by Sammie Joyce
I suddenly understood what he was doing there.
“You’re not the only shifter that knows where I live,” I breathed, my heart beginning to race. I didn’t like confrontation, but if Kea Mahelona was as pushy as Flint was claiming…
“I have given the entire community strict instructions not to disclose your location,” Flint assured her. “The punishment would be swift and unforgiving.”
“It’s not the shifters I’m worried about,” I muttered. “It’s Lowell Carey.”
Flint’s mouth clamped shut, his eyes narrowing slightly as her words sunk it.
“I’d forgotten Davis had been harebrained enough to bring her here,” he finally mumbled after a moment of silence. For the first time in my life, I thought I heard a note of apology in his voice.
When has Flint Locklear every apologized for anything?
“I wouldn’t worry about the Carey girl too much,” Flint said. “I don’t think she spends as much time with Kea as she once did, and even if she does, I feel like she would have told Kea where to find you by now. Lowell and Davis are consumed with one another, nothing more.”
The same way I’m consumed with the idea of seeing that bull again?
What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I get him out of my head even when I had a very real and present problem staring me in the face?
“Larissa, are you okay?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah, of course,” I replied, forcing myself back into the conversation again. “Okay, thanks for the heads up. I’ll keep a watch out for her but I’m busy with the migration over the next few days.”
“Is that what’s so distracting to you?”
“What? No! I’m not distracted!”
Wow. Could I sound any more like I’m lying right now?
Flint ambled to his feet and I realized that I had completely forgotten about the kettle, which was bubbling over, the water spilling into the flames.
“I’ll leave you to it,” he said.
“You didn’t have any tea,” I protested but secretly, I was glad he was going. I wanted to see if I could catch another glimpse of the bull before the herd moved again.
“Next time,” he promised, moving toward the front door. In seconds, he was outside, his body morphing again but this time into the bald eagle shape he most often claimed. I watched him circle up into the sky and disappear over the treetops, leaving me alone on my front stoop again, next to a pile of his discarded clothes.
I leaned over to scoop them up but through my peripheral vision, I was still watching for the bull.
I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied until I saw him again—this time in his human form.
4
Larissa
The next few days seemed to drag insurmountably for me where once, they would zip past with stunning speed. The snow continued to melt, the sun’s rays growing stronger as the herds continued to pass through and I checked on them. They were all in good health and I found myself growing antsier with each passing day, wishing they would get on with their migration.
This, of course, had everything to do with the fact that I couldn’t get the bull out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried. I knew that once the herds had finally passed through, that my work had been completed, I would go in search of him.
Finally, on the third day, everyone seemed to have made their way through and I was once more left to my own devices, but I didn’t give myself the customary down time I usually needed after the spring movement.
Tending to the herds could be draining on me, both physically and emotionally. There was a high charge to the air and often, there were wounded to deal with. This time, it had been a relatively easy crossing and I was fueled by something supernatural, a call from beyond that I didn’t claim to understand.
I thought of how I’d been sure that something was going to happen this spring and I wondered if the bull had anything to do with that premonition. I was determined to find out.
I hastened around the cabin, collecting what I’d need for a weeklong trip, tossing them into a bag. I knew that the herds likely settled two days away. Two days there, two days home and maybe a day to find him? Who knew? I was better off packing for more days than less.
When I was sure I’d gathered everything I’d need, I left my cottage and instantly shifted into my caribou form, sliding the strap of the bag around my neck to follow the migration path as I knew it. In all honesty, I had never bothered to venture after the caribou, but my ancestors had taken the very same path as had their fathers before them. The direction was a GPS in my DNA and I found myself moving without any doubt.
The nights were still longer than anywhere else in the country but I was still able to move through the dark, my night vision helping to guide me through. Even so, I was careful, lest I encounter hungry wolves or bears. The shifters I could handle. The full-blooded animals were a little more difficult to ward off outside my natural habitat. I didn’t have the necessary potions on me to conjure a spell of long-term protection but I wasn’t worried. I knew for the most part that if I stuck to moving during daylight hours, I wasn’t apt to arouse trouble, even if I had to move more quickly to make up for lost time.
The journey was effortless and I was upon the herds in just less than two days without incident. Instantly I was recognized and welcomed, several of the caribou having shed their animal skin to lounge about in their human forms, despite the definitive chill in the air.
“It’s Larissa, right?” a tiny blonde asked brightly, bouncing up to her. She was very pregnant and I was a little concerned for her flittering movements, but her confidence made me relax slightly.
I thought I recognized her from last year’s migration yet I couldn’t be sure. There were just so many of them passing through and it was so difficult to keep track of everyone.
“Kendra,” she reminded me and I nodded quickly. I offered her a bright smile.
“Of course,” I replied exhaling. “I think I saw you earlier, didn’t I?”
Kendra nodded.
“You’re always so good to me,” she assured me. “And everything’s good. What are you doing all the way over here? Usually you don’t follow us.”
I took the opening eagerly, my eyes darting around. This group was the last that I’d seen through my area but that didn’t mean that the bull I sought wasn’t among them…or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part.
“I-I’m looking for someone,” I stuttered, wondering why I was suddenly so nervous. Suddenly my eyes narrowed with suspicion. I tried to envision what Kendra looked like as a deer.
Was she the same one cozying up to him?
Again, I was shocked by the onset of jealousy. How could I be so drawn to someone I hadn’t even formally met?
I dismissed the inane thought. No pregnant female was looking to mate. Of course it hadn’t been Kendra. I was fairly sure the cow who had tried to get the bull’s attention wasn’t a shifter at all.
“Who are you looking for? I know all the shifters around here,” Kendra assured me, sensing my anxiety. “If he’s here, I can help you.”
I cleared my throat with embarrassment.
“I-I’m not sure what his name is,” I stuttered. “I came across him at the crossing but…”
Kendra frowned in concentration, turning her head around to look at the others in our midst.
“It’s mostly cows around here,” she said, stating the obvious. “The bulls that have settled have gone off to gather but they tend to regroup before sundown. Why don’t you hang around until they come back?”
I realized I didn’t have much of a choice and I still had the other herds to investigate so I told her I’d return at dusk and she seemed content. I promised to have a look at her and her baby when I returned and she chirped her thanks.
Unfortunately for me, my trip was proving more fruitless with each passing moment. The few bulls that were around didn’t resemble the one I’d seen in the least. In fact, I realized, most everyone was familiar.
> I knew how I could find him suddenly.
Returning to Kendra, I asked her what was on my mind.
“Do you have any shifters among you that don’t usually migrate with you? I know you know all the regulars but are there any newcomers?”
Kendra cocked her head to the side, hands splayed over her swollen belly as she considered my question. I could feel disappointment welling up inside me as she shook her head.
“Not with my herd,” she said slowly.
Well at least I know she’s not the one who was making a play for my bull.
My bull. What was going on in my own head? I wasn’t even sure I recognized myself anymore. I’d never laid claim to another being in my entire existence and I had no idea what had come over me.
A shiver passed through me as I considered what it could mean and the obvious answer kept popping into my head. But even if he was my mate, the connection between us was stronger than anything I’d ever heard about before.
Or maybe you just weren’t paying close enough attention, I thought. Whatever the case, I had to find him.
“You should check with the others if he’s not a usual suspect.”
Kendra’s voice brought me back to the field in which we stood and I nodded curtly, realizing I’d have to do the same rounds I’d just finished. I felt a blush of humiliation creep up my cheeks.
He had seen me just as clearly as I had seen him. Did he feel the same surge of energy between us or had it only been one sided? It was something I hadn’t considered until that moment. Surely if he’d felt it too, he would have shifted, talked to me, or made some effort to reach out and secure our bond.
Dear gods, did I just travel for two days to stalk some unsuspecting bull? Maybe I went crazy being cooped up in the cabin all winter.
It was the only explanation I could think of. In any case, I was already there, and there was no point in packing up and leaving when it was so close to dark. I could head out in the morning…maybe after talking to a few more shifters in the other herds.
“Larissa?”
Again, I realized I’d faded away and I was sure my cheeks were the color of the fall leaves that lay buried in the muddy ground at my feet.
“Right,” I agreed, giving her a quick smile. “I’ll ask around.”
“You can sleep with us tonight,” Kendra offered and my beam widened, this time with genuine appreciation. There was a camaraderie with the herds, something that humans could never fully understand at their stage of “evolution.” It was more than just family or companionship—it was a way of being; the groups enveloping one another as if they were the same being.
The ancient gods understood that. It’s why we pray to them for guidance, I thought and for the second time since seeing that bull, I had an uncanny desire to reach out to the spirits for help finding him. This time, however, I didn’t dismiss the idea.
I wandered away from Kendra in my caribou form, stopping to graze as night fell and the other bulls finally made their way back to their females. He was not among them, but from somewhere deep inside me, I’d already known he wouldn't return with the other bulls. I couldn’t sense him as strongly as I could earlier.
But if he wasn’t there, where had he gone?
After asking several tired bulls about a newcomer, I chanced upon Marius, who yawned openly in his deer form before shifting and eyeing me oddly. I wondered if he was sizing me up or if he was curious as to why I was asking. Whatever the case, he answered me without hesitation.
“You’re talking about Ruben,” Marius said matter-of-factly when I asked. “Ruben Soto-Rivera.”
The name sent a shiver through me and I waited for Marius to continue, but he seemed to have already lost interest in me when a graceful cow bounded by.
“Wait!” I yelled out after him. He paused to glance back at me with some annoyance, his body half-shifted into his bull frame as he hesitated his pursuit.
“Who is he?” I demanded when the bull shifter glared at me expectantly. Marius shrugged.
“What? What do you mean?”
“I mean who is he? Where did he come from?”
Why is he here? What is he doing to me? Why am I chasing him all across the tundra?
I didn’t add those other questions.
“He joined us in Kaktovik. I think he’s from Canada. Maybe the Yukon or Northwest Territories. I’m not really sure why he’s migrating but I got the sense that this is his first time. He kept up with the herd well enough but I don’t think he’s used to it.”
The information confused me more. It was odd for Canadian caribou to migrate that far, especially when there were a seemingly endless supply of resources out there. I wondered if Marius was mistaken, but before I could ask him anything else, he was gone, bounding after the tantalizing female who coyly waited for him in the trees.
Ruben Soto-Rivera, I thought, pleasure swirling through me at the mere sound of his name. Who are you and where have you gone?
As I headed back toward Kendra’s herd, I knew it was time to call on the spirits for answers.
5
Larissa
I waited until most of the herd had retired for the night before gathering my pack and heading into a remote area of the woods. I didn’t want to be interrupted when I was deep in meditation.
The moon rose high in the sky and I relished the near silence of the darkness, punctuated only by the occasional hoot of an owl or rustle of a nocturnal creature in the woods. Even if someone were to stumble upon me, I knew the animals had enough respect to leave me be. They appreciated the work I did. There was no reason to know that this particular ritual was completely selfish.
And why not? I reasoned defensively. I have every right to look for my mate. I’ve helped others find theirs.
Somehow, that didn’t quite alleviate the slight guilt that followed me as I lit a fire and made a circle around the pit, cleansing it with sage. Perhaps I was just so accustomed to helping everyone else that the idea of doing something for myself was odd and therefore stress inducing.
I reminded myself that if I wanted this to work, I’d need to have a clear mind. With my body cross-legged, spine erect, I sat as close to the fire as I could without being burned. I didn’t have a sweat lodge handy but this would suffice for the moment.
Closing my eyes, I willed my head to be free of encumbering thought, allowing myself to get lost in the crackle of the fire as I focussed only on one thing.
Ruben Soto-Rivera.
I could envision him strongly, the musky scent of his maleness overcoming me then and I tried to image what he looked like in his human form. Slowly, headily, I floated away from the forest, the spirits beyond welcoming me into their fold as they so often did when I sough their advice and counsel.
Help me find my way to him again, I begged them. Tell me where he is.
There was never a spoken answer—that wasn’t the way this worked. Instead, I was often guided, a feeling overcoming me toward the response I needed.
Only this time, I felt nothing.
I knew they were there, listening to my pleas and yet…
Abruptly, I felt myself falling back to the ground, my eyes opening hazily as the flames came into view.
What was that? I demanded angrily. But of course, there was no answer. I was alone on the floor of the forest, sweating by the fire. Suddenly, I felt drops of rain on my face. The fire danced to avoid the water but in seconds, a sheet of rain pelted down over me and I realized that was what had brought me back so suddenly.
“I guess that’s my answer,” I chuckled aloud but there was no mirth in my laughter. If anything, I was disheartened, feeling let down by the spirits I had spent my whole life serving.
That’s what you get for using rituals for self-serving purposes, my conscience nagged me. Shame flooded me and I jumped to my feet, the drops soaking me to the core. I hurried to make my way back to the cave shelter that Kendra and some of the other shifters had taken refuge in but I was already soaked to th
e core.
Shivering, I hunkered down between two sleeping females, both pregnant and gratefully relished the heat permeating off both. The fire the bulls had started inside the dank cavern had already dwindled and when I went to look for more firewood, I noted with some disappointment, that the rain had soaked everything they’d gathered throughout the day.
I’ll help them find fresh wood in the morning, I vowed. Before I head back.
As I drifted off into a restless sleep, I couldn’t help but hope that I would wake up not only to clear skies but to Rueben.
* * *
I was the first to wake amongst the herd, which wasn’t unusual for me. I had always been an early riser, but even so, I was up because I’d barely slept. My body was aching from the cold and even before I opened my eyes, I had a disheartening feeling.
He’s not here.
I knew it inherently but all the same, I was disappointed to find that he wasn’t milling about with the other bulls who ambled to their feet to greet the day. At least the rain had dispersed and the sun struggled to show itself in the sky. I had a two-day trek home and I wanted to get an early start.
Before I gathered my few belongings, I looked over Kendra and her baby again but there had been no change overnight. I wondered if I wasn’t just procrastinating in hopes that Ruben might show up unexpectedly.
But it was finally time to go.
“Any luck finding your friend?” Kendra asked as I gathered my gear. I shook my head ruefully.
“He seems to have disappeared,” I sighed. Kendra smiled knowingly.
“Men are like that sometimes,” she told me teasingly. “That’s why you’re better off finding a mate.”
I waved my head defensively.
“It’s not like that,” I said, color tinging my cheeks. “It—I…”
I faltered, unsure what to say.
What it is like exactly? He’s not even a one-night stand. You’re chasing a fantasy, you silly, silly girl.
