My mother was right. I might as well just try to start a career in something and focus on work, because I was never going to have a man. I'd better start making some good money so I could take care of myself and buy myself a good dildo, since that was all I was ever going to have the option for when it came to sex. I thought back to the guy I had dated for a few months just after high school. We had hit it off as friends and so we tried dating, but I didn't really have much of an attraction to him as a partner. I broke up with him before ever sleeping with him, but now I even regretted that.
I should have just done it with him when I had the chance, because at least then I wouldn't die a virgin. The fact that I still had my V-card never bothered me before. In fact, I was kind of proud of it. I knew what I wanted, and I was waiting for the right guy, the guy that I felt those magical butterflies for and saw fireworks when I looked into his eyes. I didn't know that my luck would be so shitty that the only guy who did that for me belonged to my beautiful sister.
I'd never wanted anyone as badly as I wanted Blake. Maybe tonight he would end up giving in to Freya's charms again, like he always did when they broke up, and then I would get to watch them together for the rest of my life.
That would be fun.
A couple began to dance in front of me, and I slid out of the empty seat that I was sitting in and headed back toward the bar. This was quite possibly the worst night of my life and I just wanted it to be over. I wanted all of this to be over. I just wanted to turn back time to before Blake had made go all crazy for him. He had no idea what he was doing to me - he could have anyone he wanted. I wasn't like that.
The tears that were forming in the corners of my eyes were probably the result of the buzz.
My heart broke every time Freya would wrap her arms around Blake's neck. She was way shorter than he was, so she would have to stand on her toes while doing it.
I could only see her backside but Blake seemed to keep pushing her away.
Freya must have thought that it's because Blake was trying to stop their relationship from re-igniting. While that may have been the truth, little did she know that I was a huge part of the reason why.
Blake's eyes would meet mine every now and then, the lump in my throat becoming bigger with each gaze that lasted for a split second.
"Excuse me," I said, turning to my right and making way for the bar.
I couldn't stand it anymore. Freya's was now grinding up against Blake, despite being rejected by him several times. I knew the best thing for me would be to get myself away from them. Neither of those people needed to see me bursting into tears for seemingly no reason whatsoever.
To my surprise, however, Lance followed me to the bar.
There was no place to sit so I was just staring at the liquor bottles and wiping away a stray tear. Lance didn't notice the tear, but he was able to tell that something was up.
"Hey, you okay?"
I nodded, draining my remaining drink and cutting through the crowd to set the empty bottle on the bar.
"Hey, hey, hey," he said, holding me by the shoulders. "Is it because of them, because I get it. Freya is ridiculous. She just-"
"Stop," I showed him my hand. "I might be drunk but I'm not going to stand here and hear you bitch about my older sister."
The color drained from his face. "Well, I'm just saying that they... they're not that great together. They never have been. I don't know why she has to keep pushing it."
"What the fuck are you talking about? Just look at them!" I snapped, turning around.
As I marched toward the exit, I noticed that Lance was following me.
"Are you going to walk home?" he asked, not yelling anymore now that we were outside and away from the outrageous music.
"What does it look like?" I snapped again. I was surprised at how patient he was being with me, given my rudeness.
"Well, then," he said removing his sports coat and throwing it over my shoulders. "Let me at least walk you home."
I didn't say anything back. The words felt like they were stuck somewhere inside of me. All I could think about was how Blake never bothered to chase after me. Maybe he was hooking up with my sister, after all.
Maybe this was it. The end.
Then I heard my name. Both Lance and I turned our heads around and saw Blake and Freya at the door.
"Jaz!" Freya waved at me as they both approached us. "Where the fuck do you think you're off to?"
"I'm going home!"
"What? Why?"
She looked confused. For the first time in my life, I felt an intense amount of anger toward my sister. I couldn't stand to look at her, even though it wasn't my place to be angry.
Blake was her boyfriend first, and then I took him. Did I, though? It was more like I just picked up the scraps.
I had told Lance to take a hike when he'd started to bitch about Freya, but the truth was that I agreed with him. Not because I thought she was ridiculous, but because I was jealous. I just didn't want to hear anyone else talk badly about her. I was her sister, I had a right to fight with her every now and then, didn't I? Lance was just some guy.
She could do whatever she wanted with Blake, in front of whoever, and at any place of her choosing. Hell, she had him for five whole years. That alone was enough to send a sharp chill of jealousy through my veins.
I wish it didn't have to come to this. I didn't want to lose my sister.
But I also didn't want to lose Blake.
"Because I want to," I sighed. "Please just let me leave, okay?"
"Jaz," Blake approached me, then held my forearm. "Let me at least put you in a cab."
"I'm walking her home, man," Lance cut in.
Blake's jaw clenched and his eyes filled with fury. The kind of fury that I wasn't expecting from him. At least not toward his own best friend.
Lance's hand was on my back and Blake pushed it down within a fraction of a second. He then yanked off Lance's sports coat and shoved it into his chest.
"Stay away from her."
Blake's index finger was pointed straight at Lance's chest.
I buried my eyes behind my palm. I couldn't handle this.
The confusion on Freya's face and the fury on Blake's was too much.
"Or what?" Lance stepped toward him.
"Hey, hey!" Freya said, attempting to stand between them both. "Easy. What is the matter with you two? Can you not create a scene out here?"
She then turned to Blake. "And what's the problem if Lance walks her home? She's obviously not going to get into a cab or walk by herself at this hour. She's drunk."
Blake didn't have an answer to that. He couldn't just tell her that he didn't want to risk Lance trying to make a move on me. It was obvious to me that he wanted to. And if I could see it, so could Blake.
But he didn't give up there.
"You don't know him, Frey. He..."
"What?" Lance spread his arms. "He... What? I'm a jackass? Is that what you're trying to say?"
"I don't know about jackass," Freya chimed in. "But you're definitely dramatic. Both of you."
Blake's lips were still tight, but he was starting to relax.
When we saw Amy and Kevin walk through the door, searching for us, it was obvious that the night was over.
Amy, Blake, Freya and I cabbed it back together. Amy was clueless and continued to search for answers on each of our faces, but all she got was deafening silence.
I thought that I would have to deal with more silence when we got home, but to my surprise, Freya wanted to talk.
"I'm sorry about tonight," I said. "I don't know what happened."
"Why were you so upset?" She asked before those words had even escaped my lips.
"I wasn't."
"Yes, you absolutely were."
I repeated the lie. "I wasn't."
"Cut the crap, Jaz. Do you like Lance? Does it have anything to do with him? I know he's like ten years older than you so it's weird, but-"
"No, stop," I shoo
k my head. "I don't like him. Like yuck. The guy is insane."
"Uh... yeah," she chuckled. "I never understood how Blake has always been so close with him."
"What were you saying, though? About him being ten years older than me? It's weird... but?"
"Well," she shrugged. "It would be weird but it's not the end of the world. If you liked him, I would support you."
"Even if he's that much older?"
"Especially then."
"Why?"
"Because I know you'd need my support the most then. Mom and Dad would obviously be against it."
I nodded.
I also wanted to ask her if she would still support me if the man I liked was ten years older and also one that she was still in love with.
But of course, I couldn't.
Instead, I let those tears of mine that I had been holding in for so long flow freely.
"Hey!" She squealed, pulling me in for an embrace.
She kissed my cheek while hugging me.
"I'm sorry," I said, sobbing.
"No, it's okay. We can have another fun night some other time. You didn't ruin anything, I promise."
"I'm so sorry," I repeated, knowing exactly what I was apologizing for.
Freya sat me down on the couch and got me water.
"Damn it, Jaz. How much did you have to drink?"
"Not as much as you," I said, after gulping down a whole glass of water.
"Yeah, but I can handle it better than you can."
She stroked my hair and waited until the liquor in me calmed down a bit. The world around me was no longer spinning in my head.
But that in no way meant that I was sober, or even close to being sober. I still had the drunken courage to ask the tough questions that I couldn't bear knowing the answers to if I weren't under the influence.
"Are you still in love with him?"
Freya's lips turned downward. It was a frown, but a slightly happy one.
"I never stopped being in love with him," she said with a sad shrug.
If I thought that I was in a bad position before, then after hearing her say those words, I knew that I was completely and utterly fucked.
14
Blake
I woke up with a throbbing head, knowing that I'd fucked up so bad last night. The constant realization that was swirling around in my head made the pain that much worse.
My hand was glued to my phone and I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a sleepless night, waiting for a girl to text me back.
Probably never.
I was frustrated with myself. I should have left that crowded dance floor as soon as Freya started throwing herself at me. I was being insistent, but she didn’t get the hint. Not even after I pushed her away for the tenth time. Eventually, when Jaz left to go to the bar and Lance followed, I got myself away from the insanity.
I didn’t care at that point if Freya suspected anything. If I didn’t get a response or a call back from Jasmine before this evening, I was going to show up at her doorstep, demanding a conversation.
It was worth a shot. I wasn’t going to let her slip away that easily.
I sat up with a jolt when my phone finally rang, but it wasn’t her.
It was Lance. I disconnected the call immediately.
He was probably calling to apologize for whatever happened last night. I knew it wasn’t his fault. He had no idea about… anything, really.
Perhaps it was time to meet my friends and let them know that I was losing my mind. But first, I wanted to deal with my sister.
She was leaving to get back to Chicago tomorrow, the same day that Freya was expected to leave as well.
God, was I counting the seconds until Freya left. Though, something told me that she wasn’t going to anymore.
I should have known this was coming. It’s what always happened.
We would break up and then she would beg me to take her back. I always gave in. I wasn’t really in love with her, but I liked her enough. She’d stuck with me through all the rough times.
But that wasn’t going to work anymore.
“Yep?” I said when Amy knocked on my door.
“Breakfast?” She asked, popping her head in. “Or lunch? Whatever you’d prefer.”
I managed a laugh. It was, in fact, pretty late.
“Sorry, just hungover.”
“I bet,” she smirked. “You want to go out for lunch, actually?”
Amy went on to suggest a few places in town. Her favorite ones. I let her pick because she didn’t live here anymore.
Normally, I would never go with her choice because she was just weird with her choice in cuisine in relation to the time of the day.
She wanted strawberry waffles for lunch.
I knew Amy all too well, even better than Brian did. Being the middle child, I was always the odd one out. Those two, on the other hand, were as tight as best friends.
After his passing, however, I attempted to have a relationship with my sister even if Brian wasn’t there to facilitate it.
It took us some time to get there, but we knew we only had each other now.
“You know why I asked you here, right?”
“Why?” I said, chewing on a french-fry.
I’d ordered normal lunch food — a beef burger and fries, while she was busy pretending like it was still early enough for waffles.
“Because…,” she slammed the table top, but in a happy way. “You like her. What’s her face? Jasmine.”
I raised my brow, contemplating what my next words were going to be.
Heck, it didn’t matter. Amy was perceptive. She was going to find out sooner or later, anyway.
“I do.”
“Seriously?” She laughed, covering her mouth that was full of food. “You’re actually admitting it. Damn, you must really like her.”
“Now, can you also admit that you were wrong?”
“Fine,” she rolled her eyes. “I told you I would happily accept being wrong in this case. I never want you to get back with Freya. Like, never. She was being such a bitch to me last night. Did you see how she would like… look the other way every time I stood in front of her?”
This was a usual conversation between us. I wanted to tell her that she should have these complaints recorded so she could just play them over and over every time she met Freya, because it was always the exact same thing.
“You knew it would happen,” I said.
“I did,” she nodded. “But I really didn’t know that this would happen.”
I shook my head when she asked me to tell her all about how it started.
Luckily, she didn’t seem too hung up on our age difference or the fact that I’d dated Jasmine’s older sister for years.
Amy just seemed happy for me, and I loved her for it.
Though, I wasn’t sure how long this was going to last.
“I know I’m going to give this my all, but…” I paused and her forehead wrinkled.
“But?”
“But I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. Or if she still wants to have anything to do with me after last night.”
“You did nothing wrong last night,” she poked my shoulder. “I was there, watching everything. Until I couldn’t. I saw how you were pushing her away, though. That Freya.”
She said Freya like she was spitting on the woman’s face.
“What have you told her, by the way?” She asked. “Like, have you and Jasmine spoken at all since last night?”
I sighed. “I’ve tried. Multiple times. I’ve left her countless voicemails, texts. She’s probably going to block my number.”
“Well,” Amy chuckled. “She can block you all she wants. The fact remains that you still live next door to her. How is she going to avoid you if you just show up?”
“Show up?” My lips twisted. “You do know that Freya is still in town, right?”
Amy shrugged. “Not my problem. Neither should it be yours.”
I got that she was coming
from a place of hate for Freya and I didn’t completely agree with her. I would always care for Freya, if not because she was once an important part of my life, then because she was Jasmine’s older sister.
That alone was enough to make me care.
“Hey Aimes,” I leaned forward, placing my arm on the table. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t feel like myself. I have no idea why I care so much about this girl.”
She danced her eyebrows and smiled.
“You’re in love, my man. You’re in love.”
At first, that sounded ridiculous. All I wanted was to see where it could go with Jaz. I was looking to give it a fair shot, to give it my all.
But I carried Amy’s words in my mind and then found myself knocking on Jasmine’s door right after lunch.
A part of me wished that Freya would answer, so I could just come clean once and for all. Keeping a secret was really not my thing, but I’d been playing this game for Jaz’s sake.
I was ready to put it out there, especially now that I’d realized how badly I didn’t want to lose her.
Jasmine must have checked through the door viewer because she had an angry frown on her face when she stepped out. I couldn’t help but smile at the way she was dressed.
It was so cute.
Those boxer shorts and that tank top.
She looked even hotter when she wasn’t all decked out like she was last night.
“What are you doing here?” She asked, pushing me to a corner until we were standing on the grass.
She pulled her main door shut, then turned to me.
“I told you I wanted to talk to you.”
“And I think I gave you a fucking hint.”
I’d never heard her swear before.
“I get that you’re mad, but…”
“I’m not mad,” her face softened. “I just can’t do this anymore. Whatever this was. Yes, past tense because it doesn’t exist anymore.”
She turned around and I grabbed her wrist before she could get too far.
Her breasts pressed against mine and her hands rested on my chest.
Forbidden Neighbor: A Contemporary Romance Boxset (Forbidden Saga Book 2) Page 9
