Walter The Homeless Man

by Tekoa Manning

  She remembered once when her father had just hired a new secretary who was young and quite attractive, he had taken to working longer hours during the summer months. Her mother had grown suspicious that her father may have been falling for this young lady. She was so bent on catching him she snuck into the office, crept past the waiting area, and spied on them at his desk going over mortgage insurance. She was so sure she had trapped him and then she held her ear as close as she could without getting caught. That evening she overheard the sweetest words ever, “My wife, Ruthie, is just the most beautiful woman in the world. I hate working these long hours, but I am saving to get her a diamond wedding ring. She’s been wearing a simple gold band for too long, and she deserves so much more.”

  The young secretary had commented on how thoughtful he was and her mother had tiptoed as quietly out as she had come in. Years later she had confided secretly about her snooping. She loved that ring more than anything, and she had acted so surprised when she opened the case, maybe too surprised.

  “Ahhh Daddy, what have you done? Have you become senile?” She was talking out loud now and feeling rather guilty about the night Jackie had shown up there. That was right after the funeral, and she had already paid the private investigator. She knew her father was running away, but she was so angry that he had left her to fend for herself. They had all left her.

  Just the sight of Jackie brought a flood of memories. She was only around seven years old when her father had taken her to a feed store down the road. The man’s name was Russell and he took them to the back of the store where he had three baby pigeons in a nest crying. They were called white homers. Their beaks were opening and closing and the sound was like a cry of her heart. “Can we get them, Daddy? Please, please, please Daddy! They’re so cute and I will take care of them.”

  Her father kept talking to Russell about the birds. Finally, they were able to bring them home. She remembered feeding the babies herself. She took a syringe and put the milk formula in it. Their little beaks were opening and closing and they were crying like an infant. Brenda had loved those birds. She remembered the sturdy loft cages her father had built and how they would release them each day and let them fly around the land. She had been the one that cleaned their cages and removed the waste. Feathers and dander filled the air, and her mother made her tie one of her father’s handkerchiefs over her mouth and nose. But Jackie, she was a special bird. Walter knew when he took her, that anywhere he went if he released her she’d come home.

  Brenda was so angry when she read his note that she just went berserk not even thinking it through. The note was so poor pitiful me and it just didn’t cut it. I mean how he could think sorry could fix everything he’d done was beyond reasoning. She had stormed into the house looking for an ink pen. She passed through the hall on the way to his office and there was the family portrait hanging on the wall. She stopped and looked him in the eye, “Oh yeah, Dad, you’re sorry, well big deal!” She took the picture down off the hanger and held it where she could look him in the eye. “You left me and you left my mother and if you would have loved her as much as you put on, you would have stayed till the bitter end and you would have wiped her butt and you would have held her head as she vomited and you would have listened to her fanatical talking and you would have listened to her choke on her saliva and you would have been there when she forgot how to breathe and still her eyes didn’t know me!” She grabbed the photo and threw it against the wall, “Sorry, oh you’re sorry are you, and you are pleading for forgiveness well “YOU ARE UNFORGIVEN!” She had screamed at what was left of his reflection in the shattered glass. She had grabbed a bright red marker out of the drawer and wrote in all caps “Unforgiven.” She remembered rolling the paper up tightly and placing it in Jackie’s holder and lifting the bird back up into the sky. The whooshing wind whipping in her wings was the only sound she could hear. She knew her father was close by. He would come for his bird, but why couldn’t he have come for her mother?

  Brenda began to cry at the emotions that flooded back along with the painful vision of what her mother went through and how much she had to carry for the whole family. She was sobbing uncontrollably and she hadn’t heard Daniel walk in from outside.

  “Brenda, are you okay?” He sat down and let his eyes hunt for a Kleenex box but found nothing. He walked to the bathroom and grabbed a roll of toilet tissue and handed her a roll.

  “Thank you,” she said blowing her nose into the paper.

  “What’s going on, hun?” He reached and put his arm around her and began rubbing her back. “It’s okay Brenda, we’re going to get through this. I’m here now, Sandra’s much better, and I’m going to deal with whatever Dad hands us.”

  She wanted to believe him, but she wasn’t sure and plus he didn’t understand. He knew nothing about the note or the phone call. She was going to have to forgive her father somehow.

  “I know you’re angry with Dad. I understand, I do, I mean what he did was wrong.”

  She knew what the next word would be, “But,” she didn’t want to hear an excuse, she wanted to hear a legitimate reason.

  “Brenda our father was a good father. He worked hard, paid for our educations, and he was always faithful to our mother. He was kind, caring, and he never drank, never even cursed that I know of. He took us on vacations and he took us to church and he taught us how to love. Are you going to hold this against him forever?”

  Brenda knew it was eating away at her, and it was probably the reason she hadn’t been able to conceive. She realized her father was a good man; she thought that was what made it worse. If he had been a verbally or physically abusive father, perhaps a drunk who couldn’t keep a job, she might have been more prepared for this. She just couldn’t get over the betrayal of him leaving her to fend for herself. She closed her eyes and envisioned the little girl in the photo. Her father had placed her on the bright red sled, but she was so frightened.

  “No Daddy, I don’t want to!” She whined and crumpled up her forehead, “Please don’t make me, Daddy!”

  “It’s okay baby, Daddy’s got ya.” He had crawled in behind her and held her close to him. His arms were large, and she felt as if she had been tucked inside her knapsack. He lowered his head and peeked around at her, “You ready girl?” Before she could answer he had pushed off. He smelled like pine cones and pipe smoke and everything good daddies smelled of at that age. She had tried to keep her eyes closed, but it was all much too exciting for her. The trees were whipping past her and the chilly air was moving ever so fast or was it them? She heard her father laughing and holding her close to him. “See, I told you I wouldn’t let anything happen to my best girl.” The sled came to an abrupt halt and her hat had fallen off from the wind. Her father picked it up and shook off the snow, then bent down and brushed her hair back before placing it on and tying it around her chin. “You’re my copper top princess,” he said winking at her in the snow. He always called her his copper top. She suddenly missed him more than she knew.

  Comparing Tales

  Chapter 42

  Benjamin was stretched out on his bed with his arms folded behind his head. He was lost in thought and his eyes were creating pictures out of the water stains on the ceiling. He kept replaying the evening, and he kept envisioning the face of his father, his real father. Marcie was being her whimsical self and chatting away about the evening’s events.

  “So what did you think of your father? He sure is distinguished looking isn’t he?”

  “I’m not sure Marcie, I mean this is all really sudden and I am still shocked. It’s all rather surreal.”

  “But you liked him, right?” She licked her thin lips and took her glasses off.

  “Yeah, I liked him and he seems genuine enough, but where was the bastard when I needed him? I’m not in his league and he has all these great expectations for me and all. ‘What do aspire to be Benjamin?’” He mocked Bradford’s words sarcastically. He looked at Marcie, who was studying him and sighe
d. “I mean, I don’t have the greatest track record, you know.”

  “Ben, this is not something you should even be thinking about. This man wanted to find you. He seems very sorry that he was not a part of your life. Your past is your past Ben. This is your future.”

  Benjamin knew she hadn’t a clue about his past. He knew the best thing to do was just tell him, come clean at the beginning. Then, thought Benjamin, if he walks away I won’t be attached or feel guilty for allowing him to help me. He turned over and peered into Marcie’s eyes. He needed to come clean with everyone but how? If he told Marcie the truth now, she’d know he had been deceiving her all along.

  “Didn’t he say he’d pay for college?”

  “Yeah, he did and he said I wouldn’t even have to work.”

  “Well, that’s so awesome Ben. I think this is really going to change your life.”

  Benjamin lit up a joint and thought about how he would have to change all his habits and become this clean-cut Joe Shmoe. No more pot and no more drinking, the straight and narrow. He wasn’t college material, and he wasn’t going to be able to stand up to his father’s standards. Why get excited about it? He took a long toke off the joint and passed it to Marcie.

  “You don’t seem too thrilled about meeting your father,” she said looking into his eyes.

  “It’s not that Marcie. It’s just I’m not going to be anything but a letdown to him. Plus it kinda ticks me off that he can just walk in there after twenty years with his nice easy life and expect me to be so forgiving. I’m not going to do anything but bring him down.”

  “Why do you think that, Benjamin? I mean you are a really super guy, you’ve just had some bad knocks. I mean he met Larry, and he knows you are bound to have issues.”

  Benjamin wished he could just forget all of what went on before. He wished his horrendous past could be erased from his memory, but it haunted him daily. “He wants us to meet him and his lady friend tomorrow for dinner. Do you want to go?”

  “Of course, Benjamin, it sounds terrific.”

  He looked at her pretty facial features and her wonderful smile and wished he could just escape. He knew he was playing with fire. Before long all the excitement and love he was feeling would disappear. He would blow out the candles on his cake and be left in the darkness alone. Nevertheless, he thought that was a safe, familiar place and one where he wouldn’t have to worry about hurting someone or being hurt in return. Plus, his father could have looked for him before now. Why did he wait so long? If Bradford had come earlier he probably would not have killed John Levite. He probably would not have done a lot of the foolish things he did. Why should he get to come around now and just act as if he was always there?

  “You know Ben, I think you are really looking at this situation wrong. I mean he went searching for you, and he claims he never wanted to give you up for adoption. I think he’s legit. You need to stop worrying about how to impress him and just let him help you out. I mean he’s got money and he doesn’t have any more children.” She took a drag off the joint and held it in her lungs a little too long and began to cough.

  “Easy killer,” he smiled as she composed herself. He thought about what she said and realized that she was right. Only she wasn’t aware that he had taken a man’s life, a father’s life, and he didn’t deserve to have a father now. There were two children tucked in bed right now who would never see their father again because of him. He wondered why he couldn’t hit and kill someone who was like his father Larry, some drunken bum nobody would miss. Instead, he had to kill John Levite, loving husband and father of two, Boy Scout leader and softball coach. He probably took his children to cool places like Disney World and Yellowstone Park and probably would have taught his son to fish and play football. He didn’t deserve love and he didn’t deserve having a real father. Was this some kind of cruel joke God was playing on him to riddle him with more guilt than he already felt?

  “What time is dinner?” Marcie asked, snapping him back to reality.

  “It’s around seven, some pizza place with live music, I dunno, never heard of it. He’s supposed to call and give me the details.”

  “I’ll pick you up Ben, and we can meet them there, but let’s get there early and sneak in a drink or two.”

  For sure, thought Benjamin, he was going to need a couple to get through the evening. He wasn’t good at impressing people. That was all Marcie, she was the pro at it.

  Marcie pulled her long blonde hair around to one side of her neck and looked out the window. “My father’s a real piece of work. Maybe you’ll have the pleasure of meeting him one day.”

  “Sounds fun,” said Benjamin, smiling at her wit. “How about I tell you some stories about my father, Larry. We’ll compare childhood horror stories and see who can top who?” He looked at her with a glint of devilish charm. She had heard a few Larry stories, and she knew her childhood could not compare. It was horrible, but in a different way.

  “Let’s see, how about the time he took me to a bar on 7th street and told me to sit in the booth and if any fights broke out to hide under the table till it was over. He knew the owner really well, and they’d let me in while mom was at work. I would sit at the table alone with a comic book and a coke while he sat at the bar getting hammered. One night this big guy came in and he was all tattooed up, real rough looking character. He had dark eyes and an unshaven face. He grabbed this one guy by the throat and they started going at it. I was only around seven or eight at the time and I remember the beer bottles crashing into the walls. They pulled over tables and threw punches. Then the big guy pulled out a carpet knife. He looked around the room, his eyes darted and fell on mine a little too long and then passed. He grabbed the guy and stuck that carpet knife right in his gut. I ducked under the table and watched him cut him from one side to the other, just like he was gutting a deer. Talk about scared. I peed myself. I remember I was more scared Larry would find out that I’d peed myself than I was of the dead man lying on the floor. Isn’t that jacked up?”

  Marcie’s eyes had grown huge and her mouth was agape. “God Ben, I never knew it was that awful.” She couldn’t even begin to tell him one of her stories. None would even compare.

  Benjamin lit the roach back up and took a few more hits. “It’s pretty disgusting, huh? He was so mean to my mother I’m not sure how she put up with it for so long. Meanwhile, my so-called real dad was probably shore side, sipping drinks in Cancun.” He shook his head and looked annoyed. “What a frickin screwed up world it is.”

  Benjamin suddenly realized that if he ever told Marcie the whole truth, she would never believe all the truths he had told her before, like the one about the bar fight. He was sure she would just consider the whole relationship one big fat lie. He sighed and packed his marijuana pipe, glancing at Marcie out of the corner of his eye.

  Marcie exhaled and studied Ben, not knowing what to say after such a distressing story.

  “Wow, I can’t believe you were raised like that!” Her eyes were piercing his.

  “Oh Marcie, it’s over now, builds character, and anyway, I always had the best stories in school.” He chuckled, smiling and showing his small white teeth, but Marcie could see behind the smile a man with a fragile soul. She recognized the pain. It was like looking in a mirror.

  “Did you get in many fights in high school?” she asked.

  “Most of the people I hung out with were scared of me just because of Larry’s reputation, and so I never really had to fight. Plus, I wore black every day and didn’t talk much, so people thought I was really strange.”

  “Well, I think it’s disgusting that he would even take you to a bar at that age. My father sounds like a saint compared to yours, but he’s still a jerk,” she said smiling.

  “Come here you,” he pulled her head to his chest and smelled the apricot shampoo she always used and thought about how well she fit snuggled up to him. Was there anyone else in the world carrying such a huge secret? I can’t think about this anymore t
onight he thought. His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone had thrown him an Ace and a King, but they were still different suits. He didn’t know what to discard or what to keep, and he was scared to death to lay them down.

  Unfolded Smiles

  Chapter 43

  Desiree picked up the phone in mid-ring and walked back out to the garage. She had just poured another glass of wine and was putting the rest of John’s shoes in a box. “Hello?”

  “Hello Desiree, its Bradford.”

  “Brad, I’d almost given up on you.”

  “Oh Desiree, my son is so wonderful! I am without words right now. I have been driving around for an hour looking at the stars and replaying the whole evening. I never thought this day would come, and it has finally arrived and I have you to thank for it, you and Josh and Tabitha!”

  “Wow Brad, that’s so amazing, you finally met your son! I can’t even imagine!”

  “I know, I keep feeling like it was all a dream and I’m going to wake up, but it’s real. I can’t even begin to tell you how much my life has changed since I met you. You have helped me so much. I feel like heaven is smiling down on me and its entire angelic host! I really don’t deserve a second chance with my son, but I pray that I will get it. Oh, if you could have seen how he was raised Desiree, it was appalling, to say the least. I never imagined that they could allow people like this to adopt a child, but that was almost twenty years ago. I just never knew nor expected to see the things I saw today, but I am going to try and make it up to him. I am just glad that the initial awkward meeting period is over, and I can start trying to form a relationship of trust and making memories. I wish I’d done this years ago. But I just have this feeling that everything is going to work out and we are going to bond. You know what I mean?”