The Lover

by E. L. Todd

  Now it was mine.

  I grabbed my phone on the nightstand and opened our messages so I could text him. But he’d already texted me.

  I want you to have it.

  There was no other explanation.

  I picked up the necklace and placed it around my throat, feeling the weight from the chain as well as the tags at the bottom. The metal was cold to the touch, but it was filled with Finn’s warm presence. Once it was against my skin, I felt like he was there with me. I felt like the only woman who mattered, the only woman who’d earned such a gift from him.

  He said the future was unpredictable, that there was no hoping for tomorrow.

  But today, he felt something for me, something he couldn’t articulate. It was the sweetest gesture he could have made, to part with something that meant the world to him. But he gave it to me…because I also meant the world to him.

  6

  Pepper

  I went home after work and showered since I hadn’t gotten a chance that morning. I looked at myself in the mirror as I stood there naked, seeing the tags hanging around my throat. I was a much smaller person than he was, so they hung much farther down my chest, resting below the valley between my tits.

  I couldn’t picture myself ever taking them off.

  Not even to protect Colton’s feelings.

  I’d just opened a bottle of wine when Finn texted me. Can I take you to dinner?

  Finn and I had never done anything outside of the house besides his work party. We chose to have dinner in the privacy of his home so we could do it on the couch or any other piece of furniture that could hold our weight. Yes.

  I’ll pick you up in 15.

  I should consider Colton across the hallway, but I was too happy to care. I wished Colton would be more accepting of this relationship, but his disapproval couldn’t interfere with my happiness. And I was so happy.

  Finn arrived at the door and immediately looked at the chain that was visible around my neck, peeking up from underneath the collar of my blouse. He stared at it for a moment before his eyes lifted to mine, his expression masked by stoicism but his eyes filled with a hint of emotion.

  I rose on my tiptoes and kissed him as we stood on the threshold. “Hey.”

  His arm wrapped around my waist, and he squeezed my lower back. “Hey.”

  My palms planted against his chest as I used him for balance. “Thank you for the necklace. I love it.” That didn’t seem like an adequate response to the gift he’d imparted to me. It was such an incredible gesture that I felt like I should say more, but there were no words to explain how much it meant to me.

  He lowered his forehead and rested it against mine. His eyes closed, and he held me on the doorstep, his hands gripping my top as it bunched around my waist.

  I cherished the moment with him, the special connection we could both feel. I wanted to blurt out my deepest feelings, that I was so in love with him that I would marry him today if he asked me. But I kept my mouth shut and let the impulse pass.

  He opened his eyes again. “You’re my woman. I want the world to know you’re mine.”

  We went to a restaurant neither one of us had been to before.

  Finn ordered a bottle of wine even though he probably preferred scotch, but I was touched he tried to do something romantic.

  He looked at the menu as he sat in a t-shirt and jeans. His tattooed arm stretched the fabric of the shirt, and his classically handsome features made him so beautiful under the dim lighting. I didn’t even care about the other women who stared at him because I couldn’t blame them.

  Their interest didn’t matter anyway. He was mine.

  His eyes scanned left and right across the page until he found something he wanted. He dropped the menu to the table and looked at me.

  “So is this our first official date?”

  He shrugged. “Depends on what counts as a date. I think sex counts.”

  “Then this definitely wouldn’t be our first date.”

  The corner of his mouth rose in a smile. “Not even close.”

  I drank my glass of wine and wanted to pinch myself. Going through my divorce was the hardest thing I’d ever had to endure, and my best friend couldn’t help me with it—because he was the one I was divorcing. But I landed back on my feet, and wonderful things happened to me…like this amazing man. “Do you ever take women out for a meal?”

  “You really want to talk about other women?” he asked in surprise.

  “It’s not like I’m jealous. Nothing to be jealous about.”

  His eyes lingered on my face for several seconds before he answered. “No. I think it’s only happened a handful of times, and usually by mistake. I meet them at a bar, and we go straight back to my place. Taking a woman out would subject me to an evening of mediocre conversation with someone I couldn’t care less about.”

  When he was blunt, he could be cold, but his honesty made him admirable. “You like talking to me?”

  He gave a slight nod. “You’re my favorite person to talk to.”

  “Because I sell lingerie for a living?”

  “That is fascinating. But it’s mainly because you wear lingerie so well. If it wouldn’t get you arrested, I would suggest you walk around in lingerie all the time.”

  “In Seattle?” I asked incredulously. “I’d freeze.”

  He glanced at my chest. “Even better.”

  “So you’d want your girlfriend parading her junk around like that?”

  “No, not my girlfriend,” he said. “Only private shows. But if I weren’t around, that would be the way to go.”

  “People would assume I was a prostitute.”

  “And you could charge a fortune.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’d rather do it for free with you.”

  He smiled. “Good answer, baby.” His hand reached across the table and gently touched my fingertips before he pulled away again.

  “So…how was work?”

  He shrugged. “Same old bullshit. UTIs, chest pain caused by anxiety, and people needing to see a doctor because they don’t have health insurance and going to the ER is the only way they can get treatment.”

  “Does that annoy you?”

  “No. I think everyone has the right to health care. What annoys me is that people found a loophole in the system and take advantage of the ER, when our purpose is to treat emergency situations. But we get stuff done fast, like scans and procedures. Even if you do have insurance, it’s such a long process to get approval for stuff that it’ll take you two months to find relief when you can get it done in hours at the ER. But it causes more grief for the doctors because we have way more patients than we can possibly see. It’s a complicated situation…” He drank from his glass.

  It never surprised me how intelligent Finn was. He could always eloquently explain complicated situations so simply and so pragmatically. Since he’d been in truly stressful positions, everything else made him unnaturally calm. “You think that will ever change?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know about that. But I think emergency medicine will need to expand at some point.”

  “Health insurance is so expensive. I pay five hundred bucks a month, which is frustrating because I never use it.”

  “You will someday, and you’ll be glad you have it. So how was work for you?”

  “It was okay. I was distracted most of the time.”

  “Why?”

  I touched the chain around my neck. “Kept thinking about this necklace…” He didn’t leave a note or give an explanation for his actions. Whatever led him to decide to hand it over was impulsive…and romantic.

  His fingers gripped the stem of his glass on the table.

  “What made you decide to give it to me?”

  He swished the wine in his glass, his eyes staying on me. “I just wanted to.”

  “But you haven’t taken it off in ten years.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I wanted to give you a piece of me. I wanted to see
that necklace around your neck while I fuck you in my bed. I guess the idea of you being mine turns me on in ways I can’t explain.”

  I understood that feeling all too well.

  After a long stretch of silence, he released his glass. “I’m gonna wash up.” He pushed his chair in then left the table and disappeared to the back of the restaurant.

  My eyes focused on nothing in particular as I fantasized about everything he’d said. My fingers felt the chain at my collarbone, and I pictured his heavy body on top of mine as his tags sat between my tits. I pictured how hard he became when he saw the way he claimed me, the way he made me his for all the world to see.

  I was so enthralled by my thoughts that I didn’t notice the man who came to the table.

  With dark hair, green eyes, and a slight smile on his face, he looked down at me like he was happy to see me, not annoyed like the last time we spoke. At over six feet, he was just as trim as I remembered, his arms thick and muscular. “Pepper?”

  I stared into Jax’s face, unable to believe he was standing right in front of me while I fantasized about Finn. “Hey…long time, no see.” The last time we saw each other was on his doorstep in the pouring rain. He gave me an ultimatum—him or Colton. I chose my gay ex-husband. “How are you?”

  “Good. Just had dinner with a friend. You look beautiful…not that I’m surprised.”

  I thought he would be annoyed to see me. He could have easily walked past my table and pretended not to have noticed me. I wouldn’t have noticed him. “You look good too. The real estate business going well?”

  “The real estate business is always going well. People always need a place to live.”

  “How’s your sister?”

  “Living with her husband here in the city.”

  “Then you must be enjoying your bachelor pad.”

  He shrugged. “Can’t complain. How’s the lingerie shop?”

  “Good. People are always having sex, so that works out for me.”

  He chuckled. “Your business is recession-proof.”

  “Yeah, I think so.” Now that the small talk was out of the way, I expected him to walk away. It would be ideal if he left before Finn returned from the bathroom. Having my new boyfriend and ex-boyfriend in the same space together probably wouldn’t be good. Finn wasn’t a jealous guy, but I doubted he would be happy about this.

  “You know, I’m actually glad I ran into you. I think the way I handled things when we broke up was…a little dramatic.”

  “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” I said quickly, wanting to get rid of him. “It was a long time ago.”

  “It was like five months ago…”

  Felt like an eternity. I’d been with Finn for a short time, but it felt so right that it seemed to last forever.

  “I just liked you so much that I came off a little strong. I was overly jealous and controlling…and I’m sorry about that.”

  “It’s fine, Jax. No hard feelings.” I spotted Finn rounding the corner and heading this way. Shit.

  “I feel like I did a lot of things wrong when I should have just slowed down.”

  Since he was in such a chatty mood, there was no way I was going to get rid of him before Finn arrived.

  Then Finn did arrive, his guard noticeable in his eyes. He approached his chair and looked at Jax, clearly expecting him to be some random guy hitting on me. It took Finn a second to process his familiarity.

  Jax looked at him with the same astonishment. “Finn…how’s it going?”

  This was awkward.

  Finn didn’t say anything.

  Now it became even more awkward.

  Jax turned back to me. “Well, I’ll let you guys get back to your evening. Just wanted to stop by and say hello.”

  “I didn’t realize you were friends.” Finn didn’t take his seat. “Friends don’t give each other ultimatums, but you did.”

  Instead of being jealous, Finn was actually angry that Jax had forced me to choose between himself and Colton. Finn was being protective of me rather than upset about the circumstances. Either way, the situation was only getting more tense.

  Jax stood rooted to the spot, caught off guard by the intense way Finn came into the conversation. “I just apologized for that.”

  “No apology necessary,” he said coldly. “You’re too late. Now leave.”

  Jax lingered a moment longer, but then he had the wisdom to abandon the scene and walk out. He was a strong guy, but he was no match for a military man. He turned around and left the restaurant.

  Finn finally took his seat. “I leave you alone for two seconds…”

  “He just stopped by to say hi.”

  “And that was all?” he asked incredulously. “Don’t expect me to buy that bullshit. There’s no way a man could be with you and let you go without regretting it. He stopped by because he knows he made a mistake. He’s picked up other women since you and realized they all suck in comparison. He had something great, and he should have toughed it out instead of giving up so easily.”

  He hit the nail right on the head, but I didn’t confirm his suspicions. “He’s gone now, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “You’re right, it doesn’t matter,” he said. “He doesn’t matter.” He picked up his glass and took a drink. “Did you tell him about me?”

  “I never had a chance, but I don’t think it matters. It’s probably pretty obvious that we’re on a date.”

  He shook his head slightly. “What’s obvious to you isn’t obvious to everyone else. Sometimes you need to make it perfectly clear—like I did with Layla.”

  The mention of her made me feel guilty, since he’d made it abundantly clear he was off the market in order to chase her away. I should have done the same with Jax, but there really hadn’t been an opportunity. “We’ll never see him again anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “But if we do, you better tell him.”

  I enjoyed this side of Finn. He wasn’t necessarily jealous; he just wanted to be accurately represented. “I will. I promise.”

  7

  Colton

  I went across the hall and forced myself to knock before I barged inside. Now that Pepper was serious with my brother for a while, I didn’t want to burst inside while they were doing it on the couch. They seemed to stay at his place most of the time, so at least their relationship wouldn’t be right in my face.

  Pepper opened the door, dressed in her pajama bottoms and a t-shirt without a bra. She clearly had no plans tonight. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Can I borrow some salt? I’m fresh out.”

  “Yeah, sure.” She turned away and entered her kitchen. After searching in her pantry, she found a large box of kosher salt. “It might be a little old, but does salt expire?” She walked back toward me, the metal beads of her necklace visible around her neck. It was noticeable because it wasn’t the kind of jewelry she would normally wear. It was very masculine and plain since it wasn’t silver or gold.

  “I’m sure it’s fine. I need it for pasta.”

  “Then that should work. And you don’t need to bring it back. I’ll never use it.”

  “Thanks.” I glanced at her neck. “What’s that?” I pointed at my own neckline. “Looks like a dog tag necklace or something.” I noticed everything about Pepper, not just because I was gay, but because I knew her so well that any slight change in appearance was obvious to me.

  “Ohh…” Her hand reached for the metal beads around her neck as she suddenly looked self-conscious. “That’s because it is…” She reached inside her shirt and pulled out the tags that were engraved with Finn’s name and information. “Finn gave it to me.”

  I stared at the rectangular tag at the end of the necklace, remembering him wearing it every single time I saw him. He never took it off, and even when he had on a t-shirt, the necklace was visible around his neck. He wouldn’t hand that over to someone lightly, only to someone who was really special. “Ohh…”

  She tucked it back inside h
er shirt. “Sorry. I know that must make you feel weird.”

  “No. I’m just surprised, I guess. He hasn’t taken off that necklace in a decade.”

  “I know…” A slight smile stretched her lips, and her eyes filled with affection as her fingers played with the chain. “I woke up one morning and found it in my hand. It was really sweet.”

  Pepper had told me she’d fallen in love with my brother, and now I had to face the truth. My brother had fallen in love with her too. My brother, the biggest player I’d ever met, had fallen in love with a woman for the first time.

  My ex-wife.

  “It looks better on you,” I said, forcing a teasing sound to my voice. In reality, I was overwhelmed by the truth. This wasn’t just some relationship that would end in heartbreak and bitterness. This really might last forever.

  “I don’t agree with that…but thank you.”

  “Well…I’d better get cooking. I’ll see you later.” I crossed the hallway and headed back to my apartment.

  “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I sat on the couch and watched TV, starting to wind down before bed with a beer in my hand. Tom had spent the evening with his friends, and I’d made dinner for one. The apartment seemed too big for one person now. I’d been living with Finn for so long that I was used to having company all the time.

  A knock sounded at the door.

  It was eight in the evening, so it could only be Pepper.

  I opened the door, expecting to see her beautiful brown hair and green eyes as she rocked her pajamas with her hair in a bun.

  But I came face-to-face with my brother.

  In a dark hoodie and sweatpants, he seemed to have made an impulsive decision leading to his visit, like he sat in his living room and partially watched TV until he couldn’t stop thinking about me. Then he decided to drop by and confront me. We hadn’t spoken in weeks, not since that horrible double date.