The Sword and the Throne

by Henry Venmore-Rowland

  ‘How’s business?’ I asked, forcing the subject back to a dinner-party level. ‘I’m guessing that’s what brings you to Colonia.’

  ‘That and the chance to see how the nobs throw a party, of course,’ he winked. ‘As for business, if what I hear is true you’ll be needing my grain soon, and plenty of it. Planning a raid across the Rhine are we?’

  ‘If you say we are, Lugubrix, then it must be true.’

  The Gaul leaned over, conspiratorially, and said in a stage whisper: ‘Of course we both know the real reason why the legions are mustering.’

  I nodded gravely. ‘Yes we do. You and I, Salonina, everyone in this room, and perhaps half the empire knows by now that the inevitable is going to happen.’

  ‘So my services will still be required then?’

  Gesturing at the sordid celebrations all around us, ‘Mixing business with pleasure, Lugubrix,’ I said, ‘what will my guests think?’

  ‘Like any other sensible guest they’ll be drunk and won’t give a damn.’

  ‘And what should the hostess think?’ my wife asked mischievously.

  Lugubrix paused a moment, his eyes flitting from left to right as he searched for a suitable reply.

  ‘She would forgive a tactless, drunken Gaul and put it down to his bad breeding.’

  Salonina clapped her hands in delight. ‘Caecina, why didn’t you tell me the Gauls could be this charming?’ I wasn’t sure if she was genuinely amused or just being diplomatic. But then I suppose that is the sign of a good diplomat, isn’t it?

  ‘Because I am the exception that proves the rule,’ he slurred.

  ‘Salonina, dear, would you put your hands over your ears for a moment as I stoop to this wretched Gaul’s level and talk business?’

  ‘Or I could sit here and watch two fine minds at work. You never know, you might be glad of a woman’s insight!’

  ‘No objections from where I’m sitting,’ Lugubrix said.

  ‘It’s hardly matters of state, I suppose,’ I conceded. ‘Are you busy tomorrow afternoon, Lugubrix?’

  The Gaul fluttered his eyes at me. ‘Is this a proposal, General?’

  I ignored the joke. ‘We’re having a council of war tomorrow, with just a few select officers. I’d like you to join us.’

  ‘Won’t the others be a bit surprised to find a Gaul at their council?’

  ‘Valens knows why I was in Gaul last year; he’ll appreciate why I’ve invited you. So long as he and I know of your usefulness, everyone else will accept you.’

  ‘Including your lord and master?’

  ‘Especially my lord and master.’

  ‘There,’ Salonina interrupted, ‘was that so coarse or secretive that I couldn’t stay while you talked?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Salonina. I’ve been so used to making decisions like these on my own, you see.’

  ‘Well, you’re not alone any more,’ she said, taking my hand and squeezing it affectionately. ‘I’m not just a pretty face, you know.’

  ‘You could have fooled me,’ I said.

  ‘Do you want a present from me this year, Caecina?’

  ‘I was only teasing!’

  ‘I know that,’ Salonina said, pecking me on the cheek. ‘Now I’d better go and see if the surprise is ready.’ She swung delicately off the couch and headed towards the hallway.

  ‘You’ve got a special one there, my friend,’ Lugubrix said.

  ‘You’ve no idea how special. And yourself? Do you have anyone to keep you warm on these winter nights?’

  ‘It depends what the madam in the town has to offer. Now Colonia, being the provincial capital, has a lot of choice. Celts, Greeks, Gyppos, the black stuff, you name it they’ve got it. When business takes me further afield I have to make do with what they’ve got. But as tonight’s a special occasion, maybe I’ll find some classy dancing girl to amuse me.’

  Suddenly, the lights were blown out. The room was plunged into darkness. Instinctively my hand reached for my sword, but of course I was unarmed.

  Valens called out: ‘Silence, everyone!’

  We obeyed his command, and then I heard it. The tinkling of little bells echoing around the room. The delicate, metallic sound slowly crescendoed and a glow of orange light began to illuminate the empty hall; and then they appeared. Pair after pair of the prettiest girls you ever saw, clad in soft, rustling silks of green and gold. With their graceful curves and unbound hair they looked like a gathering of Apollo’s nymphs, straight from the woody glades of Greece. In no time at all there were a dozen of them, half of the girls flanking either side of the doorway. They shook their hips rhythmically, causing the bells on their leather belts to chime in unison.

  Then from round the corner came a vision of exquisite beauty. She wore a long, golden stola that barely skimmed the floor as she glided towards us. It was Salonina. Her luscious brown hair, carefully arranged in a headdress not ten minutes ago, now hung loose in curly tresses down to her shoulders. She carried a cithara, like a lyre but with eight strings across an ornately decorated sounding-board, not two. A slave hurriedly brought a stool for her, directly opposite the couch where I lay. She did not pluck the strings so much as caress them to make her music, and as the first notes floated towards the audience, the nymphs began their dance.

  The tune was slow but stirring. I would like to say that I had eyes only for my wife, but these dancers had mastered the art of enflaming a man’s spirits. Their graceful arms moved as one into the air.

  ‘He is more than a hero,

  he is a god in my eyes –

  the man who is allowed to sit beside you.

  ‘He who listens intimately

  to the sweet murmur of your voice,

  the enticing laughter that makes my own

  heart beat fast.

  ‘If I meet you suddenly,

  I can’t speak – my tongue is broken;

  a thin flame runs under my skin.

  ‘Seeing nothing,

  hearing only my own ears drumming,

  I drip with sweat.

  ‘Trembling shakes my body

  and I turn paler than dry grass.

  At such times death is not far from me.’

  The music stopped. The room was silent for a moment, then the audience burst into raucous applause.

  Vitellius cried out: ‘Superb! Superb! Play some more.’

  Salonina gave a demure curtsey, and said, ‘Forgive me, Caesar, but I was always told to leave the audience wanting more.’

  ‘Salonina, it was a magnificent performance,’ responded Vitellius. ‘All I can hope is that my next birthday will be equally honoured. I must admit, though, I am a trifle confused. We all know who “he” is, but who is sweetly murmuring into the general’s ears?’

  ‘Why, you are, sire. This was written as a song of jealousy. You have almost stolen my husband from me, and who here will say that when a Caesar speaks it isn’t sweetly?’

  ‘I congratulate you, Severus. Your wife has a tongue of gold.’

  A voice behind me said, ‘Come on, Severus. Make your wife entertain us some more with her golden tongue.’

  There was only one man in the room senior enough and bold enough to speak in that way to me.

  ‘Valens, you’ve been honoured to witness my wife’s present to me tonight. Count yourself lucky she chose to entertain anyone besides her husband!’

  ‘Now, now, boys,’ Vitellius said jovially. ‘This is meant to be a party.’

  He turned his attention to the dancers. ‘Girls, it was an amazing performance, but I think it is time to bring in the final course.’

  A slave relieved my wife of her cithara, and she returned to her couch beside me. Lugubrix was speechless.

  ‘A little different from the tavern in Vienne?’ I teased him.

  The power of speech returned to my Gallic friend. ‘I will say this for our taverns. Your food may be fancier, your guests richer, your dancers classier, but the girls of Vienne will have me, warts and all. I get the fee
ling that if I tried anything with these girls I’d get a slap.’

  I laughed. ‘We’ll have to show you some Roman hospitality then.’ I clapped my hands, and the slave who ran Vitellius’s household came scuttling over.

  ‘Yes, master?’

  ‘My friend here,’ I said, as Lugubrix waved with his handless arm, ‘could use some company. Might that be arranged?’

  ‘Certainly, master.’ Ten minutes later Lugubrix was enjoying the attentions of one of Apollo’s nymphs, but I had his favourite muse lying next to me.

  ‘I think we’ve stayed as long as we have to. What do you say to a private performance?’

  ‘Whatever the goddess commands,’ I answered.

  Totavalas was waiting for us in the antechamber that led to our wing of Vitellius’s house.

  ‘All well, Totavalas?’

  ‘All well, General.’

  ‘Is Aulus asleep?’ Salonina asked.

  ‘Two hours since, my lady. I was telling him a story of my people; my ancestor, if truth be told. The warrior Cú Chulainn.’

  ‘Good story?’ I asked.

  ‘Funnily enough my family have always liked it. I was telling him how the boy Sétanta was a famous warrior even in his youth. When he was no older than Aulus he killed the famous hound that protected the hut where the king was feasting. When Sétanta saw how upset the hound’s master was, he offered to take the hound’s place until a new one was reared. From that day he was known as the Hound of Culann.’

  ‘Cu…’ I tried.

  ‘Cú Chulainn.’

  ‘And Aulus liked this story?’ Salonina’s face had a worried expression.

  ‘I should say he did, my lady. He wants another story tomorrow.’

  ‘Thank you, Totavalas,’ my wife said, cutting the Hibernian short. ‘We are off to bed.’

  ‘Of course, my lady. I hope you have had a good birthday, General.’

  ‘It isn’t over yet,’ I said, taking Salonina by the hand and leading her to our bedroom.

  Once the door was closed, she was at me like an animal, kissing me deeply and passionately. My hands slid down her back, passing over the gauzy golden dress, down on to the gentle curves of her bottom. A grunt escaped my lips as I hoisted her up, and she instinctively wrapped her legs around my waist. Still kissing each other, I carried Salonina over towards the bed. I playfully bit at her lip before dropping her, not hard, but just enough that she bounced a little on the thick mattress, making her giggle.

  With one swift motion I took off my toga, flinging it on to the floor.

  ‘Are you ready?’ I asked, leaning over her.

  ‘What would you like me to be this time? The feisty barbarian, the demure slave?’

  ‘I’m thinking Aphrodite.’

  She laughed prettily. ‘Ha! It’s your birthday, not mine.’

  ‘So I can choose what I like,’ I said, grabbing her by the knees and pulling her closer to the edge of the bed. Slowly, I dropped to my knees. ‘I am not worthy.’

  Within moments Salonina was gasping with pleasure, opening up like a flower.

  ‘Deeper,’ she moaned, and as her humble servant I obeyed. She arched her back, then began to rub my back with her feet. It was a habit of hers, and on cue I got up from the cold flagstones and on to her warm body.

  I tenderly kissed her mouth, downwards towards her neck and her breasts while with her hand she made sure I was properly attentive. I soon had her out of her dress and looked upon her beauty.

  ‘My goddess,’ I said appreciatively, before thrusting into her hard and fast. It was the best birthday I’d had for years.

  III

  The following afternoon I stormed through the town, the leather of my sandals loudly slapping on the road and the iron nailheads in the soles clinking against the cobbles. How dare she lecture me on how to bring up my son! Where better for a patrician boy to grow up than with the legions, and where his father was their general? The men would be falling over themselves to make a good impression on Aulus, hoping to gain favour with me.

  Lugubrix was waiting outside a tavern on the way out of the city.

  ‘Bel’s ball-sack, I thought the birthday boy would look a bit happier than that.’

  ‘Really not in the mood, Lugubrix.’

  The Gaul fell into step beside me, and we marched in silence away from the town. The morning’s frost lay thick on the fields and there was hardly a soul to be seen. Everyone was sheltering indoors from the German winter. Eventually he must have got bored with the silence.

  ‘Everything not sweetness and light between the two of you?’

  ‘I’d forgotten how much of a snob my wife could be.’

  ‘Snob?’

  ‘She seems to think being in Gaul is having a bad influence on our son. I don’t think you’re going to be invited to ours for a meal any time soon, let’s put it that way.’

  ‘Ah, I can have that effect sometimes.’

  ‘She doesn’t realize that I ate, slept and fought alongside Gauls last year. Hundreds, maybe thousands of them died under my command at Vesontio. That’s not the sort of bond you can break easily.’

  ‘And I bet the trousers aren’t helping your cause either!’

  ‘How did you guess?’ I said sarcastically.

  By now Colonia’s fortress was directly ahead. I could make out the number of guards on duty outside the main gate. Two men flanked it on either side, and another four on the wall were watching our progress.

  ‘Halt! Who goes there?’

  ‘General Severus and one of my intelligence officers.’

  ‘Advance and be recognized.’

  We advanced and were duly recognized.

  ‘What’s your name, soldier?’ I asked the man.

  ‘Legionary Paetus, sir. First century, second…’

  ‘I only wanted your name, Legionary Paetus. Are you looking forward to the march south?’

  ‘Sir?’

  ‘Come on, Paetus, you’ve heard the rumours. Galba’s not going to give in without a fight, which means we’re heading for Rome. How long is it since you saw her last?’

  ‘Twelve years, sir.’

  ‘And the rest of you?’ I asked the guards.

  The answers varied between four and eighteen years. These were veterans, not the downy-haired farmers’ sons they had fought against in Gaul just a few months before.

  ‘Well, cheer up,’ I said. ‘The emperor and I will be bringing you home soon!’

  ‘Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.’

  ‘Hail Caesar. Now will you let us in?’

  ‘Of course, sir. Open the gates for the general!’ Paetus called up.

  The doors creaked open a few paces. The guards saluted us.

  ‘Where are we going?’ Lugubrix asked.

  ‘The legion headquarters. Not many Gauls get to see the inside of it.’

  ‘I can imagine. Will you have to beg forgiveness of some legion god for letting a barbarian inside?’

  ‘Just make sure you wipe your feet outside the door and you’ll be all right!’

  The fort itself was even busier than the town. No one blinked an eye at Lugubrix’s striking appearance. The two guards outside the principia did though.

  ‘May I ask where you’re taking this civilian, General?’

  ‘This is my chief intelligence officer, I can vouch for him.’

  ‘Of course, sir. I’m afraid we have to check you for weapons. General Valens’s orders.’

  An understandable precaution. Galba must have heard about the rise of Vitellius, and I wouldn’t have put it past the old man to send an assassin. I handed over my sword, and waited while Lugubrix fiddled with the cord that secured his sheathed dagger to his belt. The legionary stepped in to help.

  ‘I’ll manage,’ Lugubrix growled. His fingers, made nimbler by years of extra work, soon had the cord undone. He handed over the dagger.

  ‘Thank you, sirs. The council will be in General Valens’s office.’

  ‘Which office is t
hat? This camp hasn’t been used for over thirty years, there aren’t any legions posted in Colonia.’

  ‘The biggest one, sir, at the end of the corridor.’

  ‘Of course it is.’

  As we made our way inside the principia, Lugubrix asked me: ‘Why are there no legions posted here?’

  ‘A strange question from an intelligence officer,’ I remarked.

  ‘I make my money knowing about the here and now, and what might happen. History isn’t going to fill my purse.’

  ‘This place used to be the military focal point on our border with Germania. That was in the days before we organized the Rhineland into formal provinces. Colonia was our spearhead. But when Arminius routed those three legions at the Teutoburg Forest, all the plans to conquer Germania were shelved. Then when Augustus died and Tiberius became emperor the two legions here revolted, preferring another man from the imperial family, their commander Germanicus. Germanicus stayed loyal to Tiberius – much good it did him, he died soon afterwards. It was decided to split up the two legions and send the First to Bonna and the Fifth to Vetera, where they are today. Colonia became the administrative centre of the new province of Lower Germania, while this fort was left empty.’

  ‘So why aren’t all the preparations being made at one of the military towns?’

  ‘Because this is where Vitellius is, and where the entertainment is. Our beloved emperor is fanatical about chariot races. The games too, but the races especially. Some say that’s how Vitellius got this province: he and Galba’s crony Titus Vinius are diehard fans of the Blues team back in Rome. To be fair to him though, since the legions north of here will be coming south anyway, it makes sense for them to marshal around Colonia.’

  I pushed open the door to Valens’s office. It was empty but for one lonely figure.

  ‘Finally I’ve got some company!’ the man exclaimed.

  ‘Where’s everyone else?’ I asked.

  ‘Still recovering from last night, I should think. I gather it was quite a party.’

  ‘Sorry, who is this?’ Lugubrix asked.

  ‘Lugubrix, this is Publilius Sabinus, prefect of one of the auxiliary cohorts in this province. If I’d had any say in who was coming to the banquet, Publilius, you would definitely have been invited.’