by Stacey Lewis
We walk up the stairs and into my apartment and I watch as he looks around the still bare space. I know what he’s seeing, an apartment that looks like it’s not even been lived in yet. He’s not totally wrong since my brother helped me move in just last weekend. I haven’t had a chance to do much of anything, and there are still boxes all over the place.
“Are you moving in or out?” he asks, his amusement clear.
I look away from him before I answer. “I’ve only been here a week.”
He tenses at my admission and I wonder why. What does it matter if I moved in last week or last month or last year? He wasn’t with me and we had to get settled eventually. As much as I love my parents, there’s no way I could live with them forever.
Leading him over to the small couch that’s the only piece of actual furniture in my living room right now, I gesture for him to take a seat before taking my own at the opposite end. Unfortunately, the couch is small so we aren’t very far apart.
Mitchell turns to look at me and I watch the emotions cross his face – indecision, determination, regret. The last is the one that gets me. Having the knowledge he regrets what happened last year makes me feel so much better about it.
“What you said last year, about being miserable and what it was teaching my kids, it really fucked me up, Hailey.”
The look he gives me tells me just how deep it cut him when I said that. “I refuse to feel bad for that because I still stand by it. It took me a long time to realize I wasn’t doing Connor any favors by putting up with Seth’s bullshit. We are both so much happier now.”
He hurries to reassure me. “You shouldn’t feel bad about saying it. It was the kick in the ass I needed to make a change. Well,” he stops for a second and looks down at his hands, “that and the way Tabitha acted in the room that day. That was the last straw for me. I knew I had to make a change, and after you left that afternoon I ended it with her for good.”
I have so many questions I want to ask him, but when I open my mouth, he holds up one hand and shakes his head. “Let me get this all out. It wasn’t like I told her I was leaving and bam it was done. She fought every damn step of the way. The thing about Tabitha though, she cares way too much about what other people think. Threatening to air all our dirty laundry slowed her down and it let me get everything in place I needed. Now I don’t have to worry about her taking off with the kids or telling outrageous lies to hurt me.”
“I’m glad, Mitchell.” It’s true, I’m so glad he’s out of that toxic environment, and not only that he is, but so are his kids. They’re the innocent ones in all of this and they don’t deserve to suffer for the choices the two of them make.
He smiles. “Me too.” His eyes remain intent on mine, and he slides a little closer to me so he can take one of my hands in his. “You’re the reason I was able to see what I was doing was hurting my kids. What you said about me being miserable and teaching my kids to stay in a situation like that opened my eyes.”
This time I’m the one looking down at my hands because I said what I did partly for selfish reasons. I’m just glad it worked out for him because it could have gone the opposite way. I almost feel like I should be sorry because he ended a relationship he’d been in for so many years the guilt of knowing that is real.
Mitchell slides a little closer to me and I tense, though I’m not sure exactly what I’m expecting him to do. Maybe it’s more what I want him to do which is an even scarier thought.
He takes my hands in his and I realize I’ve been twisting my fingers into knots while sitting here. Knowing he’s seeing the sign of my nerves is mortifying, but it’s too late to do anything about it.
I keep expecting him to look up at me, but his focus is on my hands. He’s stroking the back of them with his thumbs and making goosebumps rise on my arms. That might be worse than him seeing me twist my hands around while listening to him talk.
“Are you happy now? Or, well, I mean, are you happier now than you were?” I’m praying he says yes so I won’t feel so awful about pushing him to do it.
Now his eyes do come up to meet mine. “I am. It feels like a weight has been taken off my chest, like I can finally breathe again.” His focus turns to a spot in my living room so he’s not looking at me when he continues. “Having my kids go back and forth between her house and my apartment sucks, but it’s better than forcing myself to be somewhere I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want me.”
I nod, knowing exactly what he means. Our situation isn’t exactly the same, but it’s close enough. “Yeah, I get that. I didn’t want Connor having to grow up without his dad around but doing everything by myself while he went out with his friends or did whatever else he was doing when he wasn’t at home was way worse. Even living with my parents again was worth it.”
Baring my soul to him isn’t what I planned on doing this morning, and when I look away from him, my eyes stop on the clock on the wall across from where we’re sitting, and I panic.
“Oh crap. I was supposed to meet my mom to get Connor ten minutes ago.” We both stand, and while I should apologize for basically kicking him out of my apartment, I’m too busy grabbing my phone and keys so I can get out of here. She’s going to ask so many questions about why I’m late and I don’t want to answer any of them. Mom has a way of getting things out of me, especially when I don’t want to tell her my secrets, so I’m sure she’ll have the whole story five minutes after I walk into the house.
Mitchell follows me out the door and down the steps to the parking lot. I look around, searching for my small car, then mentally facepalm myself when I remember we brought his truck here. Mine is still at his garage.
God, I’m an idiot.
“C’mon, I’ll give you a ride to your car.” He’s so calm and matter of fact, like the abrupt end to our conversation doesn’t faze him at all. It just makes me more anxious because we didn’t have any kind of closure. That’s the whole reason I went to his office today, and now it’s ruined.
We’re just leaving the parking lot when he clears his throat, making me jump about two feet in the air. It’s so attractive. I don’t even blame him for even attempting to hide his chuckle at my discomfort. If it was anyone but me, I’d probably laugh too.
“I want to see you again.”
My head spins around so fast when he says this, I probably look like I’m possessed. “What?” is my super intelligent response. Surely, I didn’t hear him correctly. I couldn’t have.
“I said, I want to see you again.” His amusement is so obvious it causes a bright red flush to work its way up my throat to my cheeks.
This entire day has me so confused and turned around. Nothing is happening the way I thought it would. So much for spending half my night going over scenarios about what this conversation would be like. Out of all the options I had planned out in my head, this was not one of them.
“Why?”
His laughter fills the cab at my question. “Because, Hailey, I like you. You’re sweet and you’re fun. Even back when I first met you, I was drawn to you. I want to see why.”
I don’t know how to respond to that. His words warm my heart, and other parts of my body, but my head is not ready to go there with anyone, not yet. It’s only been two years since Seth and I split up and the scars from that relationship are still barely scabbed over.
Luckily, I’m saved from having to say anything because we pull into the garage parking lot. Just like when we first pulled up to his apartment, I jump out of his truck and rush to my car as fast as I can without flat out running. If it wasn’t for the fact that I am the most unattractive runner, I might have attempted it.
Mitchell yells my name from behind me, but I ignore him, slinging open my car door and practically jumping inside. Scaredy cat is a title I will gladly accept. He reaches my door just as I hit the lock button to keep him out and I studiously avoid looking over at him when he tries to talk to me.
After a few seconds, I can hear his sigh. It’s
so loud it comes through the window. “Okay, Hailey. Have it your way…” I almost relax, but then he says, “for now,” right before I pull away from him. My hands are shaking, and when I hit the first red light, I focus on taking deep breaths to steady myself.
Mitchell Anderson is not what I need right now.
Chapter 13
Mitchell
I’m still thinking about Hailey and the way she ran away from me earlier when I take Evie to dance class. What I said to her shouldn’t have been a shock. We were drawn to each other the moment we met. Of course, I’d want to see where that goes.
As much as I’d like to focus my attention on what my next move with her will be, today is important to Evie. This class is a type of showcase, where they’ll be showing off one of the dances they’ll be doing in their recital next month and debuting the outfits they are planning to have us all purchase for the event. It’s my least favorite part of her taking dance because there’s constantly an outfit to buy or a competition to pay for and Tabitha hates to spend money on anything but herself.
The minute we walk in the door, Evie takes off for her group of friends standing on one side of the room. Since she won’t remember I’m here until it’s time to show off, I head over to where there are a couple of parents I know hanging out together.
“Hey man,” Isaac Montgomery greets me when I join them. He’s standing in a group that includes his brother Caleb, his brother-in-law Luke and Luke’s brother Mark. Mark’s married to one of the owners of the studio, who just happens to be who Evie wants to be when she grows up.
I say hi to him and the rest of the group, listening as they continue their discussion about the classes each of their kids are taking and Mark bragging on how good the choreography his wife Meredith came up with is.
There’s not much I can contribute, so I just listen to the good-natured ribbing the four of them do, wishing my brother and I had the close relationship they clearly do.
After a few minutes, the conversation turns to the upcoming school year and Caleb asks Isaac about which class his daughter is in. His daughters are teenagers now, but they went to the same school, so he knows a lot of the teachers.
“Sophie’s teacher is new this year. She seems nice though, Sophie can’t wait until school starts so she can read all the books in her classroom.”
Caleb laughs. “Like mother, like daughter. Better watch it, Isaac. Sophie will be stealing those books her mom reads before you know it.”
Isaac’s face freezes at the thought and I swear I see him shudder. “Jesus, don’t put that thought in my head. As far as I know, Sophie’s never dating or reading those books. Nope, not happening.”
All of us laugh because we know he’s wrapped around that little girl’s finger. He wouldn’t tell her no if he found her reading one of her mom’s books, he’d probably just buy her some of her own.
Ignoring his brothers, he turns to me and asks what teacher Evie has. “Ms. Lucas.” Just saying her name conjures images of her from today. The way she seemed so nervous around me and the way she understood exactly how I felt knowing I needed to be done with my relationship with Tabitha.
“Ms. Lucas, that’s right. I couldn’t remember her name. Stacey knows it I’m sure, but I’m shit at remembering them. Sophie will be happy they’re in the same class again this year. She loves Evie.”
“Yeah, Evie will be thrilled when she finds out.” My daughter doesn’t have a shy bone in her body but being around a group of new people is still hard for her. Once she gets a conversation started or plays with someone, she’s good, but she struggles to get to that point.
Caleb’s daughters are in the same grade as Ben, so we discuss what they’ll be up to this year for a few minutes before the teachers say they’re ready to begin. Evie’s standing in the same corner of the room she went to when we first walked in, her head and Sophie’s close together and I’m sure they’re plotting something.
Isaac sees it too. “Those two are probably planning world domination. Should we be worried?”
One side of my mouth tips up in a grin. “Two girls plotting together? We should definitely be afraid.”
Before he can say anything else, Meredith steps forward, introducing herself for any parents who haven’t been here before and I look around the room, cursing under my breath when I still don’t see Tabitha. She told Evie she’d be here, but she’s probably too busy with her friends or working on something she could easily put off for an hour or two to see what her daughter’s been working on for the past few months.
Luckily it doesn’t seem like Evie has even noticed. She’s too busy following the stretching routine Meredith and her partner are doing. She’s been in dance since she was four and it shows. She’s so graceful. Her confidence in her dancing is clear for anyone to see and my heart swells with pride. That’s my girl.
The dancers all run through their planned routines, starting with the youngest group. It’s smart to get them out of the way before they get restless. Every time I come watch what Evie’s teachers are doing, I’m blown away by how organized everything is.
Finally, Evie’s group comes into the middle of the room and get into their formation. It almost looks like a diamond, and my daughter’s in the middle with a big grin on her face.
They start to dance and I recognize the song as one from an animated movie that’s practically been on repeat at my place since it came out. Evie loves it, and even Ben has sat down to watch it with her one of the four hundred times it’s been on my television. Now I know why she’s danced around the apartment humming to herself for weeks. The song sounded familiar, but she refused to tell me.
For a group of eight and nine-year-old girls, they do an amazing job moving in sync while Meredith counts out the beats to the music. My ex-wife does a lot that pisses me off, but picking this studio for our daughter was probably the best thing she ever could’ve done for her. Evie loves it here, and she loves Meredith and Jax.
Once her dance is done, Evie runs over with Sophie to stand and watch the older girls dance. I don’t know Josie and Maddie well, but Evie idolizes them. She tells me again when she watches them dance, “Daddy, I want to be as good as Maddie when I grow up.”
Caleb chuckles at her words. “You don’t have too long before you’re her age. Just keep practicing and I bet you’ll be even better than you already are.” Evie beams up at him.
“What about me, Uncle Caleb?” Sophie asks, staring up at him with a big smile on her face.
Leaning down, he tweaks her nose. “Of course you’ll be amazing, Soph. How could you be anything but?” She giggles before turning her attention back to the dancers finishing up their routine.
The last group of dancers finally finishes their routine and Meredith walks into the middle of the room as the last person runs off to talk to all the parents and dancers.
“Hi, parents!” Her bubbly personality has everyone saying hi and smiling back at her. “I hope you all enjoyed that taste of our upcoming recital. All the kids have been working hard and we are so excited for you to see the final, polished product.” She goes on to talk about the costumes and what each dancer needs in the different age groups while Evie listens like there’s going to be a test at the end she’s going to have to take.
My head is spinning by the time she stops speaking. Every year the recitals are more involved and there’s more stuff for the parents to do. It’s rough for parents like me who don’t have anyone to help do things. Tabitha sure can’t be counted on to help sew on sequins or hot glue feathers to fabric. At least it’s been two years since the feathers thing. I think I still have PTSD from that. Feathers all over the damn house. I swear to God I found feathers for over a year after in the most random places.
“I’m gonna tell Miss Meredith bye,” Evie tells me, not giving me the chance to tell her we need to get going. I’m sure Ben’s had enough being at my parents. They’re great, don’t get me wrong, but she always finds him something to do while he’s there so go
ing to grandma’s isn’t the break for him it is for Evie.
Since she runs off, I have a few extra minutes to discuss the upcoming football season with the guys. Isaac and Caleb’s brother is a player on our local team, so they have lots of inside info on who’s still struggling with an injury or who’s not going to do well this year. It will come in handy when we start picking fantasy players at the garage.
Evie finally runs back over to me ready to leave, and we’re almost at the door when Meredith says my name. The look on her face instantly has my body on alert. She’s about to say something I’m not going to like… I can tell.
“Mitch, if you need help with the costumes,” she starts to say, but I cut her off.
The fact that she thinks I need help coming up with a dance costume for my own kid ticks me off. “I’ve got it handled.”
She can tell I’m not going to relent, so Meredith finally nods. “Okay. Let me know if anything changes. We’ll be glad to help with anything you need.” With one last smile at Evie, she walks off to speak to other parents and I take advantage of her leaving to do the same. I don’t need or want any more offers of “help,” especially if they come from some of the single moms in the group. Dating the parent of one of Evie’s dance mates wouldn’t end well for any of us.
Chapter 14
Hailey
Today is the day. My first day as a real, live teacher! I was so excited last night it was almost like I was about to be a student this year too.
My mom was entirely too happy to come and get Connor this morning though. There’s no way I can thank her enough for being willing to drop everything to help me out, even if it kills me I’m not going to see him on his first day of pre-school.
Walking into my classroom, all I can do is turn circles in a crazy attempt to see everything one last time before my students come in. They’re all going to love being in my classroom this year. It’s so bright and cheerful, the two things I lived way too much of my life without.
