by Mary Peart
Sophia opened her hands and spread them flat on the table, trying to still the trembling.
“Oh Christ!” Lorna exclaimed. “He doesn’t know?”
“I don’t know how to tell him.” she took a deep breath. “He does not like Jeremy-“
“With good reasons!” Lorna interrupted grimly. “The man screwed you over and I mean literally and left you and Christopher had to pick up the pieces.”
“I have told myself that a thousand times,” Sophia cried out softly. Her heart was hammering so much that she felt sick and lightheaded. “The fact still remains that he is ill Lorna and I cannot turn my back on that.”
“Why did he call you of all people Sophia? Is he even sick or is he playing you for you to fork out some money for the sob story?”
“I have been around Christopher too long to just accept something like that,” she said with a grim smile. “I had it checked out. He told me the clinic he has been going to and I made some calls and spoke to his doctor, pretending to be his sister and I heard how bad it was. He is really ill Lorna and it is bad.”
“It is not your problem Sophia and you are going to destroy your marriage for a man who turned his back on you and told you that he wanted nothing to do with the child you were carrying!”
Hearing the words out loud that she had been thinking herself made her felt worse. “If I don’t help him, if I do not try, I will never be able to live with myself Lorna, you have to understand that.” Her tone was pleading. Unconsciously she wanted her friend on her side, somehow it would make her feel as if she was not alone in this.
“Tell Christopher honey and don’t let him find out.”
Chapter 6
The relationship between them became strained and she wondered why. April had come in with showers and the touch of winter still in the air. The museum was ready and there was going to be a grand opening on Saturday at noon and they were going to be the guests of honor. He had not said anything to her about what he had learned and he knew that she had met with Matthews again another time this time at a restaurant downtown. He even knew what they had had for lunch: shrimp cocktail and fresh vegetables. Marcus was anything if not thorough. He had made love to her because he could not help himself but there was distance there and they no longer had long intimate chats. He sometimes wondered if she was not aware that something was wrong.
He did not want to go to a damn opening and smile and pretend that everything was okay. He wanted his marriage the way it used to be.
“Daddy can you pin this for me? I want to see how I look as a princess because I will be playing one at school next week.” It was Christine, his daughter standing before him. It was a Saturday and usually they spent the weekend as a family but Sophia had taken the boys over to her mother because she needed to see her and he had told her he would stay home because he wanted to catch up on some work. Christine had insisted that she wanted to stay with her dad.
“You are already a princess sweetie,” he told her the smile coming as he took in her floaty pink chiffon dress. Her birthday was coming up and they were planning to throw her a big party with her favorite theme.
“Daddy stop joking, I really want to see how this looks.” She said a mite impatient as she turned for him to fix her tiara properly. She sounded like her mother and as she grew older she was the very image of her and made his heart ache. She was such a beautiful child. He fixed the tiara on her unruly curls and she sped off without a word up to her room to stand in front of the mirror from every angle to admire herself, he suspected.
Matthews would never get her! He thought savagely, his hands clenched into fists. Christine was his daughter! Where the hell was he when she had pulled out her first tooth? Had her first steps? Had that high fever that had sent her to the emergency room? He had never been there to help her with her projects, the creation of the solar system that he had made a mess of and had been tempted to ask his secretary to search for one of the best ones and order it for her to take to school before Sophia had stopped him. He had paid to have her room redesigned when she had turned five and had gotten over the Dora phase of her life. Where had he been? And now he had turned up and was having intimate lunches with his wife! His wife! And how could she after what he had done to her?
He forced himself to relax as his daughter came running down the steps. “Daddy can we go and get a burger?” she asked her sweet little face turned up towards his. He had told Sophia that he was going to be doing some work but he had not turned into his home office even once.
“I thought Mommy said no junk food today?” he asked her never able to resist her requests.
“Please Daddy I won’t tell her I promise.”
“So we are going to lie to mommy?” he hefted her up into his arms and nuzzled her soft cheek and she knew she had won.
“We just won’t say anything.” She said with an impish grin.
He gave a shout of laughter suddenly feeling lighter than he had in days and sided with her to disobey Sophia’s command.
*****
“Mom I had no idea things were so bad.” Sophia felt like a worm. She had been concentrating so much on Jeremy’s problem that she had not realized that her mother was going through her own private hell.
It was a very light day at the bookstore and they had retired to her office to talk. One of the girls had taken charge of the boys and they were in the children section playing with some toys. Every now and then she would go and check to see if they were okay.
“He said a week but I told him not to come back if he left. I have not heard from him since honey,” her eyes looked red as if she had been crying recently and she kept plucking at the floral skirt she was wearing. Why did relationships have to be so complicated and hurt so much? She wondered in despair.
“Have you tried calling him?” Sophia asked her gently. She was so used to seeing her mother in control that this uncertain and sad looking woman in front of her made her feel lost.
She shook her head no. “I don’t want to hear him tell me that it is over Sophia, it's best not to hear it out loud.”
“Oh Mom what can I do?”
“Talking helps honey and of course work.” She attempted a smile and it fell short.
“Do you want to come home with us?”
“You have your own set of problems honey so the answer is no.” Sybil said firmly. Sophia had ended up telling her about Jeremy and her mother had warned her about the fallacy of what she was doing. “You have not told your husband?”
This time it was Sophia’s time to be miserable. “No, but I think he knows.” She bit her lip and stared over at her sons who were examining a toy train.
“Why do you think so?”
“The way he has been acting,” she looked at her mother, her eyes uncertain. “We don’t talk again and even though we still make love it is like it is against his will and he makes up excuses not to come home with me in the evenings.”
“Oh honey!” Sybil exclaimed taking her daughter’s hands in hers. “You have to tell him.”
“I know,” she said disconsolately. “I just have to find the right time.”
*****
Matthew was having a hard time of it. He had been staying at a motel and went from there to work but he had not been able to concentrate on anything. He had been barely eating and he kept expecting Sybil to call him. She had told him that if he left he should not come back and he had done as she had asked.
It was no use explaining it to her. He had failed Celia and he felt guilty about it. He had fallen in love with another woman while she had been going through her illness and that was unforgivable. He had to pay penance and this is what he was doing. He did not deserve to be happy so what he was going through was his due. Sybil was a good woman and he did not deserve one.
The only thing was that he missed her so much it was a constant ache inside him. He had wanted to call her and beg for her forgiveness but he did not know how and he figured he deserved to be alone. With a bitte
r sigh he turned out the light and left the room in total darkness, sitting there on the lumpy bed with tears in his eyes.
*****
The opening was a grand event with the mayor being there and a state senator and also Mrs. Wainwright, one of the oldest benefactors since the museum had opened its doors in the early nineteenth century. The place gleamed with polish and culture and the displays were well restored.
Sophia had worn a slim fitting black and white dress that was elegant in its simplicity and showed off her curves without being too revealing. It was couture and it had a small dip in the bosom showing just a hint of cleavage. Her hair had been blown out and was ruthlessly brushed and twisted in an elegant bun on top of her head. She was wearing a platinum necklace with a teardrop diamond pendant and matching diamond earrings at her lobes. Her husband had on dark blue dress pants and light blue shirt with a dual color cashmere vest. He looked relaxed and confident on the outside. He took her arm impersonally and led her through the throng of people making the necessary response and smiling when needed as the cameras flashed. The media was out in full and there were already questions being thrown at them.
He released her arm as soon as they were away from the crowd and wandered away from her to look at a sixteenth century bronze mask that had been polished to perfection and reflected the dull glow of the light above them.
Sophia missed his arms around her, she missed the love that was so intense and so rare and she missed the conversations they would have. She desperately wanted it back.
She walked over to him and touched him lightly on the arm. “Thinking of buying that piece?” she asked, her impish smile coming forth like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. He forced himself to resist her. He had given her countless opportunities to come clean and she had not done so and he felt the despair deep inside his gut.
“It’s not for sale,” he told her coolly and without another word he walked away from her.
Sophia was shaken! She had never seen him look at her like that before and she was scared for the first time in her marriage to him, she was afraid of losing him. Her mother and Lorna were right. She should have told him from the very beginning instead of trying to figure it out herself. He knew! She thought without a shadow of a doubt she knew that somehow he had found out.
With a supreme effort she rejoined the party and went over to where he was having a discussion with Mrs. Wainwright. “Ah Sophia, beautiful as usual my dear,” the well preserved eighty two year old woman said, her blue eyes twinkling as she smiled at her. “You have to consider yourself lucky Christopher to have such a beautiful and charming wife.”
“I count my lucky stars every day,” his voice was amused but his eyes were cold as they looked at her.
“You should my boy,” the woman patted his arm, blissfully unaware of the underlying tension between the two,
Sophia fought back the tears and smiled so much that she wondered if her jaws were going to be permanently set in place.
*****
He did not say anything to her on the ride home. He had used the driver to take them to and from instead of him driving and on the way back he buried his head inside a prospectus that he had received from one of the patrons at the opening. She curled her fingers into the clutch that she had taken with her and stared out at the passing scenery. She was determined not to cry but she had to keep blinking to keep the tears from falling. She had never seen him like this: at least not with her. It was as if he had put up a shield in front of him and she was not allowed to get close.
She was going to have to tell him but she had a feeling that it was too late.
*****
He lifted his head as soon as the car pulled to a stop in the circular driveway and waited until the driver got out and opened first his door then hers. “Thanks Carlos,” he told the man briefly and came around to brush past her to open the heavy double doors waiting for her to precede him. Without a word to her, he bounded upstairs and went first into their daughter’s room where she was fast asleep with her hands underneath her cheek.
She stood outside the doorway and watched the tender and loving smile that he reserved for her and his children come forth. He touched her cheek gently before pulling the sheets up to her neck.
He stopped when he saw her standing there.
“We need to talk,” her voice was husky with unshed tears and he stood there looking at her, beautiful and achingly desirable and found himself hardening. For the first time since he had met her he found himself hating the hold she had over him and wished he could ignore her.
He made to brush past her and she reached out and held onto his arm, feeling the muscles bunch underneath her hand. “Please.”
“I will meet you in the bedroom.” He told her brusquely looking down at her hand on his arm. She removed it and moved aside for him to pass her and head for their sons’ room.
She went to their bedroom and undressed wearily, her head feeling light and dizzy. She had not eaten anything at the opening because her appetite had been nonexistent. She pulled on the white silk nightgown and sat on one of the couches there to wait on him. He came in soon after and started undressing her, his eyes touching hers briefly.
“You wanted to talk?” he asked her formally as he undressed.
She stood and started to come closer to him but he went into the closet as if he had not seen her come towards him. She waited until he came back out and her breath quickened as she saw he was naked except for his white underwear.
“I have been seeing Jeremy,” she told him softly, her hands clasped in front of her.
“What does that mean exactly?” his tone was bored and indifferent and he was looking at her as she was a total stranger.
“He called me and said he wanted to see me and I agreed to meet him.” She wanted to reach out to him and hold him close to her.
“And of course you could not say no,” he said mockingly, pulling on his robe and tying the belt around his waist.
“I was afraid he wanted to get to Christine and I wanted to stop him,” she said her voice anguished. “I am sorry Christopher, I panicked and I just acted. He is ill baby, he has leukemia!”
He went still. He had not known that. Marcus had told him something about Matthews going to some clinic but he had not known about his being ill.
“Do you think I give a damn?” he asked her harshly. “Do you expect me to cry about it Sophia? Have you been going to him, holding his hands and having him cry on your delectable breasts?”
Sophia felt the pain first and then the anger. She got it that he was angry and felt betrayed but he had no right. Her eyes flashed as she moved forward and came and stand before him. “How dare you!” her body trembled with the anger that was coursing through her body. “I love you, damn you. I love you so much that I cannot think straight when you are near. You saved me when I needed saving and that makes me love you even more! Do you think I could go back to Jeremy after what he did to me? Do you think I could go to any other man except you? I feel pity for him like a normal human being and yes, Christopher I have been holding his hands and I am going even further, I am helping him with treatments so deal with it!” She made to flounce away but he gripped her arm and turned her around to face him. He had heard her words and they had almost melted him and made him feel ashamed until she had said the last part.
“What the hell did you say?”
“I am helping him with treatments.” This time her voice wobbled as she saw the ominous expression on his face.
“No you are not!” he enunciated the words carefully as if he was speaking to a slow witted child. “As a matter of fact, I don’t want you speaking to him or even seeing him again.” He let go of her arm and went in the direction of the bathroom.
“I am helping him Christopher.” She told him quietly, her mind made up. “I am not one of your hapless employees that you think you can order around. I am your wife and I deserve your respect.”
He stopped and she saw when he cle
nched his hands and for the first time she was afraid of him. He had always been a loving husband and treated her like she was made of spun glass but now he was someone she did not recognize and she was afraid.
He turned and faced her slowly and raked her from head to toe, his piercing dark eyes unreadable. “Do whatever you wish,” with that he turned and strode into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Sophia waited for him to come out, her body trembling with despair. What had she done? Maybe she should go to him and apologize and tell him that she was wrong and let Jeremy find some other way.
But he finally came back out with his black hair wet from the shower and a towel riding low on his hips. He stood there looking at her huddled on the bed and without saying anything he left the room slamming the door shut behind him.
Sophia pulled the covers over her and could not stop the trembling. She never slept away from him unless he was on a business trip and some of those she had gone with him because as he had laughingly told her at one point that he did not sleep very well when she was not beside him.
Yet he had had no hesitation about leaving their room and going someplace else to be without her. He was supposed to love her all the time. She thought in anguish, feeling the tears leaking through her closed lids. He had promised her that he would love her no matter what. How could he not understand what she was doing? How could she not help him? How could he not see that she was the kind of person who loved to help no matter whom or what it was?
She remembered one day they had been driving to work and she had seen a wounded kitten on the side of the road and had told him to stop and he had been gently exasperated as she had taken the kitten and not even minding that it had left dirty smudges on her clean clothes had held it in her lap until they had reached the vet. She was who she was and she could not change. Not even for him.
*****
Christopher had chosen one of the bedrooms with the least furniture. He had always told Sophia that he hated clutter. He remembered when he had shown her the place and she had asked him if it wasn’t too big and he had told her that very soon it would not be. He had gotten a decorator to do the work but she had insisted on having a say in everything that had been done. He was still in his robe and was nursing a glass of whiskey. He hated the damn thing but he needed something to get him through the night, not that this glass would make a difference. Hell not even a damn bottle was going to work.
