Homer Price

by Robert McCloskey

  “No, driving at night makes me nervous,” said the second robber.

  “Me too,” said the third. Then there followed a long argument, with the first and third robbers trying to convince the second and fourth robbers that they should go to Mexico right away. While they were arguing Homer thought very hard. He guessed that something had better be done pretty quick or the robbers might decide to go before the sheriff got his hair cut. He thought of a plan, and without making a sound, he slipped away from the window and hurried to Aroma’s hole under the house. He whistled softly and Aroma came out and climbed into the basket. Aroma had calmed down considerably but she still smelled pretty strong. Homer quietly carried the basket to the spot under the robbers’ window and listened. They were still arguing about the trip to Mexico. They didn’t notice Homer as he put the basket through the window onto the chair beside the bed. Of course, Aroma immediately crawled out on the bed and took her place on the suitcase.

  “Stop tickling,” said the tall robber because his feet stuck out and Aroma’s tail was resting on his toes.

  “I’m not tickling you,” said the second robber, “but say, I think I still smell that animal!”

  “Now that you mention it, I seem to smell it too,” said the third robber.

  The fourth robber reached for the light button saying, “That settles it! Let’s get dressed and go to Mexico, because I think I smell that animal too!”

  Then as the robber turned on the light Homer shouted, “You do smell that animal, and please don’t make any sudden movements because he excites easily.” The robbers took one look and pulled the covers over their heads.

  “The sheriff will be here in a few minutes,” said Homer, bravely.

  But five minutes later the sheriff had not shown up. The robbers were getting restless, and Aroma was tapping her foot and getting excited.

  Homer began to be disturbed about what his mother would say if Aroma smelled up one of her largest and best tourist cabins, so he quickly thought of a plan. He climbed through the window. He gathered up all of the guns and put them in the basket. Then he gathered up the robbers’ clothes and tossed them out of the window. After picking out one of the larger guns Homer waved it in the direction of the robbers and said, “You may come out from under the covers now, and hold up your hands.”

  The robbers gingerly lifted the covers and peeked out, then they carefully climbed out of bed so as not to disturb Aroma, and put up their hands.

  “We didn’t mean to do it,” mumbled the first robber.

  “And we’ll give the money back,” said the second robber.

  “Our early environment is responsible for our actions,” said the educated robber.

  “I’m sorry,” Homer said, “but I’ll have to take you to the sheriff.” He motioned with the gun and demanded that the fourth robber pick up the suitcase with the prize money and lotion inside. Then he said, “Forward march!”

  “Must we go in our pajamas?” cried one.

  “And without our shoes?” wailed another.

  “Aroma is getting excited,” Homer reminded them, and the robbers started marching without any more arguing, but they did grumble and groan about walking on gravel with bare feet (robbers aren’t accustomed to going without shoes, and they couldn’t have run away, even if Homer and Aroma hadn’t been there to guard them).

  First came the first robber with his hands up, then the second robber with his hands up, then the third robber with his hands up, and then the fourth robber with his right hand up and his left hand down, carrying the suitcase (of course, Aroma followed the suitcase) and last of all came Homer, carrying the basket with a dozen or two guns in it. He marched them straight down route 56A and up the main street of Centerburg. They turned into the barber shop where the sheriff was getting his hair cut and the boys were sitting around playing checkers.

  When the sheriff saw them come in the door he stopped talking about the World Series and said, “Well, I’ll be switched if it ain’t the robio raiders, I mean radio robbers!” The sheriff got out of the barber chair with his hair cut up one side and not cut up the other and put handcuffs on the men and led them off to the jail.

  Well, there isn’t much more to tell. The newspapers told the story and had headlines saying BOY AND PET SKUNK TRAP SHAVING LOTION ROBBERS BY SMELL and the news commentators on the radio told about it too. Homer’s father and mother said that Homer could keep Aroma for a pet because instead of hurting business Aroma has doubled business. People for miles around are coming to the crossroads where 56 meets 56A just to buy gasoline and to eat a hamburger or a home-cooked dinner, and to see Aroma.

  The next time Homer went into Centerburg to get a haircut, he talked the whole thing over again with the sheriff.

  “Yep!” said the sheriff, “that was sure one smell job of swelling, I mean one swell job of smelling!”

  THE CASE OF

  THE COSMIC COMIC

  THE CASE OF THE COSMIC COMIC

  ONE Saturday afternoon Homer and Freddy and Freddy’s little brother Louis were listening to the State College football game on the radio.

  After the game Homer said, “I’m feeling sort of hungry. Come on, Freddy, come on, Louis. Let’s go down to the kitchen and get something to eat.”

  They went downstairs and Homer poured out three glasses of milk, and Homer’s mother brought out the cookie jar.

  “Don’t eat too many cookies,” she cautioned, “because it’s almost dinner time.”

  “No, Ma’m, we won’t,” said Freddy. Then he said to Homer, “Has tonight’s newspaper come yet?”

  “I think so,” said Homer. “Yes, there it is, on top of the refrigerator.”

  “Oh, boy!” said Freddy as he opened it to the comic page. “Let’s see what happened to the ‘Super-Duper’.”

  So Freddy and little brother Louis and Homer gathered around the paper to see how the Super-Duper was going to get out of the big steel box filled with dynamite, where the villain had put him and dropped him into the middle of the ocean from an air-ship.

  There in the first picture, the Super-Duper was saying, “Haw, Haw! That villain thinks he can get rid of me, but he’s mistaken!” Then in the next picture the dynamite exploded and blew the steel box to bits. But that didn’t hurt the Super-Duper because the Super-Duper is so tough (tougher than steel) that nothing can hurt him!

  “Just look at those muscles and that chest the Super-Duper’s got!” said Freddy before going on to the next picture. In the next picture the Super-Duper bounded up from the bottom of the ocean and went whizzing through the air. He caught the air-ship by the tail and broke it off with a loud crack! In the last picture the villain was trying to escape in an airplane, and was machine-gunning the Super-Duper, but the bullets were just bouncing off his chest because he was so tough. Then it said, “Continued on Monday.”

  “Boy!” said Freddy, “the Super-Duper can do anything!”

  “Yeh, but it’s only a story,” said Homer. “And the story’s always the same. The Super-Duper always hits things and breaks them up, and a villain always tries to bomb him, or shoot him with a cannon or a gun or an electric ray. Then he always rescues the pretty girl and gets the villain in the end.”

  “Well, it isn’t just a story,” said Freddy, “because Super-Duper’s in the movies too. They really take movies of him lifting battleships with one hand and even flying through space.”

  “Aw,” said Homer, “I read a book once that said they do that sort of thing with wires and mirrors. It’s just trick photography, that’s all it is.”

  Then little brother Louis, who had been eating cookies all this time said, “Read it to me!”

  So Freddy had to read it all over again, out loud, and explain the story to little Louis.

  “Freddy,” called Homer’s mother, “your mother just phoned and wants you to bring little Louis right home.”

  “O.K. C’mon, Louis, finish your milk. Good-by, Homer, and thank you for the cookies.”

&nbs
p; The next time Freddy came over to visit Homer he brought along some of his Super-Duper comic magazines.

  “Say, Homer, I thought you might like to look at these,” said Freddy.

  “Gosh, Freddy, you certainly have a lot of those comic magazines,” said Homer.

  “They don’t cost much,” said Freddy. “Only ten cents apiece. Here, read this one, Homer, it’s the most exciting.”

  Homer took the comic magazine and started to read, while Freddy looked over his shoulder.

  At the beginning of the story the Super-Duper was dressed in ordinary clothes, just like any other man. Then after the villain appeared on the second page, the Super-Duper slipped behind a tree and changed into red tights and a long blue cape.

  “Why does he always change his clothes like that?” asked Homer.

  “That’s because he is so modest,” said Freddy in a knowing way. Homer started reading again: After the Super-Duper had changed his clothes he started flying through space and smashing things. He picked up automobiles and tossed them over cliffs, and he even carried a train across a river, after the villain had blown up the bridge.

  Then finally he saved the pretty girl from a horrible death and caught the villain, who turned out to be a very notorious criminal.

  “Gosh, Freddy, these Super-Duper stories are all the same,” said Homer.

  “No, they’re not!” said Freddy. “Sometimes the Super-Duper smashes airships and sometimes he smashes ocean liners. Then, other times he just breaks up mountains.”

  “But he always rescues the pretty girl and catches the villain on the last page,” said Homer.

  “Of course,” said Freddy. “That’s to show that crime does not pay!”

  “Shucks!” said Homer. “Let’s go pitch horse shoes.”

  “O.K.,” said Freddy.

  Freddy won two games out of three and then he said, “Guess it’s almost supper time, see you tomorrow, Homer.”

  “Yep! G’by, Freddy,” said Homer, and Freddy gathered up his comic magazines and went up the road home.

  After supper when Homer was doing his homework the phone rang. “Hello!” said Homer.

  “Hello, that you, Homer? This is Freddy. Say! Did you see in the paper tonight that there is going to be a Super-Duper movie over at the Centerburg theater next Saturday afternoon?”

  Before Homer could say, “No, I didn’t.” Freddy shouted, “And guess what! The Super-Duper in person is going to be there! And, Homer,” Freddy went on, “Mother has a box from the mail-order house over at the Centerburg Railroad station. So Dad says that little Louis and I can take the horse and wagon and drive to Centerburg on Saturday. We can get the box, and then go to see the Super-Duper! I thought you might like to come along.”

  “Sure thing!” said Homer.

  “O.K. We’ll stop by for you,” said Freddy. “G’by, Homer.”

  On Saturday Freddy and little Louis drove up to Homer’s house with old Lucy hitched to the wagon, just as Homer was finishing his lunch.

  “I thought we had better get an early start,” said Freddy, “because it takes old Lucy about an hour to go as far as Centerburg.”

  “I’ll be ready in just a second,” said Homer. Then after Homer had climbed in, Freddy said “Giddap!” to old Lucy, and they started off to see the Super-Duper in person.

  When they arrived in Centerburg the first thing they did was go to the station and load the box from the mail-order house onto the back of the wagon.

  “Gosh, that’s heavy!” said Homer as they lifted it on.

  “Yeah,” said Freddy, “but I betcha the Super-Duper could lift it with his little finger.”

  “Mebby so,” said Homer. “Let’s stop over at Uncle Ulysses’ lunch room and get some doughnuts to eat in the movie.”

  Freddy and little Louis both thought that was a good idea so they drove old Lucy around to the lunch room to get some doughnuts.

  Then Freddy and little Louis and Homer walked across the town square to the movie.

  The Super-Duper’s super-stream-lined car was standing in front of the theater. It was long and red, with chromium trimmings, and it had the Super-Duper’s monogram on the side. After they had admired the car, they bought three tickets and went inside. There in the lobby was the real honest-to-goodness Super-Duper. He shook hands with Freddy and Homer and little brother Louis, and he autographed a card for Freddy, too.

  “Mr. Super-Duper, would you please do a little flying through space for us, or mebbe just bend a few horse shoes?” asked Freddy.

  “I’m sorry, boys, but I haven’t time to-day,” said the Super-Duper with a smile.

  So Homer and Freddy and little Louis found three good seats, and ate doughnuts until the picture began.

  The picture was called “THE SUPER-DUPER and the ELECTRIC RAY.” That was because the villain had a machine that produced an electric ray, and every time he shined it on a skyscraper, or an airplane, the skyscraper or the airplane would explode! He turned the ray on Super-Duper, too, but of course the Super-Duper was so tough that it didn’t hurt him.

  Little Louis got so excited, though, that he choked on a doughnut and Homer had to take him to the lobby for a drink of water. But finally the Super-Duper broke the villain’s headquarters to bits, and lifted the ray-machine (which must have weighed several tons) and tossed it over a cliff. Then, he caught the villain and rescued the pretty girl. But at the very end, the villain slipped away again, and then these words appeared on the screen: “NEXT INSTALMENT NEXT SATURDAY AFTERNOON!”

  “Why did the Super-Duper let the villain get away again?” asked little Louis on the way out.

  “I guess that’s because he wants to chase him again next Saturday,” said Homer.

  Outside they admired the Super-Duper’s car once more and then started home in the wagon.

  It was evening by the time old Lucy, pulling the wagon with Freddy and little Louis and Homer on it, had reached the curve in the road just before you come to Homer’s father’s filling station.

  A car honked from behind and Freddy pulled old Lucy over to the edge of the road. Then, “SWOOOSH!” around from the rear sped a long red car with chromium trimmings.

  “Gosh! It’s the Super-Duper!” said Freddy.

  “Well, he shouldn’t drive so fast around this curve,” said Homer, sort of doubtful like.

  Almost before Homer had finished speaking there was a loud screech of brakes, and then a loud crash!

  “Giddup! Lucy,” said Freddy, “we better hurry up and see what happened!”

  “Gee, there weren’t any cars coming the other way,” said Homer, “I wonder what happened?”

  “Golly,” said Freddy in a quavery voice, “do you suppose . . . the electric ray? . . . Whoow, Lucy, WHOO, LUCY! . . . we better park here!”

  “Oh, shucks!” said Homer in his bravest voice, “I’m going to see what happened.”

  Little Louis began to cry, and Homer tried to comfort him. “Louis, that electric ray business was just part of a movie, and it couldn’t have anything to do with this.” Homer tried hard to make it sound convincing.

  Then Homer and Freddy and little Louis got out of the wagon and crept along the side of the road.

  There, around the curve, was the Super-Duper’s car, down in a ditch. All three boys stopped crawling along and lay down on their stomachs to watch.

  “Oh, Boy!” whispered Freddy. “Now we’ll get to see the Super-Duper lift it back on the road with one hand!”

  There was a flash of light and little Louis cried, “Is that the electric ray?”

  “It’s only the headlights of a car,” said Homer. “Come on, let’s go a little closer.”

  They crept a little closer . . . They could see the Super-Duper now, sitting there in the twilight with his head in his hands.

  “I wonder if he got hurt?” asked Homer.

  “Naaw!” whispered Freddy. “Nothing can hurt the Super-Duper because he’s too tough.”

  “Well, if he isn’t hurt, why
doesn’t he lift the car back on the road?” asked Homer.

  “Sh-h-h!” said Freddy, “he’s an awful modest fellow.” So they waited and watched from the bushes.

  The Super-Duper sighed a couple of times, and then he got up and started walking around his car.

  “Now watch!” said Freddy in a loud whisper. “Oh, boy! Oh, boy!” The Super-Duper didn’t lift the car, no, not yet. He looked at the dent that a fence post had made in his shiny red fender, and then, the incredible happened. That colossal-osal, gigantic-antic, Super-Duper, that same Super-Duper who defied the elements, who was so strong that he broke up battleships like toothpicks, who was so tough that cannon-balls bounced off his chest, yes, who was tougher than steel, he stooped down and said . . . “Ouch!” Yes, there could be no mistake, he said it again, louder . . . “OUCH!!”

  The great Super-Duper had gotten himself caught on a barbed-wire fence!

  “Well . . . well, for crying out loud!” said Freddy.

  “What happened?” asked little Louis. “Did he get himself rayed by the villain?”

  “Come on, Freddy, let’s go and untangle him,” said Homer. Then Freddy and little Louis and Homer unsnagged the Super-Duper and he sighed again and said, “Thank you boys. Do you know if there’s a garage near here? It looks as though it will take a wrecking car to get my car out of this ditch.”

  “Sure, my father has a garage down at the crossing,” said Homer. “And we have a horse right up there on the road. We can pull your car out of the ditch!” said Freddy.

  “Well, now, isn’t that lucky!” said the Super-Duper with a smile.

  So they hitched old Lucy to the car and she pulled and everybody pushed until the car was back on the road.

  Little Louis sat with the Super-Duper in his car, and Homer and Freddy rode on old Lucy’s back while she towed the car toward Homer’s father’s filling station.

  “What happened, Mr. Super-Duper, did the villain ray you?” asked little Louis.