by Sarah Mirk
10 percent of doctors in films are female;
5 percent of presidents in films are female;
28 percent of speaking characters in film and TV are people of color;
6.4 percent of characters on prime-time TV shows are LGBTQ; and
1.8 percent of characters on prime-time TV shows have a disability.
Race Matters
In the real world, people of all races fall in love, have relationships, and build lives together. But on-screen, almost all the main characters are white. In 2015 only 25 percent of speaking roles in movies went to people of color. When nonwhite characters do show up, they often play the roles of villains or criminals.
Stories impact how we see ourselves, how we see other people, and what we think of as normal. One 2012 study, by the University of Michigan and Indiana University, found that white boys felt good about themselves after watching TV. Girls and boys of color, meanwhile, reported lower self-esteem as they watched TV. If you don’t see people like you represented in a positive way in the media, it can make you feel that there’s something wrong with the way you are.
Be a critical consumer. Think about the messages movies and TV are sending. Know that regardless of what you see on-screen, you are always the hero of your own story.
Selling Beauty
Do you ever feel as if there’s something wrong with the way your body looks? Studies show that American men and women are significantly more unhappy with their bodies than people outside the United States. In other nations around the world, 88 percent of women and 90 percent of men say they have a positive body image. But in the United States, only 71 percent of men and 51 percent of women say they feel good about their bodies. Why do Americans feel this way? Well, because body shame is baked into our culture through movies, TV, magazines, websites, and advertising.
When you open a magazine or scroll through ads on Instagram, the models you see are almost certainly photoshopped to have wrinkles removed, skin smoothed and lightened, and limbs slimmed down. Most of the glowing faces you see in ads are genuinely humanly impossible. But that doesn’t stop us from comparing ourselves to the impossible. In 2018 one poll of one thousand Americans discovered that 83 percent of women and 74 percent of men said they felt dissatisfied with how their bodies looked—often while comparing themselves to both friends and celebrities they see on social media.
Fight Back against Body Shame
Nix the negging. “I look so fat.” “Her butt is huge!” “He’s such a whale.” These are small remarks that are super hurtful. Make sure you’re not contributing to a culture of body shaming by cutting down yourself or others.
Celebrate what’s real. Try not to compare yourself and your friends to the impossible bodies of celebrities. Instead, make yourself and your friends feel good. Does your best friend have a good sense of style? A wonderful laugh? Tell them! And don’t forget to look for positive things to tell yourself too.
Open up. If you are feeling negative about your body, find someone—a friend, sibling, parent, or counselor—to talk to about it. Getting the feelings off your chest and reframing them with help from another person is part of saying no to body shaming. It’s a good way to take care of your emotional health too.
Listen. If someone comes to you to talk about their body shame, listen without offering advice. Don’t suggest a diet or a new workout. Compassionate listening is one of the best things you can offer.
For example, the average American woman is 5 feet 4 (1.6 m) and weighs 140 pounds (63 kg). But the average American model is 5 feet 11 (1.8 m) and weighs 117 pounds (53 kg). Among girls between the ages of six and twelve, 40 to 60 percent are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. In high school, the skinny-is-best ideal persists.
No one wakes up one morning and decides they’re inadequate. According to behaviorist and sex educator Emily Nagoski, the idea “sneaks in under the fence and invades like poison ivy.” She says that the message many people—especially women—get from pop culture about their bodies and sexuality is, “You are inadequate.” She points out that when we look at the bodies and stories featured in media, they send a clear message: “You’re too fat and too thin; your breasts are too big and too small. Your body is wrong. If you’re not trying to change it, you’re lazy. If you’re satisfied with yourself as you are, you’re settling. And if you dare to actively like yourself, you’re a conceited bitch! In short, you are doing it wrong. Do it differently. No, that’s wrong, too, try something else. Forever.” Nagoski also says that “women have cultural permission to criticize ourselves, but we are punished if we praise ourselves, if we dare to like ourselves the way we are.”
Why does this toxic dynamic persist? Partly because corporations make a lot of money by convincing people that every inch of their bodies needs to be fixed. In the United States alone, the diet industry makes $68.2 billion a year. In 2017 the global skin-care market was worth $128 billion. That includes everything from anti-acne pads to lotions that promise to end aging and creams that aim to make dark skin lighter. So be a critically thinking consumer. Ask yourself, Why do I think I need this product? Can I spend my money in a way that builds on what I love about myself?
Fat Is Fine!
Media and pop culture usually equate being skinny with being healthy. The reality is that you can’t tell if someone is healthy just by looking at them. Human bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Studies show that what makes someone healthy or unhealthy isn’t their weight. It’s their lifestyle choices. “Fat but fit” people who exercise regularly, eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, and who don’t smoke have no higher risk of death or illness than people with the same habits who weigh less. Skinny people aren’t necessarily healthier. Thin people can still get diabetes, heart disease, or heart attacks.
One medically reliable sign of health is your metabolism. Metabolism is the internal process by which your body converts the food you’ve eaten into energy and burns calories. How fast your metabolism works is determined mostly by genetics, so people can have a fast, slow, or average metabolism regardless of their size. Getting enough exercise is key to having a healthy metabolism. Doctors recommend thirty minutes of movement (walking, dancing, skateboarding, biking, anything!) a day. What makes someone healthy is linked to what they eat and whether they exercise—not what their body looks like.
Food Fights
Many teenagers, regardless of gender, feel intense pressure to look a certain way, usually thin and buff. Many develop eating disorders. Disordered eating can range from relatively mild conditions such as skipping a meal sometimes, even if you’re hungry, because you’re trying to lose weight. It can also be a really serious condition such as starving yourself (anorexia), forcing yourself to throw up (bulimia), or a pattern of stuffing yourself with a ton of food all in one go (binge eating). Some people have more than one eating disorder. Disordered eating affects about 2.7 percent of American teens, or just over 1.1 million people. Eating disorders aren’t just about food and body size—they’re a treatable mental illness. Low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety all contribute to eating disorders. So do external stressors such as pressure to get perfect grades or snag a specific job.
What does it feel like to have an eating disorder? Riverdale star Camila Mendes talked openly about having an eating disorder as a teenager. “I was so scared of carbs that I wouldn’t let myself eat bread or rice ever. I’d go a week without eating them, then I would binge on them, and that would make me want to purge,” Mendes said. “I was consumed with the details of what I was eating, and I always felt as if I was doing something wrong.” At the age of twenty-three, Mendes started seeing a therapist who has helped her manage her stress and stop her self-destructive eating behaviors. “The voices in my head never completely go away. They’re just way quieter now,” she said.
If you or someone you know has an eating disorder, help is out there. Talk to a counselor, a parent, a doctor, or someone else you trust. If left untreated
, eating disorders can be deadly. Every sixty-two minutes, someone in the United States dies as a direct result of having an eating disorder, often from heart attacks, starvation, and suicide. Seeking help is not a weakness or a failure. It’s just the opposite—it’s an act of bravery and self-love.
Self-Care Is Essential
Taking steps to appreciate and celebrate your body is actually a pretty radical act. Self-care isn’t just doing nice things for yourself, like eating chocolate or taking a warm bath. It’s checking in to make sure you’re taking care of yourself—mentally, physically, and spiritually. Here are ways to practice self-care in a positive way:
Exercise for fun. Being physically active in any way releases chemicals in the brain called endorphins that make us feel good. You don’t need to be running marathons or hitting a million home runs to get the benefits of endorphins and to be strong and healthy. Find an activity or two that just makes you feel good. Dancing? Biking? Walking? Playing soccer with friends? All of those are great ways to take care of your body—and your emotional health. The benefits from the brain chemicals that exercising releases to make us feel happy and strong last over time.
Take a break from your phone. The average American adult spends more than ten hours a day consuming media on devices.
five hours watching TV
two hours looking at phones or tablets
one hour looking at the internet on a computer
fifteen minutes playing video games
A 2016 survey of young adults by the National Institute of Mental Health in the United States found that the more time a person spends looking at social media, the more likely they are to be depressed.
How much time do you spend a day consuming media? Try keeping a log for a week to track the time you spend watching TV, looking at a phone or tablet, watching films or TV shows on a computer, playing video games, and listening to the radio. You’ll be surprised at the results.
Do yourself a favor. Put your phone down for a while. Try to do so for a few minutes every day and gradually build up the time. And get some face time instead. Talk to a friend in person, take a walk with your favorite neighbor, or read a book aloud with someone you like. You’ll feel better about yourself, and the people in your life will love it too.
Write Down Ten Things You Like about Yourself. It’s nice to have a list to look at when self-hatred and self-doubt start to creep up on you. What are ten positive things about you as a whole person besides your looks? Maybe you’re generous, a good brother, a voracious reader, or a good listener. Maybe you make a mean chocolate chip cookie or you’re a terrific mimic. Make a list, and add to it as you think of more things so your list keeps growing.
Questions to Think About
There’s a guy in my class who dresses like kind of weirdly, he wears skinny jeans and pink shirts and so people call him “faggot” all the time. What should I do? They’re just joking and I don’t want to make it worse by making a big deal out of it, but also I feel bad for not doing anything.
You’re right that although these guys say they’re joking, using homophobic slurs is really hurtful. Make sure you’re not encouraging any of this bad behavior. Are you laughing along? You can be a role model in your behavior. Try to treat the guy who’s being bullied as if you would anyone else—with respect, generosity, and kindness.
Then speak up. You’re in a relatively safe place to call out bad behavior, unlike the bullied guy in your class who might be beaten up if he talks back. When a friend uses gay or faggot as a slur, it’s your responsibility to say something. Try, “I hate when people say gay is a bad thing. It’s fine to be gay.” Speaking up may feel awkward at first. But even if people brush you off or say you’re overreacting, you’ve made them think twice. You’re also letting people who are listening know that you’re not okay with that kind of hatred and that you will stand up against it.
I don’t know how to flirt with girls without being sexist. Can I tell a girl she’s beautiful, or is that like offensive?
Compliments feel awesome, but only when they’re welcome, and that depends on your relationship. It’s generally a bit creepy and off-putting to have a stranger or random classmate talk about your body in any way, even if it’s positive. The best way to flirt with someone is to show interest in them and get to know them. If you like a girl, ask her questions. Ask her what she’s into, how her weekend was, or what her opinion is about a popular movie or book. Get to know her as a full person. Save the body-specific compliments (you’re gorgeous) for someone with whom you have an established romantic relationship.
Chapter Four
Take Care Down There
Human bodies never stop changing. When we’re babies, we grow and change quickly. Even in our thirties, forties, fifties, and beyond, the human body is always shifting. Our skin gets wrinkles, and our hormones change. Even the places where fat is on our bodies shifts around!
During puberty, body changes are intense. Most people start puberty somewhere between the ages of eight and fourteen and finish in their early twenties. Puberty happens naturally when the brain releases the gonadotropin-releasing hormone into the bloodstream. That one hormone kicks off a whole bunch of changes.
Hormones affect everyone in different ways, so the way your friends’ bodies change during puberty won’t be exactly the way yours changes. Here are the major changes that happen during puberty:
Getting taller. During puberty, you’ll go through a series of growth spurts and eventually reach your full adult height. Height is determined by genetics, so you can’t make yourself taller or shorter.
Body hair. Whatever your gender, you’ll see hair grow on your armpits, legs, face, stomach, back, chest, and pubic region. Your hairiness depends on your hormones and your genetics. What you do about the hair is up to you. Wherever it’s growing, it’s totally fine to leave it alone. If you decide to shave it off, be careful! Shaving can cause painful ingrown hairs and razor burn, and it’s easy to cut yourself. Use hot water (to open pores), shaving cream, a sharp razor, and lotion afterward to minimize the negative impacts shaving has on skin. Girls and women are under more pressure to remove their body hair. An American woman spends, on average, $10,000 over her lifetime on body hair removal.
Zits. When hormones change, many teens start getting pimples on their face, back, and chest. A bunch of things cause pimples: hormones, dead skin and oil that clog pores, and diets that include a lot of dairy and sugars. For clearer skin, try to reduce stress, eat healthy foods, and wash with a salicylic acid-based soap three to five mornings a week. Avoid picking and popping pimples since that can cause scars.
Smelly armpits. The hormonal changes in your body cause sweating and body odor. Try a couple of deodorant options, and see what works best for you.
Mood swings. The hormones running through your body can make your moods more intense. People going through puberty often experience a lot of emotional ups and downs. If you’re feeling extra irritable, sad, or emotional, find outlets for your feelings. Talk to a friend or trusted adult, or write your thoughts regularly in a journal. Bottling up emotions only makes things worse.
If you have testes, you’ll probably experience the following:
Testicle and penis growth. Typically, the first change in puberty is that the skin of the scrotum becomes thinner and the testicles hang lower. The penis also begins to get bigger. Penises come in all sizes. A bigger penis is not better than a smaller penis.
Upper-body muscle growth. Chest muscles (pectorals) and shoulder muscles (deltoids) start to flesh out. If you do decide to lift weights or do other exercises to tone your growing muscles, be careful to take it slow to avoid injury.
Voice deepening. Everyone has vocal cords, the two muscles that stretch kind of like rubber bands across the larynx, a hollow organ in the throat. The sound of your voice is made by the vibration of the vocal cords. During puberty, the larynx gets bigger and the vocal cords lengthen and thicken, so your voice gets deeper. Your voice might
crack occasionally, but that phase doesn’t last for long.
Tender nipples. You might notice swelling and tenderness underneath your breasts. Hormones cause this. This swelling is normal and almost always gone by the age of twenty.
If you have ovaries, you’ll probably experience the following:
Curves. You’ll notice your body changing shape. Your hips and butt will get curvier, and your body will likely flesh out overall. This is healthy. It’s unhealthy to diet while your body is going through puberty. Being undernourished can cause serious problems such as weak bones for the rest of your life. Embrace the curves!
Breast growth. Your breasts will grow—sometimes a little, sometimes a lot! Breasts of all sizes are wonderful. No exercises or magic supplements will make your breasts bigger or smaller.
Menstruation. When you notice red or brown stains in your underwear, you’ve started menstruating. People with ovaries typically get their period two years after their breasts start to grow.
So What Is Menstruation, Anyway?
Period, shark week, that time of the month. The hormonal cycle that creates menstruation impacts the body not just for one week out of every month but all the time. (The word menstruation comes from menses, the plural of mensis, which means “month” in Latin.) For people with ovaries, the brain releases hormones that impact emotions, fertility, sexual desire, and other aspects of physical health. The impact of those hormones changes during about twenty-eight days, and the cycle repeats over and over for decades.
Get Some Sleep!
Are you a night owl? You’re not the only one! Hormones tell us when we’re sleepy and when we’re awake. When these hormones change during puberty, our internal clock shifts. High school and college students are naturally awake later at night than younger kids and older adults. Studies show that teenagers truly do have a different sense of time. The time teens naturally fall asleep gets later and later, reaching its latest point by the age of twenty. After that, it gradually gets earlier again. By the age of fifty-five, research shows, you naturally wake about the same time as you did when you were ten.
