by Sammie Joyce
“No, Kea,” she said gently. “These aren’t places you can go in a car.”
“I can go…I can use…” she stuttered, looking helplessly at Larissa. “You can lead me there?”
“Hell no,” I piped in.
“No,” Larissa agreed and my shoulders sagged. “It would just hinder the process if you came with me. I’ll have to do it alone. You’ll slow everything down.”
My jaw almost touched the ground as I realized what she was committing to and I tried to interject but it was almost as if they had forgotten I was in the room. Instantly, Kealani’s face lit up and she exhaled in a whoosh of breath.
“Y-you would go for me?” she whispered. “Really?”
“I’m not promising anything,” Larissa told her quickly. “Just let me think about it, Kea.”
Kealani squealed, the noise making me cringe as she threw her arms around my unsuspecting mate and hugged her tightly.
“Oh, thank you, Larissa. Thank you so much! I can pay you. Whatever you think is fair. I’m—”
“I don’t want your money, Kea,” Larissa sighed, shaking her head as she set the younger girl back to look at her face.
“If you don’t want money, then what do you want?” she breathed. Larissa gave her a brief smile and shrugged.
“Nothing,” she replied but I heard the edge to her voice. She wasn’t sure about what she’d agreed to, that much was clear.
“I-I have to do something,” Kea mumbled but she was backing toward the door as if she was afraid that Larissa would change her mind if she made any sudden moves.
“We’ll discuss payment another time—if it comes to that,” Larissa told her. “Seriously, though, don’t get your hopes up. I haven’t said yes.”
I may not have known Larissa very long but I knew her well enough to know that she had just as good as signed a contract.
Even Kealani can see she’s going to do it!
I was infuriated, angry. How could Larissa be so damned irresponsible? There were so many reasons this was bound to be a bad idea. A human becoming a shifter? Another shifter? Another shifter who wanted to make more shifters?
The entire idea was making me dizzy.
Tears of gratitude filled Kealani’s eyes and she nodded, visibly swallowing the lump in her throat. “I’m not agreeing to do anything yet,
“Thank you,” she muttered again, reaching for the door. “You won’t regret it.”
She was gone before Larissa could remind her that she hadn’t said yes. I spun and glared at Larissa, shaking my head like I was trying to clear my mind of everything I’d just seen.
“What?” she snapped, the almost dreamy expression on her face fading. “Why are you looking at me like that.”
“You will,” I countered when the door closed in Kealani’s wake.
“I will what?” she demanded, busying herself with picking up the handmade ceramic mugs from the table.
“If you do this, you’ll regret it. Big time.”
10
Larissa
I looked at Ruben with new eyes.
Suddenly, I understood who he was and what he was doing there and I chided myself silently for not having seen it before.
I’d heard about these missionaries before. They had traveled through our region in the past, preaching about the destruction of shifter overpopulation, imploring us to stop procreating and cull our herds. I shuddered to think that Ruben could be one of those, yet as I thought about the few clues he’d given me about his presence there, I knew that was why he had come.
“You can’t seriously be considering helping that woman with this harebrained quest,” he continued, clearly not noting my look of mild contempt.
“Is that why you’re here?” I asked bluntly. “To promote a culling?”
He seemed surprised by my bold question but he didn’t deny it as I so desperately wished he would.
“A culling is exactly what we need,” he replied flatly. “There are too many shifters, robbing us of our natural resources and taking away from the little we have remaining.”
“It’s the humans who are depleting us of our natural resources, not the shifters.”
“The shifters are human,” he reminded me without emotion. “Humans who take on twice the resources because they’re animals.”
“You’re wrong,” I intoned. “We need more shifters, not less.”
He looked at me like I was an idiot, like I didn’t understand what he was saying. I felt a spark of anger by his expression alone.
“Did you not hear what I just said?” he growled. “Shifters are causing us more problems.”
“Shifters are in tune with their surroundings. We are more apt to take care of our environment than mere mortals. We’re not driven by greed and capitalism. We adhere to the laws of nature and respect tradition.”
He grunted, unmoved by my words.
“Maybe some,” he conceded begrudgingly. “But most are just as selfish as that girl that was just here. All she cares about is the excitement of being half animal, everything else be damned. Her mere presence here shows how far gone our way of life is now. Nothing is sacred if some hysterical woman can come here and beg to become a shifter and a shaman grants her leniency just because you feel sorry for her.”
I bristled.
He thought I was a fool, dictating my actions based on pity.
Aren’t you though? A little voice asked me from somewhere in my subconscious. Why else would you be entertaining this?
Maybe it was the desperation in Kea’s eyes that made me agree to look into her request. Maybe it was the fact that I was sworn to protect all the shifters and Emmett Sable, by all accounts, was one of mine, even if he hadn’t come to us by traditional means and perhaps didn’t deserve to be a shifter. I couldn’t help but wonder if Kea was right, if Emmett would be more forgiving of his girlfriend if she was just like him. Could I be in a relationship with a human? It seemed impossible. While I shared so many similarities, we were genuine worlds apart in most ways. Even if Kea knew Emmett’s secret, it wasn’t the same as joining in his world; our world. It didn’t seem right that she would be so isolated when we had one another.
“Are you even listening to me?”
Ruben’s voice brought me back to the cottage and I stared at him impassively, struggling to keep my emotions in check. I didn’t like the way he was talking to me and I intended to put him back in his place.
“I can’t help but hear you,” I retorted sharply. “You’re talking to me like I’m a child.”
And I’m not capable of using magic on you to shut your mouth right now.
I was a little surprised by my furious thought but I really didn’t care for his tone in the least. My statement only infuriated him more.
“I wouldn’t be talking to you like you were a child if you weren’t acting like one!” he hissed back. “You’re really thinking about going searching for those artifacts?”
If I had been on the fence before, Ruben was certainly swaying me toward doing it now, even if out of spite.
I shrugged nonchalantly.
“I’m intrigued,” I said, watching the fire in his eyes ignite again. “Who knows what I might find.”
“You’ll find trouble!” he yelled, almost stomping his foot. He began to pace around the living room as I folded my arms over my chest and watched him emotionlessly. “Why would you do this? What good can come of it?”
“If I find a totem,” I said slowly, working through it in my own mind as I spoke. “It would at least give Kea peace of mind.”
“To what end?” he barked. “You said yourself that you can’t do anything with it.”
I shrugged again.
“Maybe just having the artifact will be enough for her to give her closure.”
“Or more hope of something that can never be!”
I sighed heavily.
“That’s for Kea to decide, isn’t it?” I said. “And who knows? Maybe it can be. It happened to Emmett.”<
br />
“If it really happened the way she said, it was a fluke. Lightning never strikes twice in the same spot.”
I felt a tingle of interest at his words but the feeling was gone before I could place it.
“Regardless, it’s not your place to interfere,” I continued.
“It’s not yours either! If you do this, you’re being feckless and potentially harmful to the beings you’ve sworn to protect.”
I balked at the accusation.
“How can you say that?” I snarled. “My entire raison d’etre has been protecting the shifters. Your solution is to kill them off and stop them from breeding? You’re the one being feckless. By your reasoning, we’ll be obsolete in two generations!”
Ruben stopped pacing and looked me dead in the eyes.
“Maybe that’s for the best,” he said grimly. I felt a flutter of apprehension shoot through me but I realized that he was the one being selfish.
“That’s easy for you to say, isn’t it?” I hissed. “You’ve already reaped the benefits of being a shifter. You’ve lived your life. It’s easy for you to dictate the future when you’re already on top of the world.”
Ruben’s eyes narrowed dangerously.
“At least I’m not trying to play gods by creating a species that never existed.”
“No,” I shot back. “You’re trying to kill off an entire species that’s already in existence.”
He paled visibly and our gazes remained locked in a silent battle of the wills.
“You can’t do this, Larissa,” he finally muttered. “If you do…”
He trailed off and I realized, to my utter disbelief, that he was giving me an ultimatum.
“If I do what?” I challenged, knowing full well what he was saying. He broke our stare first, shaking his head as he looked down, his dark hair falling over his forehead. I didn’t miss the look of sadness on his face as he moved toward the door. A pang of regret shot through me and my impulse was to call him back but my pride stopped me. He was in the wrong and I knew it, and yet, I didn’t want him to go over this. We were fighting about a stranger.
No we’re not, that voice of reason chimed in again. You’re fighting about the future of the shifters. He wants them gone. You want us to flourish.
This wasn’t a difference of opinion. This was a moral dilemma.
“I can’t stay here and watch you do this,” Ruben told me, pausing at the door. The look on his face told me that he wanted me to change his mind, to make him stay, but I only stared at him stonily.
“I understand,” I replied shortly even though I really didn’t. I couldn’t comprehend how, in an hour, we’d gone from laying naked, tangled in one another, floating in a euphoric dream to Ruben walking out the door.
“Please say you won’t help that woman,” Ruben pleaded with me. He was trying to meet me halfway but I wasn’t having it. He couldn’t dictate who I helped and when, especially when I knew his master plan now. It would start with him stopping me with Kea, but where would it end? He wouldn’t be happy until I agreed with him on his mission…and I didn’t. I wouldn’t.
“Whatever I choose to do, I don’t need to clear it with you.”
Ruben snorted, all humility disappearing from his face.
“You’re being selfish.”
I didn’t answer, even though I had a dozen things I wanted to spit back at him. For one final moment, he gazed at me, waiting for me to change my mind. I deliberately turned my body and looked away, silently telling him to go. I didn’t need that kind of negativity in my life, even if I was sure that Ruben was my mate.
I heard the door open and then slam shut with so much force, my windows shook but I still didn’t turn around. I was too busy swallowing back the burning in my throat and blinking away the sudden onset of tears in my eyes.
It’s for the best, I told myself. It could never work between us if he feels that way.
Why, then, did it hurt so badly?
11
Larissa
Not that I entirely expected that he would, but Ruben didn’t return that day or the next. In fact, he didn’t return for the rest of the week and I knew that he was gone for good. I couldn’t really fault him; after all, I’d let him go without a word of protest, knowing that we weren’t supposed to be together. Clearly, he’d come to the same conclusion and gone on his way.
I had to wonder where he’d ended up. Had he gone to Flint or had my words been enough to turn him off to continuing his mission of spreading the word of a culling? I hoped he realized that I spoke for everyone. To be honest, I didn’t want him to approach Flint. I had been kind to Ruben, despite my anger. Flint was not known for his tact and despite my exasperation with him, I didn’t want to see Ruben degraded by the leader of our community. I knew Ruben genuinely believed in his cause as strongly as I believed that we should be free to live, love and procreate. Still, we were different enough that this was bound to cause friction in the future and I had to accept that it was better that he was gone.
No matter how much it hurt to admit.
I worked on my garden and concoctions, half-hoping that he would come back but as the week came to a close, I realized that I was moping around. Nothing good was going to come from me wasting the spring in my cottage, not when I’d already spent the winter cooped up inside.
Satisfied that my garden was good to grow and my potions were properly stocked, I made the decision I’d been stewing over in the back of my mind since Kea had come to my house that fateful morning.
I knew I needed to get out now and I knew what I had to do. I was going looking for the artifacts for Kealani.
I put out word to the shifters and on a dismal morning, we grouped at the compound. I was pleased to see that my announcement had reached the ears of the community for miles around.
In my midst were bears, wolves, caribou, and of course, Flint, who was the only dual shifter of whom I was aware.
I wonder if Ruben has ever seen a dual shifter before, I found myself musing as I waited for the crowd to settle. They were in various forms, some of them more comfortable in their animal skins, some lounging about in their mortal skin, everyone at ease with one another. I couldn’t believe that Ruben would want to see an end to this sense of family, this camaraderie that couldn’t be found anywhere else.
I willed myself to stop thinking about Ruben. He had consumed enough of my thoughts for a lifetime, especially now that I knew for certain he was never coming back.
I didn’t see Emmett among the group, but he wouldn’t need me. This meeting was for those who actively sought my services and I had yet to meet Emmett, even though I knew I would one day. I reasoned that Davis would tell him about this assembly, even if it didn’t necessarily apply to him.
“What’s this all about, Larissa?” Flint asked, a note of impatience in his voice. The others immediately stopped speaking at the sound of Flint’s question, all eyes turning to me expectantly. I gave him a quick smile and nodded, sensing that he didn’t much appreciate being called away from whatever business he had that day. It didn’t matter, I wouldn’t keep them long.
“I wanted to let you know that I’m going on a pilgrimage,” I began. “To reconnect with the spirits.”
There was a slightly surprised pause following my announcement as the shifters looked to one another with confusion. They weren’t used to me being out of touch and I could tell they were trying to figure out what would happen if they would need me.
“For how long?” Flint demanded, a note of suspicion creeping into his voice. I could read the naked skepticism on his face and I had half expected it. I had never gone on a pilgrimage before, at least not when I had taken over as healer from Artemis. He and I had gone together many times before his death, but for me to go alone was somewhat of a shock to everyone.
I considered that maybe I should have come up with a better excuse but it was too late now. I’d already put the words out there.
“I’m not sure,” I replied evasivel
y. “It’s been a long time since I’ve gone on one.”
“Which is why this all the more surprising,” Flint insisted, ambling forward in the crowd to stand before me. I stifled my irritation at being questioned and met his eyes evenly.
“Are you forbidding me from going?” I demanded, knowing that he would never make such a demand. He grimaced at my wording.
“Of course not,” he growled. “I’m just wondering what brought this on.”
I shrugged but I was finding it hard to meet his eyes. I felt like he could see right through me and that bothered me.
Lying bothers you, I reminded myself but I quickly dismissed the thought. I wasn’t lying, not really. Searching for the artifacts was, by all accounts, part of a pilgrimage. It was something that needed to be done with an open mind and soul, with guidance from the spirits. So yes, I was doing precisely what I said I was doing—even if I wasn’t telling the whole truth.
“What will we do if we need a healer?” Hud called out and I turned my attention toward him, granting the bear a reassuring smile.
“You’ll just have to be extra careful, won’t you?” I teased but the joke didn’t make him smile.
“Seriously,” Davis growled in defense of his best friend. “Hud’s right. You know we can’t go to regular town doctors, not with our shifter blood.”
“Karine and Lily are here if you need anything,” I sighed, nodding toward the two caribou midwives who nodded in agreement. “They have proper medical training for our kind.”
No one looked convinced and I grunted.
“Look,” I snapped with uncharacteristic bite. “I don’t need to justify my actions to you. I called this meeting as a courtesy. I’m going and I wanted you to know.”
The group seemed taken aback by my tone and I was instantly apologetic. My nerves were rawer than I’d realized. I hadn’t been sleeping well since Ruben left and I knew I was grumpy. That didn’t mean I needed to take it out on everyone else.
I gave them a smile to take the sting out of my words.
“You see?” I added lightly. “I clearly need some time away to clear my thoughts.”
