Along Waters of Sunshine and Shadow

by Ava Miles

  Billie rocked back on his heels. “You mean other than getting drunk as a skunk and banging some of the girls in my old neighborhood? I’ll probably see if this guy I know is still into the same enterprise he was in before the war. I made a lot of money that way. ’Course, I always spent it the moment I got it. Hated to have dough burning a hole in my pocket. Like I said, I can introduce you. You could make some serious dough with those all-American good looks. Get a house so you won’t have to hole up with Anna’s old lady, watching out for the hemlock she might put in your drink like in Arsenic and Old Lace. Did you see that picture?”

  Noah was still processing Billie’s job prospect. He’d need a lot more information before he’d consider it. Somehow he didn’t think it would fulfill his need to serve others, but perhaps that was too judgmental of him. Private Garrett had showed him he had a lot of judgments coming out of the war—and he’d since realized it was hard to shake them.

  “No, I haven’t seen a picture since basic training. Missed the Oscars last year because the Jerries moved their line up.”

  He and the other guys hadn’t been so attached to watching the Oscars, but they had looked forward to seeing something of home—even if it was movie stars.

  “Noah! What are you doing out here?”

  He turned and spotted Anna striding up the street. “We were waiting for you,” he said, meeting her halfway and taking the lone grocery sack from her. “Your mother came home with a headache so we made ourselves scarce.”

  She looked a little pale, he noted, as he studied her face for a reaction. Mrs. Sims’ actions always prompted an equally powerful reaction in her daughter. He knew she tried to put on a brave face, but the situation with her mother was wearing her down too. He didn’t know what to do.

  “Oh, I see,” she said, looking down as if studying the spider-web cracks in the sidewalk. “You and Billie should go off then and catch up. I’ll head home and see if she needs anything.”

  “You’re way too good of a daughter,” Billie said.

  Noah wanted to elbow him in the gut. “Don’t mind him. I’ll come by later. Maybe we could take a walk after your mom goes to sleep.” He didn’t want to make Anna feel guilty about being out with him while her mother was ill.

  “No, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, still not meeting his gaze. “It’s Billie’s first day back. You boys have fun.”

  Something was wrong. He knew it. If Billie hadn’t been there, he would have tipped her chin up and made her look at him. Asked her what was bothering her even though he thought he already knew. Mrs. Sims cast a large shadow.

  “All right,” he said, kissing her chastely on the cheek. “I’ll miss you.”

  He’d whispered it so only she could hear, and while he hadn’t expected a response, he’d thought it would at least soften the tension in her shoulders.

  “Let me walk you home,” Noah said.

  She took the grocery sack from his hands, but he held on. “Don’t be silly. I can handle it.”

  When she tugged, there was anger behind her pull. He let go, and she staggered back a few steps before she caught herself.

  Something cold settled in his chest. Usually she greeted him with a sunny smile, but she’d barely glanced at him. Was she mad about Billie? He’d told her his friend would be arriving any day. He wanted to stomp his foot in frustration.

  “I’m sorry you bought an extra pork chop,” Noah said, feeling the familiar guilt about her buying groceries for their lunch. When he’d offered to pay for them, she’d insisted that groceries come out of her pocketbook and not his. He could buy them lunch or dinner out. He’d agreed because she’d been immoveable.

  Rather like she was being now.

  Billie bumped into him, and he jerked to a defensive stance.

  “Only me, Lucky Strike,” he said, “trying to get your attention. Come on. You can see your girl tomorrow. Today we’re going to enjoy everything the Windy City has to offer. Anna, it was good to meet you. I hope your mother recovers soon.”

  That set Noah’s teeth on edge. Billie made it sound like he hoped she was terminal.

  “Good to meet you too, Billie,” Anna said with equal insincerity.

  Now he had his answer. Anna was never insincere. Her ire was up, all right.

  “I’ll be back for that walk,” he told her, reaching for her hand.

  She didn’t curl her hand around his like usual. “No, it’s fine. Like Billie said. You should enjoy everything our fine city has to offer because it’s a pretty great place, if you ask me.”

  Again, Noah noted the edge in her voice. What was up with her?

  When she turned away, he realized she hadn’t smiled or waved at him. She’d never left like this.

  He had the sudden urge to write her a letter and ask her what was wrong.

  But the war was over, and they weren’t sharing how they felt that way anymore.

  If they were going to make a go of it forever, they had to find a new way to tell each other what was wrong when something happened between them.

  Chapter 14

  “Anna,” she heard as she was closing the front door.

  Right now she wasn’t sure she was steady enough to face her mother, but she wasn’t the kind of person who could pretend she hadn’t heard her voice.

  “Yes, Mom,” she responded, walking toward the kitchen.

  Her mother was seated at the table. She gestured to the half-empty soda bottles. “Anna, I don’t like your beau making himself at home like this. And furthermore, I don’t want him bringing his friends around like I came home to find. He might be seeing you right now, but this isn’t his house. Is that clear?”

  The wrinkles around her mother’s mouth seemed more pronounced today. She didn’t want to fight with her. Not after what she’d heard Noah say. “Is your headache bad? Have you taken an aspirin?”

  “If it wasn’t bad, would I be home right now?” she asked.

  Anna sent up a prayer for patience. Even the wounded soldiers at the hospital where she volunteered were less surly. She cleaned up the bottles and started to put away the groceries.

  “Anna, I’ve been thinking about Mr. Weatherby a lot since dinner the other night. Have you considered the fact that he’s not Catholic?”

  Her mother had called him by his first name the other night at dinner. Had she only done so to bring him out of his reverie? “His name is Noah, Mother, and yes, I know he’s not Catholic. I’m praying it won’t be an issue.”

  After hearing him talk earlier, they were putting the cart before the horse.

  “Anna, that’s more than naïve,” her mother said, smoothing out invisible wrinkles in the yellow tablecloth Anna had put out fresh this morning for her lunch with Noah. “You remember Eileen Kelly.”

  Who could forget? She fought the urge to excuse herself. This was not the kind of story she wanted to be reminded of right now.

  “She was two years ahead of you in school. She married that Jew from Glencoe she met while working downtown. Some people never got over that, including her parents. They were right to forbid the marriage.”

  Was there a warning in her mother’s comment? “I thought Eileen was brave to marry the man she loved. For the life of me, I can’t understand why someone’s race or religion matters. Hasn’t the war taught us anything about what hate does?”

  “You can cling to your idealism as much as you’d like, Anna, but it won’t change the facts. This is a problem. I certainly don’t like the thought of you marrying someone who’s not Catholic, and it would be hard on any children you had. Is he willing to raise them in our faith?”

  Anna suddenly couldn’t breathe. Her mother was only adding to her concerns. “We’ll work it out, Mother. Now, do you want me to make you lunch? I could fry you up a pork chop.”

  “Spending our hard-earned money on those men,” her mother said, clucking her tongue.

  “It’s my money, Mother,” she responded, setting the cup she was washing on the nearby tow
el. “I don’t want to argue with you. I only want to help your headache. Please, what can I do?”

  Her mother stood up, her black mourning garb a stark contrast to the pallor of her skin. “You can answer this one question for me. Can you really forget that your brother would be here if not for Noah?”

  Something snapped in her heart. “Yes, I can, Mother, and I pray you can as well. I’m going upstairs. If you need something, simply call me.”

  But her mother didn’t call, and Anna spent hours trying—and failing—to fall into A Bell for Adano. Her USO Mama had been passing the bestseller around to all the girls. She’d loved the hero, an Italian-American solider who’d helped the people of Adano find a new bell for their town after the Fascists melted down the old one to make rifles. Anna had read the first few chapters over the last couple of days. She’d been mesmerized by the view it offered of the world Noah had inhabited. He’d fought in Sicily too, and she’d hoped it would help her better understand what he’d gone through.

  Now she wasn’t sure it mattered.

  She continued to fret and ended up smoking a few more cigarettes than normal. Her room was stuffy and smoky when the sky turned a midnight blue. She pulled her chair closer to the window, hoping for a breeze, and picked up her rosary. Maybe reciting some prayers would help. She didn’t know what else to do.

  Our Father, who art in heaven…

  She came awake suddenly and jerked upright in the chair. Was that hail she’d heard? As she rubbed her eyes, her rosary fell to the floor. It was dark outside, and the lamp in her room made the night look even darker. Still, from what she could tell, the weather seemed calm.

  Something struck the glass again, making that same sound, and she leaned over to turn off the light.

  She almost let out a scream when she saw the dark shadow of a man outside. Clamping her hand over her mouth, she watched as he raised his arm. The hail-like sound repeated itself, and she realized the man was throwing pebbles at her window.

  “Anna!” she heard him call out in a harsh whisper.

  Noah? It certainly wasn’t one of her students. Everyone knew she’d have them cleaning the chalkboard and erasers for weeks if they pulled a stunt like this. She studied the shape more. Without moonlight, she couldn’t make out his features, but he was the right size.

  She sighed and glanced at the clock beside her bed. It was after eleven. Did she want to go down and talk to him? Usually she found solace in praying, but any tightness it had eased had already returned now that he was here. Another shower of pebbles hit the window. He wasn’t going to give up.

  Well, neither was she, she decided. Did they love each other or not? It was time to find out.

  She made it down half the steps before realizing she was stomping—and then promptly lightened her steps. Her mother did not need to make an appearance now. Anna hoped she hadn’t heard the shower of pebbles, but then again, her mother slept hard, thank God.

  When she opened the back door, she called out. “Noah?”

  “Yes,” he said, the tall dark shape of him moving closer to the light. “I saw your light on. I’m sorry I’m so late. I just got back and thought… Can I come in?”

  “We’ll need to be quiet,” she said. “Let me pour us some tea. We can sit on the front porch.”

  It felt intimate to be with him this late at night. It made her think about seeking reassurance from him through a series of kisses.

  No, having his arms around her might quiet the dark thoughts, but it wouldn’t silence them. Only voicing them would.

  He was quiet as she got out the glasses, but he opened the refrigerator door before she could. It was a gallant gesture, and she stopped to study him. His hair was a bit disheveled, like the hot weather had made his head sweat, and he’d run his hand through it. His eyes were fixed on her, and there wasn’t a trace of a smile on his lips. She could almost feel the tension in his body. Had something happened? Or had he felt her own lack of ease?

  He closed the door after she pulled the pitcher out, his eyes still fastened on her, as if she were a map he was trying to read. She couldn’t stand it any longer. Setting the pitcher on the counter, she moved toward him. The heat from his body reached her hand before she touched his chest. Then his arms went around her, and she pressed her face against his heart. It was beating fast, and she closed her eyes as the tension between them slowly drained away, almost like someone had pulled the plug on a filled-up sink.

  “I missed you,” Noah whispered against her neck. “You were so…distant earlier. I…wasn’t sure what to make of it.”

  She was caught in the trap of her own making. If she told him why, she’d have to admit to eavesdropping. Well, she wasn’t a perfect person, although she tried to be a good one. Best he know that now.

  “I heard you talking to Billie earlier,” she said. “I stopped in the hallway. I’m not proud of it.”

  He drew back, his mouth grim. “I’m sorry you heard all that. Billie pressed me, and I said more than I should have.”

  His heartbeat was steadier, but hers, she realized, was still going full tilt. Oh, she hated confrontations. “But what you said is still true, and that’s the problem. Noah, why didn’t you tell me about your concerns? I know I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but I shouldn’t have had to.”

  “And yet you did it like a good little soldier,” he said. “We could have used you over there.” His mouth tipped up in a half-baked smile. “Come on, Tiger. Let’s grab our tea and talk this out. I don’t want to wake your mother.”

  She nodded, and together they managed to walk out without a floorboard squeaking. Out on the porch, he angled his chair closer to hers, she was relieved to see.

  “Let’s take this point by point,” he said, his voice matter-of-fact.

  She almost wanted to sigh. Her dad had been like that. If something was troubling her, he’d ask her to lay it out like she would items on her grocery list. Sometimes she didn’t want to be so practical. Men!

  “Fine,” she said, crossing her arms. “But I reserve the right to talk off point if I want.”

  His brow rose at that. “Of course. I’m just trying to think back on what I said.”

  “Let me refresh your memory,” she told him and proceeded to do just that.

  He rubbed his jaw. “You’ve got a mind like a steel trap, don’t you? I said all that?”

  “Uh-huh.” She crossed her legs too, waiting on him to speak.

  “Like I said, I wish you hadn’t heard that,” he said softly.

  “Once again, you should have told me you were feeling like that,” she said. “When you love someone, you tell them how you feel.”

  His head rose and he looked at her like she was a bull’s-eye. “Is that so? I don’t have much experience with this love thing, if you recall. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Even more important, I was still working all of this out in my mind. Billie…gave me some more things to think about, is all.”

  “Where did you two go?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  “You don’t want to know,” he answered with a heavy sigh.

  She could only imagine if Billie had brought him there. “So it made you hate Chicago even more, then.”

  He paused for a moment. “Hate is a strong word. There are many elements here that don’t suit me, but that was true of Washington, D.C. too. I’ve…never been happy where I’ve lived, honestly. Never felt at home anywhere. But I came pretty close at that welcome party your neighbors gave me.”

  Was that true of most orphans? Was she overreacting here? “Noah, I’m not sure where Billie took you, but I can imagine. And I know the other parts of town you’ve seen. I know some people think Chicago is full of a bunch of crooks and mobsters after Papa Johnny Torio, Al Capone, and Frank Nitti. I didn’t feel one bit sorry when Nitti was found dead two years ago from a supposed suicide. Father says it was justice, and I tend to agree with him, although he should be more careful. There are ears even in
church. But I digress.”

  He had a half-smile permanently on his face now. “I love it when you talk like this.”

  “You might need your head examined,” she said. “Anyway, all I’m saying is that the war won’t last forever, and Chicago will go back to being a normal city.” Even as she said it, she realized she wasn’t sure what normal looked like anymore.

  “Will anything be normal again after the war?” he asked, looking away.

  She stopped and thought a moment, and then she touched his face so he would meet her gaze. “Yes, in some ways. Kids are going to be riding their bicycles in the street again, and they won’t be picking up scrap metal. People will rip up their ration cards. I’ll be able to make a pie anytime I want to, and trust me, I’m going to dance a merry step in the kitchen when that happens. We can live our lives like we want to. Without this dark cloud hanging over us, without our men having to fight anymore.”

  He extended his hand to her and she clasped it. “More of your silver linings.” He smiled as he said it.

  “I’d rather focus on the good things is all. Someday soon, I pray we’re going to take down the flag in the front window that I put up for Martin. I cried buckets that day. Ironed the darn thing twice and couldn’t get it straight in the window.”

  “What a wretched day that must have been,” he said gravely.

  She nodded quickly, feeling tears well up. She’d never imagined commemorating her brother like that. She still couldn’t make herself put flowers on his grave. It was too hard to see the stark words engraved on his tombstone, announcing that his life was over. God, it had been too brief.

  Tears started to rain down her face, and Noah shifted to pull her onto his lap. His arms came around her, and she gave in to the pressure in her chest. Through her waterfall of tears, she choked out an apology for getting his uniform wet. At one point, he fitted his handkerchief into her hand, and she wiped her nose. God, she was a mess.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again once the tears passed. “Sometimes it catches up with me.”