Along Waters of Sunshine and Shadow

by Ava Miles

  He might not be Catholic, but he wouldn’t dare make those kind of moves with priests around. Given everything Niall was doing for him, it wouldn’t feel right. Of course, they could probably neck in front of Father Wilson’s nose without him noticing. Niall was right. The man didn’t do anything other than pray and go to his room. Although he occasionally ate with them, he never joined Noah and Niall in the library, where they often found themselves most nights, unable to sleep. Noah still didn’t know what kept Niall awake at night, but he figured the man would tell him if he wanted it known.

  “That sounds like a great idea,” he said, his spirits lifting.

  The park Anna had in mind was nicely lit and had a path along the water. And yet…something about the lapping of the water pressed in on him. He tried to fight the memory trying to surface, but it broke through as though powered by a Nazi tank.

  His mind called up an image of another body of water. He and his fellow soldiers had come upon it and needed to cross it. Lifting their weapons in the air with both hands, they’d levered into the water only to halt in horror as dead bodies weighed down by stones brushed against them. Later someone had said it was a sick Nazi idea of messing with them in addition to ruining the water for drinking.

  A woman’s decomposing face had appeared in the shadowy water beneath Noah, and he’d nearly gotten sick then and there. He’d never seen anything so bloated or deformed. He and the other men had shuffled back to shore, breathing hard, some puking outright. They’d gone upriver to make their crossing, and taking those first steps into the water had been as hard as going through the first door in a farmhouse commandeered by Nazis.

  “What’s wrong?” he heard Anna ask. He jerked away when something brushed his arm, remembering that floating corpse’s outstretched hand.

  “Noah?”

  He bit his lip to bring himself back to the present and realized he’d stopped walking. Sweat coated his temples and his back, and his heart thundered like machine gun fire. He focused on her face. Anna was watching him, the muscles in her face tense.

  “I…need a minute,” he said, stepping off the path away from the water.

  Bending over and fighting for breath would only scare her, so he closed his eyes and put a hand over his chest, focusing on forcing more air into his lungs. God knew he’d had to do it during the war whenever the horror of something had risen up and ripped his throat out. The first dead child he’d seen, a young boy of four shot in the head, had nearly brought him to his knees, and the first woman he’d come across who had been raped and left for dead… Well, he understood killing men in uniform, but he didn’t understand killing women and children like that. Some acts were simply evil.

  He felt Anna come closer. “Keep your distance. Please.”

  “Is there anything I can do?” she asked softly.

  Shaking his head, he continued to suck in great big gulps air. He wouldn’t speak to her again until he felt like he’d latched on to some ribbon of control inside him. Before the war, his self-control had been like a tower, large and unassailable. Not anymore.

  “I’m sorry,” he finally said, taking out a handkerchief and wiping his sweaty face. “I…” He didn’t know what to say, but he wasn’t going to run out on her this time. He would grind his teeth to the gums if he had to.

  She didn’t move toward him, thank God. Then he wondered if she was afraid of him. The thought just about broke his heart. “I…hate this. I’m sorry. I’m…so ashamed.”

  “It’s okay, Noah,” she said. “A flashback?”

  His nod was crisp.

  “Can you tell me?” she asked.

  He had to look away from the hope in her eyes. He wasn’t sure he could have forced out the words had he wanted to. “It’s come and gone. Let’s leave it that way. I’d…like to say I can keep walking out here, but I can’t.” It made him feel like a coward, but he’d feel worse—weaker—if he had another attack.

  “Okay,” she said. “Let’s head back to the car.”

  They walked in silence, side by side although no longer hand in hand. He mourned the loss of her hand but couldn’t make himself reach for it. His hands were still sweaty, and he probably reeked in his uniform. Plus, he’d made her uncomfortable, and he’d ruined the romantic walk she’d had in mind.

  “I didn’t know this would happen.”

  “I told you, it’s okay,” she said immediately.

  When they reached the car, she stopped, the light from the lamppost illuminating her worried face.

  “I’d hoped for some good parking when you suggested this,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “We’ll have to shoot for another time.”

  “I had the same thought,” she said, her eyes glued to his face. “I’ve been thinking about how I can best help you.”

  Help him? He could barely help himself.

  “I know you needed your space…earlier, but perhaps you could…hold me for a moment before we leave. Like you did when we left the church the other night. Hugs…always make people feel better, I’ve found. I don’t know about you, but I could use one right now. I think you could too.”

  He didn’t know if he wanted her to be that close right now. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I’m sweaty, and I probably stink.”

  “I don’t care,” she said. “Besides, I’m a bit damp too, and I might not smell the freshest. I don’t think we should let that get in our way.”

  “You have no idea how sorry I am, Anna,” he said, evading her request.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about,” she said, approaching him like he was a wary animal. “I’m going to hug you now. Just so you know. I won’t be put off.”

  His muscles braced as she took the last step toward him. When she embraced him, part of him wanted to push her away, but he fought the urge. Closed his eyes. Took a breath and then made himself wrap his arms around her. Gently. It took a while, but he felt the tension start to slough off.

  Squeezing his eyes shut, he realized that she’d saved him once again.

  Chapter 12

  Anna waved at Mrs. O’Shea as she walked back from the market.

  “How’s your mother, Anna?” the woman called from her front porch.

  Her mother hadn’t said much of anything since discovering the details of Martin’s death, asking to be left to grieve in peace. Anna hadn’t pressed since she’d heard her mother crying more often when she was in her room. To give her space, she and Noah tried to stay out of the house as much as possible when she was home.

  “She’s doing fine, Mrs. O’Shea,” Anna called out. Her mother wouldn’t want her saying much more than that, especially after her little dust-up with Mrs. O’Shea at the party.

  “I didn’t see her at the knitting group the other night,” the older woman said, sweeping the broom she was holding in large movements across her steps.

  Anna hadn’t known that. She’d gotten home at ten from going out to dinner and having a nice walk with Noah. “I’m sure you’ll see her next week. Gotta run, Mrs. O’Shea. My groceries are probably cooked, what with all this heat.”

  The woman waved at her, and Anna took off before she could say more. She hurried down the street to their house. At the gate, she stopped short.

  A handsome young solider was sitting on her front porch steps. He had an Army duffel with him that looked to be stuffed with clothes. Given his loose-legged stature, she felt like he might have been waiting a while. Her mother was at her secretarial job, and Anna’s shopping had taken longer than expected since her main grocery store had been out of eggs, a scarcity she hoped would soon end.

  “Can I help you?” she asked, shifting her bags to open the gate.

  The man pushed off the steps. “Anna? Heck, I’d know that face anywhere. Noah looked at your picture so much I feel like I know you. I’m Billie Henderson, Noah’s friend from the 3rd Infantry.”

  “Billie! You’re back from the war.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, puffing out his chest. �
��Although I don’t know how they’ll do without me. Decided not to send me to the South Pacific after weeks of waiting in Paris for my orders. Then it took me a bit to get back here, what with the slow boat they put us all on. Man, I’ve seen tanks move faster. Here, let me help you.”

  He took the bags from her hands and walked with her down the sidewalk.

  “Noah’s coming by in a while,” she said. “He said you might be showing up any day.”

  And she’d been fretting about it. It still worried her that he might prejudice Noah against her neighborhood.

  Oh, she was being silly. Noah made up his own mind. Hadn’t Alice been teasing her for days now about falling for an egghead?

  “Yeah, me and Noah figured your house would be the easiest place to meet once I

  got bounced. I mean, I don’t have a permanent residence here anymore. Gave my apartment up when I went to war.”

  She opened the front door. “Of course, you’re most welcome.”

  “Thanks,” Billie said, following her into the kitchen. “Boy, this isn’t where I’d imagined you’d be living.”

  Here we go. “My father worked hard on the railroad to move us to this neighborhood.”

  He whistled. “No need to be touchy, sister. I was only making an observation.”

  Sure he was. The second question a Chicagoan would ask after inquiring about your name was what neighborhood you lived in.

  “Speaking of observations, I don’t see a ring on that finger. Does that mean you two aren’t hitched yet? I know Lucky Strike was talking about taking his time, but if I’d come here and seen you looking like this in a pretty blue dress, I would have carted you off to the nearest justice of the peace. If you don’t mind me saying.”

  Observant and a smooth talker? This was going to be fun. “Lucky Strike?” she asked.

  “That’s what some of the guys called Noah,” Billie said. “He didn’t get so much as a scratch. I was lucky, I guess, that one of those Krauts only caught me in the leg. Thank God it healed good. I was afraid for a moment I’d have a limp, but that would be better than what happened to a lot of boys.”

  Indeed, she thought, thinking of the amputee soldiers she’d seen at the USO or the hospital. At the hospital just this last weekend, she’d seen a solider being outfitted with two hooks for arms.

  “Noah mentioned your injury in one of his letters. I’m glad you’re all healed up.”

  “He mentioned that, did he? Well, don’t that beat all. He’s always a tough guy to read. I mean, some of us get chatty when we’re pinned down but not Lucky Strike. He usually had to tell me to shut it. Of course, jabbering didn’t hurt my shooting none. No, I could pick out Nazis and shoot them down like targets in one of those games at the Illinois State Fair.”

  Anna was so used to Noah’s tight-lippedness about the war, Billie’s openness was a bit shocking. Not that she minded Noah’s quiet none. She liked the thoughtful way he sat and listened. Billie reminded her of the fast talkers you could find sitting at Dougherty’s bar, drinking whiskey and telling tall tales—even if he wasn’t originally from South Side.

  “You never did answer my question,” he said, leaning back against the counter. “Are you two hitched or aren’t you?”

  “We’re discussing the future,” she said primly.

  He grinned. “Good. If Lucky Strike waits too long, I might have to make a run for you. Just kidding.”

  She wasn’t sure he was, what with the glance he gave her legs. Suddenly, the kitchen felt too small. “Do you want to grab your duffel from the front porch? It’s a warm day out, and I don’t know what you have inside it.”

  “Sure thing,” he said, giving her a thumbs-up. “Be back in a jiffy.”

  She took a moment to breathe and then considered her groceries. She’d bought two pork chops for lunch. When Noah arrived, she’d have to go back to the store to get one for Billie, this time with the car. The walk had been nice, but she wanted to fix lunch by a reasonable time. She imagined Noah would want Billie to stay. For a second, she had a pinch of jealousy about sharing Noah with his Army buddy. If he was this much of a talker, it was going to be a while. Then she chided herself for being rude. He deserved to have a fine welcome. He was a veteran, and one of Noah’s friends.

  She should mention he could have more of his friends visit, once they returned from the war. It would be nice to meet the people he’d been around. They were still getting to know each other in some ways. In others, they seemed to have known each other forever.

  Every day they got together around lunch when she wasn’t volunteering. She’d make something for him while he drank coffee or soda at the table. He said he loved to watch her cook, and she’d splurged on a new apron she’d seen at the five-and-dime—a blue and white flowered one. Then they’d eat, often in the backyard unless there were kids outside.

  Noah had become a favorite with the neighborhood boys, and many of them would wander over to talk to them if they were eating out back. She rather loved that, but again, she also liked their time alone. She’d wondered if it was common to want to spend every waking minute with someone like she did Noah. Not everyone in love felt that way, she’d observed.

  “Okay, here’s my bag,” Billie said. “You don’t do laundry in addition to cooking?”

  That put her on the spot. She wasn’t even doing Noah’s laundry since Mrs. Hughes had offered to look after it. “Ah…”

  “I’m mostly kidding,” he said, pulling out a chair and making himself comfortable. “Where’s your mom, by the way?”

  “She has a job as a secretary,” she said. “At an insurance company.”

  “Good for her,” Billie said. “I kinda like how women took over all these jobs. Of course, things will go back to the way they were before the war with us men being back.”

  Anna suspected he was right, but she knew some of the women like Alice weren’t looking forward to that per se. Sure, they wanted the boys to come home, but they’d liked to keep working too. Other women had confided in her that they couldn’t wait to go back to only keeping the house and raising the kids.

  “Remind me what you do again?” Billie asked.

  “I’m a second grade teacher,” she said. “Forgive my manners. I was so swept away I forgot to offer you refreshment. I can have coffee ready in a few minutes if that suits. Or you can have a soda.”

  “Refreshments, huh?” Billie said. “Aren’t you a classy dame? Noah sure is Lucky Strike. I’ll have a soda pop if it’s all the same to you. I can’t stand the taste of coffee after the swill we had in the war. Might have ruined me forever.”

  Noah never mentioned things like that, although she’d noticed he never touched milk. In fact, he seemed determined not to look at it. It had made her wonder why, but she figured he would tell her if he wanted to. The other night at Burnham Park when he’d gone all cold and clammy… The memory that had assailed him must have been bone-chilling. She’d started to mutter a Hail Mary to herself, feeling completely powerless to help him.

  Only when he’d let her hug him in the parking lot had she felt assured. He’d all but melted against her as the rigidness left his muscles. She’d been afraid to leave him at the rectory, but he’d caressed her cheek and said he’d be fine. She’d had to trust him. It made her feel good to know that Father was taking good care of him.

  A knock sounded on the front door, and she took a hasty step in that direction, but Billie cut her off.

  “I’ll get it,” he said, flashing his toothy smile. “Lucky Strike deserves a surprise.”

  A spurt of jealousy emerged again. This was her home, her front door. She wasn’t so sure she liked the liberties this man was taking. But ingrained manners kept her in place as Billie left the kitchen.

  She heard Billie exclaim moments later and wondered at Noah’s reaction. Her instinct was to join them, but she didn’t want to intrude. They’d gone through a lot in the war, and when Noah had written her about making a new friend in Billie after so many o
f his friends had died, she’d been happy for him, encouraged him even.

  Besides, he’d told her he was looking forward to seeing his friend, that he was glad Billie hadn’t been shipped off to the Pacific. There’d been a haunted look on his face as he said it. One that had shot down to her very soul. Every night she prayed Noah wouldn’t have to go back to war, either because of his conscience or because Uncle Sam called him back up.

  “Didn’t I tell you he’d be surprised to see me?” Billie said, his arm around Noah’s shoulder.

  Noah, she noticed, didn’t have his arm around Billie, but there was the slightest smile on his face.

  “Some days on the front we never thought we’d end up stateside. Woo-eee, I’m glad to have my feet back on the good ol’ U.S. of A. I kissed the ground when I got off the boat. Never been so glad to see home in my whole life.”

  Noah hadn’t mentioned how he’d felt about stepping foot on American soil again. She’d have to ask him later. “You two catch up, Noah. I’m going to dart out to the store for a bit.”

  “Didn’t you already come from there?” Billie said, gesturing to the bags she’d left on the counter by the sink. “Oh, wait! You’re going back on account of me.”

  Anna noted Billie didn’t try and stop her, but Noah stepped out of Billie’s hold and put his hand on her arm.

  “Please don’t go to any trouble,” he said. “We can always grab a sandwich or something at a corner store.”

  Men! They didn’t understand anything about cooking and hospitality. “I realized I forgot something. Truly.”

  She hated prevaricating, but it was only a white lie, and for a good cause. A newly returned solider deserved a good home-cooked meal. She knew they wouldn’t stand for her giving up her pork chop and eating leftovers.

  She had her purse in her hand before Noah could respond and rose on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “See you in a bit.”

  “Noah, you’d better marry that girl or I will,” she heard Billie say when she reached the hallway.