did. At least now I know you love me. Even when you told me you didn’t. And I can tell you that I’ll always love you.”
He moaned a sigh of anguish that shattered her heart.
“I’d give anything if things could be different,” he whispered, then lowered his head and placed a soft, gentle kiss in the crease where her shoulder began its rise to her throat.
Her tiny moan escaped into the nighttime sky. “But they can’t.”
He kissed her again, then dropped his hands from around her. A huge gulf of emptiness washed over her.
It was over. Now she’d have only this last memory to add to the others.
She took a big breath that hurt going in, then stepped away from him. “I have to return. I’m sure Lord Culbertson wonders where I’ve gone.”
She put one foot in front of the other and walked away from him this one last time.
“Are you with child?” His voice was little more than a whisper.
She stopped as if she’d come upon a brick wall. She hurt, more than she thought it was possible to hurt.
Oh, how she’d love to be able to look him in the eyes and tell him she was. If the Duke of Chisolmwood hadn’t ruined their lives, having Gabriel’s baby would have been the most wonderful event of her life. Instead, she’d cried for days when her monthly courses proved that she’d lost all connection to Gabriel forever.
She didn’t turn around, she couldn’t face him.
“No, there’s no child. We can both walk away this time with no regrets.”
And Lydia walked away from him.
Somehow she made her way across the terrace with her head high. She placed a smile on her face before she stepped into the ballroom, then stopped short when she collided with the Marquess of Culbertson.
He looked at her a long time, then held out his arm. When she placed her hand on it, he rested his fingers atop hers and patted her hand in a reassuring, yet somehow understanding gesture.
He looked down at her the same time she looked up, and he smiled. “Perhaps before tomorrow night, you and I should talk.”
…
Gabriel walked at Harrison’s side as they left the Queen’s private rooms. His cane hit the hardwood floor with a resounding echo, his uneven gait, now familiar to his ears, was more pronounced as they walked through the great halls. First one, then another bewigged footman opened doors as they made their way through the maze of corridors. Gabriel’s heart skipped a beat as a strange hitch pulsed inside his chest.
He’d expected Her Highness’s gratitude for the role he’d played in the Crimea. He hadn’t expected the rest.
A footman opened the last door and bright sunshine hit his face, a sign that perfectly matched his mood. He and Harrison walked across the red brick drive to where their carriage awaited them. Harrison climbed in first, with Gabriel following after him. Gabriel sank down onto the plush burgundy leather and closed his eyes in disbelief. He had everything he’d always dreamed of having.
If only he had someone to share it with.
“I thought Her Highness was in a very good mood today,” Harrison said when they were on their way.
Gabriel’s loud laughter echoed inside the carriage. “Good mood? Good mood! Bloody hell! I’m afraid that before I reach my small, dingy flat she’ll realize what she’s done and take everything back.
Harrison laughed. “Oh, you mean the two country estates she gave you—both of which are extremely profitable, I might add. And the London town house. Quite an enviable piece of property. I know a number of men who’ve had their eye on it for a long time to no avail.”
“It was too much.”
Harrison focused his gaze on Gabriel. “How much would you put on even one of the lives you saved when you took those papers from that Russian general?”
“I didn’t do it because I thought I’d be rewarded.”
“No one thinks you did.”
Gabriel sat back against the seat and tried to digest the vastness of what the queen had bestowed on him. He wa
s a rich man. Far wealthier than he’d ever dreamed of being.
Oh, not in coin. Her Majesty hadn’t given him a monetary reward of any great sum. But in time, the land she’d given him would make him wealthy.
He closed his eyes to block out Lydia’s image. His wealth no longer mattered without her to share it with.
He knew he shouldn’t ask, yet he couldn’t keep from finding out. “I hear tonight is the ball to announce your sister’s engagement. I’m sure the Duke of Chisolmwood is pleased his plan is finally fulfilled.”
Harrison turned to look out the window. “I’m sorry, Gabe. I tried to get father’s debts paid before Lydia had to marry Culbertson but the amount was just so damned huge. How Father could have been so irresponsible is beyond comprehension.”
“Lydia said he wasn’t the same after your mother died.”
“No, he never got over her death.” He turned back to face Gabriel, his expression filled with amazement. “Do you know the reason Chisolmwood went to such lengths to force Father to sign the betrothal agreement?”
Gabe shook his head. This was a part of the mystery he couldn’t understand.
“Chisolmwood was madly in love with Mother. He spent his whole life thinking she loved him, too. In his demented mind he’s convinced Mother was unhappy with Father.”
“Hell,” Gabriel hissed through his clenched teeth. He knew there was a hidden reason why Chisolmwood had gone to such lengths, but nothing as unbelievable as this. “So, Liddy is your mother’s replacement.”
For several long minutes neither of them spoke. Finally, he heard Harrison’s whisper. “It’s not too late, Gabe. Take Liddy and run. You love each other. You deserve to be happy.”
Gabe shook his head. “How long do you think either of us will be happy knowing you and Austin have been ruined? Or do you think Chisolmwood won’t exact revenge if we run off together?” Gabriel laughed. “He will. Don’t doubt it for a second, Harrison, or you’ll lose everything!”
“I know.” The carriage turned the corner to Etherhouse and slowed.
“Would you care to come in and have a drink to celebrate your visit with the Queen?”
Heroes of Honor: Historical Romance Collection Page 74
