by Nikki Rose
The advice helped, but Sarah insisted I keep her on the phone until I got to her apartment.
“I’m here.”
“Okay, I’m coming down to carry your bag.”
My chest tightened until I could barely breathe. I was so lost in my own head that the sound of knocking on my window made me jump.
“Geez, Sarah, you scared me half to death.”
“Sorry… Unlock the door so I can grab your bag. I’ve already got movies lined up and I’m ready to raid my emergency stash of comfort foods.”
“Thanks, Sarah,” I unlocked the doors and got out while she grabbed my bag from the back. “I kind of just want to go to sleep, if you wouldn’t be too disappointed.”
“Of course not. You need your rest—” Sarah grabbed my arm and motioned behind me. “I think we’re being watched.”
A chill rushed through me as I turned to see a dark sedan with tinted windows sitting across the street from Sarah’s apartment. “I can’t see anything.”
“The window just rolled up before you looked. Someone’s in there.”
“Maybe we’re becoming paranoid after everything we’ve been through.”
“Maybe… All I know is we have reason to be paranoid. Oh, they’re opening the door.”
I turned quickly to catch a large man dressed in a black suit climbing out of the car. Dante.
He knew I’d seen him. He gave me a guilty smile as he crossed the road to us.
“Evening, Ms. Dae.”
“Dante.” I crossed my arms, trying to seem strong, and looked up at him. “Did Anthony send you?”
“Yes, ma’am. He was worried, so he asked me to keep an eye on you.”
“Funny how he’s concerned with me now. Where was that concern earlier this evening when he was off at that motel with another woman?”
“What?” Sarah gasped.
Dante looked shocked and I instantly regretted letting that piece of information slip. “Never mind. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t involve you. You’re just trying to do your job.”
His professional mask fell away at that. “Anthony just told me you two had an argument and that you left. He told me to keep an eye on you and report back to him. Are you sure that’s what happened? That doesn’t sound like him.”
“I’m sure. Photographs don’t lie, but as I’ve now learned…people do. You can tell him I made it here safely, so you’ve done your part.”
Dante glanced at the car then back at me.
“He expects you to stay and watch me all night, doesn’t he?”
Dante nodded and I sighed. Anthony was being too overprotective, which only made me angry. “Do what you need to do to not get in trouble.”
“Thank you, Ms. Dae.”
“Just know I’m not happy about him ordering you to watch me all night.”
“Noted, ma’am.” He turned to walk back to his car. I couldn’t help but feel bad for taking my aggravation out on him. I called out to him as he crossed the street. “And call me Rachel.”
He smiled and climbed back into his car while Sarah and I headed up to her apartment.
Sarah didn’t have a guest bedroom, but I was grateful for her pull-out sofa—not that it helped me get any sleep that night.
I lay there and cried until the sky turned a soft, dusty pink.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Rachel
The next morning, I woke up in a tangle of sheets and blankets after tossing and turning all night. When I wasn’t awake crying, I was being tormented by nightmares of Anthony with that other woman, of losing Anthony, of losing one of my best friends.
It was a horrible experience, which wasn’t made any better when the annoying sound of my phone blared in my ears and pulled me from the first decent sleep I’d had. I felt for it with my eyes closed, still half asleep.
I checked the caller ID. It was Anthony, but I couldn’t bear to talk to him. Not yet. I ignored his call and sent it to voicemail. A few seconds later the phone buzzed, alerting me to a new message.
“Hey, you okay?” Sarah walked in and plopped down in one of her oversized chairs.
“Yeah, just didn’t sleep well last night.”
“I don’t blame you. It was one hell of a night. It still blows my mind.”
Tears welled up in my eyes and I swiped my hand over my face to chase them away.
“How about I fix us some omelets?” Sarah asked, trying to change the subject.
“You? Cook?” I raised my eyebrow.
“I can make an omelet,” Sarah said defensively.
“I happen to remember you actually burning a pot of water when we were in college when you tried to make pasta.”
“Hey, in my defense, the water evaporated out of that pot faster than I’d expected, and if you’d paid attention in science class, you’d know it wasn’t water that burned. It was the minerals in the water.”
“You still burned a pot of water,” I teased.
“Am I ever going to live that down?”
“No.” I chuckled and stood from the couch. “How about I make us some omelets and you can help.”
“Fine. I like yours better anyway.” Sarah playfully sulked as we went into her kitchen.
I was beating the eggs for the omelets when the kitchen began to spin. I dropped the fork into the bowl and held my head with my hand as if it would steady me. The floor tilted and the room shifted as darkness closed in.
* * * *
I woke up to the steady beeping sound hospitals are so famous for. The room was bright and there was a lot of noise just behind a closed white curtain that surrounded me. My head hurt. I vaguely remembered standing in Sarah’s kitchen fixing breakfast, but nothing after that. Just then the doctor stepped in.
“Ms. Dae, good to see you’re awake. I’m Dr. Phillips.” He reached out and shook my hand.
“What happened?”
“It seems you passed out. Your friend called for an ambulance and they brought you here.”
“I remember feeling dizzy.” I reached up to cradle my head in my hand and flinched as I felt a tender lump.
“You hit your head when you fell, but there’s no sign of a concussion.” He shined a small light in my eyes and I squinted. “Still looks good. Blood tests reveal mild anemia, which explains your fainting spell. It can also cause fatigue and even weakness.”
“Is that bad?”
“Iron can be easily supplemented. It’s fairly common during pregnancy,” he said as he studied my chart.
“Pregnancy? No, I'm not pregnant.”
“Our tests tend to pick up positives sooner.”
My hearing was muffled and I couldn’t understand what he was saying. It was as if everything was moving in slow motion as the doctor rushed to my side while my vision blurred.
“Ms. Dae?” I blinked my eyes slowly in the bright exam room as the nurse rushed over with a cool washcloth for my forehead. Just then, Sarah peeked in.
“Can I come in?”
The doctor looked to me and I nodded. “Yeah, she’s good.”
“You okay?” Sarah came to the side of the bed and took my hand.
“I’m pregnant,” I said numbly.
“Oh my God, Rach.” She lunged at me and wrapped me in her arms.
“I’m going to write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. They have iron in them, which should take care of your anemia. Getting that under control should help you feel better. Other than that, you are good to go, but you’ll need to follow up with an obstetrician within the next couple of weeks.”
“Thank you.”
I felt like I was sleepwalking as I changed out of the hospital gown and back into my clothes. Sarah and I walked out into the waiting room. There sat a very worried Anthony, with Dante at his side.
“What the hell is he doing here?” I looked at Sarah.
“Dante called him the minute the ambulance showed up at my place. I tried to get him to leave, but he wouldn’t budge until he knew you were okay.”
Dante looked u
p and his eyes met mine with concern, though I wasn’t sure if it was for my health or my anger at him calling Anthony. He nudged Anthony’s arm and he looked up. It took him less than a heartbeat to jump up and rush to me.
“Rach, are you okay? God, I was so worried.”
I wanted to go to him, to lean against him and have him wrap me in his arms. I wanted to tell him that we were having a baby and celebrate our growing family, like we would have if things hadn’t been so messed up. If he hadn’t messed them up. The image of him with that other girl flashed in my mind and it was like a painful armor covered my heart.
“I’m fine. I fainted after having a rough night last night. That’s all.” I shot daggers at him with my gaze before turning away from him and walking toward the exit.
“Rach, wait. We need to talk.” He ran after me and gently grabbed hold of my arm.
“I have nothing to say to you.” I jerked my arm away from him and he pulled me back.
I had just opened my mouth to protest when a security guard stepped in. “Is everything all right over here?”
“Yes, everything’s fine. I was just leaving.” I shot Anthony a warning glance and walked out of the door, got into Sarah’s car and left.
“It’s going to be okay.” Sarah glanced at me before pulling out into traffic. I sobbed violently in the passenger seat and she squeezed my hand. “You are the strongest person I know. You can get through this.”
“I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t think I could ever forgive Anthony for cheating on me. How could I trust him again after that?”
“Trust me. I get it. There are plenty of single moms out there. You can still have the baby and your career too.”
“My career.” I sniffled and calmed my crying for a moment. “I almost forgot. I got my results for the LSATs. I passed.”
“Oh my God! And you are just telling me now?”
“I found out last night right before someone sent me those pictures.”
Sarah’s face fell as did her tone. “Oh, well, still… This is a reason to celebrate.”
“How? I can’t go to law school with a baby. How am I supposed to be a single mom and law student all at once?”
“You can move in with me. I’ll help with the baby all I can and you won’t have to cover the rent or utilities.”
“Sarah, thank you, but you don’t have room for me, much less me and a baby.”
“Maybe you could go live with your dad? He has to get lonely in that big house all alone. You and the baby could each have your own rooms and plenty of space there, just until you start really working again.”
“It’s something to consider. I just can’t think of all this right now. How did this happen? I went from being engaged to the man I love to single mom in one day.”
“You’ll figure it out. You have time.”
“This just isn’t how I saw things going. I never thought Anthony would break my heart.”
After we got home from the doctor’s, I was numb and emotionally worn out. We crashed on the couch, ate junk food and I continued to dodge Anthony’s calls. My phone rang again and I reached over to pick it up off the table.
“Anthony again?”
“It’s my dad.” I couldn’t hide my surprise.
“Hello?”
“Hey, honey, are you okay?”
“I guess.”
“What’s going on? Anthony called me and asked if I’d talked to you. He asked me to call and make sure you were okay and said you weren’t taking his calls. Did you two have a fight?”
“You could say that,” I scoffed.
“Honey, whatever it is, I’m sure you two can work it out if you just talk to him. Relationships are all about communication—”
“Anthony cheated on me.” I blurted out. I just couldn’t handle hearing my dad go on about him.
“He did what?”
“Someone sent me pictures of Anthony at a sleazy motel room with some woman.”
“You’re sure it was him? That doesn’t sound like Anthony.”
“It was him.” I burst into tears at having to rehash the whole thing.
“I’m so sorry, honey. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I sniffled. “I’m staying with Sarah today.”
“If you need your old room…”
“Thanks, Dad. I’ll let you know.”
“Okay. You just take it easy and let me know if there is anything I can do.”
“I will.” We hung up and I curled up into a ball on the couch and sobbed. Telling my dad was like pouring salt on the wound.
* * * *
A week went by, but the pain of losing Anthony was still just as painful. I missed him so much that it hurt. How could he do this to me? A part of me wanted to answer when he called. His calls had slowly decreased from every couple of hours to one a day. I wanted to take him back, to let him say he was sorry and forget the whole thing. I wanted what we had back, but what we’d had wasn’t what I’d thought it was. I’d thought we were in love. I’d thought we’d be together forever, but I couldn’t go back to him after this, not after he’d been with that girl.
Every day was the same. I lazed around and did nothing but watch TV and eat when the nausea wasn’t forcing me to hug the toilet bowl. I was tired, sick—pregnant—but worst of all, I was completely heartbroken.
My phone rang again and I looked down to see Anthony’s name lighting up. I couldn’t keep on this way. I had to answer and get it over with, no matter how painful it would be.
“Hello?”
“Rach.” Anthony sounded surprised that I’d actually answered, “are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Me either. Rachel, I’m sorry.”
“What are you calling for, Anthony?”
“I wanted to see if we could meet for lunch or something so we can talk.”
“I’m not sure what there is to talk about.”
“Rach, you have to let me explain. It’s not what you think.”
“You already admitted to being in a motel with a woman. It’s clear she wasn’t a work associate. I’m not sure I care about the details.”
“Please, just meet me for lunch and let me explain.”
“No lunch. I don’t feel up to eating. We can meet for coffee.”
“Okay, coffee’s good. What time is good for you?”
“I don’t know. What time is it?”
“Nine.”
“I can be ready in about an hour.”
“That works for me. I’ll be waiting.”
I hung up the phone before he could say anything more on the phone. After everything we’d been through, I owed Anthony at least the chance to explain in person. I just wasn’t sure what he could possibly say that would make me understand.
Sarah peeked her head in the living room. “I couldn’t help overhearing. You want me to go with you?”
“Thanks, but no. I need to do this on my own.”
“Okay. But if you need me, I’m just a call or text away.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Anthony
I was finally able to convince Rachel to meet me for coffee—once she’d actually answered her damn phone. She had closed me out for a whole week. It had been the longest week of my entire life.
I knew I couldn’t live without that woman. I had to get her back. I had to make her listen. She wouldn’t meet me for lunch, so coffee it was, but if we were going to go for coffee, I was going to make it count. I’d texted her to meet me in an intimate coffee shop we used to go to sometimes as teenagers. I wanted Rachel to be surrounded by good memories of our time together.
She couldn’t leave me, not for good. This was just a rough patch. It had to be. I couldn’t live my life without Rachel in it, not after finally seeing how good it could be with her. There was no going back. It was like drinking a really good whiskey then trying to go back to the cheap stuff that was popular in college.
I
arrived at the coffee shop fifteen minutes early. I wanted to find a table and think of what I was going to say. Besides, if Rachel got there early, I didn’t want to miss a moment I could be spending with her.
It was a slow time of day for the café, which suited me just fine. I picked out a small booth in the far corner so we’d be less likely to be disturbed. A guy who looked like he probably read poetry, dressed in all black, came over. “Hi, do you know what you want or do you need a minute?”
“I’m actually waiting for someone.”
“Okay, take all the time you need. Just let me know when you’re ready.”
“Thanks.” As he walked away, I began to think back to the day that had started the tailspin I was trapped in. Telling her the truth was my only hope of getting Rachel back. I prayed she would listen to what I had to say, even if she didn’t like it. I’d done what I’d had to do.
Jess’ apartment had been officially processed and released. The cops weren’t doing much. I guessed they lacked the motivation that I had to find the person who had killed the mother of my daughter.
I hadn’t been in love with Jess. Leaving her had been the right thing for everyone—especially after me finding her drunk with Belle. My mind knew that, but it didn’t stop the guilt that gnawed at me. Being with Rachel had wiped those thoughts away, but every time I was alone, my thoughts flooded with all the ‘what if?’s.
What if I’d stayed with her? Would she still be alive? Would she have never gotten on drugs and gone downhill like she had? She was already drinking while we were together. Did my leaving and taking Belle drive her into something worse?
If it had been anyone else, I would have told them they were being ridiculous. No one could be responsible for anyone else’s happiness. All a person could ever do was try to live their life the best way they knew how. I couldn’t blame myself for Jess’ drinking or her drug problems—or her death. But I did.
While waiting for Rachel, I ran back through the events that had led us here.
After leaving work, I went back to Jess’ apartment and used my old key to get in and took a look around. I couldn’t believe it was the same place we’d made our home so long ago. I remembered bringing Belle home from the hospital to that apartment. Now, it was a dump. The place stank of old trash and looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in weeks.
