Lost in the Green Grass

by Henry Sands

  That evening, once she knew that it would by now be morning in Mexico, she called her mother and Anthony to tell them the news. They were both understandably elated, if not altogether surprised.

  - Chapter Eleven -

  Tulum, Mexico

  Having been in Tulum for almost a full week now, Lucinda had surprised herself by how much she had actually enjoyed the trip so far. The news of Sophie’s engagement only served to heighten their moods further as they approached the end of the holiday. The forthcoming wedding had certainly given her and Anthony a reliable topic of conversation, and helped break any moments of silence that arose.

  Since her revelation in the rock pool earlier that week, Lucinda had come to terms with the prospect of trying to make their marriage work. She recognised that she would need to put more effort into their relationship going forward, but was also realistic, realising that it wasn’t just going to turn around overnight. Assuming it could be turned around at all.

  Yesterday, Anthony had arranged for them to take a private boat trip out to sea to see if they could spot some whales, having heard that a pod was recently in the vicinity and thinking it would be an interesting excursion for them to take together. Unfortunately, though, a combination of both of them getting unpleasantly seasick, and the fact that the whales had decided to head off elsewhere, meant the day didn’t go quite as planned. But Lucinda did her best not to be too short with Anthony, slightly to his surprise, and they managed to laugh it off that night over a cocktail at the Camp Mayo bar.

  The rest of their time had been spent walking along the beach, exploring nearby ruins and reading from the comfort of their sun beds, normally with a large glass of the flinty South Africa Sauvignon Blanc that Lucinda had become quite accustomed to over the last few days.

  Having been deeply concerned by the reputation of Tulum as being a party town for her son’s generation, she had been pleasantly surprised by how much she had grown to like the place. Sure, there was clearly a wild side to it if that’s what you were after, but it was possible to escape from all of that too, as she and Anthony had proven.

  But against all their better judgement, they had agreed for their last night, on the strong recommendation of both Leonardo and Jack, to go for dinner at Casa Jaguar.

  Casa Jaguar was regarded as one of the trendiest restaurants in Tulum, set back from the main strip on the edge of the jungle. On Thursday nights, they would host their weekly jungle party, which was widely considered to be the place to be seen in Tulum, if you were up for a party. Reservations for dinner on Thursday evenings at Casa Jaguar usually had to be made several weeks in advance, but Leonardo was able to secure them a table. Lucinda was also persuaded by the fact that Diego would be DJing that evening, and after everything that Jack had said about him over Christmas, she thought she should at least hear him, if only for a couple of songs. Do DJs even call their music songs? she wondered to herself.

  While Lucinda would never have admitted it, she was quietly anxious about her night out, partly because she hadn’t been to a nightclub, and certainly not a jungle party, since she was in her early twenties. But she was also feeling nervous over the idea that she would be going on an actual date with Anthony.

  On examining her outfit options that morning, Lucinda felt increasingly aware that she didn’t actually have anything to wear for a smart evening in Tulum. Or anywhere, in fact, for that matter.

  She couldn’t remember the last time she had bought herself a proper dress; her online Boden catalogues had generally served their purpose over the years. So while Anthony was reading on the beach, Lucinda took herself off to a small boutique in the town that she had walked past a few times. It was set in what looked like a glass shipping container with minimalist style throughout. It was called simply, Daniella.

  Lucinda was examining a couple of different dresses from the rail when the Argentinian shop assistant came over to help her. Lucinda had never liked the idea of a shopping assistant; if she wanted help, she would ask for it, as the last thing she wanted was a young woman monitoring her. On this occasion, however, the woman seemed so warm, with none of the peculiar grandiose presence she found women in smart clothes shops often possessed. She relaxed and allowed the woman to guide her around the store.

  Soon Lucinda was in the dressing room, with a cool glass of coconut water brought to her, trying on the different styles. These were not formal cocktail dresses, but colourful linen dresses that could be worn to any occasion in the sun; from casual lunches at the pool to more formal evening parties. In the end, she went for white linen, with delicate embroidered stitching down the sides. It would certainly be appropriate for her night at Casa Jaguar and was a flattering shape for her body.

  The shop assistant helped her pair it with a pair of blue and white striped espadrilles that they recommended accompanied their dresses.

  It was only when she went to pay that she even thought about the price. There had been no label attached, or if there was, she hadn’t noticed it. The shop assistant typed into the computer and processed a bill of 8,000 pesos. Lucinda’s understanding of the exchange rate was limited, but at well over £300, she recognised this was probably multiples of what she had spent on a dress in the past. It was a lovely dress, though, and it would be tricky to walk away empty-handed now, as the young shop assistant expectantly waited for some form of payment. Out of her purse, she pulled the joint card she and Anthony used. It’s as much for his benefit as it is for mine, she told herself.

  That evening, she got dressed into her new clothes with a new-found level of excitement about going out.

  Anthony was wearing one of his pressed navy linen shirts, where the buttons only go down halfway. Although it certainly wasn’t new, it was the first time he had worn it this holiday, so it was at least clean, which Lucinda took as a sign of him trying at least a little bit.

  Lucinda allowed herself a little turn in her dress, which, if there had been a mirror in the room, would have revealed it to be as flattering on her body from behind as it was from the front.

  When Anthony, who had been waiting outside the yurt at their breakfast table, looked up at Lucinda as she came out ready to go, clutch bag in hand, he thought something looked different about her. Though quite what, he couldn’t be totally sure. In fact, it was all new: the dress, the shoes, the bag and the youthful style.

  ‘You look nice, Lucinda,’ he uttered with sincerity, which at that moment was enough for Lucinda. She knew what he meant. They walked to the waiting taxi, hand in hand.

  *

  When the taxi pulled in outside the restaurant, Lucinda almost refused to get out. Her new-found confidence had abandoned her, just when she wanted it the most. It was as if all the most beautiful fashion models in the world had decided to congregate in one place for the night. What were they thinking? she thought to herself. Couldn’t they have just gone to the hotel they liked before, had some tapas and a couple of drinks, and then gone back to bed for a good sleep again? All week she had slept so deeply. That’s what she felt like doing, not heading out for a swanky dinner and a jungle party.

  But it was too late to turn around. Anthony had already got out, paid the driver and was now standing in the short queue of about five couples waiting to be shown to their tables, as ever, apparently oblivious to his surroundings. Lucinda took a deep breath and joined him.

  The restaurant had been cut into the edge of the jungle, with a courtyard built around the trees, and a large Aztec carving creating a natural divide from the bar to the restaurant area. Around the restaurant area, various replica Mayan ornaments dangled from the wooden-framed structures that had been built into the trees to form a canopy. With limited electricity available, the restaurant was lit up with hundreds of twinkling candles, and the soft glow of incense placed amongst the plants added to the decadence of the environment.

  In the centre of the courtyard there were smaller tables fo
r two and four, with the large group tables in the darker shadows on the edge of the restaurant. Although Lucinda reckoned there must have been about forty tables in total, through an imaginative use of lighting and tribal music, the restaurant was able to create an environment of intimacy.

  At the back of the courtyard, a black mirrored bar had been built into a large rock face, with a circular metallic carving of some sort of shield behind it. Lucinda felt a long way from the Ostrich, her local pub in Norfolk, where the majority of her meals out had taken place over the last ten years. In fact, she couldn’t remember seeing anything quite like this spectacle before, but the discretion and low lighting helped her feel more at ease.

  She sat down at their table, trying to remember the last time she had been out anywhere like it. Her nerves were not helped by a square stone fountain just to her left, which had water trickling between three steps of pebbles. At the bottom of the fountain, the water was then pumped back to the top again, creating a continuous flow, which had the effect of making Lucinda feel she needed to use the lavatory.

  Opposite her, Anthony was casting his eye over the cocktail list in front of him, while Lucinda marvelled at how totally at ease he was, even in these extraordinary surroundings.

  The waiter brought over the two margaritas that Anthony ordered.

  ‘Good health, darling Lucinda. What an amusing week this has been. Good old Jack,’ Anthony said, raising his glass to Lucinda. One of the clever design features of the restaurant was the way in which you could still hear yourselves speak fairly easily, despite background noise from the DJ and other, often excitable, diners. It wasn’t like some restaurants that Anthony had to go to with work, where he would be so focussed on having to shout over the background noise that he often ended up forgetting what it was he was going to say in the first place.

  There was a pause in conversation, as there normally was when the two of them ate meals together. Lucinda finished her drink and quickly ordered two more, before Anthony had a chance to suggest otherwise. Within seconds, two more margaritas arrived, and Anthony tried to finish his first one with the waiter somewhat awkwardly waiting by.

  Lucinda decided it was time to open up to Anthony and explain her feelings with frank honesty. She knew it was a conversation that they probably should have had a long time ago, but it was with a sense of excitement and childish nervousness that she began speaking.

  ‘Anthony, I want to be honest with you,’ Lucinda said, having had a large gulp of her second margarita and breaking the silence.

  ‘Oh yes? What about?’ Anthony replied, with a face that showed no more curiosity than as if Lucinda had asked him to pass the salt.

  ‘Over Christmas, I thought about leaving you. Starting life again. I felt our relationship had, well, you know, run its course. I felt empty. And I think you probably felt the same—’

  ‘I did not!’ Anthony interrupted, looking up briefly at Lucinda, with a face resembling a confused cocker spaniel.

  The assuredness of his response slightly threw Lucinda.

  ‘Well, that’s good of you. But, listen to me, Anthony. I’ve been thinking a lot these last few days about everything, and I owe you an apology. Although I know we’ve tended to disagree about a number of things, I don’t think I’ve been a very supportive wife to you. I want to do better. I want to reboot our relationship. You’ve always been nothing but decent towards me, and have given me the space I’ve sometimes needed. Sometimes too much space, perhaps. But I want you to know I’m grateful for that. Sometimes, though, I think perhaps I’ve encouraged you to give me that space. I’d like, well, maybe less space.’

  Anthony was becoming evidently uncomfortable. He thought they were just going out for a fun dinner, to wrap up one of the best weeks they’d shared in a long time, and now he didn’t know whether he was meant to be giving more or less space. Why are women so coded in what they say? he thought to himself. These were the sort of conversations he could not handle well.

  Lucinda reached forward and put her hand on Anthony’s.

  ‘What I’m saying, darling, is that I’m sorry. I want to make this work. I am going to try harder to be closer to you, to be more supportive. I want us to be closer.’

  Before Anthony had a chance to respond, their waiter returned with a large plate of local prawns and a selection of spicy dips for them. They both looked slightly confused, given they hadn’t yet looked at a menu, before the waiter explained that there were no menus – just the chef’s recommendations which he brought around continuously throughout the evening, and they could select whichever ones they wanted. This time, Anthony gestured for the waiter to bring another round of drinks.

  He didn’t really know what to say. In his mind, he was aware they hadn’t been particularly close in recent years, and that there had been almost no sexual contact between them for ages. But none of that had really bothered him. In fact, he’d actually been more than fine with that arrangement. He remained enormously fond of Lucinda, and just knowing she was around, pottering in the house, was more than sufficient for him. He liked the way they tottered on in their own gentle way. He wasn’t really sure why Lucinda suddenly felt she wanted to change things. Everything had been working rather well, he thought.

  But then he digested again the reality of what Lucinda had initially said; that she had been preparing to leave him. Leave me! he thought, after everything he had done for her over the years. After educating her children, who he had quickly come to think of as his own; after paying off the mortgage on their house; providing her with a generous income each year and after giving everything he had to her. Having been loyal, and steady, and true, throughout all of her emotional ups and downs. The fact the woman he thought he knew so well could be quite so flippant about their marriage surprised him. Part of him felt a little hurt, possibly even angry for a moment. But looking up across the table at Lucinda, in her new dress and with her huge green eyes, he realised he didn’t have it in him to be angry with her, for deep down he knew he loved her. And this was perhaps her strange way of dealing with things.

  In the end, all Anthony could muster was, ‘Well, Lucinda, I’m very pleased to hear you’ve come to that conclusion. I’m not sure I would know what to do without you, to be honest.’

  ‘You won’t have to, Anthony. I’m right here, and I think we’ve got a lot to look forward to ahead of us, together.’

  He wanted to change the subject, and when the waiter returned with their next dish, the baby fish taco selection, he went for a line of just how much he had enjoyed the Mexican food that week: ‘Do you think tacos would taste as good with partridge in them? Could be a fun new dish to serve.’

  *

  As soon as Lucinda had opened up to him, she felt lighter, as if a large weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Even though she expected it to have little impact on him, she felt better with herself for being honest about the situation with him. And she really was going to try to make this work, she told herself.

  After another round of margaritas and several dishes of chef specials later, they felt as if they were as young as everyone else in the restaurant and in the early days of their relationship. Lucinda looked at her watch and saw that it was almost midnight. The music had subtly increased in volume and tempo over the course of the evening, and from behind the courtyard, they could see that a whole new area of the restaurant was opening up further into the jungle, where the party had evidently started.

  ‘What do you think? Should we call it a night and head back now?’ Anthony asked, after paying the dinner bill. His head was starting to feel a bit heavy; neither of them had drunk nearly that much tequila since they were students.

  Lucinda had enjoyed the evening enormously, but she was also feeling like she had drunk too much and wanted little more now than to curl up next to Anthony, back in the comfort of their yurt. She nodded, with a little shrug of her nose, which Anthony knew me
ant, Let’s give this a miss and get out of here.

  He asked the waiter, who was just printing off Anthony’s receipt from the card machine, if he could arrange a taxi for them.

  ‘C’mon, sir, you have to go to the party for one drink at least. This is Casa Jaguar, on a Thursday! You must experience the energy of the jungle, at least for a short while,’ the waiter said, smiling to them both.

  Anthony looked to Lucinda for a sign, who shrugged her shoulders. That wasn’t exactly a definitive no; and if Anthony told the waiter they were still leaving, he’d think Anthony was pulling his wife home from the party.

  ‘Fine. We’ll go for one drink then,’ Anthony said, patting the table with his left hand in a moment of uncharacteristic enthusiasm.

  Lucinda raised her eyebrows and smiled while shaking her head, not in disapproval, but finding herself surprised at the situation they found themselves in.

  Their waiter, who seemed as pissed as the rest of the restaurant, gave them both a high five, before pulling out two shot glasses from his black pouch in front of him and a bottle of what looked like tequila that he had attached to his belt. At the bottom of the bottle, Anthony could see a large worm, and gold flakes floating around. It seemed that he’d been going around the tables and consuming as many of the shots as he distributed.

  ‘Oh Lordy! No, I couldn’t possibly have one of those,’ Anthony protested, but the waiter had already filled both of their shot glasses to the brim. He then pulled out a third glass, which he also filled to the brim, and showed them how it was done.

  ‘We do these together, because tonight, we are all a united family in the jungle.’ At that, the waiter threw the shot down his neck. Anthony and Lucinda followed his instructions and immediately felt their throats erupt in fiery pain.