Villains Don't Date Heroes!

by Mia Archer

  "You'll see," I said. "Just zip in there, blast it with your heat vision or whatever the hell it is you do with your eyes, and go to town."

  Fialux grinned. "I think I could have some fun with this."

  I held up a hand to stop her before she went zipping off towards the city. "Wait!"

  She skidded to a halt. Well, saying she skidded to a halt probably wasn't the proper analogy considering we were floating midair, but you get the idea.

  She floated back, her hair blowing in the breeze and her clothes looking amazing attached to that tight body.

  "What's up?"

  "Can you wait until I give you a signal to blow him to smithereens?"

  Fialux shrugged. "Sure, whatever you say."

  And with that we were off. Fialux shot off towards the sound of distant explosions and I followed.

  I was surprised to see that the antigrav units built into my suit were apparently more than enough to keep up with her, though I wasn't sure if she was deliberately slowing down to allow me to keep up. I'd have to ask her about that later.

  Even before we reached the city proper we saw signs of a giant death robot on a rampage. Telephone poles were thrown to the side like toothpicks. Houses had been flattened, looking for all the world like footage of a tornado going through town. Only tornadoes didn't leave the telltale signs of focused energy blasts charring the sides of the houses it flattened.

  Luckily it was the middle of the day and I figured most people were still at work. Unluckily "still at work" meant they were all in the city which was where the giant death robot was currently rampaging.

  Suburbia gave way to the outskirts of the city proper and here the path of destruction started to get more noticeable. A path of destruction didn’t feel quite so destructive when it was moving through big open spaces like golf courses and dog parks, but it got a hell of a lot more noticeable in the city where destructible material was way more densely packed.

  I looked down and hoped people managed to get to the city mandated shelters before stuff started to go down. Targeted destruction in service of a plan to take over the world was one thing, but the wanton and indiscriminate destruction CORVAC was engaging in was another thing entirely.

  I wondered what his game was. I wondered if maybe we were walking into a trap. Nothing drew in a hero faster than wanton and indiscriminate destruction.

  But no time to worry about that. I caught a glimpse of the university flash by, including the journalism building which looked slightly different with a large chunk ripped out of it.

  I frowned. He had to have done that on purpose, the asshole. The path of destruction was a straight line from the suburbs then a jagged line leading straight to the university. Of all the vindictive petty things.

  He saw how much time I was spending in the journalism building and purposely went after that building, though it looked like he’d also hit a couple others. Surprisingly the Applied Sciences building looked no worse for the wear. I would’ve given a pretty penny to have drone footage of whatever saved Dr. Laura’s domain from certain destruction, but CORVAC had probably commandeered all my drones for his nefarious business.

  The bastard. Then campus was gone in a blink and then we were over the city again and heading downtown.

  We rounded one of the mid-rises that gave way to skyscrapers downtown and I caught a glimpse of something spherical and metallic out of the corner of my eye. Fialux must have seen it too, because she darted off in that direction.

  As she rounded the other side of a skyscraper a blast of high energy from a beam weapon slammed into her. Only she didn't miss a single beat. No sooner had the weapon hit her than she was charging forward. Flying forward.

  Whatever. She moved towards the robot. Like I said, terrestrial analogies tend to break down when you’re talking about a superpowered dogfight a few hundred feet above ground level where it was nothing but pigeons, skyscrapers, heroes, villains, and giant death robots created by villains who were really regretting that decision.

  And let’s not even get started on how charging into downtown to fight a giant death robot on a path of destruction wasn’t very villainous. I could worry about that existential crisis later. After I’d dealt with the very real crisis waving metallic arms and firing missiles and beam weapons indiscriminately.

  I decided it would be better to take a more pragmatic approach considering how CORVAC seemed to be flailing with beam and charged energy weapons.

  After all, I was pretty sure my suit could stand up to some beam weapons, but I wasn't covered entirely. And not having the advantage of invulnerable skin meant I was in danger of getting one hell of a sunburn if I managed to walk into the path of that particular light ray.

  Plus I couldn’t shake the feeling that CORVAC’s partner in crime might be out there somewhere waiting to spring a surprise on us while we were otherwise engaged trying to fight off the giant robot.

  So I flew to the top of the skyscraper Fialux had just rounded and looked down.

  And my breath caught. Sure I might be out here to destroy this thing. That robot chassis might contain a malevolent artificial intelligence who’d done his best to kill me, even if his best wasn’t all that great.

  Still, I had to stop and appreciate my work. That robot was a thing of beauty. All deadly brushed metal curves that scattered any light that played across it. Flailing armored tentacles springing out of small circular openings. Other circular openings appearing and disappearing just as soon as they’d launched a missile or an energy blast.

  There was going to be no death star flaw on this beauty. That was for sure. CORVAC had been very clear on that after forcing me to watch Star Wars and the first season of the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon so I could see a good starting point with the Death Star and the Technodrone.

  Yeah, I couldn’t help but admire the thing. Just for a moment. It was a thing of beauty, and its only flaw was I’d engineered it to take on the caliber of hero who’d been in Starlight City before Fialux came along.

  Boy was I glad I hadn’t tried updating the design in one of my schemes to take her out. I’d never trusted CORVAC to work point on any of those schemes.

  And now it was time to kill my computer and this work of villainous art I’d created for him to pilot.

  40

  Triangulation

  The robot chassis was a massive sphere with telescoping metal tentacles along the bottom that allowed it to scuttle around like a giant metal spider. It sported a single eyestalk with a glowing red eye on top.

  Like I said, he took his design cues from pop culture when I was making the thing, and damn the practicality.

  I worried about CORVAC looking up, but overall I figured I was pretty safe. It’s not like he’d be using anything useful like the radar or laser guidance packages I built into the machine. Oh no. That arrogant bundle of silicon wafers was strictly old school with this bot.

  I knew because I had to listen to him going on and on about that damned eyestalk and how "efficient" it was while I was designing the thing. After the first few conversations I'd discovered that “efficient” was megalomaniacal supercomputer slang for “bitchin’.” I was surprised he hadn’t had me paint flames along the side of the thing.

  I'd argued with him over the benefits of having an omnidirectional sensor package, but he'd insisted on having that single glowing red eye looking out from the top. I put in the other stuff anyways, I really wished I hadn’t now because it would be one less thing to worry about, but I could rest assured he'd refuse to use it on principle.

  And I'll admit the glowing eye definitely looked impressive, downright terrifying if you looked at it from the right angle, but it also had the definite drawback of reducing visibility.

  I breathed a quiet prayer of thanks to any higher power that might care to listen that CORVAC's ego had gotten in the way of practicality. Even the most intelligent supercomputer in the world was no match for villainous hubris.

  I peered over the
edge of the skyscraper. Not one of the taller ones but still enough to tower over CORVAC in his death robot chassis.

  I was treated to a front row seat of cars being flung to the side and people running in the streets trying to get away. Apparently they hadn't taken the warning seriously down here. Either that or everyone in the city was so blasé about an attack at this point that they figured it couldn't possibly happen to them.

  So they ignored the sirens. And now they were running in terror while cars rained down around them.

  Idiots.

  Fialux was a green and white blur darting around the robot which waved a telescoping metallic tentacle through the air trying to swat her. Doors opened on the side of the robot and energy beams shot out, but Fialux was taking them out with her heat vision almost as quickly as CORVAC could fire.

  Other times the doors would open and a missile would go flying out and home in on Fialux. Most of the time she managed to stop it, or send it on a trajectory straight up where it could explode harmlessly, but the occasional missile did slam into a skyscraper.

  I winced. This definitely wasn't going to come without a steep price tag, but I had work to do. The city could worry about insurance claims. There were so many attacks that the government had to step in to handle insurance claims.

  Sort of like people being stupid enough to build houses in flood zones where no rational insurance company would cover them, only in this case the floods were giant malevolent monsters and robots and villains who attacked the city on the regular.

  I pulled out my wrist computer and frowned. A screen popped up and the signal I was looking for appeared. Faint, but definitely there. I smiled.

  CORVAC you magnificent bastard! I knew he was hiding something!

  The only problem was I wasn't going to be able to get a bead on exactly where the signal was coming from unless I was able to triangulate. That meant hopping to another building. And risking CORVAC seeing me.

  Oh well. There was nothing for it. If I was going to do this stupid hero bit then I might as well go all in.

  I leapt from the building and over the death robot as a flurry of laser blasts flashed around me. I didn't think he was aiming for me, I was slow enough that if CORVAC was aiming there wasn't a chance I would escape a blast though I might survive it, but it was still nerve-racking finding myself in the middle of a super powered turkey shoot and me not being the one who was doing the shooting.

  No, it definitely wasn't fun being the turkey.

  I flew to the top of a skyscraper that was farther from the action. I looked down at my wrist and yup. The signal was definitely there and it was a little stronger here.

  I leapt to another building. Several missiles flew over my head and I barely managed to swing out of the way. I almost went into a spiral. Then I remembered I was using antigravity to keep myself up and not a traditional jet pack or fixed wing flight, so there was no such thing as a death spiral.

  I righted myself and turned to look at CORVAC.

  He was staring straight at me. His giant red eye narrowed. I had to admit he was right. I’d argued about installing those steel shutters so the eye could scowl, but they did look suitably menacing.

  "Hello mistress," his voice boomed through downtown and off of skyscrapers.

  Shit.

  I flew to the next building as quickly as possible and took a quick reading. I almost had enough information. Almost. My little inkling about where CORVAC had been hiding was absolutely correct.

  I looked over my shoulder and saw one of CORVAC's beam weapons on the end of a metallic tentacle pointing towards me. Crap. Crap. Crap. I leapt into the air and a moment later the beam flashed where I'd just been standing. It also took off the antenna mast I’d been leaning on.

  It was much more difficult to get my readings when I had a crazed megalomaniacal robot doing its best to kill me while I was trying to work. It was the sort of thing that really served to break a girl's concentration.

  I landed at the top of the tallest building in the city and looked down. Almost there. I glanced up to CORVAC and saw one of his larger missile bays open up. Damn it.

  If I didn't hurry up then the tallest building in the city wasn't going to be the tallest building in the city for much longer. I saw the head of a spherical antigrav missile appear at the dark entrance to his launch bay and I leapt in the air.

  The missile launched, the sphere coming straight for me. Why the hell was I allowing myself to be a decoy to save some old architecture?

  Because a notable example of latter twentieth century architecture couldn’t dodge missiles the way I could. That’s why.

  One of the advantages of using antigravity technology was it made me far more maneuverable than if I was using traditional chemical propulsion. One of the disadvantages of fighting a giant death robot I designed and manufactured that was inhabited by the malevolent spirit of my supercomputer and former partner in crime was he had access to the same antigravity technology.

  Antigravity technology that was built into some of his missiles which could maneuver just as well as I could.

  Yeah. Didn’t really think this one through.

  In fact, they weren’t even really missiles in the traditional sense that people usually imagined when they heard the word “missile” even if they fit the classic definition. They were actually spheres with a healthy dose of high explosives surrounded by an antigravity field, and they would really ruin my day if they got close enough to blow.

  My suit could only take so many hits, after all, and in this fight I had a feeling I was going to need all the hits I could take.

  I zigged. The missile chasing me zagged. I tried flying up but that seemed to only encourage it as it went into a vertical climb behind me.

  Damn it.

  I was concentrating so hard on the missile that I didn't have time to dodge any of the other attacks CORVAC was sending my way. I was a sitting duck for a laser attack, or maybe a plasma bolt, but it was all I could do to try and get away from this damned sphere chasing after me.

  A flash. The missile abruptly went from a vertical trajectory to horizontal as that flash carried it off. There was an explosion and a moment later Fialux appeared next to me.

  I was about to say something when there was another flash. This one was bright enough that the light shields on my mask kicked in. Only Fialux was between me and the flash, and so the beam weapon CORVAC had been aiming at me glanced harmlessly off her superhuman, and thankfully invulnerable, skin.

  That was the first time I was actually happy Fialux was so easily able to shrug off the weapons I'd designed.

  "You can't defeat me mistress," CORVAC said, his voice booming through the concrete canyons of downtown.

  I didn't respond. I was too busy concentrating on the readout on my wrist computer. With Fialux running interference between me and CORVAC's weaponry I suddenly had a moment to pause, breathe, and make sure I had all the information I needed.

  "Are you almost done?" Fialux asked. “Because this devious plan you’re running is making it really difficult to take out the giant death robot and you know how your other devious plans have worked out in the past and…”

  "Almost there," I bit off, trying to hide my annoyance and not doing a very good job of it.

  A green light blinked on my wrist computer. Bingo. The map popped up and I grinned. Just as I suspected.

  "Okay, I've got everything I need," I said. "Go have your fun."

  Fialux grinned. I grinned right back at her. And hefted my wrist blaster. I figured she was probably going to be doing most of the work, but I might as well have a little fun too.

  41

  Saving the Day

  I turned and looked down at CORVAC. I went into a dive. And I couldn't help but go for a little dramatic flair. I held one arm out in front of me as I dove towards him.

  My only regret was I didn't have a magnificent cape flying behind me trailing in the wind and looking amazing. There’d been no time to attach one to
the new networking free version of the suit, and I didn’t trust the backup computer to be as good of a molecular reconstitution seamstress as CORVAC was.

  It really was a damn shame the idiot decided to betray me. There was a part of me that was going to miss the smarmy computerized asshole. There was a bigger part of me that was going to straight up murder him, in a digital sense, but I was conflicted about it.

  As I descended towards him he started firing at me, only I was in full supervillainess mode now that I was no longer distracted by trying to solve the little mystery that had been bothering me ever since my fail-safes failed.

  And I was pissed.

  A bolt of plasma shot towards me. I reached out and a shield flew in place in front of my hand just as it was about to make contact with my body. The bolt glanced off harmlessly.

  Now I know you might be asking yourself something right now. If I had a shield, why wasn't I using it the entire time I was running from CORVAC just a few minutes ago, right?

  I've discovered this business is all about trade-offs. For every power there is a weakness.

  Take the shield, for example. Sure I could deflect a high-powered plasma blast from CORVAC, but it also took a hell of a lot of energy to do that. Which meant if I tried to design a shield that covered all of my body all of the time it would either use so much energy that nothing else on my suit would work, no weapons or no super strength for example, or it could run constantly drawing so little power that it would be ineffective to the point that a kid with a slingshot could get through it.

  Okay, so maybe that was an extreme example, but you get the point.

  The point is if I wanted to be able to deflect a plasma blast from CORVAC, or anything else he or another villain might throw at me, or even Fialux's heat vision for that matter, then the shield had to work in short, directed bursts.

  That meant directing it with my hands, which I definitely didn't have time for when I was busy trying to triangulate the answer to my little mystery. So you can take your skepticism and plot hole digging and shove it up your own plot hole.