Beauty Queens and Cruises: A Humorous Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery (Cruise Ship Cozy Mysteries Book 4)

by A. R. Winters

  “What do you think of her alibi?” asked Ethan. He was leaning up against a railing looking out to sea, and I joined him. There was no one around on this little part of the deck, so we could speak freely.

  “Nonexistent. It’s true I did see her just before I discovered Diana, but she clearly hadn’t been at the café long. She could have easily met up with Clarissa after...”

  Ethan nodded. “Right. I didn’t think her alibi was up to much either. But did she strike you as a killer?”

  “Hard to say. If you’d have asked me a year ago, I would have said definitely not. But I’ve since learned that people aren’t always what they seem. It’s hard to see it though, don’t you think?”

  “I’m inclined to agree, but I’m not scratching her off your list yet.”

  “Right. My list.” It felt odd that he said it like that. I supposed it was me who did most of the investigating, but it still felt strange that it was me who was in charge of the list of suspects. Solving murders wasn’t what I thought I’d be doing when I originally signed up to be a social media manager on a ship.

  “We should talk to Rolf, and some of the others too. Perhaps find out more about this photo scandal.”

  “Right. If Diana did release the pictures, like Kimberly thinks she might have, then perhaps one of her former clients might have wanted some revenge.”

  “The captain is hosting some of them for dinner tonight. Would you like to join, as my guest? It’ll give us a chance to talk to them without them being able to squirm away.”

  “Sure, I’d like that,” I said with a smile.

  Not only was it a chance to talk to the suspects, but it was basically a date. Secretly interviewing murder suspects with First Officer Hot Stuff. What could be more romantic than that?

  Chapter 18

  That evening, I put on my only formal dress, a long black number. Our cabin on the ship was small, and there was very little downtime for those of us who worked aboard the ship to spend getting dressed up. It never seemed worth bringing any more than one nice dress and one good pair of heels.

  Of course, if Ethan and I got more serious, perhaps I might spend more time dining with the well-to-do. Then I’d have to dress up every night. I wasn’t sure if the thought of that was exciting or off-putting. Perhaps a little of both.

  I met Ethan near the restaurant, and we walked in together. We were dining at the captain’s table in the Captain’s Club—the main evening restaurant for the VIP guests and other high-paying customers.

  “Looks like everyone’s here,” said Ethan quietly to me as we approached the table.

  There were only two seats left. At the table, the captain seemed to be holding court, while around him sat Autumn and Rolf, Martin and Clarissa, and Kelly Cline.

  “Hi, guys!” said Kelly excitedly, patting the seat next to her for me to sit down on. Ethan sat at the other remaining seat, on the other side of my chair, next to the captain. I knew he wouldn’t be too thrilled about that; he and the captain didn’t get along.

  “We were just talking about the murder,” said the captain rather loudly.

  I swallowed in surprise. Was no one into subtlety around here? Looking around the table, I guessed not. The pageant people were always the exact opposite of subtle, and, in a different way, so was Kelly.

  “Terrible business,” said Ethan in a quiet, sober voice.

  There were half-hearted nods and mumbles of agreement that barely disguised the fact that they were all actually excited by it all. I could understand that a murder wasn’t exactly a common occurrence, but from the atmosphere at the table it felt like they were treating it like some kind of thrilling entertainment rather than the awful tragedy it actually was. Who could be excited, or heaven forbid, happy about murder?

  “How are the contestants dealing with the death of one of their judges?” I asked the table, in an effort to inject a bit of more appropriate, sober seriousness.

  “Why, that’s a great question,” said Clarissa, clearly trying to mask her accent in mixed company. Martin slowly nodded to himself with a satisfied smile on his face next to her. “But,” she continued, “I think that we—they are all just such professionals that nothing can faze them, don’t you think, Martin?” she turned toward him and batted her eyelashes up at her mentor.

  “Indeed, that’s right, Clarissa. They are all professionals. I think they can cope with the unfortunate death of the judge. But what’s really disturbing, even more so than the murder, is that awful, awful woman.”

  There were murmurs of agreement and nods around the table. Of course they were talking about Ruth Allen and the various protests she’d been upsetting them all with.

  Ethan winced. “I’ve had very strong words with her today. I don’t think she’ll be disturbing any more of your events. And if she tries, she’s going to be locked up.”

  Martin gave Ethan a quizzical look. “But she should be locked up already. She clearly was involved in Diana’s death. I’m not saying she actually did it, but she…” Martin stopped and shook his head to himself emphatically. “No. I guess I am. It must have been her who did it. No one else would ever want to harm Diana Penn. She was one of the greats, you know.”

  I could see Ethan tensing up next to me. For obvious reasons, he didn’t want people running around the ship accusing each other of murder.

  “While I understand she’s been disruptive, we have no reason to believe she’s actually a killer.” Ethan’s tone was calm, measured and reasonable. “I can assure you we’re following up on every lead.”

  “Just arrest her and be done with it. That’s what I say,” said Martin with a shake of his head, like he couldn’t understand why we hadn’t done it already.

  “If and when we find any convincing evidence of her—or someone else—committing the crime, we certainly will,” said Ethan through gritted teeth. Like most people, Ethan didn’t like being told how to do his job by an ill-informed amateur.

  Autumn squeezed Clarissa’s arm. Watching her from my position, I couldn’t quite tell whether it was a friendly way of getting her attention, or whether she was using her fingers like calipers to measure the fat. It could have been a little of both.

  “This is some learning experience for you, isn’t it? I bet you didn’t imagine all this going on when you agreed to come see this little pageant!”

  Clarissa gave a confident shy smile, like she’d been practicing it in a mirror for weeks.

  “Oh, yes, it’s been the most wonderful opportunity,” she answered with an adoring look up at Martin.

  Autumn looked at Clarissa’s mentor and caught his eye with a raise of her chin. “She’s quite a find, Martin. Well done. You know, even Diana thought so, before... you know.”

  Martin patted Clarissa on the shoulder like she was a well-behaved puppy before turning back to Autumn.

  “Yes, Diana was known for her poaching wasn’t she? Unfortunately for her, Clarissa is loyal. You actually appreciate what people do for you, don’t you, dear?”

  “I sure do.” She smiled up at him while she spoke. “You’ve always been so good to me. You’ve taught me so much.”

  Goodness, it was getting sickly sweet in here. And we were nowhere near dessert yet. It was interesting what Martin had said, about how Diana was known for poaching other girls. Perhaps Martin had a reason to want to get rid of Diana too. I was going to keep a careful eye on him. As well as on Kimberly, Rolf, Ruth and... cornstalks, there were so many of them.

  “I was wondering,” I said to the table at large, “where did Diana’s sash and crown come from? Was it a big competition?”

  Martin, Rolf, and Autumn each looked at each other in turn, as if deciding what their group opinion on the matter was. Martin answered first though.

  “That was just her being petty, wasn’t it?”

  Rolf was nodding, but Autumn was shaking her head.

  “She won it when she was crowned Queen of the South in nineteen eighty-seven,” said Rolf with what soun
ded like a hint of bitterness. “Now, why she was wearing that particular crown and that particular sash on this cruise? I think we can answer that in one word.”

  “Pettiness,” said Martin sharply before Rolf could finish.

  “Coincidence,” said Autumn with an amused shake of her head.

  “Pride,” said Rolf.

  “Well, that cleared that up,” I whispered in Ethan’s ear. He squeezed my leg under the table. He was amused but couldn’t laugh at the guests.

  Martin looked at Autumn, and she shook her head and stared down at the table in response. She didn’t want to talk about it. But Martin certainly did.

  “Autumn and Diana were both competing—they were the two favorites. Everyone knew that one of them would win.”

  “And Autumn... didn’t?” I said with an apologetic look her way.

  Martin nodded. “Diana was crowned that year. Autumn won the following year. But Diana always held it over her. She’d won it first. She was so proud of it. Insanely proud of it, you might say.” He chuckled to himself. “That’s why she was wearing them on this cruise. She has tons of sashes and crowns and trophies, but that was the one that really counted for her. When she beat the great Autumn Meadows.”

  “No,” said Autumn quietly, “that was all so long ago. I’m sure it was just coincidence that she was wearing that crown and sash. Our rivalry was years in the past. We’d grown up and moved on since then.”

  Martin didn’t respond, but from the crooked smile on his face, I could tell he wasn’t convinced. Rolf just sat in silent, stoic support of his wife, his hand clasped on top of hers.

  “Ah! Soup’s here!” said Kelly loudly.

  The soup was indeed there, a thick french onion soup that was delivered to each of us simultaneously by four waiters each carrying two rich, steaming bowls.

  Everyone made appreciative comments about the look and smell of the dark brown soup and began to dig in.

  Kelly began delivering the soup from her bowl to her mouth in an almost continuous up-down motion of spoon-to-bowl and spoon-to-mouth. She was done in less than a minute. I think I was on about my third mouthful of the delicious starter by then.

  “So!” said Kelly loudly. Conversation at the table had dropped while everyone ate, but Kelly planned to revive it. “How did Ruth get Diana’s crown?”

  Ethan glared at her but she was obliviously smiling across the table at the team of pageant judges.

  “That matter is still being investigated,” answered Ethan. He said it with a kind of finality, that indicated the topic wasn’t open for further discussion. Of course, everyone ignored it.

  Martin clinked his spoon against his bowl loudly, attracting everyone’s attention. “Well, it’s clear,” he said, “she stole the crown from Diana after strangling her with her sash. I can’t see why you don’t see that.” The last sentence was said directly to Ethan. “It seems obvious, doesn’t it?”

  Rolf was nodding along, as was Clarissa. I suspected Clarissa would agree with anything Martin said though; she was his protege, after all.

  I saw Ethan hesitating, deciding whether to speak or not. Finally, he did.

  “First, let me assure you I am no fan of Ruth. She’s been a huge pain this trip, and caused me a lot of unnecessary extra work. That said, do you really think, if she killed Diana and stole the crown, she would then wear it while she protested? Wouldn’t that be rather dumb?”

  Martin nodded. “It would be rather dumb. Kind of like her protests.”

  Clarissa, Autumn, and Rolf all tittered along with Martin.

  “That’s probably what she wants you to think,” said Autumn. “She probably thinks that doing something so obvious would act as a kind of defense—which you’ve fallen for.”

  Under the table, I squeezed Ethan’s knee in a gesture of support. These people were nearly insufferable.

  “So simultaneously dumb and clever?” I asked. “A kind of Schrodinger’s crown?”

  I got some strange looks from across the table.

  “Look,” said Ethan, “I have not discounted the possibility of it being her, but at the moment I don’t think it’s likely. Her whole schtick is protecting women, not harming them, even if they are doing something she disagrees with—”

  “More misdirection, perhaps?” said Autumn, interrupting.

  “But needless to say, I have not discounted the possibility. Me and my team,” Ethan clasped my hand under the table and squeezed it. “are looking into all the suspects.”

  It was with great satisfaction that I watched Ethan catch each member of the pageant team across the table with their own, individual stare, one after the other. He was letting them know that he was checking into all of them. And quite right too. It seemed almost everyone had some kind of motive to have killed Diana.

  The silence at the table extended for some time, and was just about to verge into uncomfortable, when a band on a small elevated stage at the far end of the restaurant began to play.

  “There is a small interlude for dancing between courses today,” said the captain to the table. “It’s time for me to do my duty.” He followed the last word with a little chuckle. “Some of the older ladies expect a dance with the captain.” He shook his head, but it was with a smile. Like he was complaining about the chore of it but secretly enjoyed it. “Ethan? Kelly?”

  They both stood up as well. As senior members of crew and staff, they were expected to mingle with the guests and make them feel like the very important people they were. Even if they weren’t important, their money certainly was.

  Autumn stood up. “Excuse me, I’m going to powder my nose.”

  This was a good opportunity for me as well. I’d been wanting a chance to talk to Autumn. Especially now that it had been revealed that she may have had some simmering resentment—despite her denials—dating back all the way to the eighties.

  “Please excuse me too, back soon,” I said to the two remaining men at the table, and made to follow Autumn.

  Chapter 19

  Soon after, I found myself looking into a well-lit mirror in the rather luxurious Captain’s Club bathrooms. I was standing next to Autumn, who was busy touching up her already seemingly-perfect hair and makeup.

  I was doing the same, though I felt a bit awkward next to Autumn. I thought she’d be judging my non-extortionately-priced brand of makeup and the fact that my hairstyle was closer to ‘easy to manage’ than ‘four figures and your first born.’

  “Oh, Autumn, I wanted to ask you something!” I said as brightly as I could, as it was a mere happy coincidence that we were both standing there at the same time.

  “Oh?” She looked me over in the mirror and I could have sworn I saw a wince on her face that said please don’t ask to be in a beauty pageant. But I probably just imagined it.

  “I don’t suppose you lost a bracelet, did you? A silver one?”

  She looked slightly relieved at my question.

  “No, I haven’t lost anything as far as I know. Where did you find it?”

  “Oh, it was found on the day of the interviews. I thought perhaps you dropped it. Maybe it was one of the girls.”

  I didn’t want to tell her that I actually thought it had come from Rolf. She hadn’t expressed any recognition with regard to the bracelet though, so if Rolf had been carrying it, then Autumn was oblivious to that fact.

  “I don’t tend to favor silver,” said Autumn, “I’m more of a gold girl myself. It matches my name, you see. The golden leaves of fall.”

  “Of course,” I said with a chuckle. But from the look she gave me in response, she hadn’t been joking. It was time to change the topic.

  “Do you know if Diana ever went to Tucson?”

  “Tucson? Arizona? Why would she go there?”

  “For a pageant?” I suggested.

  Autumn shrugged. “I suppose it’s possible. I don’t think I ever did though, not that I recall. She might have done some podunk competition there I guess.”

  I was t
rying to figure out if there was any connection between Diana and my stalker.

  “Okay, and one other thing. Did Diana have a favorite candy bar?”

  “What an odd question,” said Autumn, shaking her head. Instead of looking at me in the mirror, she turned to face me directly. I turned my head too. “What on earth do you want to know that for?”

  Uh-oh. I guess it did sound like a strange question, didn’t it?

  “Oh, it’s just we found a candy bar near... her. I was wondering whether it could have been hers, or whether it might have come from the... you know.”

  “Killer,” said Autumn, helpfully saying out loud and clear the word I’d been trying to avoid.

  “Yes.”

  “As a matter of fact, she had a soft spot for these horrible imported Swiss orange-flavored chocolate bars. I think they were called Mimmy And Me bars. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone eat one of them apart from her. Do you know them?”

  Oh boy, did I know them.

  “Mille and Me, not Mimmy And Me,” I corrected. “That’s the exact kind we found. I suppose it must have been hers then.”

  I didn’t know whether to be pleased or annoyed by that revelation. I was hoping to catch my stalker, but at the same time, it would be a lot nicer if they had just disappeared and I never heard from them again. I had been so sure that the Millie And Me bar was a sign for me, but now it seemed much more likely that Diana had simply been carrying her favorite candy bar.

  “Yes. I expect she brought a box of them with her. I doubt they sell them on this ship.”

  “Nope, they don’t,” I confirmed.

  “You’re quite the little detective, aren’t you?” said Autumn, closing her compact with a loud snap and dropping it back in her black clutch.

  “Oh, not me,” I said with a self-deprecating laugh. “I just try to help out where I can.”

  Autumn looked at me for several seconds before she spoke again.