Forsaken (Vampire Awakenings, Book 10)

by Brenda K. Davies

  But things were a lot different now. Back then, he’d been eighteen and more of a man than a boy, but he was still a boy in many ways. Then, he was more concerned with keeping her safe and easing the sorrow she radiated.

  Now, he was a newly matured vampire, and she was his mate. While he intended to keep her safe, regain her trust, and be with her, he also wanted to be inside her, tasting her, and hearing her cry out his name as she came apart in his arms. He was exhausted, but the idea of it caused him to harden as his fangs throbbed. She was his, and he wanted to stake his claim on her.

  “Or you can sleep on the floor,” Aida said when he continued to stare at her.

  “I’d prefer your bed.”

  She’d opened the can, dumped it out, and thrown the worms in the air to scatter them wherever they landed. However, she didn’t feel like recapping it.

  Something about this felt right, and she smiled at him as she nodded toward her bedroom. “Come on.”

  Julian followed her down the hall and into her room.

  CHAPTER 26

  Despite her exhaustion, Aida couldn’t fall asleep, and it had absolutely everything to do with the man lying beside her. They didn’t touch, but his warmth was so close he could almost be pressed against her. Her heart was like a drum in her chest as it pounded out a rock tempo against her ribs.

  She kept staring at the wall, but she yearned to roll over, rest her hands on his chest, and lift her mouth to his. Thinking about it made her grind her teeth as she dug her fingers into her palm to keep from sliding her hand between her legs. She couldn’t remember the last time she masturbated; it had been a while, and she was desperate for some relief from this constant tension.

  She’d never been with a man before, and she’d never wanted one as badly as Julian. When he shifted on the bed, she almost screamed and bolted out of it like she was the rabbit racing before the greyhounds.

  Would he pounce if she tried to run? God, she hoped so.

  Julian rolled over to stare at Aida’s back as she lay facing the wall with her hands beneath her cheek. Her black hair spilled around her shoulders and the T-shirt she put on before crawling into bed. He restrained himself from settling his palm against the slender curve of her hip as the crisp scent of her shampoo filled his nostrils. Beneath that, he also detected the alluring aroma of her growing desire.

  If he drew her into his arms, she’d melt into them, but after everything she’d been through tonight, he wouldn’t push her. So instead, he savored the knowledge she was safe while enjoying the exquisite torture of her nearness.

  Aida didn’t think she’d ever fall asleep, but she must have because she woke sometime later. She blinked as she tried to figure out why her bed was so hard. And then she recalled the events of the night and inviting Julian to sleep in her room.

  Sometime during her nap, she’d draped herself across his chest. The solid wall of muscle beneath her rose with his breaths while the rigid evidence of his arousal poked her in the thigh. One of his hands rested on the small of her back while the other was propped behind his head. She could feel his eyes on her.

  Her mouth watered as her heart thundered in her chest, but she didn’t dare move. If she moved, she might start rubbing herself all over him like a cat. According to the red numbers of the clock on her nightstand, she had a couple of hours before she had to return to the gallery, but she’d never fall asleep again now.

  She didn’t realize her fingers were stroking his chest until she felt the bristly hairs beneath her. Forcing her fingers to still, she flattened her palm against his flesh as he turned his head to nuzzle her temple.

  His warm breath against her ear caused an ache to spread between her legs. She so badly wanted to give in to her desire for him, but her brain retained a small semblance of control over her heart and body, and it was screaming at her that this was a bad idea.

  “Are you going to leave again?” she asked. She couldn’t stand the idea of being the girl with daddy issues, but that’s exactly what she was.

  “Only if you tell me to go,” he said.

  Beneath her ear, she listened to the solid, reassuring beat of his heart; she loved that sound. And she loved the man the heart belonged to. When Julian played with her hair, she closed her eyes. She couldn’t recall the last time she felt this safe or happy, and she was terrified something would rip it away from her.

  Julian ran his fingers up her spine and through her silken hair before skimming them down her slender back again. His hand stilled on the hollow of her back, and he rested it there. The thin material of her shirt felt like the thickest wool as it kept him from touching her silken skin.

  “I believed I was doing the best thing for you when I left before; I won’t do it again,” he said.

  “Why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

  “You’d already told me you wanted a normal, human life. I will give you anything you ask for, but I can never give you that. I will always be a reminder of what you endured on the island.”

  She hated that he thought of himself in such a way. “You’re not a reminder.”

  “Then what happened when you felt my fangs yesterday?”

  “It’s not you…”

  Her voice trailed off as she tried to figure out how to explain it to him, but everything that ran through her mind would make it sound like it was him.

  “I want more than friendship from you, Aida, and I can never change what I am.”

  Aida tilted her head back to look at him. His lapis eyes burned with an intensity she’d never seen before. He seemed to be willing her to accept him, and to say she wanted him too. He’d never looked so desperate and needy before, and she would do anything to comfort him.

  “I don’t want you to change what you are,” she said.

  “Can you accept that I’m a vampire and a killer?”

  “You’re one of the kindest men I’ve ever known, and you have an amazing heart—”

  “There’s a darkness in me too,” he interjected. “You have to know that I’m not the same boy who left Maine.”

  She started to deny his words but bit back her protests. After witnessing what he could do, and feeling the violence radiating from him, she couldn’t deny he changed while he was gone.

  He’d grown into a man who strained to control his malicious impulses. Yet, as she lifted her fingers to run them over his trim beard, she was buoyed by the knowledge those impulses would never turn on her. He’d kill himself before he hurt her, and he’d destroy anyone who ever tried to harm her.

  “You’re not the same boy,” she admitted. “But you’re a good man. I want you in my life, but if you leave again, I’ll never forgive you.”

  “I’ll never leave again.” Julian searched her golden-brown eyes as he spoke. “I’m as in love with you now as I was then.”

  He loved her then? He loved her now? Before she could wrap her head around it, he kissed her. It was impossible to think when his lips were setting fire to her body and his tongue was entwining with hers in a bone-melting way.

  Julian threaded his fingers through her hair as he pulled her closer and shifted so she was on top of him and flush against his body. Through the fabric of her shirt, her nipples and lush breasts pressed against his chest as his cock settled between her thighs.

  When he woke to discover her draped across his chest, he also discovered he was harder than ever before in his life. The demon clawing at his chest demanded to be set free to claim what he denied it for years, but Julian refused to rush this. As much as being this close to Aida tormented him, it also helped to soothe the beast.

  Unable to take the constant need of her body, Aida cleaved to his shoulders as she ground against his thick shaft. Julian groaned when she rotated her hips in a circle, and realizing he enjoyed it, she did it again. She smiled when his hips lifted to meet her movements.

  Her smile vanished when his next movement made tingles of pleasure race down her legs. All her nerve endings came alive, and her T-shirt wa
s suddenly too confining. It took all she had not to rip the thing off her. She had to feel this man inside her, possessing her and caressing every inch of her.

  Julian slid his hands down to grasp her waist as she rotated her hips again before pushing against him. Her fingers dug into his flesh as her movements became more frantic. He managed to keep his fangs restrained, but he couldn’t stop his hands from digging into her shirt and tearing it apart.

  Aida gasped at the rending of material, but her surprise vanished when his palms touched her flesh. She wished he’d tear the rest of the thing away as it still prevented her from feeling his flesh against her chest.

  Julian’s fingers trailed over her silken back before falling to the edge of her cotton underwear. When he slipped his hand inside and between her legs, he almost came when his fingers found her wet with her need.

  If he wasn’t careful, he would come now, but every night since meeting her, he’d dreamed of touching her like this and feeling her body against his. Those dreams never could have compared to the warmth and passion of the reality of her.

  Wasn’t he supposed to think of baseball to help keep him under control? Then she did something with her hips that made thinking impossible.

  Unable to stand anything between them, he gripped her underwear and tugged it down her shapely thighs. She released his shoulders and wiggled to push them the rest of the way down before kicking them off.

  The demon inside him stirred with excitement, and his fangs throbbed as he fought to keep them from descending. He craved the taste of her blood as he teased her entrance with a finger before sliding it inside. Her muscles clenched around his finger while she rode his hand. Breaking the kiss, her head fell into the hollow of his shoulder; her breath warmed his ear.

  “Julian,” she whispered.

  For years, he imagined her saying his name in that breathy, desperate way, and it was as amazing as he dreamed. Her lips ran over his ear, and she nipped at his earlobe while her hips met the slow thrust of his finger.

  Aida’s head spun as she tried to hold onto some form of reasonable thought, but reason had flown out the window. There was no reason in this world where everything felt so good and right. There was no past and no future, there was only the now, the two of them, and it was everything she’d always dreamed it would be.

  She was a little frightened of what he was and the world he lived in, but she’d fallen in love with him years ago, and he’d held her heart ever since. When Julian’s hand slid out from between her legs, she groaned in protest, but then his hands were clasping her ruined shirt, and he leaned back to pull it away.

  CHAPTER 27

  Julian tossed aside the remains of her shirt as his gaze ran hungrily over her full breasts and rounded curves. At first, he couldn’t bring himself to touch her. He was half afraid she might disappear, or the blood staining his soul might spread onto her, but his hand was drawn to her. When he rested it between her breasts, her racing heart assured him she wouldn’t vanish, and when he ran his hand between them, no blood streaked her ivory flesh.

  “You’re real,” he whispered.

  “I’m real,” she assured him.

  She resisted drooling as she ran her hand down the center of his chest and across the corded muscles of his eight-pack abs. Her fingers played with the trail of black hair running from his bellybutton to the waistband of his sweatpants.

  Straining against his pants, his erection caused apprehension to niggle at her again, but she shoved it aside as she grasped the waistband of his sweatpants and pulled them lower. The way he was sitting made it impossible for her to get them past his hips.

  Grasping her ass, Julian lifted her and turned her over to pin her beneath him. He gazed down at her flushed face as her lashes fell to shadow her eyes, but when they flickered open, the love filling her golden-brown depths stole his breath. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve her, but if she let him, he would spend an eternity loving her.

  “You’re beautiful,” he whispered and bent to kiss her.

  She smiled against his mouth as her hands slipped up his back to grasp his shoulders. Julian broke the kiss to tug off his sweatpants. He shifted to pull them down and kick them aside. At first, she couldn’t look at the erection against her thigh, but then she bit her lip and steeled herself to gaze down between their bodies.

  She gulped when her eyes landed on the rigid, thick length of it. It wasn’t the first one she’d seen, but it was the largest, and it would be the first one inside her. She forced her fingers not to tremble when she grasped his shaft. It was hot against her palm but also soft as she ran her hand over the length of him before using her thumb to spread the bead of precum forming on his head. When he thrust his hips toward her, she marveled at the power of him as his muscles flexed. His hooded eyes watched her with a ravenous hunger that aroused her more.

  Resting his hand against her hip, he slid it up her side and clasped her breast to roll her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He bent to suck the bud between his lips, and when he gave it a little tug, she wiggled her hips invitingly toward him.

  Aida was lost to the sensations he invoked inside her until he nudged her knees further apart and the head of his cock prodded her entrance. Fear shot through her; before she could stop herself, her thighs clamped against his sides.

  Julian froze. “Are you okay?”

  Aida swallowed to wet her parched throat before speaking. “I’ve never…” She looked away as a blush crept across her face and her cheeks burned. “I’ve never done this before.”

  Shock riveted him. She was so beautiful and alluring, he’d never expected her to be a virgin. When they used to hang out together, they never discussed their past relationships, and he hadn’t seen her for four years; so much could have happened during that time.

  “Aida.” He clasped her chin and turned her head toward him. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

  “I’m ready,” she said. “I’m just… nervous.”

  “So am I,” he admitted. “I’ve never done this before either.”

  Aida snorted with laughter, but the intensity of his eyes and the serious look on his face silenced her. “I thought you had a girl in every country.”

  “That’s what Kyle said and what he would have done, but not me.”

  Aida couldn’t get her eyebrows out of her hairline as her gaze ran over his magnificent face and body. She’d seen the way women reacted to him and knew vampires possessed an innate magnetism that lured others to them. He easily could have had dozens of women in every country.

  “How is that possible?” she blurted.

  He smiled as he stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Before you, girls interested me, but they weren’t something I was overly concerned about. I much preferred to be on my computer, practicing my hacking skills and coding. After you, there could never be anyone else.”

  Aida’s breath exploded out of her as tears burned her eyes.

  “How is it possible you’re still a virgin?” he asked.

  “Because before you, boys were playthings I didn’t get serious with, and after you…” She rested her hand against his cheek and ran her thumb over his bristly beard. “After you, there was still just you.”

  Julian closed his eyes as anguish tore at his chest. “I could have had all those years with you if I stayed. I won’t waste any of our time together again.”

  There was something more to what this was between them, but before she could grasp what it was, he kissed her again, and she stopped caring. Her thighs released their crushing grip on him as his kiss eased her apprehension. He’d been waiting all this time for her, and she’d been waiting for him; now that the time was here, she was going to seize it.

  “Are you sure about this?” he whispered against her mouth.

  “Yes, and I’m on the pill.” She started taking it when she was sixteen to help with her acne, but she stayed on it just in case. “But I’m not sure if it will work with vampires.
”

  He smiled as he kissed the tip of her nose. “It’s for your body, not mine.”

  When he grasped his cock to guide it into her, the excitement pounding through him had him worried he’d blow this. He was going to be inside his mate, inside Aida, the only woman he’d ever loved. He feared he would come as soon as he was inside her. Gritting his teeth, he focused on baseball while he entered her.

  There were diamonds in baseball and a field and players. What did the players do? They chased the ball. No, they…

  Oh, who cared? Baseball had nothing on the wet heat enveloping him as he slid deeper into her.

  Wrapping her legs around his waist, Aida lifted her hips as he stretched and filled her. The sensation wasn’t as pleasant as it had been, but her body was adjusting to the size of him. His muscles shifted beneath her hands as she turned to bury her face in his shoulder. His delicious aroma enveloping her helped to relax her further.

  “I love you,” he said as he kissed her again and buried himself deep inside her.

  Aida’s legs clenched around him when pain rose to replace the haze of euphoria enveloping her. She closed her eyes against the tears filling them and bit her lip to keep from telling him to get off her. It would fade, she knew it would; she had to let her body adjust to his.

  Julian pulled back to gaze down at her. He hated the pain he caused her, especially since all he felt was ecstasy. He’d spent years fantasizing about being inside her, but it was so much better than all his fantasies.

  It took everything he had not to start thrusting into her and finally experience what he’d only dreamed of doing. However, if she were going to get any pleasure from this, he had to wait for her to be ready, and he would make sure she enjoyed it too.

  Over the years, he read countless romance novels in the hopes that if he ever got the chance to be with her, he wouldn’t make a complete mess of it, but it might not be enough.