Forsaken (Vampire Awakenings, Book 10)

by Brenda K. Davies

  They tortured her on that island, and she was desperate to live as a human again. And he wanted to turn her into one of the things that gave her nightmares every night. She deserved better; she deserved the life she dreamed of, and that life didn’t include him.

  “I should go.”

  He went to turn away, but her hand on his arm stopped him. “I don’t mean anything bad by it. I’m going to miss everyone, especially you. Will you come and visit me?”

  He stared at the hand on his arm as he resisted sliding his fingers through hers and drawing her into his arms.

  “I don’t think so,” he said. When her face fell, he decided to try and tease a smile from her. “Arizona isn’t exactly the place for me. That’s a lot of daylight for a vamp.”

  He succeeded in getting her to smile, but he sensed her sadness when she spoke. “The sun doesn’t bother you.”

  “True, but you’ll be busy with the many new friends you’re going to make.”

  “Not so busy I won’t have time for my old friends.”

  She felt almost desperate to have him say yes, he would visit her, but she didn’t understand why. Even with all her apprehension about what was to come, she was still more excited to leave tomorrow than she’d been about anything since her mom died.

  Still, the idea of not seeing Julian for weeks or months at a time made her eyes burn with tears. He was her best friend, and she was going to miss him so much when she left here. She wouldn’t have gotten through the past couple of months without him.

  He’d sat beside her in the woods when she cried after one of her nightmares or when she couldn’t get her shit together. He never pressured her into revealing what happened to her while she was on the island, but he listened the few times she let it slip about how horrible it was to be the food supply for a bunch of monsters.

  Thinking about it made her recall the smell, sounds, and terror filling the basement that was her prison. For the rest of her life, she would hear the whimpers of those who were imprisoned with her. She’d never forget shoving her fist in her mouth to suppress her sobs while she tried to find some hope in her hopeless situation.

  She’d lay there, curled into the fetal position on her mattress, and pray Mollie would somehow get out of this mess. The worst part, for her, was not the captivity and not the torture of having those vamps draining her blood against her will; it was the not knowing where Mollie was and what happened to her.

  Had they killed her sister? Why had they separated them? She’d clung to the hope she would somehow know if Mollie were dead, but the doubts constantly crept into her mind and nearly drove her insane.

  She’d escaped the basement, but a piece of her soul remained trapped there forever. And somehow Julian made her better able to handle that.

  Her hand tightened on his arm as she became almost frantic not to lose him. “They have a good computer program. You could always enroll and join me.”

  He chuckled as he rested his hand over hers. Warmth seeped through her fingers and down her arm as the welcoming comfort he always brought washed through her.

  “Tempting, but college isn’t for me,” he said.

  He couldn’t picture possibly watching Aida flirt or date another without killing someone. He wasn’t a fully matured vampire yet, but he knew what his weakness would be once he stopped aging.

  Her head spun, and she tried to think of a response. He didn't agree to visit her, and she couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong. Why wouldn’t he visit?

  Before he could see her melancholy, she turned to stare out the window. Hope and Dylan were laughing as they ran around on the grass. They laughed as Hope’s puppy, Dawg, chased after them.

  Sensing her hurt, Julian clasped her chin and turned her head toward him. Her long black lashes fell to shadow her cheek before she opened her eyes again. Confusion emanated from her golden gaze as it ran over his face.

  Before she could say anything, he bent his head and claimed her mouth in a tender kiss. The second his lips met hers, a sense of rightness stole through him. When he first saw her, he’d known she was special. She was the first girl he wanted to spend more than ten minutes with, and the first one who made him feel alive.

  He’d pictured kissing her more times than he could recall, but none of those imaginings came close to the real thing. His heart raced as everything inside him became focused on her and the peace she brought him. He’d never felt anything as right as Aida.

  Kissing her showed him exactly what he was losing by letting her go, but this moment would carry him through the dark days that would follow this one.

  At first, Aida was so shocked she couldn’t react, and then, when his lips softened against hers and she felt his tongue, she melted into him. For the first time in months, she forgot about the island, forgot about the scars marring her body and soul, and focused on Julian and the joy he brought to her life.

  The scent of him, the heat of his body against hers, and his arms enveloping her became the center of her world. Releasing her chin, he slid his hand up her back and through her hair to clasp the back of her head. She draped her arms around his neck and drew him closer as the kiss deepened.

  Nestled within his embrace, she forgot all about her fear of the past and the future as he made her feel safer than she ever had before. She didn’t know how long they stood with their arms around each other while they shut out the rest of the world. It could have been hours or minutes, but it wasn’t enough time.

  Julian broke the kiss and released her when a footfall sounded in the hall. He hastily stepped away from her a second before Mollie appeared in the doorway. Her sister grinned at them, but her smile fell away when she took in Aida’s open mouth.

  “Everything okay?” she asked.

  “Oh, ah… yeah,” Aida muttered and tossed a pair of socks into the suitcase. “Just rearranging again.”

  “Again?” Mollie asked.

  “I’m making sure everything is all set.”

  “I think you made sure the first two hundred times. Now, it’s an obsession.” Mollie tempered her words with a kind smile. “Would you like some help?”

  “No. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

  Mollie tore her gaze away from the suitcase to glance between her and Julian again. He focused on the far wall as he willed her to go away while trying to control the riotous beat of his heart.

  “I’m going to miss you, kiddo,” Mollie said.

  Aida forced a smile; she knew how difficult this was for Mollie, and she would desperately miss her sister, but she wished Mollie would go away.

  “I’m going to miss you too. I’ll be downstairs soon,” Aida promised.

  “Okay, okay.” Mollie held up her hands as she backed out of the room. “I can take a hint. I’ll see you downstairs.”

  She waved to Julian before walking away. Aida opened her mouth to say… Well, she had no idea what to say. What could she possibly say after that kiss? She’d spent the past couple of months in a fog, and she’d never seen it coming. She always knew when a boy was interested and worked her magic over them, but flirting or teasing her way through this was not going to work.

  Not after that kiss.

  It took everything she had not to lift her hand to her mouth. She’d been kissed dozens of times over the years, been felt up, and rounded third base, but none of those experiences affected her as profoundly as that single kiss.

  Julian wasn’t like the boys in her past who she’d wrapped around her finger with a smile and a touch on their arm. He wasn’t going to trip over himself to do what she asked in the hopes of getting laid. He was a vampire, but more, he was her friend. She couldn’t lose him, and she was so scared if she said or did the wrong thing right now, she would.

  Uncertain of how to stop that from happening, she found her tongue glued to the roof of her mouth while she stared at him.

  “I should go,” Julian said when the awkward silence stretched on.

  She almost shouted no when s
he lurched forward to grasp his wrist. She opened her mouth to speak, but that glue still had her tongue rooted like a tree. She’d never lacked for confidence, never been tripped up by a boy, and she’d never had words fail her, but he’d rocked her world.

  Was he trying to be more than a friend? Was the kiss an experiment? What did he want from her?

  She should be asking him these questions, but all she managed was an inarticulate noise.

  “It’s okay,” he assured her.

  He couldn’t stand the confusion and uncertainty in her eyes as they ran over his face. The kiss was his goodbye to her, and he wasn’t expecting anything from her. She deserved to live every one of her dreams, and he would not stand in her way.

  He clasped her face in his palms and kissed her forehead. “Have a safe trip, Aida. Enjoy yourself and live your dreams.”

  He was sentencing himself to a life of loneliness and probably death by walking away, but he wouldn’t put his burdens on her.

  “Goodbye,” he said.

  Before she could unglue her tongue, he left the room. Stunned into immobility, Aida tried to call him back, but what would happen then? She was leaving tomorrow. She couldn’t stay here, and he didn’t want to come with her. Besides, what would they do, become a couple? And what if things didn’t work out between them and she lost him?

  Tears burned her eyes; she couldn’t stand losing him. He meant so much to her. But what if things did work out? Would she become a vampire? Did he think she was his mate? Or was this his goodbye?

  Again, these were all questions she should have asked him when he was still here, but only now was her tongue starting to work again. She took a step to follow him but froze when she recalled her half-packed suitcase.

  Damn it! She had a feeling this discussion might take a little time, and she couldn’t leave her things unpacked. Turning back, she took the stuff she’d neatly stacked within before and started tossing them inside.

  She had no idea what she’d say to him, but she couldn’t leave things like this between them. When she finished shoving her things inside, she had to sit on her suitcase to shut it. It closed perfectly before, but now she was sweating and cursing by the time she got the zipper all the way around.

  A sense of urgency filled her as she finally got it closed and rushed downstairs, only to be waylaid by Mollie and a stack of pancakes. Aida’s single-minded determination to find Julian eased when she realized the source of the delicious aroma filling the house.

  “Remember when we used to do pancake Sundays with Mom?” Mollie asked as she waved the plate under Aida’s nose.

  Her stomach rumbled in response, and though her gaze went longingly toward the door, she couldn’t bolt out of here and leave Mollie behind. Not when her sister had that hopeful look on her face while Mike stood behind her mouthing, “I’m sorry,” to Aida.

  Aida smiled at him as she pulled out a chair. “It’s not as much fun when it’s just me eating them.”

  Mollie set down another plate and sat across from her. “I’m joining you.”

  “You’re eating pancakes?”

  Mollie grinned at her as she shoved a forkful into her mouth. “I did consider using blood instead of maple syrup, but I’ll make do.”

  “Gross,” Aida told her, and Mollie laughed.

  She glanced at the door again but dug into her breakfast as Mike joined them. Aida smiled while she listened to Mollie prattle on about their flight tomorrow. She’d tried to convince her sister she didn’t have to go all the way to Arizona with her, but Mollie insisted on seeing the college, and Mike was along for the ride. Mollie also insisted on making sure Aida was settled and comfortable staying before they left.

  Every time she caught Mike’s eye, he would mouth, “I’m sorry,” to her.

  On the third time, Mollie caught him and kicked him under the table. “Ow,” he said as he rubbed his shin and grinned at her.

  Aida laughed and choked, causing pancake to shoot out of her mouth. It was an unusual family, but it was hers, and she loved everything about it. Mike made Mollie happier than Aida had ever seen her. He was a wonderful guy, and he loved her too, just as she loved him.

  She got caught up in the kitchen for longer than she anticipated, and by the time she left, it was almost noon. She searched the property for Julian but couldn’t find him anywhere, and no one knew where he’d gone.

  Settling in at their favorite place, she leaned against the large boulder on the shoreline and watched the waves rolling across the shore while she waited for him to return.

  He never did.

  CHAPTER 1

  Four and a half years later.

  Julian shoved his hands in his pockets to ward off the chill of the April night as he strode down the busy Boston streets. Since reaching maturity six months ago, he’d avoided being around humans as much as possible, but there was no avoiding them now. With every step, he detected the alluring beat of their hearts.

  Walking the fine line between control and completely losing it, his fangs were constantly on the verge of descending. He’d known blood and death would be his weakness when he fully matured, but now that it had happened, the constant battle he waged to keep from killing was tearing him apart.

  It wouldn’t be long before he gave in to his depravity, which was why he was braving a city he’d prefer to avoid. He’d come to see Kyle and Cassidy before heading to Maine and the rest of his family. It had been over four years since he’d seen any of them, and it was time.

  He couldn’t keep this battle with himself up forever; he had to say goodbye before it was too late and he never got the chance.

  There was someone else in the city he could see…

  He shut the thought down before it went too far. Even if he saw her, he’d made up his mind to set her free, and he would continue to give her the freedom she needed.

  Besides, she might have a boyfriend or be engaged. He’d heard enough about her over the years to know she left Arizona two years ago. She moved in with Kyle and Cassidy while she finished college. After high school, the twins decided to try city living. His mother hoped they’d return home soon, but they’d been here for two years and loved it.

  The fact Aida lived with his siblings was the reason he knew anything about her. He’d never called, texted, or messaged her, and though it was the most challenging thing he ever did, he never answered the handful of times she called and texted him.

  He didn’t have a Facebook account, because if she were on there, he’d check her page every day. He’d walked away so she could live her life, and he couldn’t torture himself by seeing how happy she was without him.

  Before Aida left Arizona, his mom and dad didn’t talk about her when they spoke. They were too busy filling him in on what his siblings, nieces, and nephews were doing to reveal anything about Aida unless it was major news like moving back to the Northeast.

  The other members of his family didn’t talk about her when they spoke. Occasionally, he’d text Mike to say hi, but he never asked about her, and Mike only mentioned her twice—once when she was visiting and once after she graduated college.

  When Aida joined Kyle and Cassidy in Boston, his mom revealed that as part of what the twins were doing, not as part of Aida’s life. And Julian was fine with that. It was hard enough staying away from her, but hearing about her only made it worse. He dreaded the day he learned of her engagement or marriage.

  The demon inside him stirred and uncoiled like a snake from where it lay hidden and waiting to strike. When saliva filled his mouth and his fangs started to lengthen, he fisted his hands in his pockets and ducked his head away from the people walking by him.

  Restaurants and bars lined this section of Tremont Street, and a lot of the college kids were out to celebrate Friday night. Many of them talked loudly with each other as they made their way from one establishment to the other.

  Talk of sports filled a lot of the conversations as the Red Sox played earlier in the day, and the Bruins were in
the playoffs tonight. Some of them bitched about classes or work as they walked with friends. None of them were aware of the vampire moving amongst them and listening to their heartbeats while he tried not to picture draining every one of them dry.

  He couldn’t believe he was the same age, if not younger, than many of these guys. Their lives were so different, and while humans didn’t live a carefree existence, they at least didn’t have death or insanity hanging over their heads.

  He’d trade immortality for a single day of not wanting to grab someone by the throat and squeeze it until their eyes bulged out and their blood ran beneath his fingers. For a single day of not feeling as if one second of relaxation would lead him down the path of murder. For a single day of not craving the blood of all those he slaughtered.

  It would be an even trade.

  If he were human, he’d run down the street with these guys as they searched out the next party or girl. Hell, if he was a turned vampire, he might do the same thing, but he was a purebred vampire without his mate, and partying was the last thing on his mind.

  When one brushed against him and yelled sorry in his ear, it took all Julian had not to smile as he broke the guy’s neck. He wouldn’t bother to apologize afterward.

  The guy laughed as he ran to catch up with his friends. He was in such a rush he didn’t look before plunging into the street and nearly got hit by a black Mercedes.

  “Asshole!” the Mercedes driver shouted.

  “Sorry!” the kid yelled back as he turned and flipped the driver off.

  Julian’s teeth ground together until he was sure they would become stubs. He never should have decided to walk to the bar where Kyle and Cassidy worked, but after being crammed into an airplane for six hours with a bunch of humans, he might eat the taxi driver.

  Instead, he opted to walk in the hopes some fresh air would calm him. It hadn’t worked.

  Shifting his backpack on his shoulders, he pulled at the straps while he debated finding a hotel for the night and seeing his siblings tomorrow. He wasn’t exactly the most social vampire right now. His brother and sister worked a lot, so they would probably be at the bar tomorrow night too, but as he thought it, he spotted the sign for Adler’s Piano Bar—or Addy’s as Cassidy called it—further down and on the opposite side of the street.