The Cruel and Beautiful Series Boxset
Page 38
“Great, I look forward to it.” She spins on her heels and stalks away.
I let the laugh come out that I’ve been holding back.
“That was brilliant. Too bad we have no invitation to send.”
Andy’s magnetic blue eyes gaze into mine. “You never know.”
My hand stills midair with the wine glass I’ve been holding. I’m not sure what to say to that.
“Drew,” another person calls and we are pulled into another introduction and conversation.
Later, I’m finally able to step away as a long winded doctor draws Drew into a conversation with so many nonsensical five syllable words, my head starts to spin. I’ve just picked up one of the yummy calamari appetizers when a woman steps into my personal space.
Her blonde hair is carefully styled in an updo, but I recognize her as the one who couldn’t keep her lips to herself and off of Drew.
“You may have won this round, but if you manage to marry him, you’ll still lose. Half of the doctors here cheat on their spouses with nurses and other staff. I mean, they spend more time with us than they do at home with their spouses.”
Everything about her looks angry.
I can’t stop the quick retort that barrels out of my mouth. “You realize that if you didn’t walk around with a sneer on your face, any one of the single guys here tonight would ask you out. You’re an attractive woman whose beauty is hidden behind hate and envy. A genuine smile and happy thoughts would go a long way toward getting a man that wants you. And a bit of advice—no man wants to be chased. Men like to do the chasing.”
I think of HockeyHo as I shake my head feeling so sorry for the woman before me. I pivot and plow right into Andy. He must have come up while I was talking.
“Cate.” My name is but a whisper from his sly and half parted smile. He leans down and kisses me right in front of the woman and anyone else nearby to see.
I still don’t know her name, but I don’t care either—especially while Andy is touching me. He puts an arm around me and I turn back to face her. Only she’s stalking off before we can share any other words.
“I sure am one lucky woman.” I glance up at the man I call mine.
Andy appears mystified. “Why is that?”
“My boyfriend is like a super star.”
He gives me a cheeky grin. “I’m lucky too. Do you know how many guys have come up to me tonight and begged me to tell them you were just my sister so they could ask you out?”
I shake my head. “No way.”
“Yes, way, my beautiful Cate.”
He makes me feel beautiful, but I don’t say it. Instead, I teasingly say, “So it’s my beauty you want.”
“Pot and kettle and all that. You called me a mega model.” He winks at me.
“Did not.” I playfully slap at his arm. “Super star, Doctor extraordinaire, the man who could have any one he wants.”
“And he wants only one woman. The one before me. So why don’t you let me take you home so I can get even luckier?”
He kisses me again before we leave the party and when we get back to his place, he makes good on his promise.
Days later when I arrive at my parents’ house in Charleston for the holidays, I sit in the kitchen with my mother.
“You can’t stay more than a couple of days?” Mom pouts.
“I promised Jenna I would help get her place ready for the party. It’s just easier if I stay with her.”
I don’t want to feel like a kid sleeping at my parents’ house. They will want to know my every move, especially with my younger sister and brother at home. I plan to spend every night with Andy when he arrives. Which is why I’m staying with Jenna and not them because they would never allow it.
“You’re coming Christmas morning to open presents.”
I sigh. “Mom, I’m not five.”
“I know. But you’ll always be my baby.”
She kisses the top of my head and I feel bad.
“I’ll be by Christmas day at some point.” I take in a deep breath and just say the words I’ve been thinking about all day. “And I’ll be bringing Drew with me.”
I don’t bother calling him Andy because that’s not how they know him and they will think I’m talking about someone else.
Shannon breezes into the kitchen. “So what’s this about Drew coming?”
My sister is apparently still boy crazy. I don’t remember being that bright eyed every time a hot guy’s name was mentioned in a conversation. She was like this a few years ago and nothing’s changed. Mom says nothing while she continues to cut out Christmas shapes in the cookie dough when she pauses. I decide to clarify my words. “Drew and I are back together.”
Mom doesn’t acknowledge my words, only continues what she was doing being uncharacteristically quiet.
Shannon, on the other hand, goes for sarcasm. “Of course you are. I bet he’s giving it to you real good.”
“Shannon Forbes,” Mom warns. “Stop being sassy. Go upstairs and clean your room.”
She heads out and my brother walks in. “What’s going on?” he asks when he spots the fury on Mom’s face.
“Cate is shacking up with her boyfriend and doesn’t want to tell Mom.”
Eric shakes his head and does an about-face as I yell, “I am not shacking up with Drew.”
Shannon waves a dismissive hand and I’m left alone with Mom whose stewing on Shannon’s words or mine. I’m not sure. It could be both.
After agonizing moments, she finally says, “Are you sure that’s a good idea that you and Drew get back together?”
I’ve expected a reaction, just not that one. “Why?”
“Catelyn, you and I both know how hard everything was on you. Are you sure you can handle this?”
“Hard on me? I’m the one that ran. Do you not like him or something?”
She’d never indicted she had a problem with him. I don’t understand why she’s on my side and not his.
“It’s not that. He’s a fine young man. I’m just worried about you.”
“Don’t be. I haven’t been this happy since,” I wave a hand in the air. “Since then.”
I don’t tell her that I had the very fears she’s mentioned. I don’t want her to worry because Andy is great and he’s mine. Somehow, it will all work out.
Dad walks in and glances at us. “What’s with the long faces?”
I dive in headfirst and blurt, “I’m seeing Drew again.”
Dad’s reaction is far different from Mom’s. He walks over and places a comforting hand on mine. “I’m glad. Now I understand that smile when you walked in the door, not that I’m complaining. Any man can make my baby happy, is good enough for me.”
“Thanks Dad.”
Mom doesn’t say any more over the next few days. Shannon does her best to annoy me and Eric and I play video games as he tells me about making the basketball team. Dad and I get a tree the next day and as a family we spend the time decorating it. It feels good to be home and I haven’t felt that way in a while.
When I arrive at Jenna’s the next night, Ben is there.
“Catie Bear,” Ben says wrapping me in a hug.
I don’t correct him because Ben and I became best friends during all of the bad days that summer.
“Ben, I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve talked.”
“It has. And I hear you have news for me.”
Damn, Jenna. But I’m surprised she’s hadn’t spilled the beans so far.
“Drew.” I clear my throat because I’m more afraid of his reaction over my parents. “Drew and I are back together.”
He nods, not as all surprised. “Figures. I guess I’m the last to know.”
He gives me a look but it isn’t condemning.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want anyone to know until we figured it out. I wasn’t sure if it would work. Plus, I wasn’t ready for the backlash.”
“Backlash?”
“I don’t want anyone mad because we’re tog
ether.”
“Why would anyone be mad?”
I stop and close my mouth for a second. “Isn’t it obvious? I walked away.” I amend that. “No, I ran. You were there. I wasn’t even sure he’d forgive me.”
“What would he have to forgive? You did what you thought was best at that time. No one blames you, Cate. Least of all me.”
I hug him and barely stop myself from crying. “I wasn’t sure how you and everyone would feel.”
He pats my back while I continue to hold him tight. He’s like my big brother as much as he’s Jenna’s.
“I’m happy for you, Cate. I’m happy for both of you. You deserve it.”
As much as I’m grateful he’s fine with all of it, I worry about him too.
“What about you?”
He pulls back and I can see the sadness in his eyes. He shrugs and tries to give me a playful smile when he speaks, but I know he feels some truth of his words. “I’m all alone here in Charleston now.”
I shake my head feeling like a mama bear that needs to protect her cub.
“That’s not true. You’ve got Jenna. And you can always come up for a visit. We would love to have you.”
He nods.
“By the way. I heard you’re bringing someone to the party.”
He shrugs. “She’s a warm body.”
“Warm body, that’s not a very good description,” I say with halfhearted humor.
“What do you want to know? She’s pretty and intelligent? Well, she is both of those things, but I’m not expecting any more than that. We all aren’t lucky to have what you two have, Cate. I’m not expecting a fairytale ending.”
I narrow my eyes at him.
“With an attitude like that, you won’t get one either. She could be your happily ever after if you give her a chance.”
I see the humor leave him and he’s got his dead serious face on.
“She can warm my bed, but nothing will thaw this cold heart.”
He points to his chest and I place my hand there.
“Don’t bullshit me Ben Rhoades. I know you now. You aren’t the cold-hearted bastard I used to think you were.” Which is probably the reason my crush on him died shortly after it began back when I was a preteen. He had a reputation of breaking hearts and bad boys were never my thing. “I feel your beating heart and you deserve to be happy.”
“I am happy. I’m happy for you and Drew.” He steps away like he’s in a hurry. “Anyway, I’ve got to get going. I have to help my parents move furniture or something.” He grabs his coat. “It was really good seeing you, Cate.”
Then he is gone. I stand there worried about him. He hasn’t been himself or so Jenna’s told me. When she comes downstairs with her purse, she says, “Where’s Benny?”
I’m still trying to think how I can help him as I mutter, “He left, something about helping your parents.”
She snickers. “I’m glad you’re here. I have an excuse not to go over there. Mom’s in her re-decorating mode. And ever since Dad put the brakes on her shopping, she rearranges furniture every month instead.” She rolls her eyes. “Let’s go find a dress. I need something that will make Brandon jealous.”
Two nights later, I watch as Andy and Ben talk in one corner. Jenna and some cute guy chat in another. My parents and Jenna’s are sitting on the couch and other various people are having great animated conversations.
For a Christmas Eve, I pronounce all is fine in the world. So far, everyone has taken the news well that I’m with Drew again.
When the front door buzzes, I watch as Ben opens the door. When the McKnights, my in-laws walk in, Andy is immediately by my side. My heart races when their eyes lock on me, I know the conversation to come will be the hardest of any I’ve had so far.
Twenty-Nine
Past
“And? Tell me about your scans, Drew.” His expression, the downbeat look on his face, pretty much says it all. But he has to speak, and I know he needs to get it off his chest, even though he doesn’t want to tell me.
He shakes his head. “It’s come back. I lit up the pictures like a fucking Christmas tree. It’s everywhere. I’m stopping all treatment.” He holds up his hand to prevent me from talking. “I’ve been in every one of their conferences, Cate. I know the outcome data on all the protocols and I’ve failed everything. I want to live what little there is left of my life feeling better than I do right now. I don’t have much time, but what I do have, I want those days to be enjoyable. I know this should probably be partly your decision, too, but I’m making it on my own. I have some things I need to take care of, business and personal things, and I wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing if I feel like shit all the time. I hope you can understand my point here. I’m sorry I’ve put you through all this shit.”
He offers up a sad smile and I throw myself at him. I don’t know how I’ll live without him. One thing I do know—this world will be shit without Drew McKnight.
“Me? You’re worried about me? I want you to at least consider trying, Drew.”
“It’s no use, Cate. If I thought there was the slightest of chances, I would give it a go. But there isn’t. Try to understand.”
The words I want to say I can’t, because I want to scream and yell. I want to shake him and tell him NO! Don’t give up.
“Cate?”
My head jerks up. “What?”
“Look at me. I mean, really look at me. And take your blinders off.” He holds his arms out. “This is cancer, killing me. It’s what it does; it’s called advanced disease progression. I’m at the point of palliative care.”
“I-I don’t know what that means.”
“It means Rosenberg will make me comfortable with whatever he has to use. Pain meds, maybe some low doses of chemo.”
“But you just said you were done trying chemo.”
“For a cure. This would be for pain management. That’s what palliative care is. I’ll be comfortable, I promise.” The ironic thing is his voice has a soothing quality to it.
“Drew, are you good with this?”
He lets out a short laugh. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”
No, he doesn’t. It’s not like he ordered this off the menu.
“Jesus, I don’t know what to say.”
“All I want you to say is that you accept my decision and pray for a miracle.”
I look at him and say, “It’s not like I have a choice, do I?”
He gives me a sheepish look and shakes his head. “No. I’m sorry.”
I blow out a shaky breath. The time has come for me to face facts here. It’s not like I haven’t had these thoughts before. But when you’re presented with them like this, it’s like having ice water thrown in your face.
I don’t know where the calm comes from, but I’m numb as I ask, “Do your parents know?”
“Not yet. Will you go with me when I tell them?”
“You know I will.” I lay my head on his chest. “What about Ben?”
“I hope you don’t mind, but he’s on his way over.”
“No. I don’t mind.” The truth is I’m kind of glad he’s coming.
Ben never knocks, but for some reason, he does tonight. When I open the door, I can see the fear in his gray eyes. His dark brown hair is disheveled and I know why. He keeps running his hands through it, as he’s doing now. Then he jerks me into his arms and we stand there, two dazed souls, trying to comfort each other. We hear Drew’s voice calling from the other room.
“Stop sniveling out there and get in here you two.”
“Leave it to him to say something like that,” Ben says against my shoulder. Then he sniffs, wipes his eyes, and gives me a weak smile. Holding out his hand he asks, “Ready?”
We walk in together and Ben asks, “Since when have I ever sniveled?”
“Since you decided to take me on as your best friend and carry this cancer thing around with you.” Then Drew blurts out, “I’m not gonna make it, dude. This is my last hurrah.”
“Damn, the dude grew some neurons and they actually started firing.” Drew grins. Or tries to anyway.
Ben shakes his head. “Every now and then my common sense flares its head.”
Drew looks at me and says, “Cate, can you give us a minute?”
It gives me the break I need so I run up to our bedroom and call Jenna. I’m nearly hyperventilating by the time she answers.
“Hey and I know it’s not good. Ben’s already hit me up with his suspicions.”
“He’s quitting everything,” I tell her and I explain.
“Oh, Cate.” Her voice conveys her heartbreak. Then I hear her sniffing and it starts a round of my own.
“What am I going to do?”
“I don’t know, but you’ll be doing it in great company. You’ll have Ben, me, Letty, Ray, and your parents. Drew has quite the fan club and that means you’ll have tons of support.”
“As great as that sounds, it won’t replace my husband.” And I turn into a sobbing mess. Jesus, if I can’t even think about it, how the fuck will I function through it?
Jenna reads my mind because she says, between tears, “One hour at a time. Or maybe even one minute at a time. And sometimes, one breath at a time.”
“I’d better get back down there and I’ve gotta pull myself together first.”
“Cate, it’s okay if he sees you cry.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want the rest of our days to be filled with nothing but that. I want his last days to be good, you know?”
“I know. I’m here if you need me.”
“You always are.”
I go into the bathroom and look at the woman in the mirror. Red, puffy eyes with lips to match distort my face, and it has become my normal look lately. I splash cold water on me, hoping to rinse some of the swelling away, only I know that won’t do it. What I need is a five-pound bag of ice to do the trick.
When I rejoin the guys, Ben looks as bad as I do, so I head to the liquor cabinet and pour him a tumbler full of Jameson. His hand shakes as he grabs it from me. Then I wedge myself next to Drew and wrap my arm through his.