No more half-truths.
Most importantly, I want her to know I’m not going anywhere. I’m in this for the long haul. Forever. She’s the one person on this earth I’m meant to be with.
It could be the three of us against the world.
Before I left, my mother gave me my grandmother’s ring. She said I’d know when the time was right but to make sure I didn’t rush Harley into anything.
That ring is in my pocket. It has been for three days now. Waiting to see the light.
Not that I plan to propose the first time I see her again.
I mean… shit! I should have left the ring at the house. I can see myself getting excited and dropping to one knee the second I lay eyes on her.
Pushing back all thoughts of Harley in a white dress or the idea of us starting a family together, I grab my keys and prepare to head back to my house. The house I spent a pretty penny on and have only slept in one night since signing the papers.
Looking around the apartment, I sigh. This place holds so many good memories, but all I can think of is the one bad memory I’d like to forget. The night she told me to leave and, like an idiot with a broken heart, I listened to her.
Pulling open the door, I stop short when I find Harley standing in the hall. Our eyes meet, and my breath hitches in my chest. My keys slip from my hand as I take a step toward her, reaching out to touch her, making sure she’s not a figment of my imagination.
When my hand lands on her cheek, I let out the breath I was holding and close my eyes.
She’s real. I’m not dreaming her up this time.
Every night she stars in my dreams. Every morning I wake up missing her. That hasn’t changed since coming back here. If anything, it’s intensified.
Now Harley is standing in front of me, and I’m afraid to open my eyes. Afraid she’ll disappear. That the look of longing on her face will go away and be replaced by the anger and sorrow I saw the last time she was within arm’s reach.
“Alex,” she says on a breath, relieving me of the fear I was holding onto.
Opening my eyes, I look deep in her baby blues, straight into her soul, and feel everything she’s feeling. The excitement and pain. Uncertainty and love.
“You’re even more beautiful than I remember,” I state, brushing her cheek with the back of my hand.
“We need to talk.”
The same words she spoke months ago. The words I couldn’t get out of my head those first few weeks. They haunted me. Kept me awake night after night.
This time, there’s no malice behind them. No anger. It’s a simple statement. A truth.
“I know.”
It’s all I can say. I’ve waited for this moment for days, and now that it’s here, words are failing me. I need to get it together before I blow the one chance I have to win Harley back.
28
Harley
* * *
Vivian wasn’t surprised when I collapsed in her office yesterday morning in tears. I’d had plenty of breakdowns the last few months over Alex, but this was different. He was here. He was across the hall.
He wasn’t knocking on my door, though.
His letter said he came back for me, but I was the one who needed to go to him. When I was ready.
Was I?
Could I handle being that close to him? In the same room?
Hell, being in the same building had me on edge. Knowing he was close. Waiting for me.
I’ve been so distracted I burnt toast the other morning, and it made me think of Alex setting off his smoke detector when he did the same thing one day. Then a few evenings ago, I poured myself a glass of wine and the bottle made me cry. It was the same brand Alex brought over for dinner one night. I had picked it up at the store before he left but never opened it.
It’s the little things.
The memories we made in the short time he was here.
The good outweighs the bad, but the good memories are now tainted by lies. The ones I’ve told as well as his. It’s hard to figure out what was real and what was for show, to keep from exposing himself. To keep from exposing the truth.
“Do you want me to be honest with you, or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?” Vivian asks, handing me the box of tissues.
After my conversation with Phoenix the other day about honesty, I can’t ask her to lie to me. “The truth.”
“You need to talk to him. If that means you holler and scream and get out all your frustrations, so be it. Lay it all on the table. The good, bad, and ugly.” I open my mouth to protest but stop when Vivian holds up her hand. “Listen, you love him. You may not want to admit it, but you do. He lied and that’s not okay, but we all keep things from each other sometimes. Do you think I tell you everything? No, and I’m sure there are things you don’t tell me. Things you never told Alex. Why? Because it’s how we protect ourselves from getting hurt.
“Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, Harley. You know that better than most people. What you need to think about is where you want to go from here. Do you want him in your life? Do you want to try and make things work? Starting over, isn’t always a bad thing. But, if you decide to do that, you have to leave the past in the past. You have to talk through everything and then let it all go. Move on. Don’t let your past define your future.”
Tears are flowing freely down my face as I listen to her talk. If there were no Alex, if this was only about my life, my past, her words would have hit just as deep. It’s time for me to face my past, deal with it, and move on. Leave it behind me and focus on what comes next.
Part of that involves Alex. The other part… my mother.
It’s time to let her go. To stop worrying about her and what may happen if she finds us, because if I’m honest with myself, she’s probably not even looking. She’s probably so high she doesn’t even remember I picked up Phoenix or the note I left.
That’s who she is. I’ve accepted that.
I’m not her. I’m better than the example she set for me, and I always will be. I’m no longer Vegas trash. I’ve dusted myself off, and I’ll never return to that life. Ever.
“Thank you,” I finally say, dabbing at my eyes. “I’m not sure what I’d do without you sometimes.”
“You’d be just fine, Harley. You knew what you needed to do, but you wanted someone else to tell you to do it. That’s fine. I’ll always be honest with you as long as you’re honest with yourself. A little nudge from time to time isn’t a bad thing.”
Pulling me off the couch and straight into her arms, Vivian wraps me in the kind of hug I always wished my mother was able to give me. Her arms are tight around my shoulders, making it impossible for me to move. Mostly, I can feel how much she cares about me.
By the time I left her office an hour later, I’d told Vivian everything I was planning on telling Alex tonight. About my mother. My life before San Diego. Constantly running. Phoenix. Everything I’d been lying to everyone about for years.
She sat and listened intently, silently, taking in every word as I unraveled the lies I’d fed her. The same lies I’d been feeding people for years.
I apologized time and time again, but she just shook it off, not wanting to hear it. She was proud of me for being honest with her but even more proud for all I had overcome. She understood why I lied, to protect myself. To protect Phoenix.
“A lie isn’t always the worst mistake someone can make. Lies have the ability to help as much as they do to hurt.”
Her words echo in my mind as I tuck Phoenix into bed. He knows I’m going across the hall to talk to Alex. We talked about it over dinner after he let me read the note Alex gave him when he left. The note he never told me about until a few days ago.
Phoenix,
You’ll always be important to me. A shining light in an otherwise dark time. I can’t explain why, but I have to leave for a little while. I need you to take care of your mom for me. She’s going to need to lean on you, for you to make her laugh and smile. But I pro
mise you I’ll be back.
This isn’t a goodbye, more of a see you later.
Alex
There was one for me on the counter that day. I wasn’t ready to read it so I tucked it away until the day I felt ready to hear his voice as my eyes scanned the pages. If I had known the one tapped to the front door was from Alex, I probably wouldn’t have opened that one either.
Digging through my sock drawer, I locate the first note from Alex, closing the bedroom door behind me as I leave the room. Snagging my wine glass off the counter, I down the rest of the contents and take a seat on the couch. Two deep breaths and I unfold the yellowing notebook paper.
There’s no way to prepare myself for what I’m about to read, so I don’t bother trying.
Harley,
I don’t even know where to begin. Things spiraled out of control faster than I could have predicted. One minute it felt like I was checking out your ass as Daphne begged me not to leave her, and the next you were in my bed. I wouldn’t change any of it. I hope you know that. Not a single second. Then my parents showed up, and the world came crashing down around me.
I need to back up, though, and start from the beginning. Not everything I told you was a lie. In fact, most of it was true, just not the entire truth. So here goes…
My parents are horrible people. They don’t give a shit about Daph or me. We were more of a burden than a blessing. I didn’t realize it growing up, though. My father spent a lot of time with me, grooming me to be like him. Wanting me to carry on the Neil name. The King of Real Estate, he always called himself, and I was expected to be the prince.
So I did what I was told. Went to college, got my degree, and came back home, only things weren’t the same after four years away. I saw things in a different light. The first thing I noticed was how distant Daphne was when we’d always been close and remained that way while I was in college.
I’m the one who found her when she overdosed. I’m the one that called 9-1-1. Rode with her to the hospital and stayed for days until she was awake and detoxing. I’m also the one who went to the country club and whispered the truth in my mother’s ear so no one would hear the disgrace my sister was bringing to our family. Called my father’s office to tell him what had happened two days after I found his secretary with her head between his legs.
That was my breaking point, I think. He wanted me to be like him, but that’s not who I was. I valued monogamy. I wasn’t a player. I knew what he was doing was wrong.
While Daph was recovering in the hospital, I called and visited three other rehab centers. It took a minute to figure out why they refused to accept her. I wasn’t her legal guardian. No one was willing to risk the lawsuit. So I did what I had to for Daph to get help.
I lied.
Metaphorically killed my parents, even though, in my mind, they were already dead to me. They weren’t willing to acknowledge what had happened, and there was no way they were going to get her the help she needed.
So I did.
My family is far from perfect. My life may seem like it was glamorous growing up, because we had money and anything we wanted, but it wasn’t that great. All I ever wanted was someone to love me. Someone who wanted to spend time with me. I wanted to be more important than work or cosmopolitans.
Scoring the apartment across the hall from you and Phoenix was fate. We were meant to meet, to be friends. You and I were meant for greater than either of us imagined. Together.
Phoenix gave me unconditional love from the moment I met him. Maybe it’s his youth, but he seemed oblivious that I had nothing to offer him except my time and that was all he wanted.
Then there’s you. You restored my faith in humanity. You are the kindest, most generous person I know. You love with all your heart and would do anything to protect the people in your life.
Which is why I know an apology isn’t good enough. It never will be. I can say I’m sorry every day for the rest of my life and I’d still feel like I owe you so much more for putting you in the middle of this.
So I’m listening to you, and I’m leaving. Going back home to get my shit in order, to make myself a better person. But I’ll be back. Please don’t doubt that. For you and for Phoenix. Because I love you, Harley, both of you. You guys are my family. You’re the two most important people in my life, and I’m not giving up on this. On us. I love you, Harley.
Always. Forever.
Alex
Well, fuck. Had I read his note months ago when Phoenix told me about it, I wouldn’t have been holding on to the anger in my heart. That doesn’t change the fact he lied, but he’s not the only one, and he’s about to find that out. My only hope now is that he’ll forgive me the way I’ve found it in my heart to forgive him. Because I have. I just wasn’t ready to admit it to myself.
I hope he’ll still love me and want to be with me after I share my truth with him.
Because his lies feel small in comparison to mine.
Folding the note back up, I place it under the TV remote and then slip into my flip flops. Stopping in the bathroom to check my hair, I take a long look in the mirror, giving myself a mental pep talk before heading across the hall to Alex’s.
Raising my hand to knock, I chicken out, taking a step away from his door. Closing my eyes, I draw in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Stepping back up to his door, I’m about to knock when it opens, and my eyes fall on the man who destroyed me.
He’s also the only man who can put me back together again. The only man who can make me whole. Because without him in my life, a large part of my heart is missing.
“Alex,” I whisper, his touch stealing my breath.
“You’re even more beautiful than I remember.”
Always a sweet talker. I was prepared for this, though. I refuse to let him distract me. If he does, I’ll never be able to get everything out, and I can’t move on, we can’t move on, until I do.
Until all our truths have been spoken.
Mine and his.
“We need to talk.”
“I know.”
It’s all he says as he steps aside, ushering me into his apartment. The room is blanketed in darkness when he closes the door behind him.
29
Alex
* * *
The darkness makes the room feels smaller than it ever has before, the only sliver of light coming from the window overlooking the street below. Or maybe it’s the fact I’m nervous being this close to her, unsure of how this conversation is going to go. I can see the outline of Harley’s body but not the expression on her face.
Harley’s seated at the opposite end of the couch, facing me, her knees grazing my thigh. It’s the closest I’ve been to her in months, yet she still seems too far away.
Probably because I want her in my arms. It’s all I can think about. Pulling her close and promising her forever. Begging her for a second chance. Before I can open my mouth and say something stupid that ruins everything, she finally speaks.
“I read your notes.”
Good. She was meant to read them.
“I didn’t want to read the first one. I tucked it away until an hour ago, afraid of what it might say.” Seriously? She waited this long? I’d assumed she read it the day I left it for her. That she wanted to know what I had to say since I left. “I have to admit, it wasn’t what I was expecting. And the one from the other day, that one took me by surprise.”
“In a good way, I hope,” I state, reaching out and taking her hand in mine, needing to touch her. My heart jumps for joy when she doesn’t pull away from me.
“Yes and no. I was mad at you for lying to me, but in your notes, you were honest with me. Which makes me feel like a shitty person because I haven’t been honest with you. Not about everything. Not about the important things. But I’d like to be if you’ll give me a chance to explain.”
I’ve always known she was hiding something from me. I wasn’t concerned because I knew she’d tell me in time. Plus, I had my own lies to worry abo
ut. Now that those days are behind me, I’m glad she wants to share her secrets with me.
“I need you to promise to let me get it all out so I don’t lose my nerve. There’s a lot you don’t know. A lot that led up to why I lied. Can you do that? Just listen for now? I’ll answer all your questions after, I promise.”
Nodding my head even though I’m fairly certain she can’t see me, Harley launches into her story.
Growing up dirt poor in Las Vegas with an addict for a mother and no idea who her father was. Practically raising herself. Helping her mother get clean when she found out she was pregnant only for her to turn back to drugs and alcohol after her brother was born.
Phoenix. Her brother, not her son.
Raising him because her mother was too strung out to make sense of day or night. Dropping out of school and giving up her childhood so he could have one. Having to leave him behind so she could make a better life for herself, for him.
One she was proud of. She refused to end up like her mother, and I can’t blame her for that.
When Harley sucks in a deep breath, it’s clear the hardest part of the story is yet to come.
Kidnapping with good intentions.
She stole Phoenix from her mother. Took him one day and never looked back. They’ve been running ever since. She even changed her name a few years ago, taking Phoenix’s last name, his father’s name, so her mother couldn’t track her in case she ever decided to try.
And now here we are. The third city they’ve lived in almost as many years.
Still scraping by to make ends meet. Still fighting to keep her mother from finding her, from taking Phoenix away. Lying to everyone she knows in an attempt to protect him and keep him safe.
So many things make sense now. The first that comes to mind is why he doesn’t call her mom. The second, why there are no pictures of his father around. Or anyone for that matter. All her photos are of just the two of them. A few from when he was a little kid but most from the last few years.
Half Truths: An Opposites Attract Romance Page 20
