Secret Dreams of a Fearless Governess: A Clean & Sweet Regency Historical Romance Novel

by Abby Ayles

  “Thank you,” Joanna said again, gathering herself and rushing to the carriage as the driver took her case.

  The journey was a long one, but it passed by under heavy thoughts, so that Joanna could barely tell how long it had been.

  She saw the night beginning to fall outside the windows of the carriage with some surprise, and realised that they must be close to Esther’s home.

  All through the day she had struggled with her hopes and her fears. She prayed for a healthy baby boy, but closed her eyes in fear at the thought of her sister not surviving the birth.

  It was not a good sign for a baby to come early, that much she knew.

  The trees, fields, and villages had passed by in such a blur that it was not until they nearly reached their destination that Joanna thought to wonder at Edmund’s kindness.

  He had sent his own personal carriage for her, rather than forcing her to wait for the mail coach. The horses would be tired, and would have to rest the night before returning home. To be without his carriage for two days on her behalf was kindness indeed!

  She thought of Amy, Samuel, and Patience then. There had been no time to bid them farewell, nor to explain to them why she would not be arriving for the lesson that they were awaiting that morning.

  She hoped they would not be upset, and that Edmund was not angry at their education being interrupted so.

  Joanna had never visited her sister at her new home, and as the carriage pulled in to the estate, she could only raise her eyes in wonder. The building was much larger than she had thought, though it certainly paled in comparison to Edmund’s manor. A small area of land was fenced off across the horizon, though within it there was much landscaping and trees grown in pretty rows.

  The carriage rolled to a stop at last in front of the entrance, and Joanna hastened to disembark. A small party was there to meet her already, consisting of a butler and a stable boy who immediately began to lead away the horses.

  “Miss Warrick?” the butler asked.

  “Yes,” Joanna said, rushing to him from the carriage and passing him towards the house. “Am I too late?”

  “The baby is born,” the butler informed her, hurrying to keep up. “If you will turn to your left and up the stairs, Miss. Lady Castleford has been asking after your arrival. She is most keen to see you.”

  Joanna’s heart was in her throat as she took the stairs two at a time, lifting her skirt to avoid tripping.

  “Are they both well?” she asked, feeling overjoyed already at the news that her sister was at least still in this world.

  “The baby is small,” the butler said, trailing behind her by now. “Though both appear to be in good health. Third door to your right, Miss Warrick!”

  Joanna would not have needed his directions at any rate, because there was a veritable stream of people coming and going from the room.

  The door was open, and several women were bustling around with sheets and towels and tubs of water.

  Joanna came to the door and looked in, and her heart almost burst with relief and happiness. “Esther!” she exclaimed, rushing forward to her sister’s side.

  “Oh, Joanna!” Esther replied, holding out one of her arms in greeting from her bed.

  The other was cradling a tiny face, all that could be seen of the new-born infant who was tightly swaddled in layers of cloth.

  “I am so happy to see you,” Joanna told her, leaning in to her sister’s embrace and then settling on an empty chair beside her. “I am sorry not to have come sooner.”

  “There was no chance you could have made it,” another voice said, and Joanna looked up to see Lord Castleford sitting opposite her. “We did not even know if the message would reach you in time, let alone bring you here. It was a reasonably short birth, so I am told.”

  “There was no trouble?” Joanna asked.

  “Only the panic this little one caused us by coming early,” Esther said.

  She looked tired, and her hair was stuck down against her head with drying sweat, but still she had a happier glow than Joanna had ever seen on her.

  “I was quite sick with worry when the contractions began. The midwife tells me it is not so unusual to have him arrive this quick.”

  “Him,” Joanna repeated, breathing the word, realising what it fully meant. “You have your first son.”

  “We are naming him Charles,” Lord Castleford put in. “After my grandfather.”

  “Lord Charles Castleford,” Joanna sighed happily, reaching out a hand to stroke the baby’s peaceful face.

  He was sleeping calmly, quite some contrast from how the scene must have looked on his arrival.

  “She was lucky, this one,” the midwife said, clucking her tongue. “It could have been a difficult one. I have lost many a young mother to an early birth.”

  Joanna turned to look at her with some alarm. “Is that so?” she asked.

  “You should direct your prayers to thankfulness tonight,” the midwife nodded. “The Lord God intervened on my lady’s behalf. It must have been so, to have such a charmed birth two months ahead of date.”

  Joanna whispered a fervent prayer under her breath that very instant, just in case she might be thought ungrateful.

  To have arrived with Esther lost would have been too much to bear indeed.

  ***

  The demands placed on a new mother were plenty. Esther was to learn very quickly how to swaddle and clothe, how to change the child, how to wash him, how to hold him so that his head was kept upright. She had to feed him also, and many other things that were completely new to her experience.

  “Oh, Esther,” Joanna sighed, at least once every day. “He is so perfect, this son of yours.”

  “The most perfect and handsome,” Esther would reply, giving her son a fond and dreamy smile.

  Little Charles would only make the smallest sounds in reply, a kind of gurgling or gasping depending on the level of his emotion.

  At last, however, a day rose when Joanna knew she was beginning to outstay her welcome.

  Though she knew Esther would have welcomed her with open arms for the rest of her life, there was the small matter of paying her own upkeep – not to mention that the young family deserved some time to themselves.

  “I have been away for more than a week already,” Joanna sighed, allowing little Charles to grasp hold of one of her fingers in his whole fist.

  “I have so enjoyed your company, sister,” Esther said. “Are you sure you do not wish to stay longer?”

  “There is the matter of my employment to attend to,” Joanna said, giving her a small smile of admonishment. “That area is unknown to you, I know well, but it brings certain responsibilities.”

  “Do not chide me for being married,” Esther tutted. “It should have been your lot, too, if father had held things together just a little longer.”

  “It was not his fault,” Joanna said, looking down at the floor. “I did not mean anything by it. I suppose I am a little jealous. I had always dreamed of beginning a family of my own.”

  “You do not think you will have one, someday?” Esther asked. She left off rattling a toy in front of Charles’ face to look at her sister closely.

  “What chance have I now?” Joanna said hopelessly. “I am just a servant. I have no fortune attached to me, no dowry. I have not even a father to argue on my behalf. No, I think I will live out my days as a governess.”

  “Perhaps one day you can come home to us,” Esther suggested. “Charles will be in need of a governess before he goes away to school. We may have another child yet, who would follow him.”

  “Is it not too early to be thinking of that?” Joanna teased, nudging her sister. “You have only just managed this one.”

  “Still,” Esther said, giving her a hopeful gaze.

  Joanna smiled, though in her heart she was conflicted. “Perhaps it may be so. Though I think you will need me sooner than the Hardwickes are done with my services. So long as I remain the governess they desire me to b
e.”

  “Oh, I have no doubts on that count,” Esther said, returning her attention to baby Charles. “From what you tell me, I believe the Earl is quite taken with you. Perhaps we might even hear wedding bells there.”

  “Esther!” Joanna exclaimed, standing up. She was scandalised, and she felt her face growing hot. “Do not jest about such things. How can you bring my reputation into question so?”

  “I meant nothing by it,” Esther said, taken aback. “Are you really so nettled? I only observed that he seems to trust in your work. There was the matter of the ball, too.”

  “The Earl was kind enough to dance with me at the ball because I was a pitiful, lonely figure,” Joanna said, tears pricking at her eyelids. “That was all. It is cruel of you to make such a remark. I will not be accused of bringing that house into disrepute.”

  “I meant nothing by it,” Esther repeated, quietly.

  There was silence between them for a moment, but Joanna felt her temper cooling rapidly.

  She had no desire to nurture ill will against her sister, and besides, it had been a tiring week. Some leeway was certainly required.

  “Are you going to be well, without my help?” Joanna asked.

  “Oh, sweet sister, I am quite myself again,” Esther smiled. “Though I am still weary, I think myself capable. I shall miss you much. Are you sure you cannot stay longer?”

  “The trip was unplanned,” Joanna said sadly. “It would be unfair to leave them without me for too long. Lord Kelt has a broken arm, and I was acting as his secretary while he was bound to stay at home. I am neglecting two duties, now. Alas that I cannot be both there and here at once. My heart is torn, believe me, but I feel it is the right thing to do.”

  “Could you not write to the Earl?” Esther pressed. “Ask him for an extension of your time? Do you think he would refuse it?”

  “He would grant it if I asked,” Joanna told her, shaking her head gently. “And that is why I cannot. A good nature is not to be abused.”

  “Then come here, sister,” Esther said, holding out her arms once more. She clasped Joanna close, kissing her warmly. “I wish you a good journey. Your help has been so appreciated here. You will write to me as soon as you return?”

  “As soon as I return,” Joanna promised, planting a small kiss on baby Charles’ head before stepping back.

  Chapter 23

  It was with some surprise that Edmund saw Miss Warrick alighting from a coach in front of his home when he glanced out of an upstairs window.

  There had been no advance notice of her arrival, and he would have sent the family carriage to pick her up if he had known.

  Still, it was not without a rush of happiness that he saw her stepping down from the coach and handing her bag to Jenkins.

  Her presence had been much missed, and not just for the children. Amy and Samuel had been nigh-on dejected that she had been unable to bid them a farewell, and Edmund himself had been wishing for her help daily with his correspondence.

  As it turned out, Jenkins had been fairly well capable of dealing with urgent letters when they came up. A man from the office had also come out one day last week to spend a full day going over important contracts and other new documents that could not wait.

  But still, Edmund had deferred as much as possible, leaving the letters untouched on his desk.

  In the end, he had even had to send Jenkins away. The man had been getting altogether too competent, and Edmund had even worried that all of the letters would be dealt with and done. He invented some pressing need to see all of the family silverware polished and laid out in order to distract the man.

  If he was being truly honest with himself, he might have admitted that he wanted Miss Warrick to deal with the letters personally.

  If he had been even more honest, he might even had been able to admit that the letters were no more than a pretext, and that in fact it was her company that he desired.

  Still, it was a matter of stubborn pride for Edmund that, on this occasion at least, he was not at all prepared to be honest with himself.

  “Miss Warrick,” he said, greeting her as he came down the stairs into the main hall.

  She had just arrived and was in the process of taking off her bonnet. She looked a little weary from the road, though not at all unwell. In fact, her cheeks had something of a flush of health about them.

  “Lord Kelt,” Miss Warrick smiled. “I am returned.”

  There was a squeeze in his chest at that smile. He had not dared to examine closely how much he had missed it in the days since her departure. “All is well?” he asked.

  “Both mother and child,” Miss Warrick nodded. “They had a healthy baby boy. Small, but they say he is a fighter. My sister is very happy.”

  “I am glad to hear it,” Edmund said, somewhat surprised to find that he did indeed mean it.

  Normally in these situations he would make small talk only, but it brought him pleasure to know that Miss Warrick’s family were safe. What strange new things he was always finding out about himself since he had hired this governess.

  Miss Warrick tucked her bonnet under her arm and looked up at the clock in the hall. It was the late afternoon already, and she chewed her lip for a moment as if thinking.

  “I can be ready to assist you in perhaps twenty minutes if you require some letters writing today, my lord,” she said.

  Edmund was a little startled, but pleased that she was so eager to return to work.

  “If you are weary from your travels, there is no need,” he said. “Though I would be grateful of the help.”

  Miss Warrick nodded, smiling again. “Then I shall be in your office anon.”

  Edmund watched her go up the stairs with a kind of amazement. How was it that she could return from such a momentous trip and yet make herself useful again almost instantly?

  He admired her work ethic greatly, being a man who saw no sense in resting himself.

  He waited for her in the office, sitting in the chair away from the desk as was their habit.

  There had been a momentary lapse in which he made to sit at the desk himself, as he had done in her absence, before he remembered to keep up the pretence. He had deliberately stacked up a large pile of letters which required answers, to give her the immediate impression that there was much work to be done.

  “Goodness,” she said, as she came to sit before the desk, fully changed out of her travelling clothes. “It appears there is not a moment to lose. I am quite sorry to have left you with so much to work through.”

  “Not at all,” Edmund said, waving his good hand dismissively. He admired how fresh she appeared, with something so simple as a change of clothes.

  “It was not your fault. I was simply unable to achieve much without the use of your hand in place of mine. We must just press on as the circumstances dictate.”

  “And speaking of dictating,” Miss Warrick said with a smile, “I have here at the top of my pile a missive from Sir Gregory. Would you like me to take down a response?”

  Edmund nodded and began to dictate his answers to her, and they settled quickly back into working as they had become used to.

  Within just the space of a few letters it was as if they had never been apart. Everything felt comfortable again, and wholesome, just the way that it was intended to be.

  “Now, tell me about your sister,” Edmund said, standing and stretching his legs as Miss Warrick finished stamping the day’s letters with his seal. They were not done with the pile, but the dinner bell was ringing, and he had announced their work finished for the day.

  “She is the Lady Castleford, is that not correct?”

  “Yes, my lord,” Miss Warrick told him. “Her husband, Lord Castleford, is just as happy as she with the baby’s arrival. He has his first heir. He is such a charming man. I believe he dotes on my sister completely.”

  “I see,” Edmund nodded, feeling a pang of something deep within his chest.

  What was that twinge he felt? Something
like… jealousy? Surely it could not be.

  “And are they settled in a fine home?”

  “Oh, yes, very fine,” Miss Warrick said. “Of course, it is nothing like your home here, my lord. It is quite considerably smaller, and the grounds are encompassed only in what the eye can see.”

  “Very good,” Edmund nodded, feeling a little more satisfied.

  There, see? The couple lived on a smaller estate and could not possibly be one half as wealthy as the Hardwickes. They had no Earldom, either.

  There was no possible reason for him to harbour any feelings of jealousy towards them, no matter their circumstances.