365 Days At War

by Nancy Isaak

  I just stared at her.

  She sighed. “It’s like…well, like…” Feeling foolish, Jay stopped talking and returned to looking into her microscope.

  “Well, let me ask you this,” I said. “Is there any way that if this time/space thing really is what’s keeping Rhys and Jacob sick—that you can use it to figure out how to make them better?”

  She looked up at me sadly. “Just ignore what I said…I’m tired, just butt-talking. Like I’ve got absolutely no idea what’s wrong with Jacob and Rhys. And, seriously, Kaylee—even if there was something to this different timeline-thing—I still wouldn’t know how to use it to fix Jacob and Rhys.”

  I lowered my head, staring at the floor, disheartened.

  “Sorry,” Jay said, quietly. “I guess I should have kept my stupid science fiction-opinion to myself.”

  “Don’t you ever apologize! And your opinions aren’t stupid. If anything, I’d bet that they’re inspired. I’m just sorry that I’m not smart enough to understand them.” Then, I grinned. “Guess you’re lucky that you’ve got Porter for that, huh?”

  She blushed, smacking me in the arm.

  “Jay’s getting a little brain-on-brain action,” I teased.

  Chuckling, I rose up and returned to the main room. As I did, I noticed a dark shadow—just disappearing through the far door. I wasn’t certain, but it looked to me like Jude.

  Had she just heard me talk about Porter?

  About Jay and Porter?

  * * * *

  During those interminable days and nights—while we waited for Rhys and Jacob to regain consciousness—I came to appreciate Laura and Mia more and more. Both girls spent much of their days in the Medical Clinic, helping out wherever they could.

  Laura seemed to have made Rhys her responsibility. She fed and bathed him, gently turning his body from one side to the other, so that he wouldn’t get bedsores. I watched her sometimes, the tenderness she showed toward Rhys—and wondered if maybe the two of them had been developing a relationship before he had gotten sick. Considering what Laura had been through in Ojai, I certainly hoped so; I would have hated to have Rhys wake up and completely discount Laura—maybe even going back to Shawnee, the two of them continuing to ‘play’.

  Mia also was incredibly helpful at the Clinic. She would move quietly around the room, doing whatever Jay or Porter asked, no matter how unpleasant the job. Unlike Laura, however, Mia rarely spoke. When she did, it was in quiet, gentle tones—her words sounding somehow apologetic.

  “She’s really good with the guys,” Jay told me one night. “Everyone loves Mia.”

  “I’m kind of surprised that she even wants to be around guys after what happened to her,” I admitted. “Personally, I thought she would hide away in her room—that we’d have to force her out eventually.”

  Jay nodded. “Me, too…but then you have to remember that this girl not only survived being essentially tortured, but took care of Jacob and Rhys when other girls would have run away.”

  “My mom would call her a birch tree. She always says that, if there’s a storm, you want to be a birch tree over an oak. Because an oak breaks from the chaos, but a birch—it bends to survive, snapping up the moment the storm is over to continue its life.”

  We both looked over at Mia, then. She was tucking a blanket in around a kid who had had a bad asthma attack. The kid was grinning up at Mia, his smile wide and toothy.

  “She’s putting on weight,” I noted. “Mia is pretty now. Can you imagine what she’s going to look like when she’s back to normal?”

  “Definitely will give Peyton a run for her money,” Jay grinned.

  I shushed her then, because Lance had just come into the room. He showed up every day, just after it got dark and his work on the farm was done—waiting until Mia and Laura had finished in the Medical Clinic. Then, he would walk them back to the girls’ house. Next morning, he would be waiting outside the front door to accompany them back to the Clinic.

  Which wasn’t his job.

  “That boy is so in love with Mia,” whispered Jay.

  The kid just stood there, waiting, his head down.

  After a moment, Mia noticed that Lance had arrived and came over, whispering something into his ear. Lance blushed—the redness stretching across his cheeks. It appeared to amuse Mia and she kissed him lightly on the forehead.

  If anything—Lance blushed even more.

  “So in love,” continued Jay. “I wonder if anything is going to happen between them. I mean, they’re both kind of alike, you know—sort of gentle and fragile.”

  “That’s a big age difference,” I said. “Even in this world.”

  “Not if they wait,” Jay said—always the romantic. “Like it’d probably be better for Mia anyway—give her a chance to heal.”

  Off to the side, Laura gathered hers and Mia’s jackets from a chair, then headed toward the door. Jay and I watched carefully as Laura held out Mia’s jacket. Lance immediately took it, holding it while Mia put it on.

  “That’s so sweet,” purred Jay. “He’s such a little gentleman.”

  “I sure hope he doesn’t get his heart broken.”

  In the midst of buttoning up her jacket, Mia stopped and looked at Lance—and he looked at her. The seconds passed.

  And I knew—because I knew that look.

  Because Jacob and I looked at each other that way.

  “Well, what do you know,” I murmured.

  * * * *

  Because Lance was so much younger than Mia, I felt that I had a responsibility to talk to her about what was developing between them. Laura, however, spoke to me about it first.

  “Nothing’s going to happen,” she assured me. “I mean, they really like each other and everything, but Mia would never do anything with a boy that young. Besides, she’s kind of like me—like I gotta’ be honest—it’s probably gonna’ be a really long time before anyone touches us like that again.”

  I was sitting beside Jacob’s bedside, while Laura sat next to Rhys. It was a few minutes before lunch and everyone else had raced out to the food line. Except for the other patients, only Laura and I had remained behind.

  “Well, I guess I’m kind of glad to hear that,” I admitted. “Lance seems so young and innocent, you know.”

  Laura nodded. “But, like—he’s kind of old, too. I think, because of what he went through with the Crazies, he understands the things that happened to me and Mia. Other guys, they talk to us—even if they’re nice—they kind of treat us like we’re wounded or are gonna’ break, you know. But Lance—he just talks to us like we’re humans.”

  “He’s a pretty good kid.”

  “You’ve got a lot of good kids here.” Laura looked down at Rhys, placing the back of her hand on his brow—testing his temperature. When she raised her head again, her eyes were filled with tears.

  “Laura?”

  The look on her face was one of despair; her hands fluttered up, nervously wiping the tears from her eyes.

  “What is it, Laura...what’s wrong?”

  A single tear managed to escape her fingers; it slid down Laura’s cheek, curving toward her chin. “I’m so sorry, Kaylee.”

  “For what?” I was completely confused.

  She touched Rhys again, this time placing her hand on his chest. He continued to breathe slowly—a quiet form under the sheet, barely moving.

  “Cherry and the others, all those kids left behind at the safehouse—and Jacob and Rhys—I can’t help thinking that they’d all still be here…and be healthy…if only I hadn’t of asked for help…I just feel so very, very sorry.”

  “Because you needed help?” I moved across to sit by her side, taking her hand in mine. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Laura.”

  “But everything fell apart when they met me. Andrei, Ian, Topher—they died, Connor and Cherry disappeared, and Rhys and Jacob are sick.”

  “That was just fate. Nothing to do with you.”

  “It’s just that…I fe
el so responsible, you know.”

  “Because you’re a good person. But listen,” I said, becoming serious. “If there’s one thing you need to know about this tribe—it’s that we’ll always help, we’ll always take care of our own, we’ll always take care of others, we’ll always try to make this world better. But when we put ourselves out like that—sometimes—bad things happen.”

  “But don’t you sometimes just want to stop—like put a wall all the way around this Point and just keep everybody safe? Keep all the Crazies and all the bad people out.”

  “Every single day,” I admitted. “But if we did that, we’d never find the good people…people like you and Mia. And you know what I think?”

  “What?”

  “I think that it’s finding the good people and bringing them together is what’s going to keep all of us on this Point safe. Because together—we’re stronger—we can fight the bad and the evil and the crazy.”

  She looked at me, then—her eyes full of determination. “I’ll fight with you, Kaylee…so will Mia!”

  “Of that, Laura—I have no doubt.”

  * * * *

  The next evening—just after supper—Shawnee came to visit me in the Medical Clinic. I was moving around Jacob’s bed, tucking his blanket in, pushing his long hair out of his face. Meanwhile, Kanga was curled in a ball on the blanket down near his feet, purring softly as he watched me work away.

  “Stop being so judgmental,” I told the calico. “It’s not fussing—I’m just making sure Jacob’s comfortable.”

  As if in response, the cat rose up, arching his back. He turned once, then settled back down into a more comfortable position.

  “Show-off!” I grumbled, sitting down in my chair and crossing my arms. “There...I can be calm, too.”

  If anything, Kanga purred even louder.

  The door suddenly opened and Shawnee entered. As always, her bow was strung across her back. In her arms she carried what I immediately recognized as one of Cherry’s sketchbooks. Shawnee stood just inside of the door, her eyes scanning the room—as if checking for exit points in case of attack…or enemies.

  Finally—deciding that everything was as it should be—Shawnee came over and held out the sketchbook to me. “It’s for you and Jacob. Cherry would want you to have it.”

  “Thank you.” I took the sketchbook and opened it to the first page—Jacob and I getting married.

  It was the wedding album Cherry had promised us.

  When I looked back up at Shawnee, it was through a mist of tears.

  “She didn’t get to finish all the drawings, yet,” said Shawnee. “She’ll finish them when she gets back.”

  “Absolutely,” I said.

  “But I just thought, like that you guys might want to have them until then. So, you can remember your wedding and stuff.”

  I stood up and gave Shawnee a hug; she remained stiff in my arms, but didn’t move away.

  “This is the best present ever, Shawnee. Thank you so much.”

  “Okay, then—I gotta’ get going.” Pulling back from me, Shawnee readjusted her bow and walked toward the doorway. She stopped there, turning back and giving a slight wave.

  “Hey, Jacob,” she said.

  And then she was gone.

  * * * *

  For a moment, I didn’t do anything—I didn’t turn, I didn’t look.

  My body began to tremble; my hands seemed suddenly cold, as the blood left my extremities, racing toward my thumping heart.

  I felt…hope.

  When I turned, he was looking up at me—ice-blue eyes blinking tiredly under dark black lashes.

  “Kaylee,” Jacob whispered.

  Then—he closed his eyes and fell asleep once more.

  * * * *

  Two days later, Rhys also woke up.

  Within a week, both brothers had left the Medical Clinic and were living back in the mansion.

  But—where Rhys continued to recover, Jacob remained…broken.

  AUGUST

  KAYLEE

  “You have to be patient,” Jay told me.

  We were walking back from the cliff’s edge, after a much-needed cookie break. “It’s not just a physical thing that Jacob’s going through. It’s a mental thing as well.”

  “But he still looks so pale, and he has such dark shadows under his eyes.”

  “Because he’s probably not sleeping very well.” Jay turned and looked at me. “Well, is he?”

  I shook my head, a little embarrassed. “He’s kind of—not interested right now. In sleeping…in anything.”

  “Which doesn’t have anything to do with you,” Jay insisted. “Jacob’s just getting over being sick, he’s still weak…and he’s trying to deal with the loss of most of his team.”

  “But I want to be able to help him.”

  “Then, you have to give him the space he needs to figure this thing out.”

  We stopped walking, just outside the outer walls to the compound. This was not a conversation we wanted to have where other people could hear.

  “To lose anybody would be difficult for someone like Jacob,” Jay continued. “I mean, the boy wears his heart on his sleeve. But add in losing someone like Connor—whose life Jacob saved, who’s kind of been like another brother to him—that’s an almost impossible thing to recover from. And Jacob loved Andrei and Ian, too. He would never have taken those boys with him if he didn’t think he could keep them safe. On top of all that—you’ve got Cherry and Topher.”

  “One torn apart—the other disappeared,” I said, sadly.

  “Is it any surprise that Jacob’s blaming himself, Kaylee? Because, no matter what happened out there, it’s Jacob who thinks he was responsible.”

  “So, now he walks around like some homeless guy,” I complained. “He doesn’t shave, he barely wipes a wet cloth over his face in the morning. Those clothes you saw him wearing at breakfast—they were the same ones from yesterday.”

  Jay frowned at me. “Like that’s so unusual in this tribe?”

  “Well, it’s unusual for Jacob!” I insisted. “I mean, Rhys and Jude are okay and they went through the same thing—well, sort of—I mean, like they can talk and laugh and eat meals with us and everything.”

  “Because that’s the way they deal with their grief. And also—they weren’t the leader. They weren’t the one ultimately responsible.”

  I sighed, frustrated. “I just want him back, you know…I want Jacob back!”

  “So, let him get there,” Jay advised me. “Just give him time.”

  * * * *

  Except that time in a tribe that was still—essentially—at war with the Crazies; time was something that we simply didn’t have. There were Council meetings to attend, defensive plans to be created, decisions to be made.

  Instead of taking part, Jacob wandered the Point, disappearing for hours at a time. The first day it happened, I was frantic until Rhys eventually stumbled over him, down at the Nature Preserve, looking out over the ocean. When I tried to discuss his disappearance once he had returned to the mansion, Jacob had refused to talk—simply went into the bedroom, laid down on our bed, and promptly went to sleep.

  Part of me wanted to climb into bed with him. If Jacob and I couldn’t talk it out, perhaps there could be another way for us to work through this thing. But—in my heart—I had been afraid to try, afraid that Jacob would reject me in that way also.

  And that would have humiliated me.

  * * * *

  I wasn’t the only one worried about Jacob.

  Watching him walk through the compound—head down, hands in his pockets—I could see the concerned looks on the guys as Jacob passed by. There was much frowning and shaking of heads among the Locals; a few would call out to him, receiving only a brief nod in return.

  Even Sophia tried to lure him out of his funk—usually with a giant plate of brownies or chocolate chip cookies. But Jacob would simply thank her, take one, then hand the plate to someone like Louis and Sandeep who
were usually hovering nearby—no doubt drawn by the heavenly aroma of Sophia’s baking.

  For a while, Kieran and Pauly would drag Jacob to a poker game they’d set up in one of the back rooms of the mansion. From the smells on the guys who attended, I also assumed that it involved alcohol and cigars. Still, I didn’t object when they asked Jacob to join them. If that was what it took to bring the smile back to my guy’s face, I was all for it.

  But Jacob never lasted very long at the games.

  From what Kieran and Pauly told me afterward, Jacob would show up just long enough to make an appearance. He would play a few rounds, stick an unlit cigar in this mouth, and smile at all the jokes.

  Then—inevitably—he would find some excuse to leave.

  * * * *

  A few weeks after Jacob had returned, I woke up late one night to discover I was alone in bed. When I reached out for Jacob, his side was empty; in fact, it appeared that he had never been to bed at all.

  Perhaps it was because I was so exhausted—nine and half hours of Council meetings the day before—but I wasn’t feeling very patient. Instead, I grumpily got dressed and set out in search of my missing husband.

  It was Kieran, however—not Jacob—who I discovered at the top of the knoll in the Nature Preserve. He was talking quietly with the sentry there, sharing a cup of coffee in the scant light of the rising sun. When he saw me walking up the trail, Kieran threw away the last dregs in his cup and came over to meet me.

  “He’s down in the graveyard,” he confided.

  I sighed, irritated. “What is the damn attraction?!”