Takes Its Toll

by Kit Graves

Tomer had put his foot down hard on the gas, and as they spun away from the hotel and its beautiful lights, Olivia panicked afresh. There went Harlan, her only hope for escape, for revenge. Her own words came back to her hard. Harlan, don’t. She’d thought he would harm Tomer, and he’d proved her wrong. Now he wasn’t around to even have a shot at fighting for her, even if he’d wanted to. He was probably looking for her, though. She could only hope he wouldn’t think she’d abandoned him. If nobody let the authorities know she was gone, no one would be able to…

  To what? Figure out Tomer was gone from the event as well? Unlikely. Even if they were linked together, or someone had seen her shoved into his car, there was no guarantee of rescue. Harlan would give up on her and go home, her roommates wouldn’t notice her missing for days, and Tomer would do something this time that no amount of money could get him out of.

  She had to find her voice. She was still sitting silently as her thoughts raced, body curled up defensively, naturally cringing away from the driver’s seat, too terrified to harm him and cause the accident he’d threatened. Tomer was still picking up speed through the quiet streets, headed toward the motorway. He jerked the car hard to avoid a curb when he turned, laughing drunkenly as Olivia’s fear grew. He looked manic, wild: he seemed more pleased with himself than she’d ever seen before. His hand went to her thigh, causing the car to tilt again, and Olivia shrieked as the car righted itself and Tomer dug his fingers up her skirt, hurting and hunting.

  “Stop it!” There was her voice, finally. She dug her nails into his hand, yanking it away. “Tomer Weiss, pull this car over and let me out right now.” Her voice was watery and wavering, but she got it out. She felt strong, even if she didn’t sound that way. Something in her changed when Tomer tried to touch her, some reaction of wrongness that went bone-deep. She only wanted Harlan to touch her. And she had to do whatever it took to make that possible again. Dealing with Tomer was nowhere near as important as making things right with Harlan, and she had to get out of this car, right now.

  “Oooh, full name. What are you, my mom?” Tomer reached for her once more, laughing when she smacked him back again. “You’ve gotten feisty, huh? Is that why you want to pull over so bad, you slut? Can’t wait to get back to fucking someone with a face?”

  God. Tomer was ramping up the motorway now, foot down hard on the gas. He was only driving with one hand, though, the other one having abandoned her to touch himself through his pants. He was biting his lip, barely focused on the road, too turned on by her fear. Olivia’s rage was filling her up now, the unfairness, the fucking disrespect that he had for her family - and her love - and especially to her. She’d been weak once, when Tomer had known her. When his poisonous words were the closest thing she had to love. Now she knew how far away it had been. And now she was too strong to take it.

  If it was a choice between rape and wreck, Olivia knew what she chose. It seemed clear-cut in that instant: she was forged by a crash, and that one hadn’t been up to her. This time… everything seemed to slow to a crawl, the city rushing by and the concrete meridian beside them and her beautiful dress pushed up over her thighs and Tomer’s grip slipping on the wheel as he took his other hand off his dick and reached for her again, mouth opening on another insult already and protect me, she thought fervently, to Travis and her beautiful mother…

  And she grabbed the wheel.

  Chapter 33

  Clicks. Beeps. Rumbling. Clicks. Beeps. Voices.

  A kiss on her forehead, then a scent that she’d know anywhere. “Dad?”

  Her voice sounded hoarse. Had she been screaming? She didn’t think so. The last thing she remembered was…

  Oh god.

  Olivia tried to sit up, too fast. Thom put his hand on his shoulder, gently keeping her from coming all the way upright. “You’re okay, hon, just lay back.”

  “I’m okay?” She took stock. She was in a hospital bed, and she felt exhausted, drained, depressed. There was so much she needed answered: how bad had the wreck been, how had she survived, how had she gotten to the hospital, how had Thom found her, where was Harlan, was Tomer still out there…

  The last one scared her the most.

  “Dad, what happened?” she asked, afraid he would tell her something awful. Her scalp still hurt, but she was mostly just bone-tired. Thom shook his head, looking sad.

  “I’m not sure, Olivia. I think you passed out, because you were out of it when they found you. Tomer was arrested a few blocks away from where guys you were, he tried to run for it. They think he was so far gone he thought he could avoid being linked to both you and the car. They thought you had alcohol poisoning, and brought you in, but the nurse and doctor think you just fainted. Apparently you woke up for long enough last night to give them your name and get checked out before you slept naturally, and they called me.”

  “I don’t remember that,” she mumbled, running her hands over her face before it began to ache where she’d been struck.

  “The police would love to know what you do remember, hon, when they come back. I’ll give them a call soon. I’m just so glad you’re okay.”

  He kissed her forehead, and she clutched his wrist. Relief was starting to wind through her, but she couldn’t relax yet. It hurt to see Thom carry his concern for her on his face, and she was suddenly glad to be okay, even just for his sake. He had her and George left. She had to stay safe.

  “Where are they?” she asked finally, still clutching him. Thom sighed and let her, staring off a little as he did so.

  “Tomer was arrested for DUI and his family already has him out. The officers think they could charge him with kidnapping, but they need to talk to you first.”

  “He’s already out?” Harlan’s words were echoing in her head. There’s nothing in all the world as unfair as life and death.

  “Not for long, I promise,” Thom swore, and he looked like her old strong dad again. She couldn’t help but smile a little, despite the fear.

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  He nodded. “Well, let me know when you want to talk to Officer Pfeiffer. And in the meantime, I should probably call Harlan.”

  Her head perked up despite herself, and Thom smiled a little. “He was here all night, hon. I sent him home to sleep because he didn’t get any here.”

  “I hope he’s sleeping then,” she said, heart full despite the disappointment of not seeing him nownownow. Maybe he was just hanging around out of obligation to see that she was okay, especially after their disastrous last fight, but. She could hope.

  Thom snorted. “Sleeping? I hope he’s out hunting that little shit down.”

  “He’s not,” she said, quiet but certain, so certain. “He’s not that kind of guy.”

  Anymore, she amended mentally, but her dad was a veteran and understood more than she said. He squeezed her shoulder and told her he’d let her rest, was only leaving her for a moment to let a nurse know she was up and make some phone calls.

  “Okay,” she agreed, but called out to him before he left the room. “Dad?”

  “Yeah, hon?” She looked him over: he seemed tired, older than she remembered. But he was her dad again, his spirit alive again inside of him. She was so glad she hadn’t put it back out by being hurt. But she had to tell him…

  “It was me,” she said, voice much quieter now. She felt exhausted again suddenly, everything suddenly weighing down on her, hard to accept as the new reality she’d woken up in. “I crashed the car, Daddy.”

  Thom crossed back to her immediately, but only stood for a moment, hands rubbing his arms. He nodded once, twice. She realized he was fighting tears, and her own eyes welled up as she reached for his hand. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, heartsick and heavy. “I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t know what else to do, I just… I had to do something.”

  Thom kissed her forehead. Up close he smelled like cigars and leather and Eva’s cooking. He cupped the back of her head in his palm, resting their foreheads together for an instant. “I know, Olivia.
I’m proud of you.”

  Once she was alone, she sat quietly, just letting her thoughts drift and come together. Thom said he’d kept her roommates away while she slept, but it was Harlan she was really hoping to see. She believed him now, and their fight made her feel foolish. But more important than that, she was alive, and she was okay, and she almost hadn’t been. She was glad that therapy would give her the power to fight back, not to lose her voice and faint away - to somehow survive the worst. It was a new feeling, still forming, but it was strange to feel empowered by a car accident, rather than robbed of everything. And having Tomer still out in the world was terrifying, it was true, but there was also the thought of Harlan out there, and somehow the two balanced out.

  She tried to imagine Harlan on the chair at the side of the hospital bed, barely able to imagine his butt wedged into the seat. And yet Thom said he’d been there all night. Had he kissed her? Held her hand? Been grossed out by her sleeping sweat and ghosted on her forever? She sighed, releasing every piece of fear and adrenaline still lurking in her exhausted body for once and for all. “Ughhhhhhh.”

  “I hope you’re not talking about me,” Harlan teased, stepping in from around the doorway. She smiled weakly, but his joke fell flat as they both stared at each other. Harlan was holding a backpack and a fast food bag, eyeing her with caution from outside the doorframe. “I uh, got you clothes you left at my house, and some food… I didn’t know what you wanted.”

  “Thank you.” She bit her lip as he came closer, but he only came near enough to drop the backpack and slide the fast food bag across her end table toward her.

  “Thank you,” she said again, feeling shy, but realizing that she was actually starving once the smell of grease and salt reached her.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, dropping into the seat beside her - he had to do it an angle, she noticed - and waiting for her to eat. It felt strange, digging into a burger and fries as he waited to have the most serious talk of their relationship, but he didn’t give any sign of discomfort. He just waited, staring without emotion while she polished off every bite and licked her fingers clean, propriety abandoned.

  “How did my dad have your number?” she asked finally. Harlan reached for her trash, balled it up, and handed her a drink. It was her favorite.

  He shrugged. “We’ve been talking a little. Business stuff.”

  “Business stuff?” She was curious, but knew that now wasn’t the time. “I mean… I’m glad he called you.”

  “Yeah, me too.” Once he tossed out the paper bag, he came back to her bedside, standing just out of reach. “I don’t think I would have known what happened to you otherwise.” He grimaced. “Unless I saw it on the news.”

  Olivia shivered. She’d been close to another dime-a-dozen headline. Another fatality in a DUI wreck, or another girl killed by her ex. It happened all the time. And somehow she was okay. She tried to control her breathing, remembering the way that her yoga teacher had taught her. They always said to close your eyes and imagine something that calmed you, but Olivia kept her eyes on Harlan. He was what she needed now.

  “I’m sorry,” she offered, realizing she should have already said it a thousand times. “I truly am. I was so stupid to you.”

  “I think... it’s okay,” he said slowly, rubbing his chin. “I mean, you were right, that kid is a monster. I heard the cops talking, too, they’ve never gotten anything to stick to him before but they sure as hell know who he is. I understand what it’s like to live under someone like that. How it warps the way you relate to people, what you expect from them.” He fixed her with a look, and she could see the little boy he had been underneath the strong, beautiful man. His eyes were red and raw, his beard extra rumpled, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of him, amazed at what she was hearing. The grace he could give. “I understand why you thought I would want to hit a kid like that. Now I wish I had.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t,” she whispered. “I know you would never be violent like that. I know that now. I should have trusted it then.”

  Harlan reached for her hand, and he took it. Normally he’d fold her hand into his, making it disappear between his broad palms and long fingers. This time he let her clutch his larger hand, curling his fingertips up into her palm. They stayed connected like that for a moment, drinking each other in. As rough as he looked, he’d never been more handsome to her. And she was sure she looked a fright: her hair was certainly ratty, her beautiful dress had been exchanged for a hospital gown, and she’d cried and cried and choked on metallic air since she’d last seen Harlan. It felt like so much longer than one night ago. So much had gone wrong, and so much more could have gone wrong.

  “Olivia.” Harlan cleared his throat. Outside her window it was snowing in the parking lot, and her hands were cold. He rubbed them between his, but was otherwise still.

  She was exhausted again suddenly, like she’d been holding on until he’d gotten there, and now she could finally relax. Feel as safe as she could. She snuggled back against the pillows, still holding his hands. “Yeah?”

  “I love you, too.”

  He looked a little embarrassed, but sincere. She couldn’t stop the smile that broke over her face like a sunset, sitting back up again to reach for him. She’d been content not to mention it again, to let her poorly-timed confession fade away, but now… he loved her back?

  “Really?” She tried to scramble up again, but he sat down on the bed instead, pulling her carefully into his lap. The cheap hospital gown crinkled and folded between them, but he ignored it, ignored her certainly-awful breath, and bent to kiss her. In his arms, warmed by his body and comforted by his presence, Olivia felt like melting away. It was like being in a bath, buoyed up by the whisper-soft touch of his lips. She wasn’t crying for once, but smiling against his mouth, unable to stop.

  “Really, little dove,” he murmured, still just a breath away. She reached up and touched his face, staring into his beautiful gray eyes as her fingers traced the grooves and pits of his scars. “I do.”

  “You’ll keep me safe now?” she asked, unable to help the words from slipping out.

  He shook his head, and her stomach sank a little, happy as she was. But then: “You don’t need me for that,” he said, sounding certain. She tried to pull her hand from his face, but he put his hand over hers, clasping it against him. “You can save yourself, Olivia. You already have.”

  Chapter 34

  Olivia’s finals didn’t seem important anymore, but after a few days, she went back to studying. It made her feel normal again: a reality break between her victim’s statement, emergency therapy sessions, her roommates’ tiptoeing around her. She could tell that both Harlan and Thom wanted to bring her home with them, but she didn’t want Tomer to upset her life any more than he had. Instead she holed up in her room, reading and revising as much as she could. She even went back to work, piling textbooks next to her as she took tolls and made change.

  It was a busy time: always someone to talk to, something to sign. Tomer was still out on bail, so she borrowed Harlan’s car and drove everywhere, feeling strangely powerful behind the wheel of his truck now. She’d seen security footage from a nearby business of the final crash she’d caused: it had caused Thom to blanch, Harlan to squeeze her shoulder, and her to… accept what had happened as reality. It felt like an adrenaline-tinged fever dream sometimes, but seeing a car come into the screen already tumbling brought it home for her.

  She had her last final on a Thursday after work, and by the time she was done, she was totally exhausted. She’d turned in three essays in two days, taken another two tests, and given a presentation that she barely remembered. She was wearing yoga pants and a fuzzy sweater, hair in a day-old ponytail, makeup utterly abandoned at this point, and couldn’t wait to take a long bath. Thinking of the bath she’d shared with Harlan, she called him on the way out of class.

  “Hey I love you,” he answered, using his newest greeting. It made her smile every time - he said
he’d wanted to say it as often as possible now, and had made good on that promise.

  “Hey I love you,” she said back, blushing a little as one of her classmates slipped around her in the hall. She waved goodbye and pressed the phone to her ear, shifting her bookbag on the way to the lot. “I’m done. Do you need the truck?”

  “Nope, but you should come over if you want to,” he said, voice warm. “Eva gave me a recipe for gnocchi, have you ever made pasta before?”

  “Nope, that sounds hard.” She laughed a little and tossed her things into the cab of the truck. “I’m gross though. Later?”

  “Up to you.” She could practically hear him shrugging. “I don’t mind a dirty Olivia.”

  “Yeah, I know you don’t,” she said, laughing again. He joined in, his rough-and-rumble laughter a purr in her ear. “Alright, I’ll come over. If you can find something that I can wear after I shower.”

  “I know of a blanket that would look really good on you.” She snorted.

  “Okay, perv, see you soon.”

  “I love you,” he reminded her, though the trip to his house wasn’t far.

  “I love you too,” she said anyway, nowhere near sick of saying it.

  “How do you think you did?” Harlan asked, arm stretched above her to hold the door open as she dragged her bookbag out of the truck with her. He was still dressed in his gym clothes, basketball shorts and a sleeveless tee that granted her a great view of his arms.

  “Good, I hope.” She kissed him on her tiptoes, and found herself being dragged up into those arms. “Ooh, thanks for the ride.”

  He laughed, carrying her to the house in long strides. “It’s been a while, okay? I’m not putting you down.”

  With her hospital release, the near-constant presence of Thom, the worried hovering of Tiffany and Winnie and Laurel, they hadn’t had a night together since their catastrophic party at the hotel. They’d slept together once, literally, Harlan curled tight around her like a giant in her fluffy white twin bed. That had been about comfort, though, and Olivia was ready to go back to something approaching normalcy. With her holiday vacation beginning, she had a month to fill, and the last thing she wanted was to spend all of it dwelling on the disaster. WIth Thom’s help, she’d be taking a full load of classes soon, giving up her tollbooth job in order to finish her degree in one full semester. It was an intimidating idea, but she felt ready. The only thing left to do in the meantime was… well, Harlan.