by Valia Lind
All I do is hurt.
The forest dances around me as I search for a good spot to settle. I need to leave before I give in to his imploring gaze and answer all the questions that have been piling up. The two warring natures within me answer to the call of the majyk around me. A part of me just wants to lay down amidst the grass and become one with the nature. No more fighting, no more questions, no more wondering if at the end of it all, I'll be the downfall of this land and those I love.
I feel him before his voice reaches me. "You shouldn't be wandering off alone," Brendan says, keeping his voice soft, as if not to spook me.
"I'm not. I need a solid view point for the watch."
"You're running."
I'm surprised he's facing it straight on, but maybe I shouldn't be. We all have our limits. What I did inside the stronghold, the whispers Baba Yaga put into their ears, even for someone who's trying to keep an open mind, it would be too much not to let it get under his skin.
"I'm tired, Brendan. I don't want to do this right now." I still haven't turned around, keeping my eyes firmly on our surroundings.
"So when would be a good time? The next time we're in a midst of an impossible situation that you suddenly have a way out of?" The bitterness in his voice is another surprise. He's so good at holding his emotions at bay, any show of them is almost unbelievable. I have no choice but to face him. The commanding officer in me wants to tell him to stand down, but when I see his face, I don't think he's going to listen.
"Watch yourself, Brendan."
"Isn't that what I have been doing?" He's not backing down, and a part of me is ready for this, because I've been waiting for it. Even if I don't like it. "What you did, the majyk you used, I don't understand any of it."
"And you think I do?"
"I think you know more than you're saying. As usual."
And we’re here again, as if we’ve never left.
"Doesn’t this sound a little familiar? Fine. I'm not the only one who's keeping secrets!" My voice rises, as I take a step forward. Quick glance over his shoulder tells me we're far enough away that we don't disturb the others, but the forest is listening to every word we say.
"I've kept secrets for your own good."
"If that's the logic you're going with, then why can't you trust me to be doing the same?" I ask, dropping my voice to a whisper. His body heat eats up the space between us and there's sadness in his eyes that I wasn't expecting.
"We used to talk, Cal," his words pierce me to my very soul. Even though I'm not sure I have one anymore. The pain is there, deep within me, because I have failed us and I don't know what to do about that. "About everything," he continues, "Now all I'm met with are half glances and cold shoulders. You've never been an extremely open person, but now your walls are so high, I can't even see the sky. You allow my nearness physically, but inside? You’re so shut down, I’m not sure anything can reach you."
"I can't tell you what I don't know," I reply, keeping my expression as neutral as possible. If I let him see how his words affect me, I'm afraid those walls he speaks off will come crumbling down like dust.
"You know plenty, you just won't let me help you carry the burden."
"It's not your burden to carry."
He's about to say something else, when suddenly, my whole body feels as if it's heavy and weightless at the same time. I lean on the closest tree trunk, as Brendan's reflexes catch me before I fall.
"Cal, what is it?"
"I don't know. It's like my energy just got sucked out of me." I'm panting, my breathing coming in shallow at best and it has nothing to do with his nearness.
"Is it like the last time you used your majyk?
"Worse."
He studies me, his skin hot against mine where he hold me at the elbows. So much of me wants to lean forward and allow him to gather me fully against his chest. But that's a weakness, like every other thing when it comes to him. He feels as helpless as I do and I decide to give him even a tidbit of truth.
"I don't know if I'm using the wrong kind of majyk," I try out the words, keeping my face expressionless. Or as well as I can manage with the bone crushing exhaustion seeping through my bones.
"The orb is probably messing with your natural majyks," Brendan muses out loud," Maxwell would be more knowledgeable in this, although, we didn't think what you did was possible."
"I can't tell you more than I have about that," I say and maybe because of what I look like, he accepts that. At least for now.
"I have an idea," Brendan says instead, pulling me off the tree trunk and into a somewhat upright position. "I don't know if it'll work, but we can try."
"Okay, whatever it is, let's try it."
"Where exactly are we going?" I ask, leaning on Brendan's outstretched arm for support. The majyk inside of me seems to be moving in waves, making my body feel as if it's been crushed by a bulldozer at one moment and light as a feather in the next.
"Just a few more steps. I don't want Maxwell and Jemma to be...nervous, if anything were to happen."
"I don't think nervous is the word you were going to use." He chuckles at that, but it's a barely audible sound. We come to a stop in the next thirty seconds and he deposits me at the foot of a tree, before sitting down cross legged in front of me.
"I'm not sure if this is something that will work, but I thought we could use the gemstone to see if we can balance out the majyk inside of you."
"I'm sorry, a gemstone?"
He looks at me as if I've lost my mind, which in reality, I kind of have, before shaking himself out of the shock. "You don't remember the gems?" I shake my head no as he reaches down to shift through some of the rocks on the ground. I watch as he closes this eyes, concentrating on something I don’t see, before spreading his fingers wide. After a moment, a purplish rock slides out of the ground and towards Brendan’s outstretched hand. The stone sits comfortably in his palm, and as he moves it, I see its shine and transparency. Motioning for me, I lean over his open hand.
"The rocks themselves don't hold any special power. The world you've lived in for the past year may tell you otherwise. There are those who believe that crystals and gemstones have healing abilities and purifying qualities. But in reality, they're just rocks. But while they can't help you heal, or feel happier, they are still precious in our land, because they're perfect conductors of energy."
He turns the rock over a few more times, rubbing his fingers over one side of it, until I see more of the purple tint beneath.
"This is an amethyst. Growing up, you loved this stone because of its pretty color. And you loved it more after you realized what it can do. The name amethyst comes from Ancient Greek, translated into "not drunken". This stone is a perfect filter for our majyk, focusing it and our minds."
"I don't..." I don't have to finish. The frustration is written all over my face. Why is this the part of my memories that I don't have? I thought I remembered my whole regular life, and yet, here is another chunk of it that I'm missing.
"Here," Brendan says, leaning forward as well. He's sitting right in front of me now and if I looked up, I'll be able to see every color fleck in his eyes. But I keep my eyes firmly on the stone in his palm. He reaches over and takes my hand, the contact instantly sparking a million sensations in my body. Brendan holds my open hand in the palm of his and places the amethyst there.
"Now," he begins, his words stirring my hair, "feels the stone in your palm, focus on the physical weight of it."
It's hard to focus on anything but the feel of Brendan's skin against mine, but I push those thoughts away and do as he says. Zeroing in on the small pressure of the stone in my hand, I study its shine and color.
"Let's see if we can brighten this area a little," I can hear the smile in Brendan's voice, but I still don't look up. "Instead of calling on your majyk around us, push it through the stone with your mind. Focus on it as if you were putting a thread through a needle."
At first it seems silly and impossible
, but his imagery helps and the majyk forms into a thread on its own. As if I can see it visually, I push the little piece into the stone and the moment my majyk touches the purple, my mind clears. All doubts of whether or not this will work, or how to get it done, vanishes and I push the majyk through and around us. The glow is instant and sharp, lighting up the area right around Brendan and I. Glancing up, with a smile on my face, my heart thuds with awareness the moment my eyes touch Brendan's. There's a joy there I haven't seen in a long time, lighting him up from the inside out. We're a breath away, two people held together by a thread, surrounded by a majykal light. I can't take my eyes off him.
I want to lean forward and close the space between us. I want to stay basked in his light for the rest of my days. I want there to be no secrets, I want no part of a prophecy, I want no war. All I want is to take Brendan far far away from here and never look back.
Without realizing what I'm doing, my emotions still tied to my majyk and the stone, the feelings burst out in a light around us, blinding me enough to snap me out of my wistfulness. I drop my hand from his, leaning back.
"I..."
"You're amazing."
His soft words snap my eyes to his and I see that he hasn't lost that brightness in him. I shake my head a little, unsure of myself, of his words, of everything that I am.
"Your majyk has always been powerful, but now, it's like a living battery."
"You felt it?" I realize that maybe I pushed the majyk into him as much as into the stone.
"A little. Our connection..." he clears his throat, "the history we share must make me more receptive to your energy. You are so strong and pure."
The tears are in my eyes before I can blink them away. I’ve never cried so much in my life, of that I am sure. He moves forward, but I stumble to my feet, moving away, as I focus on studying the stone in my hand.
Pure. What a joke. I'm the farthest thing from it and I'm too chicken to tell him the truth.
"So there are other stones right?" I say, focusing on keeping my voice in check. Another second, and I've gotten a hold of my emotions enough to turn and face him. He's watching me carefully, that imploring look on his face, but this time I don't back down. If I turn away again, he'll push. I can't deal with him pushing right now. After a moment, he answers.
"Yes. Different crystals act as various conducts. Depending on the physical properties of a stone. Our majyk is earth based, as you well know. You remember how that bush reached out to you in the human realm." I nod. "Well, while the stones are not living organisms, they are created in the earth and hold particular properties."
"Okay, the filter aspect does make sense. But what do we do, carry stones in our pockets? I've never seen you pull one out."
Brendan smiles before replying, "No, not our pockets. But if you notice, our swords have a crystal in the hilt." He pulls the sword from his mesto holding the bottom out for me to study. I see a small, fire red stone, with black stripes in it. I've never noticed it before.
"What is it?"
"Carnelian. It focuses the warrior heart, allowing our battle majyk to flow effortlessly."
"I've heard of it, I think. Something to do with Egypt?"
"Yes," Brendan's small smile hasn't left his face. "In the human world, the Egyptians often wore carnelian jewelry for renewal and vitality purposes. They thought it gave them courage in battle, and also protected them in their journey to the afterlife."
"Is that true?"
"No, it is just a stone. But sometimes, believing in something can amplify your own ambitions and resilience. Unless, of course, you're a volshebnik." He winks and I can't help and return his smile. Pulling out my own sword from my mesto I study the hilt but find no stones.
"I didn't have one?"
"You never really needed it. You used to wear a ring on your index finger with three stones, but that must've gotten lost on your mission. You would never take it off."
Now it's his turn to move away and I wonder about that ring instantly. I have no recollection of the piece in my memories. But it seems important. I open my mouth to ask more about it, but Maxwell chooses that moment to appear.
"We have a problem."
13
“Where's Jemma?" I ask, as Brendan and I hurry after Maxwell. My body a little more energized than it was a few minutes ago. The amethyst must've done the job, at least to a point, and at the back of my mind I wonder how many other tidbits didn't come back when my memory returned. I keep wondering this and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.
"She's safe," Maxwell replies, setting my alert to red.
"That wasn't what I asked." His shoulders stiffen at the menace in my voice, but before he can reply, we burst through the trees and into the area we set up camp. My eyes land on the individual standing at the midst of the little space and my anger goes red hot.
"Bastard." I growl, before launching myself at him. Brendan's arms grab me around the middle midair, pulling me close against his front.
"Cal."
"Don't," I snap, without taking my eyes off the jerk in front of me.
"Calista, how lovely to see you too," William says, a smirk on his lips. It wouldn't take much effort to break Brendan's hold before I broke William's jaw, but the heat of Brendan's body keeps me at bay, if only for the moment.
"What are you doing here?" My anger at his leaving and his words about Jemma is still fresh. His evident loyalty to the Royal court isn't helping my feelings towards him either.
"I'm here to escort you back. Her majesty has created a portal, which will save you days of traveling." He waves his hand behind him and that's when I notice four soldiers, guarding what seems to be a ripple in the air between them. I narrow my eyes, still tightly held against Brendan, as I move my hand over one of his on my stomach. William's eyes flicker down before coming to rest on me, but I don't miss the distaste there, before it's masked by his typical neutral expression.
"Her Majesty has extended her good graces towards you, Calista. I wouldn't turn away." His tone is a lot less pleasant than he wants it to be. He's patronizing in the way he has no right to be and it takes much of my self-control not to lose it in front of all these witnesses. I can feel the majyk flowing through me, answering to the call of my emotions.
"I think you forget yourself, William," I say, stepping out of Brendan's arms, but staying close in front of him. There is the authority in my voice that makes the man in front of me shrink back just a tad, but I see it.
"I apologize, My Lady. I have been concerned for your safety and Her Majesty's kindness has allowed me to bring you safely back. I am happy to see you are safe."
"Now, don't choke on all that sweetness in your voice." I snap, because I've always been able to see past his court mask and right into the heart of things. The more I'm around him, the more I realize I am good at reading people. I should really trust that instinct a bit more. "Jemma, you alright?" I ask, transferring my gaze to my friend, who's standing just a few steps behind William. She's been watching our exchange silently, but now her eyes are on me. There's fear and apprehension there and it comes from knowing my secret. But it's not a fear of me, it's a fear for me. She's afraid of what's going to happen to me when we get back to the Royal Court. We shouldn't have had to worry about that for another few days.
"I'm fine."
"My Lady, I am sure Her Majesty will be glad your friend is safe, but we really should be getting back."
"Did it hurt you as much as it looked like it hurt you to call Jemma my friend? You don't have much tolerance for humans, do you?"
His spine stiffens and he tries to make himself look taller. "My opinion on the matter isn't important, My Lady," he replies and for the first time since he appeared, I think he's telling the truth. He's almost apologetic about that fact and it makes me pause. William has always been an ambitious man, and everyone knows marrying me will raise his status in a way he can never achieve without me. But sometimes I forget that he does have his own thoughts a
nd opinions. I wonder if it was up to him, what he would think about my friendship with a human. Maybe one day, I'll ask him.
"She's coming with us."
"Now, My Lady, I don't think..."
"You don't have to. It's not open for discussion. I will take it up with Her Majesty myself." He nods in response, that settling the matter. I turn to Brendan and Maxwell, who have been a silent support presence at my back and smile. There's just as worried about our return to the Royal Court as I am. Especially Brendan, who I can't fault at being apprehensive about the whole situation.
"Guess we better get moving," my voice is firm, but my stomach feels like it's being overrun by hungry worms, squirming every which way.
I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready.
But I have no other choice.
Brendan keeps his eyes on me and when I finally meet them, the weight lifts just a bit. There's support there, his never failing support, and with both of the guys at my back, I know I can handle this. Whatever comes next. Walking over to Jemma, I reach for her hand, and she grabs it almost gratefully.
"You might feel disoriented when we go through. Just focus on holding my hand and you'll be fine, okay?" She nods in response, squeezing my hand in support. I turn to Brendan next, giving him a firm nod. He doesn't hesitate, but walks over to the ripple, his sword drawn.
"That won't be necessary," William calls, but a glare from me silences him on the spot. I'm not trusting anyone at this point, not even William. And definitely not the royalty that waits on the other side of that doorway. After a quick glance my way, Brendan steps through the portal. Jemma and I follow him in, with Maxwell close on our heels. As we step through, I wonder what's going to meet us on the other side and if I'm that much closer to letting my secret out of its cage and losing everyone I care about in the process.
