The Cruel and Beautiful Series Boxset

by A. M. Hargrove

  “She says go to home,” Laney hisses at me before telling her friends they can go back.

  Still I wait.

  I overhear her mother tell Sam’s friends she’s being moved to a regular room. She glances at me as if she’d hoped I would hear. I wait before following them to that waiting room where I plant myself as a fixture.

  As time passes, several nurses feel sorry for me in my rumpled clothes and overall disheveled appearance. They bring me bottles of water and tell me they don’t want me to end up in the emergency room. So I drink the water, but I refuse food. I just need to see Sam leave this place. Nothing else matters.

  I continue to wait, only answering e-mails while Mark and Jeff cover for me.

  It isn’t until late a couple days later that the doors open and Sam is ushered out in a wheelchair. When our eyes connect, I wait for any reaction.

  Thirty-Four

  SAM

  Laney, God love her, clamps my hand in a bone-crushing grip, all the way to the hospital for my surgery. How in the world did she go through this alone? Okay, she had Mom to guide her, and Dad and Evan were with her, too. I was off at school with my head up my ass my senior year, and not a care in the world. I could kick myself in said ass right now.

  “What would I do without you?” My words are choked.

  “What do you mean?” Her eyes pin me.

  “You’ve done so much for me this past week. Work, the rescue from Ben’s, the surgery. I mean, I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Sam, I’m your sister. It’s what families do for each other.”

  “Yeah, but when you had your surgery …”

  “You were in college. Did you think I would pull you out of school to help?” She laughs. “I had Mom. And Evan was my savior.”

  “Yeah. You didn’t have an asshole boyfriend who dumped you like a hot potato the first minute he found a lump in your boob.”

  “Jesus. I wish I had something better to say than I’m sorry, Sam. If I’d known what a jerk he turned out to be, I would’ve kicked him in the balls that night at Mom and Dad’s.”

  “And I would’ve let you. But I guess it’s best he showed his colors now rather than later. Can you imagine if this had happened after we were married?”

  Her hand squeezes mine tighter, if that’s even possible. “You guys talked marriage?”

  “No! It was only a hypothetical comment.”

  She relaxes her grip and I flex my hand.

  “Sorry. It scared me for a minute that he had the potential to do that much damage.”

  “Oh, he had the potential. I just never saw it coming.” My hand automatically goes to my chest and absently rubs the place where my heart is. Like that’s going to ease the ache that seems to have permanently lodged itself there. “I wish life had a rewind button, you know?”

  “How so?”

  My hand moves from my chest and slashes through the air. “I’d like to erase what I said to him. I humiliated myself, when I told him I loved him. And then I gave him all those chances with my idiotic texts. It’s a terrible feeling and I want it to go away.”

  “Listen to me. You did nothing to humiliate yourself. If anyone should feel that way, it should be Ben.”

  “Easy for you to say, but I’m at the receiving end of an emotional cannon and I’m getting bombarded here. Have you ever been in love and had someone do something like this to you?”

  Laney shakes her head. “No. Not to this degree.”

  I’m silent because there really is nothing else for us to say. We arrive at the hospital and Mom and Dad are waiting on us. They both hug me, but relief marks their eyes. Mom has been ready for me to get this over for about a year now. And who can blame her when she’s a breast cancer survivor herself?

  Trying to be as upbeat as I can, I say, “Let’s get this show on the road.”

  Mom says, “What about the girls? Aren’t you going to wait on them?”

  “They know where to meet us. Fourth floor.”

  “Okay, let’s go.” Dad takes my overnight bag from me.

  “Did you bring everything they told you?” Mom asks.

  “I did, and I even have my toothbrush.” I’m famous for forgetting that and end up having to buy one wherever I go. I must have dozens of toothbrushes at home.

  “Good girl,” Mom says.

  We get upstairs to the surgery check-in and not long after, the whole crew arrives. My doctor has reviewed everything with me, start to finish, so I know exactly what to expect. The girls also know, but they’re here for me—to cheer me on when I go in and to be here when I wake up. I should be in the hospital for two days, three at the most. Since my surgeon doesn’t believe I have cancer, I won’t have any lymph node removal or anything like that, thank God. I’ll be in a lot of pain and discomfort, especially since I’m having immediate reconstruction. But I decided I’d rather get it all over with at once, than do it in two stages, and get my spectacular new boobs going ASAP. That’s what Laney did, so I’m following her footsteps.

  We’re all sitting in a group when I hear my name being called. Everyone hugs me and moves to walk with me as far as they can toward the double doors, eager to convey every ounce of support possible. And that’s when I hear his voice calling my name. I don’t dare look at him. I can’t do this. Not now. Why did he come here?

  Then he starts talking. What is he doing? I don’t—can’t—acknowledge him.

  My feet keep moving until I’m safely behind the double doors. What happens next is a blur. I’m given an IV and meds, and then my Mom, Dad, and sister are allowed back, but my head is swimming with the effects of the drugs. My surgeon comes in, smiling. And soon, I’m rolling down the hall and being pushed into the operating room.

  A nurse talks to me, and asks me if I’m in pain.

  “No, but my throat is scratchy,” I tell her. “Can I have some water?”

  “Not yet, honey. You just woke up. We need to wait a little bit.”

  “Woke up? Was I sleeping?”

  “Yes, Ms. Calhoun, you had surgery. Do you remember?”

  “Yes, but I thought I was getting ready. It’s over already?”

  “It sure is and you’re just waking up. Can you tell me what day it is?”

  “Friday. It’s Friday.” I rub my neck because my throat really burns.

  “Your throat will feel lots better later today. It hurts from the tube they put down it during your procedure.”

  “Oh. Okay.” All I want to do is sleep. As soon as I start to drift, the doctor’s there.

  “Samantha, how do you feel?”

  “Tired. I want to sleep.”

  “You can sleep in a bit. I have good news. No cancer.”

  “Oh, that’s nice. Can I sleep now?” I’m too tired to give even a tiny rat’s ass.

  Dr. Wilson, my surgeon, chuckles. “Not yet, we want you to wake up for us. Don’t go back to sleep.”

  Oh. I was hoping to take a nap. “But my eyes don’t want to stay open.”

  “Samantha, your surgery went extremely well. Both Dr. Bains and I couldn’t be more pleased.”

  “How nice. Will you tell my family?”

  “I’m getting ready to do that. And in a few more minutes, I’ll let your mom and dad in to see you.”

  When he leaves, I hope to take a little snooze, but the nurse pops over and won’t let me. Pretty soon, Mom, Dad, and Laney stick their heads through the curtain to check in on me.

  It seems like a week passes before they deem it okay for me to sleep. And I conk out like I’ve been hit on the head with a hammer. The next thing I know, I wake up in a room surrounded by family and friends. My mouth tastes like I’ve been on a weeklong bender and my throat is still scratchy.

  “Ugh, I have skunk breath.”

  Lauren shakes her head. “She goes in for major surgery and comes out complaining about her breath. Only you, Calhoun.”

  “Water,” I croak. Mom shoves a plastic bendy straw in my mouth.
<
br />   “Thanks, Mom. That tastes heavenly.”

  Everyone stands around my bed, grinning. I feel like a goon. “What? Do I have a booger on my nose?”

  They laugh. Then Laney says, “We’re all just so giddy over the outcome of your surgery, Sam. And you’re booger free.”

  “Oh, thank God. I was worried there for a minute.”

  I look over toward the window and there is a monstrous flower arrangement. “Aww, who sent that? It’s gorgeous!”

  They all shift their eyes away from me and no one answers.

  “What?” I press.

  Finally, Laney seems to be the chosen spokesperson. “They’re from He Who Shouldn’t Be Named.”

  “He Who Shouldn’t … oh shit. He sent me flowers?”

  Lauren says, “Boy, did he ever. And that was after we all basically treated him like the dog he is in the waiting room.”

  My head is super fuzzy from the pain meds, but I know I heard her correctly. “He was in the waiting room? He didn’t leave after I wouldn’t talk to him?”

  “Nope. He stayed throughout the surgery and I think he’s still in the hospital somewhere,” Laney says.

  “Why would he do that?” I wonder out loud.

  Lauren answers this time. “Beats the hell out of all of us.”

  “Now everyone, maybe we should treat him a little better,” my mom, the quintessential peacemaker says. “We don’t know what he’s been through.”

  Laney looks at her like she’s lost every last marble in her head. “What he’s been through? What about your daughter? Hasn’t she been through enough?”

  “Laney, don’t use that tone with your mother,” Dad says.

  “Hey, let’s not talk about this or He Who Shouldn’t Be Named in my room. And Laney, dump those flowers in the trash or give them to the nurses. I don’t want them in this room.”

  “You got it, sis.”

  Mom scowls and Dad smiles. I have a feeling that Dad is on the Ben haters list too. We haven’t talked about it, but I’m sure he’s caught enough of our conversations to know that he hurt me terribly and since I’m a Daddy’s girl, that’s a huge no-no in his book.

  Two days later, my surgeon signs my discharge papers and I’m getting ready to go home. Mom and Laney are taking me. Two more gigantic bouquets of flowers have arrived from Ben, but I had the lady take them directly to the nurses’ station after I read the cards. I want nothing more to do with him. He made it very clear that his journey with me was finite, so I’m doing everything possible to prove to myself there’s no road to travel with him.

  The nurse enters my room with a wheelchair.

  “Oh, I’m fine to walk,” I say.

  She laughs. “Everyone says that. It’s hospital policy. Unfortunately, you don’t have a choice. It’s ride or stay.”

  Even though my brows shoot up, I have a seat. Laney says she’ll get the car and pull it around the front to the patient loading zone. Mom walks with the nurse and me, and we ride the elevator down to the main lobby. When we exit, we’re walking past a waiting area and that’s when I see him.

  He’s disheveled, wearing the same clothes he was the day I came in for surgery, and he resembles a homeless man. His beard is filled in and his hair—well, it looks completely unkempt, just like the rest of him. Ben Rhoades is truly a mess, as he stares at me with those steel gray eyes, pleading for what? Mercy? A chance to speak and say what? Another opportunity to rip my soul out? He can’t damage my heart anymore, because I don’t have one. He burned it to ashes when I left his house the last time we were together.

  I look away as my chair rolls on by, straight for the entrance where I glimpse Laney’s car through the sliding doors. Just let me make it there before the tears hit. Because as much as I want to deny it, he’s still a part of me, infused in my soul. He’s wrapped around my beating heart—the heart I try to tell myself doesn’t exist.

  A brief thank you to the nurse is all I can stammer out before the sobs rupture from me.

  “What’s wrong? What happened?” Laney asks.

  “Just drive.” In thirty seconds, I’ve gone from a smiling, cancer-free patient to a blubbering wreck all because of a pair of beautiful gray eyes and a tangled mop of dark brown hair.

  Mom tries to hold my hand, but I need it to constantly swipe my face. When she crams a pile of tissues in my hand, I cough out my thanks between sobs. How can I explain what’s going on to the question in her concerned expression? My house isn’t but a short drive from the hospital so we pull in the driveway and I do my best to compose myself. When I hear my sister yelling, I get out of the car to see Ben pulling in behind us. I have to give him an “A” for persistence. But damn it, why can’t he leave me the hell alone? I don’t need this shitshow right now.

  “Get the hell out of here, Rhoades,” Laney shouts. “Haven’t you done enough damage to her already?”

  “Yes, I have. But I want to make amends and prove to her I’m …”

  “You’re what? A piece of shit intent on destroying what’s left of her?”

  “No! I …” He tries to say, but my sister cuts him off.

  “Shut up and get the hell out of here.”

  “Laney, please.” Mom is shaken up. It may be time to step in.

  “Laney …” I begin.

  “Samantha, go inside with Mom. Now.”

  “Samantha, please. I need to speak with you.” His voice is raw with emotion.

  Laney steps between us. “Rhoades, if you so much as say one more word to her, I’m calling the police and taking out a restraining order. You’re harassing her and stalking her. Now get off the property.”

  He holds his hands in the air, palms facing us, and slowly backs away with sagging posture. I can see it’s the last thing he wants to do, but I have to side with Laney on this. She only wants to protect me, and he did the perfect job of shattering me and is bringing me to tears again.

  Before he gets in his car, he says, “Sam, please don’t cry. I’m sorry. More than I can say, but please don’t cry.”

  “Like you give a damn? Where were you all those days and nights when she was sick with worry and crying her fucking eyes out over you and what you did? Oh, I forgot. You were throwing yourself a pity party. And now you stand there and tell her not to cry? You’re nothing but a pitiful piece of shit. Get out of here.” Then Laney turns to Mom and says, “Sorry for that terrible language, Mom, but it needed to be said. Come on, Sam. Let’s get you inside.” She puts her arm around the disaster known as her sister and we walk into the house.

  Mom brings in my overnight bag and Laney paces in the living room. I head straight to my bathroom so I can blow my nose and rinse off my face. When I catch a peek of myself in the mirror, I want to laugh. My eyes are red and swollen, my lips puffy, and I look like something that cat dragged in to display as a trophy kill. I need a shot of Jack Daniels in a glass of tea.

  When I mention this to Laney, she hollers, “You can’t drink! Are you crazy? You’re on pain pills. Remember?”

  “Oh, crap. I forgot.”

  “Swear to me you won’t drink!” Laney says.

  “I swear.”

  She holds out her pinky and makes me pinky swear. What the hell?

  “Laney! What do you think? That I’m going to OD on Jack?”

  She offers up a shaky laugh.

  “I think the whole world has gone cuckoo,” I say.

  “It’s all because of that fucking Rhoades,” she says.

  “Laney, please,” Mom admonishes her.

  “Sorry, Mom.”

  Right then, Lauren barges in the door, with a toothy grin that should be an ad for a chewing gum commercial. But one look at my swollen face stops her dead.

  “What happened? Are you okay?” She runs to my side and puts her hand on my forehead.

  “I don’t have a fever, if that’s what you think.”

  “Then what?”

  Laney spills everything, down to the very last detail.

  “Je
sus crackers. I don’t believe it.” Then she grins. “He’s in love with you.”

  Laney turns on her. “Are you crazy? That’s the last thing she needs. That asshole bugging her and bringing another shitastrophe home to roost and then pulling the rug out from under her.”

  Mom says, with her hands over her ears, “Laney, language.”

  Lauren shrugs. “Not saying anything about that. I was just making an observation. If he was as unkempt as you say, and still in the same clothes as what, two days ago? That means he never left the hospital. And you’ve got to admit, it takes some damned sizable balls to follow you all home like that. He’s flipped over her. In a bad way. The boy is in L-O-V-E. Just sayin’.”

  “He told her that at the hospital. Right before she went into surgery, if you recall,” Laney says.

  “I don’t want him. I can’t trust those words, at least coming from his mouth, anyway,” I say. “And they came too late.”

  The doorbell rings.

  Laney practically growls. “If that’s him, I’m going to rip his balls off.”

  “Laney Calhoun Harrellson. You may be married and not living under my roof anymore, but I am still your mother and if you don’t watch your mouth young lady I’m going to …” then she clamps one side of her mouth together and I guess she realizes there really isn’t anything she can do, so she shuts up.

  Laney pulls the door open and a flower delivery man is there.

  “Oh, thank you.” She brings in the flowers and hands them to me. It’s another gorgeous arrangement and I have a feeling I know who it’s from. I look at the card, and sure enough, it’s from Ben.

  There are many flowers that are beautiful but none as perfect as you.

  Love, Ben

  Please call me. Give me a chance, Sam.

  I hand the card to Laney and she screams, “That son of a bitch!”

  My mom’s hands cover her ears and Lauren laughs.

  “I don’t know what to think about all this, but I need some rest so I’m going to lie down.”

  Mom immediately hugs me and tells me if I need her to call. Laney says the same and they both leave.

  Lauren eyes me for a second. “You know I’m right. This is the real deal for him.”