365 Days At War

by Nancy Isaak

  “And?”

  I tried to look serious—putting on my Council-face. “And I think that we should start evacuation preparations. I’m not saying that we have to leave right away—but we need to get everything ready, get everyone prepared…just in case.”

  Pauly sighed, unhappy. “Great…I got a baby on the way that I was really hoping could be born on the Point.”

  “And I’m not saying that she won’t be. But Erroll and I saw enough Crazies up in those hills today that we still need to make evacuation a real possibility.”

  From behind the large bush at the side of the road, Florenza suddenly began to sing—a Spanish children’s lullaby. Her voice was soft and sweet.

  I had no idea our tough girl could sing so prettily.

  “You said she.” Pauly nudged me with his shoulder. “You want the baby to be a girl.”

  “Well, it could be a boy. And that would be okay, too…as long as it’s healthy.”

  “But you’re hoping for a girl.”

  I sighed. “It’s just that there’s an awful lot of testosterone in our tribe, Pauly. A few more girls would be a really good thing.”

  Pauly frowned. “Those dudes come anywhere near my girl,” he growled.

  There was a sudden rustling—followed by groaning—as Florenza floundered her way out from behind the bush. When she stepped back onto the highway, she stumbled and lifted up her right foot. “Look, papi…stupid shoelace is undone again!”

  “She’s too fat to reach her shoes,” Pauly grinned at me. “I have to do them up for her now.”

  I pushed at him. “So, go do your duty, future-daddy!”

  He didn’t move, just stared at me—searching my face for something.

  “Go!” I ordered him. “What are you waiting for?”

  Still—he didn’t move.

  “What?”

  Pauly put his hands on his hips, still looking at me. “You know, I never believed it when Florenza told me,” he said, quietly. “But she was certain—except that I don’t think it has anything to do with Erroll like she thinks. But you definitely got a secret, Kaylee. I can see it in your face. And you know what—from the way you’re hiding it—I’m thinking it’s a really big secret.”

  * * * *

  Except that Pauly was wrong.

  I didn’t have one big secret…I had two.

  The first big secret was my intention to send up a challenger into the Arena—the one person I knew could be vicious enough to kill Brandon.

  And the second secret I had was that Jay had been right about another girl being pregnant in our tribe.

  Only it wasn’t Cammie.

  It was me.

  OCTOBER

  KAYLEE

  I miss my mother.

  When I took the pregnancy kit from the Medical Clinic, I had a pretty good idea that it would turn out positive. Still, when I finally looked down on that little red cross, I was shocked.

  How could I be pregnant?!

  Well, I mean…obviously I know how it happened. But Jacob and I have been together only that one time since he came back from his expedition.

  What bad luck.

  But how can having a baby be bad luck—especially in a world without babies?

  There’s so much I’m confused about right now. If only my mother were here. She’d know what I should do.

  Because I’m scared—really scared—and I have to hide it.

  So, nobody knows what I am planning.

  And I do have plans right now—and questions—things no girl my age should ever have to think about? Like…

  Who do I send up into the Conejo Valley to kill Brandon and take over the Crazies?

  Should I simply evacuate all the Locals across to Catalina Island instead?

  And how do I win back the beautiful, broken boy that I love?

  Or—for that matter—what do I tell that boy? Because I certainly can’t tell him that I’m pregnant. That he’s about to be a daddy. At least, not right now. If I do, he’ll try and stop what I’m about to do and I just can’t allow that—not if there’s any chance of saving this tribe.

  Because I have plans.

  And this baby.

  But, oh God—Jacob is never, ever going to forgive me!

  I need my mom.

  * * * *

  Over the next week, I struggled—going back and forth over whether to tell Jacob—either about the pregnancy or what was happening up in the Conejo Valley. Perhaps if he had been more open toward me, I might have spoken up. But Jacob continued to be distant, moving silently past, not looking me in the eye—treating me like an impediment that needed to be ignored.

  Most nights, he didn’t come home until long after I’d gone to bed. I would wake up in the morning and Jacob would simply be there, his back turned toward me, no doubt, pretending to be asleep.

  Some nights, however, Jacob wouldn’t come home at all, and my mind would go wild when I woke up alone—conjuring up images of Jacob spending the night somewhere on the Point with the new girl, Miley.

  Ironically, Kieran became something of an ally during those times.

  He took great pains to always let me know that Jacob wasn’t cheating on me—that he had simply spent the night on the couch just outside his and Cammie’s bedroom—a little bro-time between brothers.

  But I knew that Kieran wasn’t telling the whole truth.

  Because it was never about Jacob wanting to spend time with his brother; it was always about Jacob not wanting to spend time with his wife…with me.

  So, you see—even though I wanted to tell Jacob my two big secrets—I didn’t feel like he wanted to hear them. As far as I was concerned, Jacob didn’t want to hear anything from me.

  Of course, I knew that the truth would come out eventually.

  My belly would become bigger, rounding out to a point where even the densest of boys could figure out that I was pregnant.

  And as far as the Crazies were concerned—Halloween and the Arena was at the end of the month. Either my choice for challenger would head up into the Conejo Valley and kill Brandon—or my tribe would be evacuating to Catalina Island.

  Or both.

  Whatever eventually happened, I was pretty sure that—when Jacob found out what I was planning, what I was about to do—I would lose him forever.

  He would never forgive me for keeping him in the dark.

  But—what choice did I really have?

  Now that the Crazies had made a treaty with the guys at the Point Mugu Naval Station, they had access to weapons that we simply couldn’t match. The next time Brandon and the Foxes attacked the Point, we would be overrun—our guys would be killed, our girls made into slaves.

  And if that happened—what would they do with the babies—Florenza’s and mine?

  I was determined to never find out.

  Even if it meant losing Jacob forever.

  * * * *

  It was actually Cammie’s idea to have a small birthday party for Jacob’s eighteenth birthday. I think that she was hoping that the celebration would, in some way, bring Jacob and me back together.

  We held the event in one of the smaller rooms of the mansion—a simple dinner of stew and canned fruit. Sadly, the times of cakes and cookies had passed and even the amazing Sophia was having difficulty creating culinary masterpieces from an ever-decreasing tribal pantry.

  Because the event was so informal, people wandered in and out on their own schedule—spending a few moments to congratulate the birthday boy, eat a couple of canned peaches, or dance to one of the old 78’s being played by Porter on an old Victrola.

  * * * *

  Jacob spent most of the night on the move—talking to people, laughing, joking. At times, he seemed almost like his old self as he roamed the small ballroom. I suspected his happy demeanor to be a ruse, however—because when no one was looking—Jacob’s eyes would go dead and he’d appear to withdraw into himself once more.

  Still—Jacob seemed to be trying.

 
And that was a start.

  At one point—halfway through the evening—I felt a hand slide across my back. I was helping Sophia clean up the buffet table and, when I spun around, Jacob was standing there, grinning at me.

  My stomach immediately began to flip-flop.

  “Hi,” I said—at a sudden loss for any other intelligent words.

  Jacob leaned forward and kissed my cheek—startling me—just far enough back that his warm breath tickled my ear. He gave off a faintly fruity smell and I realized with a start that he was drunk.

  “You’re so pretty,” he whispered. “I don’t tell you that enough, do I?” He drew back, just enough, so that he could look into my eyes. “I mish you,” he said, slurring his words. Then, he put a finger up to his lips and made a shushing sound. “But don’t tell anybody…’k?”

  “I miss you, too,” I said, truthfully.

  Jacob pushed himself away from me to stand up straight—well, straight-ish.

  He was weaving slightly and seemed to be having some difficulty keeping his eyes focused on me. His lids drooped and his head leaned back slightly.

  “And—boop!” he announced, tapping me on my nose with one finger. “You are the best ever…best wife…best leader…besh mother.”

  I froze—‘mother’—did that mean he knew?!

  No, he couldn’t possibly…could he?

  “What I’m saying ish…is,” he continued, moving his finger up to tap at the side of his forehead, “you are the best…you deserve the best...”

  Jacob began to shake his head, looking angry now—but with himself—not me. “Shorry…sorry,” he apologized, his eyes moist. “So sorry you…got me.”

  I felt a flutter in my chest—a sudden blast of joy and hope.

  Oh god, but I loved this boy so much.

  And—no matter what—now I knew.

  He loved me just as much.

  Because I finally realized it…I got it.

  Jacob’s distancing himself from me these last weeks—it wasn’t because he didn’t love me anymore. It was because, in his own ridiculous Jacob-way, he had been trying to protect me.

  From himself—because he thought he was a failure…that he wasn’t worthy.

  Now, here my husband stood before me, his heart completely exposed, wanting nothing more to be forgiven—to be loved.

  Before I could say a word, however, there was a sudden CRASH!

  Startled, I spun around to find Lily and Hannah picking themselves up off of the floor, having apparently danced themselves into the buffet table. Wester and Ethan were with them, trying to wrench the awkward, fumbling girls up—the four of them all giggling and happy.

  But—not as happy as me.

  Because I had just found out—without a doubt—that Jacob still loved me! Unfortunately, however, when I turned back around—Jacob was gone.

  * * * *

  It was the new girl—Miley—who had lured Jacob away when my back was turned, pulling him onto the dance floor. I watched them together, dancing their way farther and farther away from me.

  To be completely honest—I was beyond irritated with Miley—paranoid in my suspicion that she was after Jacob.

  Frankly, it made me feel like I was back in high school.

  Except that, instead of Peyton lusting after Jacob, it was Miley.

  But tonight—even while dancing—I was astonished to see that Jacob never lost sight of me. As he moved across the floor with Miley, Jacob’s head turned constantly, searching me out. Each time our eyes met, he smiled—the first true smile I’d seen from him since before his expedition.

  I decided then and there that—later on that night—I would tell him everything.

  —that the Crazies were coming again.

  —that he was going to be a daddy.

  And then, Jacob and I would figure out what to do next—together.

  * * * *

  Over the next few hours, I sat near the buffet table and watched as more and more guys and girls took to the dance floor. I would have liked to have joined them but, the truth was, no guy asked me and I was too embarrassed to go solo. Jay had commiserated with me for a few minutes, telling me that it was one of the many trials and tribulations of being a leader—especially a married one—that it was too difficult for guys to approach me, let alone ask me to dance.

  I was apparently off-limits.

  Even Jacob seemed to have finally abandoned me.

  The last I had seen of him, he was drinking beer and talking with Kieran. From Jacob’s constant weaving, I could see that he was even drunker than before.

  Sadly, I realized that our ‘conversation’ would not happen that night.

  It would have to wait until Jacob sobered up.

  * * * *

  Even though I never did get up on the dance floor myself, I truly enjoyed watching everyone else have fun (except Miley). The whole mood of this celebration was so different from our last party. I guess having fifteen new girls in the tribe really changed things for our guys. They were like proud peacocks now—strutting and preening as they competed with each other to catch the girls’ attention.

  Toward the end of the evening, as the distance between boys and girls lessened and hands started straying toward naughty bits, I realized how smart Jay and Porter had been to place the ‘condom bowl’ just outside the party room. If there was one thing this night was teaching us all, it was that no matter how much you preached abstinence, raging teenage hormones also required you to be realistic and logical.

  Because there was definitely going to be some cuddling tonight!

  Which made me wonder—would there also be more babies on the way by tomorrow?

  * * * *

  As amusing as it was to watch my guys get all tangled up in pure lust, my mind kept straying back to the impending decision that I needed to make. If I did send up a challenger like Alice and the Stars wanted, who exactly should I send?

  Certainly, Erroll wanted to be that challenger.

  But was he the best choice?

  I had my own idea already of the challenger I wanted to send into the Arena but—looking around at the guys bobbing up and down on the dance floor—I wondered if maybe there might be someone better.

  Someone I hadn’t yet considered—who could truly beat Brandon in battle.

  The killer in our midst.

  Slowly, I allowed my eyes to move from guy to guy, assessing their abilities, going over their pros and cons as challengers in my mind.

  I stopped at Pauly.

  While everyone else was moving quickly to the music, Pauly was slow-dancing with Florenza. It was funny and sweet, watching them—the way he had to arch his body around her belly, how she touched her forehead affectionately to his.

  Without a doubt, Pauly was one of our best possibilities to defeat Brandon.

  He might not have been the strongest in our tribe, but he was definitely one of the craziest—and that was exactly the type of fighter that I believed was needed to take out Brandon; someone who would be willing to do what was absolutely necessary, no matter how vicious or off-the-wall.

  Because—I absolutely believed—crazy defeats crazy.

  And crazy was Pauly…or at least, it had been.

  But Pauly was changing now—about to become a father to the first baby in our tribe. Which ultimately meant that I couldn’t choose him—because of the baby.

  * * * *

  My eyes traveled next to Kieran.

  He and Cammie were also slow-dancing. They moved around Florenza and Pauly, showing off some complicated moves, good-naturedly reaching out every now and again to gently tap at Florenza’s belly.

  Like Pauly, Kieran was a definite possibility.

  Last year, Kieran had been in the unique position of being best friends with Brandon. According to the stories Jacob had told me, Brandon and Kieran had lived together, played together—and caused more than their share of mischief across the Point.

  If anybody could predict Brandon’s behavior—it w
ould be Kieran.

  And—because of their prior friendship—there would be a chance that Brandon might hold back in the Arena, just long enough to give Kieran the upper hand.

  There were two things that worked against Kieran as a candidate for the challenger, though.

  One—he was about to be married to Cammie, so I sincerely doubted that she would be on board with sending her fiancé up into the Valley to an almost certain death.

  Two—Jacob would never allow it.

  * * * *

  Across the room, meanwhile, Peyton and Frank sat at a round table filled with their ‘farmers’. The three staging house-kids were there, kicking at each other’s feet under the table. I noticed that Lance was missing and wondered if maybe he was off somewhere with Mia.

  As I watched Frank, considering him as a possible candidate, he leaned over and kissed Peyton on her cheek. She was engaged in a heated discussion with a freckle-faced brunette, one of three new girls who were now living at their farm. Peyton waved Frank away, not even looking at him—as if she was swatting at an annoying gnat.

  I wondered if Peyton’s dismissive behavior would upset Frank, but he simply grabbed her flapping hand and turned it over, kissing the palm. Immediately, Peyton stopped talking to the new girl and turned toward Frank. She moved in close, giving him a solid kiss, then yanked her hand back.

  Looking very self-satisfied, Frank leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. Our eyes met and we waved at each other—a short hello across the room—then, Frank’s attention was taken away by a stray foot kicking him by mistake from under the table.

  Frank—a solid choice for challenger.

  He knew Brandon well, had partied with him, played football together, and most likely, had even fought him on occasion. And, of all the guys in our tribe, Frank was the closest to Brandon’s height and weight.

  The downside—Frank had become a pacifist.

  In truth, I couldn’t see Frank ever killing anybody.