Not Constructive: Red Eyes MC Series Book #6

by Grey, Blair

  The more I thought about it, the more I wondered.

  There were two possibilities. It could be that I was meant to be her rebound. That she had never meant to really have a relationship with me and I was just a palate-cleanser before she moved on to the man of her dreams. But after five and some years without a man, why would Tara choose me as that rebound?

  The other possibility was that she really was scared. That she was pulling away from me because she was afraid that I would leave her as well and that I would hurt her. I had to find a way to show that I wasn’t like that jerk of an ex that she had. I had to show her that I planned on sticking around.

  And the first way to do that was to show her that I could take care of her and Sam. That I wanted to be part of their lives. So really, moving in with them, however temporarily, worked in my favor. I just hoped that Lex didn’t try anything either way. I didn’t want Sam exposed to anything terrible, not at his young age.

  When I got to Tara’s house, a duffel bag in hand, she was in the kitchen, cooking dinner and singing quietly along to the radio. I leaned against the doorway watching her, at least until Sam came running toward me, flinging himself up and into my arms.

  “Motorcycle man!” he said happily. “What are you doing here?”

  I glanced over at Tara, wondering how I should answer that. She blushed a little but met my gaze. “Motorcycle man, that is Cameron, is going to be staying with us for a little while," she told Sam.

  “Cool!” Sam exclaimed. I set him back on the ground and gave him a high five. “Can we ride the motorcycle to school tomorrow?”

  I laughed. “Maybe,” I told him. “You’ll have to ask your mom, though.”

  “Come see my motorcycles,” Sam said imperiously, grabbing my hand and tugging me toward the other room. I glanced over my shoulder at Tara, but she just nodded and smiled. I followed after her son into the living room.

  “They’re not as cool as yours,” Sam said, showing me an impressive collection of small toy motorcycles. “Can we race them?”

  “Sure,” I said, checking out the neat racetrack that he had set up on one side of the room. You latched the motorcycles in, and they sped around the tracks on their own, going faster or slower depending on which button you pressed. My first attempt, I hit a corner with too much speed, and my bike flew out of the track, causing Sam to giggle.

  “You’re a bad driver,” he told me.

  I laughed. “Oh really?” I said jokingly. “Then maybe you shouldn’t ride with me on my bike to school.”

  Sam’s eyes got really big, and he shook his head, running to retrieve my fallen bike and bringing it back to me, a peace offering. “Let’s race again,” he said. “You’ll be better.”

  I grinned at him and put my bike back on the track.

  A few minutes later, Tara popped her head into the room. “Hey, boys, dinner’s ready,” she said.

  “Can we finish this race?” Sam asked, not taking his attention from the track.

  Tara didn’t say anything in response, but she stepped farther into the room, watching us. Sam sped across the finish line, while my bike flew out of the track again to his shrieks of laughter. I shook my head ruefully, offering him a double high five. “You’re the winner,” I said.

  “And you’re the bad driver!” Sam said.

  “All right, Sam, go wash your hands, please,” Tara said, rolling her eyes, but I could see how amused she was.

  I stood up as well, catching Tara in the doorway with my hands on her hips. Her lips parted just a little as I dragged her toward me, and I took that as an invitation, kissing her tenderly. I let her go before things could get too steamy, but she still looked slightly starry-eyed.

  “Hi,” I said quietly.

  “Hi,” she echoed. She cleared her throat. “Um, dinner.”

  I smiled and let her go, and she hurried back toward the kitchen. I followed at a slower pace.

  “Lasagna is my favorite,” Sam told me as we sat down around the dinner table in the kitchen.

  “Mine, too, buddy,” I told him, winking at Tara. “I don’t know how your mom knew to make my favorite food for my first night here!”

  “Maybe because it’s my favorite too?” Sam asked.

  “That must be it,” I told him.

  “I thought grilled cheese was your favorite,” Tara said to Sam.

  Sam shook his head. “Nuh-uh,” he said. “Lasagna is my most favorite.” Then, he screwed up his face in concentration. “’Cept at school,” he said. “It’s not good lasagna there.”

  “What’s good at school?” I asked.

  “Pizza!” Sam said. “The other day, we got to have a pizza party in my class because we brought in the most pennies. And I brought in the mostest. I had a lot of pennies.”

  “That’s awesome, little man,” I said. “Did your mom help with that?”

  Sam nodded. “She gets all the pennies from the dead guys.”

  I snorted, almost choking on my food. “She does, does she?” I asked, arching an eyebrow at Tara.

  Tara rolled her eyes. “Sam, remember, we had this talk. I make money by working with the dead guys, but that doesn’t mean that the pennies actually came from the dead guys.”

  Sam shrugged unconcernedly, and I couldn’t quit snickering. “I hope he told his teacher that’s where they came from,” I said in an undertone.

  “Oh hush,” Tara said, but I could see a smile tugging at her lips as well.

  It was nice, eating with the two of them. Domestic, something that I had never really expected to have, no matter how much I wanted it. More and more, I couldn’t help picturing myself fitting into their lives. Being here for meals, for homework, for all of the rest of it. Teaching Sam to ride a bicycle, and later teaching him how to ride a motorcycle.

  If Tara would just let me stick around.

  Right then and there, if you’d asked me, I would have said I would make whatever changes I needed to make to ensure that Tara would let me stick around. If she wanted me to quit Red Eyes, I would do it. Even if Grant and the rest of the guys needed me. Even if I made a promise to Ray.

  I guess it was a good thing that no one asked me about that, though. I had responsibilities, and as much as I might want this, well, you couldn’t always get what you wanted. It was enough. It had to be enough, to have this for now.

  It was going to hurt, having to leave again. But this made me even more certain that we had to come to some sort of agreement with Lex, sooner rather than later. Or we needed to figure out a way to get him put in jail where he belonged.

  Without the rest of us ending up in jail as well.

  After dinner, I helped Tara clear the plates off the table. “You don’t have to do that,” she said as I started cleaning them at the sink.

  “You cooked,” I reminded her. “And it’s probably time for Sammy to get ready for bed, right? You handle that, and I’ll have these done by the time you get finished.”

  “I appreciate that,” Tara said, smiling and kissing me on the cheek. The sexual tension between us practically caused the air to fizz, but I tried my best to ignore it. She lingered there, though. “I don’t really have a guest room,” she admitted. “You could stay down here on the couch, or else you could come up to my bed with me. It’s your choice.”

  I smiled over at her. “I’ll stay with you,” I told her, hearing the hopeful note in her voice.

  She looked relieved. “Good,” she said.

  Sam bounded back into the room after washing his hands and face. “All clean!” he announced.

  “Good job, buddy,” Tara said. “Let’s head upstairs and pick out your pajamas, okay? But why don’t you tell Cameron good night first?”

  Sam came over and gave my legs a big hug. I smiled down at him.

  “Can you come to school and talk to my class?” he blurted out suddenly.

  “Uh,” was all I could say in response. “You want me to talk about motorcycles?” I asked. “I think your teacher probably has ot
her things that you’re supposed to learn about. But you and I can talk about motorcycles here whenever you want, okay?”

  “No. Monday is Parents Day, and I don’t have a dad,” Sam said matter-of-factly. “So you need to come to school with me.”

  “Honey, why don’t we head upstairs to bed and we can talk about this later?” Tara asked, carefully not looking at me. “We have the whole weekend ahead of us.”

  “Okay,” Sam said reluctantly. He gave my legs one last squeeze and then ran out of the room and up the stairs. Tara gave me a look, and I could tell that she wanted to say something. But then, she just shook her head and left.

  I finished up the dishes, thinking about that. I knew Tara was probably worried. She didn’t want Sam getting too attached to me. Especially not if she was worried that I was going to hurt her. If she was worried that things weren’t going to work out between us.

  But the truth was, I kind of liked the idea of being a stand-in dad for Sam, just like Ray had been a stand-in dad for me. That felt more like family than helping out Grant and the guys with the club; I had to admit.

  But I had made commitments, and I had to see them through.

  When the dishes were all in the drying rack, I headed upstairs with my duffel bag, quickly locating Tara’s room. I wondered if she was having second thoughts about this, and I didn’t want to pressure her. But I definitely wanted to be up here and not on the couch. I wanted to wake up next to her in the morning. Even if we didn’t have sex, I wanted to hold her tonight. Again, to show her that I wasn’t leaving. That I wasn’t having second thoughts about any of this.

  Tara sighed when she entered the room, shutting the door behind herself and coming slowly over to the bed. She sat on the edge of it, her fingers trailing over the back of my hand. “Sorry about that,” she said. “Sam asking if you could come into his class. He just doesn’t understand what he’s really asking.”

  “I know,” I told her. “And honestly, I don’t mind. It’s pretty flattering, actually.”

  Tara gave me a quick smile, but she was quickly looking down at the floor again.

  “You’ve been avoiding me all week,” I stated.

  She looked guilty for a second. “You haven’t called me either,” she finally said.

  “I didn’t think that you wanted me to,” I said. “And I want you to know that if you don’t want to see me anymore, I’ll respect that decision.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to see you,” Tara said, her voice barely audible. “I’m scared.”

  “Of Lex?” I asked, deliberately misunderstanding her.

  She looked over at me in surprise. “Of Lex,” she agreed. “But also…” She trailed off, looking away again.

  It was just what I had thought. She was afraid that I was going to hurt her. I tried not to smile at that; it meant that she probably had some feelings for me, I realized. The same sort of feelings that I had for her.

  I reached out carefully and ran a hand up her leg, watching as she shivered in anticipation. “It’s up to you,” I told her. “We’re not going to do anything that you don’t want to do. But I want you to know that I’m in this. I’m invested. And I’m not the kind of guy who runs away.”

  Tara swallowed hard, biting her lower lip. Slowly, she lay down next to me, pressing her body against mine and turning her face up for a kiss. It was heated and intense, but there was something deeper in it, an expression of feeling that hadn’t been there in our earlier kisses. It ignited a spark inside of me, a spark that quickly grew into a flame which quickly grew into an inferno. I was rock hard in my jeans, and I could tell from the way she shifted her hips restlessly against the bed that she wanted this just as badly as I did.

  But there was something else to think about. Something that I’d never had to think about before.

  “Is Sam going to hear us?” I whispered.

  Tara stifled a giggle with her hand and shook her head. “No,” she said. “He’s on the other side of the house. And he sleeps like a rock.”

  “Good,” I growled, possessively covering her mouth with mine again.

  28

  Tara

  I couldn’t help but like the way that Cameron fit into our home. It had been nice, having someone else there to keep Sam company while I put the finishing touches on dinner. I’d been able to hear them chatting and laughing from in the kitchen, and it brought the biggest smile to my face.

  I didn’t know what the hell I had been thinking, that Cameron might be a bad guy. That he might have been trying to fool me all along. That was bullshit. That was clearly not true. No, he was just a good guy, and he was good with Sam. End of story.

  Except it wasn’t the end of the story and I knew it. He was still a member of Red Eyes, and I shouldn’t feel relieved to have him here with me. I shouldn’t feel like he, alone, was safety. I definitely shouldn’t want him around Sam. The last thing I wanted was for Sam to end up in a motorcycle club when he grew up. The very thought of it broke my heart.

  But I could feel myself slipping, letting Cameron in. And it was true; I really didn’t have a guest bedroom; it was just my room and Sam’s room. I felt bad making him sleep on the couch when I was the one who had asked him if he could stay with us. And I knew that he was enough of a gentleman that he wasn’t going to let me be the one to sleep on the couch.

  It just made sense to share the bed. It was a queen-size bed, after all. Big enough for the both of us.

  And when he ran his hand up my leg, well, I couldn’t deny that I’d wanted this all evening. That I’d wanted him. That I’d been missing him all week. It was easy enough to tell Maddie that I knew things had to be over with him. It was another thing entirely to actually call it quits and never see him again.

  I sighed with pleasure as he pulled me toward him on the bed, rolling us so that I was on top of him, my legs straddling his muscular form. I leaned down toward him, my lips hungrily seeking his, and his hands caught my hips as he ground up against me. I was already wet, my panties practically soaked with the need for him to enter me. It had been a long week, and I’d tried not to let myself remember how much I wanted this.

  But having him here between my legs sure reminded me. I shivered as his fingers trailed up my spine under my shirt. He pushed the material away, letting it fall to the side, and then he deftly let my bra follow. His fingers splayed across my breasts, and he moved away from the kiss to suck and nip at them, while I continued to grind down against his hard manhood.

  I sloppily tried to pull his shirt off. He grinned up at me and quickly pulled it off himself, up and over his head, tossing it off to the side like he didn’t have a care in the world where it landed. This time when he pulled me down into a kiss, my bare breasts pressed up against the hot, tattooed skin of his own chest, sending dizzying bolts of lust straight to my core.

  He slipped his fingers into the waistband of my jeans, and I wiggled out of them and my panties, half-heartedly tugging at his own jeans as I momentarily climbed off his lap. Again, Cameron was grinning at my impatience, but he complied, stripping down so that he was naked as well.

  I crawled back on top of him, immediately reaching between us for his curved cock, giving it a few firm strokes before lining him up at my entrance.

  I had been sore the last time, but it didn’t make me want to go slower this time or to try for more gentleness. In fact, it made me even more frenzied. I lowered myself quickly down onto his entire length, groaning and folding forward, catching myself against his chest. It was just the right side of too much, just enough to make my core clench tight and my whole body ache with the need to move.

  “Easy there,” Cameron said, smirking at me. “You get any louder, and it won’t matter that there’s a whole house between Sam and us.”

  I blushed, but I looked at him with a bit of a challenge in my eyes. “Then maybe you’ll just have to make sure that I’m quiet,” I said.

  Cameron snorted and flipped us around so that he was on top, swallowi
ng down my gasp of surprise. “Like that?” he asked, his voice husky.

  I nodded at him, my eyes gone wide.

  I couldn’t forget about the fact that he was the first guy that I’d ever had in my house since Sam was born. That he was the first guy that I had slept with since Sam’s dad. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Here now, in this moment, the rest of it faded away. Lex and Red Eyes, none of that mattered. My unplanned pregnancy and all of my baggage. It was all gone. Somehow, he and I were perfect for each other.

  Cameron thrust his hips, again and again, driving himself deeper and deeper into me every time. I couldn’t stop myself from crying out as he found that spot, but he muffled me with a hand against my mouth. “Easy there,” he repeated, grinning down at me.

  But he sounded a little breathless himself, and he didn’t stop what he was doing.

  With every new movement of his hips, I felt blossoms of heat burst across my skin. I was spinning out of control, my feelings and the sensations coalescing into a molten blade designed to shatter me into a million pieces, designed to split me in two. I cried out again and again, as Cameron had to keep me quiet, swallowing down the sound in a passionate kiss.

  He wasn’t any more composed than I was, though. I could see the strain in his face each time he pulled out of the kiss, could feel it in his arms as I clung to him. I could feel the way his hips stuttered slightly on each new thrust, like he could barely keep to the rhythm that he was setting.

  He pushed my legs up and back, practically folding me in half, driving ever deeper inside of me, and that was it, I was coming, I was flying apart, I was shattering. I gave one final cry, and Cameron belatedly clapped a hand over my mouth this time. But I was beyond thinking about the fact that Sam might hear us. My whole world was pleasure, brilliant and inescapable pleasure.