I'll Never Stop

by Jessica Lynch

  His boot slid from the gas to the brake. In his rush, he slammed down on it with more force than he needed to. His truck let out a squeal as his brakes locked. The tail of the truck slid to the left, the rest of the cab rocking back and forth as he felt like the world’s biggest pinball.

  Throwing open his door, he rasped out her name as he hopped down from the cab. Rick left the door open, the engine running.

  By the time he raced up the walkway, Grace was shakily getting to her feet. Maria tried to help her while Natalie backed off, giving the two women space. Rick saw Grace pat Maria on the arm before her eyes locked on him. She let out a muffled cry that had him jumping from the first step straight to the porch. The instant he landed, she launched herself at him.

  He was sweaty and probably didn’t smell the greatest. Grace obviously didn’t care. She threw her arms around him, burying her nose in between his pecs.

  She wasn’t sick. Screw what Sly told him over the comm. She wasn’t sick. She was scared.

  And his protective instincts kicked up to an eleven.

  Wrapping his arms around her, holding her close, he murmured into her hair, “It’s okay, Tiger. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

  She didn’t respond. At least, not with words. He felt her clutch at his back, her fingers digging into his shoulder blades.

  Rick wasn’t wrong to race across town to get to Grace. Something had happened, but what?

  Maria hovered behind her, her fingers at her throat. Biting down on her bottom lip, she stroked the silver cross that hung from a simple silver chain. Her pale blue eyes widened slightly as she met Rick’s stare over Grace’s bowed head.

  He silently pleaded with Maria to give him something. Anything.

  A tiny jerk. A shoo-ing gesture toward Grace.

  He nodded. Even if Maria could tell him what made his strong-willed ballerina fall apart like this, she wouldn’t. It was time Grace came clean herself. It wasn’t just about a what-if situation anymore, or even a mystery villain who once made her life hell. She made him promise that her past was her past, that they would only have a future if she could leave her old life behind her.

  The Grace Delaney he knew was strong-willed. Brave. Feisty. He always got a kick out of calling her Tiger because the tigress it brought out in her always seemed to excite him. The only time he ever got a glimpse of how vulnerable she could be was whenever he tried to get her to explain exactly why she wanted to defend herself.

  Grace was so determined to leave her past behind her. Usually, Rick was more than happy to let her. He had nightmares he couldn’t forget, and so many skeletons in his closet, there wasn’t any room for more. But as he held her—as Grace shook like a leaf in his arms—Rick had the sudden suspicion that her past had caught up to her at last.

  “It’s gonna be alright,” he swore.

  And it would be. It didn’t matter what happened before he arrived on the scene. Holding her close, Rick made a decision. He was done focusing on the defense, teaching Grace self-protection techniques in case she needed them.

  He had no doubt in his mind that she could take care of herself. Sure, she was a tiny thing compared to him, but she had more strength in her slender frame than he did in his whole body. So what if he was able to bench his weight? He didn’t have the memory—and the threat—of some clingy fucker hanging over his head every minute of every day. If Rick had his way, neither would she.

  It was time to go on the offense at last.

  He wouldn’t tell her that. Not yet. She might have given him her body, her attention, and all of her time, but Rick knew better than to assume he’d earned her whole heart or her complete trust in the months since they met. As much as it pissed him off, he accepted that there was a lot Grace was holding back.

  Like a name, for one. And a reason why she was convinced the crazy bastard would want to follow her into Hamlet if only he had the chance.

  Rick didn’t push the issue before because he knew, if he delved too deeply into Grace’s troubles, he wouldn’t be able to stop until he took care of the guy. As a deputy, that meant one thing. As a former Marine, it meant something totally different. And, even after two years out, Rick had no idea which part of him would win.

  And that scared him more than he’d ever be able to admit.

  Grace clung to him. But Rick? When he bowed his body over her, tucking her under his chin, he did it because he needed the comfort she provided him almost as much as he wanted her to feel safe in his arms.

  He didn’t know how long he held her. Minutes passed in near-silence. He could hear her ragged breathing as she got herself under control. The murmur of his idling truck. The squeak of the porch swing as the winter wind pushed past it.

  And then he heard Grace whisper, “You didn’t have to come.”

  Like hell he didn’t.

  It took everything he had to say, “You okay?”

  Once she nodded into his chest, Rick let her go. He tried not to let it sting too much when she backed away from him the second she could.

  Grace glanced up at him with bloodshot eyes, offering him a small, shaky smile, before giving him her profile. He watched her forehead wrinkle as she stared around the porch. Grace searched out Maria. And then she asked the last thing he ever expected: “Where did Natalie go?”

  “Gone,” Maria said in her throaty voice. “I’m not surprised you didn’t notice.”

  Natalie?

  That’s right, Rick remembered. Natalie was on the porch when he pulled up, though there was no sign of her now.

  He scowled. No wonder Sly was vague when it came to who found her. His old buddy knew exactly how he’d react. After the scene at the coffeeshop, Rick got Sly to tell Natalie to back off. He didn’t want to hurt the girl again, and if he had to face her after the way she treated Grace in front of half the town, he might’ve said some things he would’ve regretted. Better that it came from the sheriff instead.

  Now, though? His whole body went tense, his jaw tight. Maybe he had jumped to the wrong conclusion. He immediately thought Grace’s fear had everything to do with the secrets she kept. But if Natalie had something to do with how scared and upset Grace was, he’d never forgive her.

  “What was she doing here?” His voice went hard, his tone harsh. Wincing when he heard it, he dialed it back. “Tiger? You’ve gotta tell me. Is this Nat’s fault? Did she upset you?”

  “What? You think—God, no. No, Rick. She—” Grace let out a strange sound. It took him a second to realize it was a hiccup mixed with a snort. She shrugged helplessly, throwing her hands up in the air. “She was trying to apologize. I might’ve let her if my… my breakdown hadn’t sent her running. At least now I know how to get rid of her if she pisses me off again.”

  Her words were light, almost teasing. It was an act. A show. Another performance, Rick figured, only he wasn’t falling for this one.

  Trembling. She was trembling. He rubbed her upper arm with his hand, a silent apology of his own. He didn’t know what else to do, how to comfort her when he didn’t know what set her off, and he ended up trying to make light of his accusation. If that’s how Grace wanted it, he’d try his best to put her at ease.

  “Really?” he grumbled. “Didn’t know she knew how to do that. Apologize, I mean.”

  Their relationship was so fragile. So new. Rick was navigating it the best he could, and he felt a little bit better about how he was doing when the frightened expression faded some. Closing her eyes, she leaned into his touch. His heart just about melted and he had to fight to keep from wrapping her up in his arms again.

  “I know.” Another hiccup. Grace reached out to him, palming his chest. He liked the way she patted him, the way she didn’t want to let him get too far despite everything. “It was a surprise to me, too.”

  “If it wasn’t Natalie, what happened? Sly buzzed and told me you kind of fainted out here. Was it from the cold?” Her leotard had long sleeves, but the stretchy material was super thin and it wouldn’t hold in he
r body heat once she stopped dancing. He pressed the back of his hand against her cheek and frowned. “You feel chilly. Is that it?”

  “Maybe we should go inside,” suggested Maria. “Or I could go get Grace her coat.”

  Grace shook her head. “I’m fine.”

  That was a lie, but Rick let it go. Maybe she meant it. As worked up as he was, he barely noticed the dropping temperatures. Grace was shook; she might not feel the cold, either. And whatever it was that upset her, it happened here. It happened outside.

  He glanced around. The only thing he noticed that didn’t belong was the stack of mail lying in the grass near the edge of the curb. He saw the blue ribbon tied around the pile.

  Only one person in Hamlet color-coordinated their mail drop-offs.

  “Was Phil here?”

  Instead of answering him, Grace jolted. Her hand flew to her face, covering her mouth. “Ophelia’s mail,” she breathed out between her fingers. “I’m so sorry, Maria. I didn’t mean to drop your letters.”

  “No worries, sweetie. Here, you stay with Ricky. I’ll get the mail.”

  It was the perfect opportunity to talk to Grace alone. Maria was giving them space, while staying near enough to offer Grace her support. He owed her big time for this.

  Once they had a little privacy, Rick lowered his voice. “It’s just you and me, Tiger. No one else needs to know. We can handle this together. But, first, you gotta tell me what happened before I got here.”

  “I… I can’t.”

  Her simple refusal hit him like a punch to the gut. Rick took the hit, almost recoiling from the impact. From anyone else, he could’ve shaken it off. Not Grace. Ever since he gave in to his feelings for her, she held so much power over him, she could crush him beneath her dainty heel and he’d grunt a sorry for getting in her way.

  But Rick was nothing if not stubborn. He’d fight for her now that he had her with the same amount of tenacity as he had when he tried to pretend he wouldn’t be good for her.

  There was no one better for Grace, and he’d show her if she let him.

  Maria stayed on the walkway, purposely taking her time as she looked through her stack of mail. She tucked her bat under her arm, hugging herself for warmth. It might be warmer lately than previous winters, but it was still December. Forty degrees without a coat was pushing it.

  They had to wrap this up. He looked down at the other woman for help. “Maria—”

  “I don’t know, Ricky,” she murmured. “Grace hasn’t told me anything yet, either.”

  He didn’t know whether to be relieved or not that she was stubbornly refusing to confide in anyone else. It wasn’t just him.

  He watched as Maria shivered; unlike his Grace, it had nothing to do with her scare. Rick nodded. “Thanks for everything. I’ve got it from here.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. Buzz Sly for me, will you? I’ll fix this.” And he would, he vowed. Grace might not want to trust him now, but he’d prove he was worth it—no matter what he had to do. “Let him know that when he’s done with the cat, he doesn’t have to rush here. I’ve got everything under control.”

  Maria raised her eyebrows at the mention of the cat, but didn’t say anything as she strode back up the walkway. After climbing the steps, pausing only to tell Grace softly that she’d be in the kitchen if she needed her, Maria went inside of Ophelia, leaving Rick and Grace alone together.

  He laid his hands gently on her slender shoulders, desperate to keep the connection between them.

  This was important.

  “Grace, I know that there’s a lot about you that I don’t know. That’s fine. We’ve only just started this thing. We have all the time in the world to learn everything about each other.” Rick tried not to react when he saw her flinch. He pushed on because he had to. He needed her to talk to him more than he needed his next breath. “I know some. Enough. And, because of that, I’m guessing this has something to do with the reasons you’re hiding out in Hamlet. It’s okay. I’m here to help. We’re in this together. Me and my Tiger. You don’t have to fight this on your own.”

  Halfway through his speech, she dropped her gaze to his chest. She didn’t try to get away from him again, and he took that as a good sign. But neither did she speak up.

  “If it’s nothing, that’s fine. But I think we both know that you’re made of stronger stuff than that. You wouldn’t let anyone know that it got to you unless it really got to you. Natalie was here, and I’m betting she’s the last one you wanted to fall apart in front of. You can trust me, Grace. I hope you know that—”

  She nodded and Rick felt some of the tightness in his chest ease.

  “Good. And I trust you. I trust that you know that I’m here for you always. What happened? What’s wrong?”

  Before she could say anything—before she even gave any indication that she heard him—Ophelia’s door swung open again. Maria stepped back on the porch, an apologetic grimace twisting her pretty features.

  “Mi diaspace. Sorry. I got Sly and he wants to know if Grace needs medical care. There’s a doctor in the next county who’ll be able to see her as a favor to him.”

  Maybe that’s what she needed. Rick sure as hell hadn’t been much help.

  “What do you think? Wanna take a ride with me out of Hamlet?”

  He didn’t know what it was that he said. It was like slapping her out of a daze. Her eyes went wide and she took three careful steps back. “I want to stay here. I’ll… I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

  That was the last thing he wanted to hear, mainly because every time he said those same exact words after leaving the military, he knew they were a lie. Concern coupled with helplessness left him furious. He wanted to lash out, punch something, and he reined in that urge.

  It wouldn’t help either of them.

  But that didn’t mean he was going to keep his mouth shut. “Oh, really? Because—”

  There must have been something in the set of his shoulders, the look on his face, something that gave him away. Maria edged closer to them, laying her hand on Rick’s right bicep.

  He stopped talking, jerking his head so that he was looking at her instead of Grace. Her pointed stare warned him against continuing down that road.

  Huffing, Rick reached up with his left hand, running his fingers through the shaggy length. He didn’t cut it because Grace confessed she loved it like this. There were a lot of things he did because he wanted to make her happy.

  Damn it! Why wouldn’t she let him help her?

  Maria let out a soft tsk. “Ricky, no.”

  That’s when Grace realized that Maria had returned. And as Grace’s gaze fell on Maria’s bat, it was as if she was seeing it for the first time. Rick didn’t understand, couldn’t figure what it was about the wooden bat that changed her mind, but he watched as she straightened. She gulped, then shuddered. She ran her hand across her face, rubbing her eyes, plucking her lip.

  She was working up the nerve for something. He got that. But it also glaringly evident that she was scared out of her head. And he had the sinking suspicion that he had everything to do with it now.

  Shit.

  The last thing he wanted was for Grace to ever know fear when he was around. It was bad enough that, despite how hard she tried to hide it, she could never truly shake it thanks to the ex whose possessiveness scarred her. To have her be afraid of him?

  He couldn’t take it. She had to trust him. She had to believe in him. This fragile thing building between them would shatter and break if she didn’t.

  He would shatter and break.

  Rick was a big man, tall and strong. He worked hard at it. He trained hard. He built up every muscle he could. But his heart? It chipped when Caitlin Scott became Caitlin De Angelis, and cracked when she was murdered. He slapped a bandaid on it after the funeral and promised he’d never give it away again. Then, like a thief in the night, Grace snuck in and she stole it. He never even put up a fight. He just let her tak
e it.

  Now that it was in her tiny, little hands, she had the power to smash it to smithereens.

  The entire time Rick was active in the Marine Corps, he never quite understood why he was fighting. He joined because it was his way out of Hamlet, and he became the best damn Marine he could because he made a promise when he enlisted. But he never knew the reason why he fought.

  He found it in a ballerina who liked to dance in the moonlight.

  This? What they had? What they could have? This was worth fighting for.

  Rick’s grip was gentle as he cupped her chin, tilting her head back so that he could look in her eyes. She tried to move and, when she couldn’t, she closed her eyelids.

  That just about killed him.

  “Don’t hide from me, Grace,” he pleaded. He’d fucking beg if he had to. “I can only help you if you let me.”

  Her long, thick eyelashes fluttered. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes again.

  Rick thought she was going to deny him. Tell him no. Grace opened her mouth, then closed it with an audible click. Something passed across her face, a sort of resignation that he couldn’t quite explain.

  And then she nodded.

  “You’re right, Rick. I’m sorry… so, so sorry. I know that this—us—it’ll never work if I can’t be honest with you.” She trailed her hand down his chest, drawing back when she reached his navel. “I’ll show you. Just… don’t hate me, okay?”

  “I could never do that.”

  She smiled sadly. “You say that now,” she told him before heading back toward the porch swing.

  He didn’t want to let her go. There was something in her smile—and a surrender in her eyes—that he never wanted to see. Rick surged forward, deciding in an instant that he didn’t want to know. If Grace was worried about his reaction, he’d make it easy for her.

  That’s when Maria stopped him. Throwing her hand out, she blocked him from following Grace. Because it was either mow her down or wait, Rick chose to fall back.