by Nikki Rose
I couldn’t help but laugh. “No, he’s a friend.”
“Oh, okay.”
I smiled and took his advice. I slowed down and focused on taking a few deep breaths, just in time for the test to be passed out.
I took one question at a time, just like Anthony had told me to do. He’d said that when he was working on a mission, sometimes he had to focus just on the task at hand to keep himself from getting overwhelmed. He’d told me to focus only on the problem in front of me—to do the best I could, not to second-guess myself, trust my gut and move on to the next. I missed Anthony so much. My mind kept drifting off to him—him wrapping his arms around me, him softly kissing me. God, I missed him so much it hurt. What would I do if I lost him? There was an alert letting us know we were close to running out of time. Shit. I had a lot of questions left. If I left an answer blank, I was sure to miss it. If I at least tried, I’d have a chance. There was definitely no time to second-guess myself now.
I flew through the questions, taking the time to consider each one, but I forced myself to trust my gut response. Before I knew it, I turned the page to the end of the test. I let out a heavy breath and sagged into my seat.
“Pencils down, everyone,” the instructor announced.
We all turned in the tests and filed out of the room. I walked quickly, eager to reach Dante and go home, but the same guy who’d sat beside me during the test jogged up.
“Hey, I know this is a little crazy, but do you want to get a cup of coffee or grab some lunch? I just wanna unwind after that test.”
“Thanks, but I have someone waiting for me.” I motioned toward Dante, who was waiting in the SUV across the street.
“Oh, my bad. I should have realized you’d be taken.”
“Oh, I’m not—I mean, we’re not. He’s my driver, but—”
“So, you are single?”
“No, I’m seeing someone.”
“Someone serious?”
“I’m afraid so. Sorry.”
“Damn. Okay, well, can’t blame a guy for trying.” He chuckled, but I could see the disappointment on his face as he turned to walk away before I walked to the SUV.
“Everything go okay?” Dante asked as I slid into the back seat.
“I think so.”
“Good. I knew you’d do well.”
“I haven’t gotten my results yet. Time will tell.”
“Where to now, Ms. Dae?”
“Back to the apartment. I think I need a nap before Belle gets out of school.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Dante pulled out into traffic in the direction of the apartment. “You asked me to remind you about your dinner with Tony and Liz this evening.”
“Oh right, thank you.”
Once I was back at the apartment, I changed clothes and flopped down onto my bed. The moment my head hit the pillow, I was out. I was exhausted, not only from the lack of sleep the night before but also from the stress of that test. It would be nice to relax with Tony and Liz at dinner, but I wished Anthony could be there with us.
Chapter Six
Rachel
It had been the longest three weeks of my life. It was obvious that even Anthony’s parents were getting worried. They’d invited Belle and me over for dinner—no doubt to check on us. We’d been staying in the apartment most of the time, so I thought it would do us both some good to get out and be somewhere else for a little while. I felt out of place standing there at the front door, holding Belle’s hand, waiting for an answer, all without Anthony.
“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite girls in the whole world.” Liz met us at the door with open arms. She wrapped us in a warm hug and I couldn’t help but soak in the comfort she offered.
“Liz, it’s so good to see you.”
“You too. How are you holding up?”
“I’m okay.” I lowered my voice. “I’m just ready for him to be home—or at least to hear from him.”
“I know, sweetie. I’m sure as soon as he can, he’ll call. Come on inside. Tony was just picking out a bottle of wine. I made a pot roast.”
“That sounds great.”
Near the end of dinner, Tony left the table to take a call on his cell, which was unusual for him. When he returned to the table I could tell something was wrong, but he wouldn’t say what, even when we tried to get him to answer our questions.
After dinner, we all went into the living room to chat while Belle played with Playdough on the coffee table. That was when Tony finally filled us in on what was going on.
“That phone call earlier was about Anthony. It was his director. Apparently, the team split up into two groups to try to surround some hostiles. Anthony’s team never made it to the rendezvous point.”
The blood drained from my face and it felt like the couch shifted beneath me. I couldn’t even take time to be mad that the director hadn’t called me. “What does that mean? They’ve found them now though, right? They found them and Anthony is okay?”
Tony put his hand on top of mine. “The other team circled back to try to find them. A few of the men were dead. It looked like an ambush of some kind.”
Tears stung my eyes and I couldn’t breathe. “And Anthony?” I was almost too afraid to hear the answer.
“He and a few others haven’t been found. They aren’t sure if they were taken hostage, injured, or—” His voice caught and that was all I could handle. Tears poured down my cheeks and a sob escaped me.
“He’s going to be okay,” Liz said as she wiped at a couple stray tears. “He has to be.”
“Rachel, why are you and Gramma crying?” Belle had noticed us now and I didn’t know what to say.
“We’re just crying because we miss Daddy,” Liz answered.
“I do too, but we always get to go for ice cream when he comes back.” Her bright little smile warmed my heart while twisting a knife in my chest at the same time.
What if Anthony is gone? What if we never get to go out for their traditional return ice cream? Panic rose up inside me. A second later it was bile that rose up in my throat. I jolted from the couch and ran to the bathroom to throw up.
I sat on the cool tile floor with my knees pulled up to my chest. My stomach still rolled and twisted. I didn’t want to go back out there yet. There was a soft knock. I struggled to pull myself together as Liz’s voice drifted past the door.
“Rachel? Honey, are you all right?”
“I’m fine. I just let myself get too worked up,” I answered as she slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside.
“I understand. We just have to have faith that he will be okay and come home soon. Why don’t you two stay the night? Belle has her own bed here and you can stay in Anthony’s old room.”
“You’re sure it’s not an inconvenience?”
“Nonsense. It will be good to have you two close while we all get through this together. And when Anthony gets back, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind about truly retiring from this business he’s in. It is far too dangerous, and my poor heart just can’t handle this anymore.”
“I second that,” I said with a weak smile.
Liz helped me up and walked me to Anthony’s childhood bedroom. She gave me a long sleep shirt and offered to put Belle to bed for me. It felt weird being in Anthony’s old room. I hadn’t been in there in years. Back then it was rare to get a glimpse into his personal space. I remembered feeling giddy the couple of times I got to have a look into where he lived.
I went to bed early that night, right after I let Dante know that I was staying over and he was off the clock for the night. The stress of everything was really wearing on me. I could barely keep my eyes open. I covered up and hugged Anthony’s pillow while I cried myself to sleep. I had no idea what I would do if he didn’t come back.
* * * *
I would have thought getting a good night’s sleep would have helped me, but I woke up feeling just as sick as the night before and so tired it was like I hadn’t slept at all.
“Maybe
you’re coming down with a stomach bug?” Liz said as she placed a cool rag on my forehead. “All this stress can lower your immune system. We can keep an eye on Belle while you focus on resting and getting better.”
“Thank you so much, Liz.”
“Oh, it’s my pleasure. Do you need some ginger ale, crackers, soup? I heard you throwing up again today. Poor thing, you must feel awful.”
“I think I’d just like to sleep for a bit, if that’s okay?”
“Of course. You get some rest.”
Liz left me alone in the room again. I drifted off quickly and fell into a dreamless sleep. As much as I was worried in my waking life, it was a nice break to think of nothing for just a little while.
I woke up to Belle giggling down the hall, followed by the sound of someone blowing raspberries. Her laugh made me chuckle to myself. I felt slightly better after my nap, but I wasn’t sure if I had caught a stomach bug or if worry was to blame.
I climbed out of bed and slipped on the robe Liz had loaned me before following the giggling to Belle’s room. I leaned on the door jamb and watched Tony tickling Belle and blowing raspberries on her stomach. He stopped when he caught a glimpse of me.
“Well, look who’s up. How are you feeling?”
“A little better, though I still feel like I could sleep for another week.”
“You just do what you need to do. You’re no good to anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself too.”
“Oh, there you are. I was just heading into the room to check on you.” Liz’s voice came from behind me. “It’s good to see you up and about.”
“She’s still feeling tired,” Tony added.
“Have you decided to stay here until Anthony returns?”
“It does get a little lonely being in that apartment without Anthony. You’re sure you wouldn’t mind us being here?”
“Not at all. Please, I insist.”
“Okay, I need to go back to the apartment to pick up a few things.”
“Tony can take you while I stay here with Belle.”
“That’s very kind, but Anthony insisted I only leave the house with Dante until the security stuff is under control.”
“Oh yes, we know all about that. Anthony tried to have both of us followed around, but we told him ‘no way’.” She chuckled. “We did agree to having patrol come around the house every so often as a compromise.”
“I think I’m going to take a shower after I call Dante, if that’s okay.”
“Of course. There are extra towels in the linen closet and no one uses the guest bathroom except you and Belle, so please don’t worry about asking if it’s okay. We want you to make yourself at home. That reminds me… I washed your clothes while you were sleeping, so they’ll be clean for you after your shower.”
“You are going to spoil me.” I smiled at her and she beamed back.
I headed back into Anthony’s old room to call Dante.
“Ms. Dae,” Dante answered.
“Hi, Dante. I really do wish you’d call me Rachel.”
“Perhaps one day, ma’am.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “I was needing to go back to the apartment and gather a few things. Belle and I have decided to stay here until we get more word on Anthony.”
“Yes, ma’am. I take it you heard the latest news then?”
“Yes, we did,” my voice cracked.
“He’ll be just fine, ma’am. Anthony’s a tough soldier and a great leader. He’s been in worse scrapes than this.”
“Yeah…” I sighed.
“When would you like for me to pick you up?”
“I need to take a shower, then I should be ready to go, so maybe give me a half-hour before heading over?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Also, could you let Em know where we will be staying for now so she knows where to get Belle for school on Monday?”
“Absolutely.”
“Thank you, Dante,” I said before ending the call.
After my shower, I felt much better, though the thought of Anthony being in danger still left a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Ms. Dae,” Dante greeted me as he opened the back door of the SUV.
“Hi, Dante. Sorry I kept you waiting. You’re a little early.” I slid into the soft leather seat.
“I left in half an hour like you instructed. Did I come too early? I can wait if you aren’t ready. “
I looked at the time on my phone. “How’d you get here in only five minutes?”
“I stayed in the motel down the road. I wanted to stay close in case you needed me.”
“Aww, Dante, you don’t have to do that.”
“It’s my job, ma’am. Besides, Anthony is family. I’d do it for free if needed.” He pulled out of the drive and headed off to the apartment.
“I think it’s great that the agency has that strong of a brotherhood that you all see yourself as family.”
“Well, actually”—he paused, glancing at me in the rearview mirror—“Anthony’s my cousin.”
“Your cousin?” I couldn’t believe it. I wondered why they hadn’t told me before.
“Yes, ma’am. Anthony and I keep that low-key around the agency.”
“I see. So, I’m guessing you are his cousin on Tony’s side?”
“Yes, ma’am. Uncle Tony and my pop are brothers.”
“It’s so good to meet more of Anthony’s family.” I smiled at him when he glanced in the rearview mirror again.
“It’s good to see you two finally ended up together.”
“Yes, it… Finally?”
“Yes, ma’am. I always knew he had a thing for you, always bringing you up every chance he could.” He rolled his eyes dramatically in the rearview mirror and chuckled. It was nice to see this new side of Dante.
The drive to the apartment didn’t take long at all. Dante walked me in and I packed a bag for myself and one for Belle. Dante insisted he carry them both down to the car and we were on our way back just as quickly as we’d arrived.
When we pulled up at the house again, my dad was outside talking with Tony. It was like a glimpse of the past. When I’d lived at home, they were always out there talking golf or something. The look on their faces told me it wasn’t golf they were discussing. I was sure Tony was telling my dad about Anthony.
Dante insisted on carrying in my bags. I would have argued, but he said he wanted to check in on Liz anyway. That left me free to talk with my dad and Tony.
“Hey, honey,” my dad said as he wrapped me in a hug. This new dynamic between us was easier to get used to than I’d expected.
“Hi, Dad.”
“You get everything you need?” Tony smiled at me.
“Yeah.”
“Tony says you’re going to be staying with them for a little while until you hear more from Anthony. You know you could have stayed with me if you didn’t want to be alone.”
“I know, Dad, and thank you. It’s probably easier with Belle to stay with Tony and Liz though, since she’s used to it.”
My dad nodded but still looked at me with concern. “Tony mentioned you weren’t feeling well. You doing better now?”
“Yeah, I think I just got upset over things with Anthony is all.”
“Your dad’s gonna join us tomorrow night for dinner. We’re going to cook out some steaks like the old days,” Tony added.
“That sounds great.”
“Liz is making an amazing taco casserole tonight. It’s a newer recipe.”
I loved tacos, so that should have sounded great, but apparently, my stomach had other ideas. It rolled at the thought.
“Great.” I forced a smile. “I’m going to head on in. I’m still not feeling one hundred percent, so I want to take it easy.”
“Good idea. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay, Dad.”
We hugged again and I headed into the house and into the kitchen. Big mistake. The smell of tacos filled the space. A smell that used to
make my mouth water instead made me run to the bathroom to throw up again.
I sat on the floor and held my head in my hands when Liz softly pushed the door open. “Rachel, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately.”
Liz looked down at me with pity—or maybe concern. I wasn’t sure which. She stepped inside and closed the door before sitting on the floor next to me.
“I don’t mean to pry, but…could you be pregnant?”
“Pregnant? No, there’s no way. Anthony and I are always…” I faded off as memories of that night in the shower flashed in my mind.
“Rachel? You look a bit pale.”
“Oh my God.” I dropped my head back down into my hands and felt Liz softly rubbing my back.
“So, there is the possibility then?”
“Only once. We were always so careful, except for…” This was too weird a conversation to be having with Anthony’s mom.
“Would you like for me to take you to the doctor tomorrow and have them run a test? Or maybe you’d prefer to have Sarah go with you?”
Sarah. I hadn’t talked to her in a couple of days. At that moment I wanted to talk to her more than anything.
“Would it be a problem to have Sarah come over tonight? I haven’t seen her in a few days and I think it might do me some good to have her company.”
“Oh, of course, it’s not a problem. We love having people around. It’s just too quiet here most of the time. Besides, Sarah is such a hoot.”
That she was. I called Sarah and told her my suspicions. She was over in less than an hour with one of those early home pregnancy tests. We sat on Anthony’s old childhood bed and stared down at the little stick in my hand, waiting for it to tell me my future like it was one of those Magic 8-Balls or something.
“I don’t think you have to stare at it for the whole three minutes,” Sarah teased.
“Oh, Sarah… What if I’m pregnant?”
“What if you are?”
“Having a baby is a huge deal. It’s not something you should go into lightly.”
“Do you want kids?”
“Yes.”
“With Anthony?”
“Yes, of course. I mean…we haven’t talked about it, but I love him and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.”
