What the Heart Wants

by Kelli McCracken

  Had Susan been in this bed?

  If she weren’t so exhausted, she would have jumped from the bed at that thought alone, but her muscles ached from fighting off Zeke’s advances.

  She tried wrapping her mind around Dylan’s secretiveness regarding the dreams. Why had he tried to lie about it? Was he ashamed of the dreams? Of her? Granted, it was strange that both had dreamed about the other before they met, but the thought actually excited her.

  During the ride from the condo to his house, she’d considered telling him about her dreams. The reason she hadn't was simple. She didn't want him to think she was making it up, especially now that she was aware of his dreams. But at least she had proof of her dreams.

  Her eyes went to one of the duffle bags lying on the floor. Buried within the layers of clothing was her journal, but not the pendant.

  She reached under her shirt, running her fingers over the heart shaped necklace.

  He’d given it to her as a promise that they’d find each other, again. He’d kept that promise. Or maybe fate had.

  Even after their fight, and Zeke’s attack, a big part of her still wanted him—needed him. Not so much the sexual need as the need of having human contact. To feel the warmth and compassion of the person who meant the world to her.

  The thought of his protective arms wrapped around her enhanced her need. His embrace would be the best therapy in the world. Guess she wouldn’t be getting any sessions tonight.

  When he’d offered his bed, but mentioned sleeping elsewhere, rejection chilled her to the bone. Had he been thinking about Susan?

  The tears that welled in his eyes told a different story, one filled with emotional turmoil and regret, not of wanting another woman. The way Dylan acted at the condo spoke volumes, but at the time, she could only concentrate on what Zeke had attempted. Nothing Dylan had said had sunk in until now, when she was alone with nothing but her thoughts.

  He was blaming himself for her attack, but it wasn’t his fault.

  She and Dylan had gone from growing extremely close to barely speaking. It wasn’t right. She wanted things to go back to the way they were, before all the craziness with Zeke happened, before the knowledge of their dreams sent their relationship spiraling out of control.

  Could Susan really be a threat to their relationship?

  Would she let what happened with Zeke come between them as well?

  The memories of their afternoon played in her mind. Their time under the willow tree had been amazing. The way he had looked at her, touched her, and kissed her…she didn’t know such feelings existed until Dylan had come along. How could she live with those feelings if he no longer felt the same?

  The thought bounced around in her mind as she turned on her side and switched the lamp off. Once her head hit the pillow, tears began to form. The warm droplets slid down her cheek, onto the pillowcase.

  As she closed her eyes, she tried to push the negative thoughts from her mind. Nothing would be resolved tonight.

  A few minutes later, she noticed a light coming from the door. She was about to open her eyes, but her gut told her not to. There was only one person who could have entered the room, and she wanted to know why he had come in.

  * * *

  Dylan gazed at Heaven while she slept, his eyes tracing over the curve of her body, underneath the sheets. The longer her stared at her, the more his soul suffocated without the warmth of hers. Kneeling beside her, he tried his best to be quiet. He couldn’t stand being away from her any longer. He longed to crawl in the bed beside her and wrap her in his arms. When he noticed her tear streaked cheeks, the ache in his chest grew.

  “I’m sorry for everything,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did. I failed you, tonight, in so many ways. I left you with unanswered questions…let you leave here thinking that reporter…”

  He shuddered. “If only my dad had walked out a few minutes sooner…” His voice threatened to crack. Taking a deep breath, he quietly cleared his throat. “I failed you the most with Zeke. I didn’t protect you. I can’t believe I screwed things up so fast.” Her silky skin teased his fingertips as he caressed her arm. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you.”

  Though he continued to fight back the moisture threatening to spill from his eyes, he knew it was a losing battle. Leaning closer to her body, he inhaled her scent, allowing it to comfort him since her arms would not.

  His eyes fell upon her face, her lips. Even sleeping, she radiated sadness through their connection. It was another punch to his gut.

  “I regret that I didn’t tell you what you wanted to know. I meant to, and I came close to telling you many times. I guess I’m a coward.”

  He sighed deeply as his voice began to shake. “If I lose you, the dreams aren’t the only thing I’ll regret not telling you about. I never…” He choked on his words as a few tears spilled down his face. “I never got the chance to tell you that I’m in love with you. God, Heaven, I’m so in love with you. Completely…irrevocably.”

  He’d finally told her—his true feelings. Too bad she wasn’t awake to hear his confessions. As the knot in his stomach expanded, he laid his head beside their joined hands and wept.

  * * *

  Heaven couldn’t take any more. Dylan’s words stabbed at the pit of her stomach, rocking her to the core. Her eyes flew open to find his head lying beside her waist. The captivating eyes that warmed her soul hid behind tightened eyelids. Tears flowed from them, down his cheek and onto the sheets. His shoulders shook as he sobbed into the mattress.

  “Dylan,” she whispered as she stroked his face.

  Dark, swollen eyes gazed up into hers. The warmth of his skin tingled her fingers as she swept them across his cheek, sending him into another round of sobs.

  “I’m sorry for hurting you,” he whispered. “It won’t happen again. I promise.” Squeezing his eyes shut, he pulled her closer, burying his face near her waist. His guttural cries jerked his body. “I can’t lose you.”

  Heaven struggled to swallow the lump in her throat. The pain they had inflicted on each other was unnecessary, and it was time to stop the madness. She had made her decision regarding their future, and it was time to deliver the news to Dylan.

  * * * * *

  CHAPTER 23

  Heaven rose from the bed as quickly as she could. Moving her feet to the floor, her legs straddled Dylan’s chest. Her heart trembled as his arms encircled her waist, pulling her to the edge of the bed. His touch was impassioned as he crushed her body to his.

  “You have no idea how long I have waited for you to come into my life. I can’t lose you, Heaven,” he said, crying into her lap.

  She grabbed his face, forcing him to meet her eyes. “You’re not going to lose me. Do you hear me? I’m not going anywhere. Everything is okay.”

  Hair brushed against her hands as he shook his head. “Nothing about this is okay. I’m the reason that bastard had an opportunity to attack you.”

  “What happened with Zeke is not your fault. He admitted to watching me for days. The assault would have happened later, when I came home, and it would have been a lot worse. Maybe our fight was a blessing in disguise.”

  “How can you even think something like that? What he did… What I did… It wasn’t a blessing.”

  Heaven’s curls swayed as she shook her head. She cupped his face harder. “If I hadn’t left here upset, you would not have come looking for me. Scott and Hope would have been out, and I would have been alone.”

  “No, you wouldn’t have,” he whispered, touching her cheek. “I’d planned on inviting you back after my dad left, but he was still here when you showed up. He’s the reason that reporter was here, Heaven.”

  Heaven’s eyes fell between their bodies. She didn’t want to think about Susan. “Dylan…”

  “There’s nothing going on between me and her. She’s the one who published that picture of you and me in Truth Newspaper.”

  “But she…she wasn’t weari
ng—”

  “It was her shirt, Heaven.” Dylan caressed her shoulder. “She had on a strapless shirt. Her jacket was hanging on a chair in my library, where we were having a meeting.”

  All this time, she had thought…

  Her focus moved to the bag that held her journal. There was still another issue at hand. “Why didn’t you tell me about the dreams? Even when I confronted you, you tried to lie about it.”

  The pain in Dylan’s eyes deepened. He hung his head, gripping her shirt at the small of her back. “It wasn’t the most convenient time. We were right in the middle of the meeting when I heard the door. I knew someone would come looking for me if I didn’t go back upstairs right away.”

  So much still didn’t make sense. She waited for him to look up. When he didn’t, she made him. “What was so important about that meeting?”

  “Susan stole Sid Baker’s pictures and had them published. Somehow my dad found out and was trying to get her thrown in jail.”

  “But why would your dad want her in jail?”

  “Let’s just say, he and Susan have history.”

  Gross. Why would someone as pretty as Susan want anything to do with a man twice her age?

  Words escaped her as she faced Dylan, eyes locked and full of emotion. She traced from his brow down to his cheek. The heat of his breath warmed her hand as he sighed.

  “I don’t want to be alone, tonight,” she whispered.

  His eyes lowered to her lips. They lingered a moment, then went back to her eyes. There was so much tenderness in them. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

  “Only if you want to; don’t feel obligated to stay.”

  “Of course, I want to,” he admitted while caressing her leg. “It killed me to stay away this long, but I didn’t want to pressure you. You didn’t want to come here to begin with.”

  “I was hurt Dylan, but I’m better, now.” Her hand stroked the curve of his jaw. “I want you to stay with me, to protect me.”

  “I’ll never fail you at that, again.”

  Heaven watched in silence as Dylan stood and walked across the room. The cords of his muscles rippled under his skin as he stripped off his shirt, tossing it into the hamper.

  She turned away as her cheeks stung with heat. The brief display of his body affected hers, warming it. She lay back in the bed, pulling the sheet up to her waist as thoughts of him danced in her head.

  It was less than a minute before she felt him crawling into the bed. After a few adjustments, he stopped moving and remained silent. Heaven turned to face him, not surprised to see that he was staring at her. “Are you okay?”

  “I’ve had much better days,” he said, flashing her a brief smile.

  She noticed the puffiness around his eyes. The thought of him shedding tears over her tugged at her heart. “I’m sorry for running out when I was here before. I shouldn’t have pushed you into talking about your dreams.”

  Dylan’s focus drifted as he played with the edge of her pillowcase. “You have a right to know. I was just afraid.”

  “Don’t be. I know there is something special about us. I feel it when we’re together, even when we’re apart.”

  He winced. “You have no idea how right you are.”

  “Then tell me how right I am.” She watched the hesitant look play in his eyes. What was he so afraid to tell her? “If you want us to be together, you can’t hide anything from me. Do you want to be with me?”

  “More than anything,” he whispered, caressing her neck. His licked his lips as a sigh trickled out, feathering his bangs against the pillow. “Heaven, I’ve been dreaming of you for a long time—really long. Before we met, I drove myself crazy trying to figure out who you were.”

  Heaven watched as his eyes lowered, again. He was struggling to explain, but she understood. Reading her journal had been confusing, too. “I bet you were shocked to meet me at the rehearsal, weren’t you?”

  “That’s an understatement,” he snorted. “But I knew it was you before I saw you. I knew by your voice.” His fingers traced her lips, down the side of her neck. She closed her eyes, enjoying his touch. But when she felt his fingers run across her necklace, her eyes flew open.

  He leaned in closer, pinching the heart between his fingers. “This is pretty. It looks—”

  “Familiar?” she whispered.

  “Yeah, it does.”

  “That’s because you gave it to me, years ago.”

  His brows pinched. “How?”

  Heaven gazed down at the small gap between their bodies and let out a sigh. “Earlier, when we were underneath the willow tree, and I pushed you away…there was a reason I reacted the way I did.”

  His dark eyes roamed every inch of her face. “What do you mean?”

  “Dylan…I’ve been dreaming about you, too.”

  * * *

  Dylan stared at the journal in his hands, Heaven’s journal. His eyes skimmed over the many entries…entries that revealed her dreams of him. It was a part of their history he hadn’t remembered until he began reading. Memories played through his mind like a reel of film on a movie screen.

  Heaven had been the little girl from his childhood dreams. She’d mentioned it at the beginning of the journal.

  She leaned in closer to look at the pages, making his heart pound fiercely. “Is it a coincidence that we were dreaming about each other?”

  “No, it wasn’t. We were together, Heaven. Our souls were together.”

  “How is that possible?”

  “Because we’re connected. We have been since birth.” He watched an array of emotions filter through her eyes, but the ones thrumming through their connection made him smile. She felt content, yet excited. “There is so much more to our relationship, Heaven. Our dreams are only the tip of the iceberg.”

  Heaven’s eyes danced with questions. She licked her lower lip, curling it inward as she bit it. “I don’t understand. Is it because we have the same birthday? Or is there something deeper connecting us?”

  “Remember the story you told my mom about your birth?” He waited until she nodded. “The baby your mom heard crying when you died was me.”

  “How do you know that?”

  He cupped her face, bringing it closer to his. “Just hear me out,” he whispered. “Mom told me that her hospital room was right beside the nursery. She recognized my cry over the other babies. Apparently, I was the loudest.” He gave her a squeeze when she chuckled. “Later in the day, one of the nurses brought me to Mom because I wouldn’t stop crying. They thought I wanted her, but she couldn’t get me to calm down, either.”

  “Was something wrong?”

  He waited until she placed the journal on the nightstand and turned back to face him. “Nothing, physically. The nurses noticed later that I would cry whenever a certain baby wasn’t in the room.”

  “You did?”

  He laced his fingers through hers and nodded. “It got so bad that they put our beds beside each other, but even that didn’t console us. We would stare at each other and whimper, like we were talking.”

  She pressed her hand to her mouth. “That is so sweet.”

  Thank God…she was enjoying the story. But would she believe the rest?

  “The nurse told my mom that they put us in the same bed. It must have been what we wanted because the nurse said it was the only time we would sleep.”

  “Aww. You had to be near each other. Dylan that is the best story I’ve ever heard.” Her eyes fell to his lips. “But, what does this have to do with you being the baby my mom heard?”

  “Because my Mom asked about the baby who I was attached to. The nurse told her that the baby had died the same time I was born.”

  That got him an intent stare. He felt her body stiffen against his.

  “The baby died?” Her words stopped short as she gasped. “Oh, my God…was that baby…”

  “Yes, Heaven. The baby I was attached to was you.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. His pu
lse thrummed harder as the sheet fell from her leg. “Even then I needed you near me.”

  “So we connected because of our birth?”

  “More than that. Mom said that when you died and I was born, that I breathed my breath into your body. That’s why you came back to life.” He noticed her brows knit. “My soul had to save yours because we’re soulmates, Heaven.”

  “Oh. My. God. I…I can’t believe…” Her eyes burned with emotion before they fell to his chest. “Is that why we dreamed of each other? Because we’re soulmates?”

  “That, and because our connection runs deeper. So deep, that I…” He took a deep breath, letting his eyes fall to her leg. He teased the top of her thigh, allowing the softness of skin to calm him. “I can feel your emotions, Heaven.”

  “What do you mean, you can feel my emotions?”

  “Think of it like mind reading. I can’t read your thoughts, but I can read your feelings. The stronger the emotion, the more I can feel it. Remember when I found you by Chelsea’s car, surrounded by the paparazzi?”

  Her eyes shot up to his.“Like it was yesterday.” When he felt a tremble rush through her, he squeezed her tighter.

  “I could sense your fear before I ever knew what was causing it. It was so powerful; it rocked me to the core.”

  “Because fear is a strong emotion and the stronger my emotions…”

  “The more I can feel it,” he whispered, watching as she played with the sheet.

  Good. She didn’t look at him like he was crazy. That meant she believed him, didn’t it? Maybe it was time to test his mother’s other theory—that Heaven could sense his emotions, too. He would have to focus on a powerful feeling, something he would recognize without having to ask.

  No sooner than the thought had crossed his mind and tore at his heart, he noticed Heaven gripping the sheets, her knuckles whitened as her bottom lip quivered.