The Desert Rose

by Larry McMurtry

  “Please stop talking about the end, even if it’s broken you’re not gonna die,” Harmony said, “Besides, they have real light casts nowadays, remember when Jennie broke her wrist?”

  “I mean the end of my career,” Jessie said. “If it’s broken Bonventre will never let me come back, he thinks I’m too old anyway.”

  Harmony started to point out that after all Jessie was nearly three years younger than she was, but then she didn’t say it. In fact, Jessie looked at least as old, probably from worrying constantly about everything. Only the fact that she was basically a very beautiful woman was in her favor, certainly her attitude wasn’t in her favor. Even so Jessie was thirty-six and there was no point in getting into one of those how-long-can-I-last discussions with her, those discussions went on practically constantly in the dressing room anyway. She herself tuned them out whenever possible. It was Didier who pointed out to her right away when she was practically the youngest girl in town that you either have to die young or else get old. He said just take first-rate care of yourself, and that means mentally too, and don’t worry all night and that’s all you can do. Everybody in the business was aware that even the best bodies got a little less good eventually, though it was certainly a sad thought, it meant you had to quit sometime. Whenever those discussions came up Harmony would just sort of give them a pass, she would go down to the keno bar or else put in her earplugs and take a nap. She was grateful for the invention of earplugs, since it meant you got to miss a lot of conversations of an upsetting nature. She didn’t like to invite bad thoughts into her mind. Who cares if they’re true, it doesn’t help you to think about them.

  The difference between her and Jessie was that she gave the age question a pass, or at least she usually did, once in a while in low moods or if Denny acted like she was a grandmother just because she didn’t want to do something or other he had in mind the age issue might get into her mind without being invited, she might have to go sit with the peacocks for a while until she felt happier, but it wasn’t like she marked the calendar every day or anything. Half the time she would forget her own birthday unless Ross or one of her aunts or somebody sent a card.

  Still, it was very hard to argue with Jessie about age, Harmony just sat and held her hand. Then one of the young guys on the ambulance got bored and decided to come back for a chat. It was probably not every night he got to haul two showgirls around. He was sort of fat and had a jolly grin, his name was Jerry and he told them about various disasters he had been to the scene of. He said he had grown up in Barstow and had started being an ambulance driver when he was still in high school. He told them about one particularly horrible car wreck in which a person had been totally decapitated, the head was never found, he made such a good story of it that it took Jessie’s mind off the end of her career for a few seconds at least.

  Meanwhile they were just driving slowly up the Strip, the driver didn’t seem to be in any hurry. Harmony could see out the back window, lots of couples were strolling along enjoying the pretty night. She sort of felt a pang, it would be nice to be part of a couple, at least have someone to hold hands with if you were taking a walk. Of course she had been part of a couple quite a few times, it was not as if she had lived like an old maid, it was just that the guys kept slipping on by—the day would come when there would be nobody in bed, or even to hold hands with on a walk if it was a nice night.

  “If they give me ether will you call Monroe? Nobody did,” Jessie said.

  “Why would they give you ether, it’s just your ankle?” Harmony asked. One of Jessie’s problems was that she had never gotten over having her tonsils out, it had been a difficult tonsillectomy, she had had to have ether twice and it left her with a horror of things put over her nose.

  “Now don’t you worry, pretty soon they’ll have artificial ankles anyway,” Jerry said. He said it was amazing what they could do with plastics, one woman who had been in a disaster he had handled even had a plastic hip. Jerry said he subscribed to a magazine that was totally devoted to artificial limbs and organs and stuff, he said he liked to keep up with recent advances, sometimes it was a comfort to people who had just been mangled if the ambulance driver could inform them that it didn’t mean the end of their life just because they lost a limb or had an organ a little damaged, they really could do amazing things with plastics. Harmony began to sort of wish Jerry hadn’t bothered to come back. Not only was he not making Jessie feel any better he wasn’t improving her mood either, plus it was clear he was a guy who was easily turned on. Harmony decided he was about to ask one or both of them for a date, he definitely had that look but luckily they got to the hospital before it could happen. Jessie was worried too, after all Jerry was sitting right there over her and she just had on her bathrobe over her G-string. It was sort of close quarters in the ambulance and Harmony decided she had been wrong about Jerry being likable.

  The funny part was that Gary was already there, he had just hopped in his car and beaten the ambulance. Of course he had lived in Las Vegas for a long time and knew every possible shortcut. Gary would even cut through parking garages if he was in a hurry, he knew most of the attendants, so they let him. Anyway, he was there, having an argument with a hospital security guard because he had parked in the emergency driveway that was supposed to be just for ambulances. He was looking frantic, which didn’t impress the security guard, Gary finally had to move his car. The fact that he had beaten the ambulance upset him a good deal. He was trying to convince the guard the ambulance had had a wreck or something when they finally drove up, at which point Jerry sort of calmed down and helped get Jessie out.

  Harmony was hoping they had seen the last of him but it wasn’t true. He caught her by the pay phone in the hospital hall and asked her if she’d like to go out but Harmony definitely wasn’t interested, she just told him she was married, which was actually true but not the real reason. Jerry was impressing her more and more as being a sicko. He tried to be a good sport though and offered to loan her an issue of the magazine about artificial limbs, he seemed to think that might be good for her morale but she just said no thank you, I’ve got to make a call, and he finally left.

  Then she couldn’t get Monroe, the muffler shop was closed and he was nowhere to be found. Gary was of the opinion that Monroe might have another girlfriend—he whispered the suspicion while Jessie was being X-rayed.

  “I don’t know, Gary, it’s a surprise to me he could even get one,” Harmony said. She meant it, Monroe was no great looker. It seemed to her he had only got Jessie because she happened to be on the rebound from a man named Rupert who had stolen practically every piece of jewelry she owned to get more money to lose at blackjack. Rupert had a bad blackjack habit and he had never been that kind to Jessie, even before he started stealing. He was one of the reasons Jessie had been understanding about Denny stealing the insurance check. She knew how it was to love a man who didn’t hesitate just to take things when he needed money.

  Finally while they were sitting in some chairs in the hospital hall wondering what the story was with Monroe the doctor came out and delivered the worst possible news: Jessie’s ankle had been shattered, he used the word three or four times. It immediately made Harmony cry to think of Jessie’s ankle shattering—shattering was like what happened when you broke a glass. It was really upsetting. Gary cried a little too and looked like he might be about to get sick to his stomach.

  He said well, what do we do now, and the doctor said there was not much to be done until morning. They were going to give Jessie a sedative so she could sleep and then in the morning they’d operate and try and put her ankle back together. That was as far ahead as he could predict it except it was definite Jessie would have to stay in the hospital for a while, maybe she’d be in traction or maybe not but she was definitely going to have to keep still until the ankle got a chance to heal.

  Of course it was terrible news, Jessie would just lie there and cry the whole time, she’d probably drown herself crying if they
didn’t watch her.

  “She doesn’t respond to adversity very well,” Gary said, putting it mildly in Harmony’s opinion.

  Fortunately though Jessie had already had her sedative and was a little groggy, she sort of dozed off while they were getting her room ready. The best they could do was semiprivate but it was not too bad, the other patient was an old woman who had had her vocal cords removed, at least that was what the nurse said, the old woman herself was sound asleep. Once in a while Jessie woke up but she was too groggy to cry. Her main concern was Francois who was picky about what he ate, not that Harmony didn’t know that already, she had to promise several times to stop by the all-night Safeway and buy him some dog food with a liver flavor. Jessie had not planned on shattering her ankle and there was nothing in the house but dry dog food which Francois probably wouldn’t eat even if it meant starving.

  “As soon as you get out you’re moving into my house, you can help Myrtle with her garage sales,” Harmony said. “Maybe if she had some company she wouldn’t drink all day.”

  Jessie seemed pleased to have that to look forward to, she seemed to have forgotten Monroe. Her only comment was that she didn’t know if Francois could get along with Maude or the peacocks. He was not used to rivals, if they didn’t like him he would be at a disadvantage because he was so small. Harmony kept telling her not to worry, though she was getting worried herself that Gary was never going to come back, he had gone down to the business office to make financial arrangements, naturally Jessie didn’t have any insurance.

  When Gary finally did come back Jessie was asleep. The hospital had given him a bad time because of Jessie’s lack of insurance. It was hard to know what to do about Jessie, neither of them wanted her to wake up alone and be scared, but on the other hand they didn’t want to sit around the hospital all night, either. The nurse said oh, go on, she’ll probably sleep, so they did. It was not that far to Debbie’s and Marty’s and they both felt they could use a drink so they went and had a few. Harmony had five or six vodka tonics but they weren’t having much effect, she was wound too tight or something, plus Gary sort of made her nervous by running off to the pay phone every five minutes to call Monroe. He was becoming obsessed with Monroe, every time he didn’t get him he looked a little more strung out.

  “Gary, it doesn’t matter, I’ll stay at the hospital,” Harmony said. “I’m not sleepy anyway.”

  “No, I better do that,” Gary said. “You go get the dog food, you make her nervous anyway.”

  Harmony thought that was an unnecessary remark, though it was true she and Jessie sometimes had little spats, mainly it was due to the fact that Jessie was such an indecisive dresser. She would change clothes five or six times before going out on the simplest date, even to eat pizza she would change a time or two and Harmony sometimes got impatient and made a comment, she didn’t see the point in spending hours watching Jessie change clothes. Over the years Jessie had gotten defensive about it and if she was getting her period or something she might get angry and make a comment back, but it wasn’t serious, it was just a spat once in awhile it didn’t mean Jessie wouldn’t want her to stay at the hospital.

  Of course Gary soon realized he shouldn’t have said it. He apologized nicely and said the truth was he hated Francois and didn’t trust himself to feed the little idiot, he might lose control and strangle him which would disturb Jessie worse than breaking her ankle.

  Harmony could understand that, she said okay and dropped Gary off at the hospital and then went to the Safeway and got the dog food with the liver flavor, which Francois proceeded to ignore, he was annoyed that it was Harmony rather than Jessie and wouldn’t even get off the bed.

  Harmony gathered up a few things that Jessie had requested, just some gowns and her bathrobe and some paperbacks. Jessie was a big reader of teen romances, she had admitted to Harmony several times that she fantasized being a teen again and having a wonderful teen romance like those described in the books. She also admitted that nothing very wonderful had happened when she had been a teen. She had kind of got off to a low-grade start, her hometown of Chico, California, had not been exactly full of wonderful guys. Jessie seemed to feel that if she could have got off to a better start she wouldn’t have ended up such a worrier, but Harmony was doubtful, Jessie just basically had a worried outlook.

  She herself had not had such overwhelming teen romances, either. In fact her first serious boyfriend, a banker’s son named Teddy, had tried three nights in a row to make her not a virgin, with no success. He finally suggested she ought to see a doctor, he couldn’t face any more failures and had read in some sex book that doctors sometimes had to help out a little. She refused of course but it didn’t constitute such a great start where romance was concerned. Still, it hadn’t made her a worrier, like Jessie.

  While she was packing the gown and the books the long-lost Monroe walked in, so greasy that he looked like he must have fallen in a hole full of oil. The sight of him explained why Jessie’s bathroom was full of heavy-duty soap.

  “Oh, Monroe, where have you been, Jessie’s disc broke and she shattered her ankle,” Harmony said. Normally she would have hugged him at such a time but she had an aversion to grease and didn’t quite get around to the hug. Francois didn’t help matters, evidently he hated Monroe, he came running in from the bedroom snarling, which was ridiculous, one kick and he would have been dead.

  It turned out Monroe hadn’t been lost, he had just been under a truck that had broken down on the freeway. He seemed tired and kept yawning, despite being upset that Jessie was hurt. He sat down on the couch and looked like he was either going to cry or go right to sleep. The most off-putting thing about him from Harmony’s point of view was that he had so much oil and grease packed under his fingernails that they looked like they could never be cleaned, and they never were cleaned. Even when Monroe showered with the heavy-duty soap and made himself presentable his fingernails were still totally black underneath. Probably they had been that way for so long he had forgotten they were supposed to be cleaned once in a while. Sometimes on Sunday Monroe made an effort and took Jessie to a nice restaurant, often Harmony went along and she always found the fact that Monroe hadn’t managed to clean his fingernails very noticeable, though Jessie didn’t seem to notice it, which was odd, after all Jessie could easily spend a whole afternoon just changing clothes and redoing her makeup.

  “That woman’s accident-prone,” Monroe said, after a yawn. He wouldn’t have been so terrible-looking, except that his nose was totally flat. Gary once said it looked like someone had dropped a car on it, which could have happened, Monroe spent a lot of time under cars. Also he had a purple birthmark on one side of his neck, it always seemed to be the side Harmony was looking at him from. She knew looks weren’t everything, she had had some strange-looking guys herself, she guessed, guys with plenty of defects but usually a little more appealing than Monroe. The fingernails were a real downer in her book.

  “She was worried we couldn’t find you,” Harmony said.

  “Well, I’ll marry her, I been trying to anyway,” Monroe said, as if that were the only possible solution now that Jessie had shattered her ankle. Harmony didn’t know about that, it seemed to her Jessie ought to come and recuperate at her house and keep her options open a little longer, anyway Myrtle would enjoy the company.

  When she got back to the hospital Gary said Jessie hadn’t even blinked. He was exhausted from worrying so much and said maybe they should go to his house and get a little sleep. That was fine with her, she often slept in Gary’s guest room if there was a party or something. But when they got to his house she didn’t feel sleepy. Gary said fine, you can borrow the car if you want to go home and change or something, but one of them definitely had to get back to the hospital before Jessie went in for her operation.

  She thought maybe she’d go home, but once she got in the car she didn’t feel like it, she was in sort of an unusual mood, she felt like a little company and it was still too early
even for Myrtle to be up so if she went home she wouldn’t get any and she didn’t feel like just putting on her sleep goggles and lying there. If she did that she would just start thinking about Denny. It was the most in love she had been for a long time, it was just too bad he didn’t love her too. He had seemed to at first but maybe she had been imagining things. Myrtle said she ought to train herself. When he first took off she thought about him nearly every minute of the day or for maybe the first week.

  She started to go back to Debbie’s and Marty’s but then if nobody was there to talk to she’d just stuff herself with peanuts or drink too much. What she did instead was drive back to the Stardust. She started feeling very lonely and wanted to stop the feeling, it was a feeling of suddenly not having one single person available who cared that much about her. Of course Gary did but he had just gone to sleep and wasn’t available.

  It was late, there were very few people walking on the Strip, which didn’t help her lonely feeling. She thought of stopping at the Amoco station and having a chat with Wendell but Gary’s car was full of gas and that ruled that out. At least the casino was still buzzing, the town wasn’t as deserted as it looked from outside.

  It occurred to her that there wasn’t much point in keeping Dave on hold too much longer, Denny was not going to suddenly show up and be nice, she might as well go on and give up, it was sort of unfair to keep Dave waiting. At least he didn’t strike her as the kind of man who would steal somebody’s insurance check. Luckily Dave was still there, he was off in about twenty minutes, he sort of looked slightly taken aback when she showed up and asked him if he wanted to go eat breakfast or something, obviously he had not expected to get taken off hold so quickly but once he got used to the idea he was willing. He said he’d meet her at the keno bar, so Harmony went and sat at the bar right by the cash register and had a word or two with Leon, the main bartender. She also had another vodka tonic or two, hoping they would have an effect on her lonely feeling but they didn’t, they just went down like water.