A Son for the Texas Cowboy

by Sinclair Jayne

  That stopped her.

  “Yes, you did. You were perfect.”

  “No. You left.”

  “I left because…” She balled up her hands and stuck them in her pocket. She would not nervously chew on her thumbnail, a habit from childhood that had been so hard to break and had come back with a vengeance in the first months when she’d been struggling to parent a baby, grieve for a brother she’d barely had a chance to know and come to terms with the fact that her own dreams—marrying Axel and having a family with him and going to medical school were never going to happen.

  “We talked about that. I don’t want to spoil your visit and the flowers. But you were a great boyfriend,” she assured him. “You always called at the end of each day, every day.”

  “I needed to hear your voice.”

  She laughed. “And you texted. And you gave me the charm bracelet and gave me a charm for each win or holiday or a milestone like graduation and getting into med school.” Her eyes grew misty and she blinked.

  No crying at work. And no falling under Axel’s spell, until she knew it would be safe for Diego. And her.

  “I still have it. It’s not practical with my job, but I have it.”

  They got in line for lattes, with only one person ahead of them. She didn’t know what she should say—how she wanted to leave it with him. Were they going to date now?

  “And you would take me to dinner. And make picnics. And we’d lie under the stars and you’d tell me about the constellations.”

  “So that was okay?”

  “It was the best. What, are you thinking—that you should have taken me to Cabo or Paris or something like that?”

  “Do you like to travel?”

  “Axel, you sound like you’re taking notes. Relax. Just be yourself.”

  “That’s what got me into trouble.”

  It was hard not to smile. She didn’t want to give him hope unfairly, but her heart was soaring. They ordered. He paid.

  “And that. You always paid when we went out. It’s sweet, but old-fashioned. Women want autonomy. They want to be able to reciprocate.”

  Axel made a face, and she laughed and fake punched him in the arm.

  “Paying for a date is bad?”

  “Always paying is annoying. What are you doing? Compiling a list of do’s and don’ts?”

  “Trying to.”

  Cruz laughed again. It was crazy. She’d told him she needed space. But here he was, in the middle of her day and everything was so much brighter. She wasn’t tired or anxious. She felt alive. Happy. If she went outside, the sun would warm her to her soul, and she’d probably hear birds singing.

  She led him to a love seat that was by a window.

  “Just be yourself,” she repeated. “That’s the man I fell in love with. But—” She broke off, worried that this would come out the wrong way. “I’m scared, Axel. I don’t want to get hurt again. It was so hard to leave. It was so hard to be without you.”

  “You’ve never been afraid of anything, Cruz.” He ran a finger over her eyebrow and then down her nose. “You’re the strongest woman I know. Strong enough, I hope, to take another chance on me. On us.”

  “Let’s take it slow. One day at a time. Maybe a date,” she said. “In a few days. I need to get settled and I want you and Diego to have some time apart, so he doesn’t assume you are permanent.”

  That came out harsher than she meant. She could tell by the expression on his face.

  “It seems like you want to do all the dictating and have me do all the compromising.”

  His voice was neutral, but she could feel his steady stare burn and expose her soul.

  “I have to protect him.”

  “From me?”

  “From hurt,” she said.

  Axel didn’t answer for so long, she thought he wouldn’t.

  “I don’t know if that’s possible, Cruz. I hope it is. I really do.” His voice was heavy, his expression serious.

  Her resolve wavered, but she sat up straighter and notched her chin. She had to think of Diego before herself. She owed it to him and to the brother she’d never gotten a chance to know.

  “I better get back,” she said, standing, taking her barely drunk latte with her.

  Axel also rose and walked her back to the surgical waiting room. He was silent. She couldn’t think of anything to say. They stopped outside the automatic door and she reached for her key.

  “Thank you for the flowers,” she said softly. “I’ll take them to the hotel with me after work. Diego knows to stay for the after-school program, so your day won’t be interrupted.”

  “I didn’t mind. I had to fight Catalina to pick him up from the bus.”

  She probably was supposed to smile, but instead, she felt worse. She’d taken Catalina from him as well. And August. And the promised visit home from Anders. She was trying to avoid getting in too deep, but she and her son were drowning.

  “Can I call you?”

  She nodded and blindly turned from him and swiped her name badge. The doors swung open and she hurried inside, leaving Axel and her growing indecision and heavy heart behind. If only it were that easy. The doors swung closed.

  *

  Cruz looked at her phone between cases. She hated herself but couldn’t resist.

  I loved seeing you today.

  Five words should not make her heart pound and her brain giddy.

  Five words.

  And she’d mostly shut him down.

  But he’d still texted.

  And she’d deliberated on how to answer for an embarrassingly long time. Speech writers wrote the State of the Union address in less time. But everything seemed so fraught with significance. She didn’t want to give him hope. Why? Because she was hoping.

  She’d asked for space and time. And she needed to take it, not jump into flirty text exchanges. What if they turned heated?

  No. She had to be responsible. Thoughtful. Aloof.

  No, that sounded awful.

  And impossible with Axel. She’d never last. He’d always made her… No she couldn’t think about the past. She had to focus on the future. Her and Diego and maybe Axel.

  It was the L word that kept hanging her up. He’d never used that word with her. Never. And oh, how she’d longed for him to say it to her. She’d said it once. He’d responded, but not verbally. She needed words. Certainty.

  But that wasn’t really fair. Did she want him to make some grand gesture and verbal commitment to her while she ‘needed space’? Wasn’t him giving her a ring that he’d bought before she broke up with him enough of a statement? But it was too soon! Wasn’t it? He’d made a grand gesture—grand for him—and she’d answered by not opening the box and leaving it behind on the nightstand.

  She swallowed, feeling a little sick.

  And then he’d bought her flowers. Brought them to her work.

  And she couldn’t even answer a simple text.

  Her mind went around and around and finally she stuck her phone in her locker. She wouldn’t think about Axel.

  Except she did.

  She got off early. She was still getting used to that—getting off when cases finished—instead of doing straight shift work. Also, since she was locums, she was often first relieved, but she also was on the call schedule.

  Diego would be pleased. She could pick him up from school instead of him having to go to the after-school program. She took a quick shower and changed into her street clothes, then grabbed her phone. She had one message.

  The voice mail from the school had her heart stuttering, and she practically sprinted to her car. She skidded on the wet pavement as the heavy system of thundershowers that had moved in over the past couple of days had saturated the ground and made the roads and everything slick and muddy.

  He hadn’t shown up at the after-school program. They’d called her. Then Shell. No answer.

  The bus driver said he’d been on the bus.

  With shaking fingers, she dialed Axel.<
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  “Cruz,” he said sounding so normal and strong that she nearly cried.

  “Please tell me you have Diego!” she begged, her voice strained and eyes stinging with barely suppressed tears.

  Chapter Twelve

  The panic in Cruz’s voice had the opposite effect on him. Something settled inside him. She needed him and he was here. He asked questions, then looked at his watch. The bus would have dropped Diego off more than thirty minutes ago.

  “I’m driving out to the ranch right now.”

  “Cruz…” He kept the frisson of panic down. He and his brothers had grown up on the ranch. They’d had free reign—on horses, ATVs, even one of the trucks delivering hay. “Please take a deep breath or two.”

  Or a million.

  “You need to be calm before you get on the road. The roads are slick and there have been a few mud slides.”

  “Even more reason for me to get there.”

  “Stay safe. Keep calm. He’s likely in the house or the barn.”

  Or the winery where Catalina had let him help her with experiments in the lab. Or the cellar. The list of places Diego liked to spend time, even in the short while he’d been there, grew.

  “I’ll call around to the ranch hands to see if anyone has seen him,” he said calmly. “And I’ll get people looking for him.”

  “Surely they’d call,” Cruz argued.

  He heard her start her car.

  Hell no, they wouldn’t tell him. Not right away. Everyone loved having Diego around. Besides, he hadn’t announced that Cruz had left him. Again.

  He texted Catalina. She was in the lab and texted back that she’d check the house and look for him on the way. August was in town at a meeting with his contractors.

  “Don’t bother him,” Axel said, his voice short.

  Catalina snorted. “He’s your brother. He’s gonna come running.”

  Axel was on horseback, and he was already on the move, calling his foreman to keep an eye out for Diego. He was about to call Lucy, his foreman’s wife, who might be home from her teaching job by now, when he spotted Diego on Captain, the horse he’d ridden in the arena. But Diego was riding toward him across the valley closest to the stable.

  His heart settled a little. Diego stood up in the stirrups and waved. He was wearing one of Axel’s old hats, one he’d had when he’d been a teenager. When he and Catalina cleared out an old tack room, they’d really dug deep into the past.

  He held up his hand, indicating for Diego to stop. Fury Creek was between them. It was swollen almost to the size of a river and the banks were saturated. He swore when Diego settled back into the saddle and tapped the reins, lightly nudging the horse with his boot to indicate a trot.

  “No. Stop,” Axel shouted, even though the wind and driving rain and distance swallowed his words. He held out his hand again, jerking it several times, but Diego was either too excited to stop or too determined to show off or… What did Axel know of the minds of little boys except that their hearts were full of love and their heads full of dreams? And their bodies weren’t always up to the task. The brakes on their impulse control often weren’t applied until too late.

  He pushed Onyx faster down the hill than he should be going. Onyx didn’t balk, but he could feel the increased tension in the horse. He used his legs and his voice to soothe the animal. They were fine.

  Then he heard the whine of the ATV’s engine, as Catalina raced back toward the house. Maybe seeing her would distract Diego enough to stop him from trying to cross the river. Captain was steady but young, and Diego had desires that still outpaced his skills. He knew better. He absolutely knew he was not to ride without him or one of the hands, but boys didn’t always listen when their emotions were engaged or their wants outpaced the rules.

  He heard the excited barking of Bandit—the young border collie Catalina and August had rescued recently. Diego saw Catalina and waved wildly, but instead of slowing down, Diego pushed Captain faster, as if having a larger audience spurred him on. He bent over the horse’s neck. Heart in his throat, Axel raced forward hitting the riverbank at the opposite side of Diego who grinned at him.

  “Hi, Axel! Watch!” Just as he spoke, the horse’s hindquarters slipped in the mud. The horse stumbled and Diego fell over the top of the horse landing partially in the racing creek and the bank, which crumbled under his weight.

  People often describe accidents as happening in slow motion. But for Axel, it was the complete opposite. Diego was there on his horse, proud and happy. And then he was gone, slipping off the stumbling horse and falling faceup into the swollen, rushing creek. His stunned face was white and his hands reached out to grab something but only got air.

  It was just like history repeating. Aurik had been in the river, calling out his name. But he hadn’t been able to move fast enough, hadn’t been able to get there in time. Diego stilled and water rushed over him. A small branch from an oak tree swept around the bend, hitting him and rolling him over and nudging him downstream. Axel dashed into the creek, the water tugging on him. He slipped in the mud and on the rocks.

  Somehow, he’d had the presence of mind to grab hold of his lasso and he threw it, snagging one of Diego’s flailing legs, which slowed him enough for Axel to get to him. He hauled him up, threw him over his shoulder and battled the creek back, his soaked boots—full of water and mud and rocks—making it tough.

  He trudged up the bank, slipping and sliding.

  “Toss me the rope.” Catalina was there, her face determined. He tossed the other end, and she quickly tied it off on his saddle pommel. She took the reins and clucked at his horse. Axel made it to higher ground, but the bank kept giving way with each step. Catalina had Onyx’s bridle and she kept making him take a slow step back to give Axel the tension he needed to get out of the creek and away from the mud. On dry land, he rolled Diego off his shoulder and laid him gently on his side.

  Catalina uncinched the saddle enough that she could grab the saddle blanket. “Hey, you’re okay,” she soothed. Diego was pale and shivering and coughing.

  Axel’s training kicked in—all the things he hadn’t known before that he tortured himself could have made the difference and saved Aurik’s life. His dad and the doctor had told him that knowing how to clear Aurik’s airway, knowing how to do CPR wouldn’t have made a critical difference for his brother. But he’d been unable to believe then and now.

  Diego kept coughing, trying to suck in air.

  “Shall I take him to the house?” Catalina asked. “Or the hospital.”

  “No. I want…” He broke off with a coughing fit. “Axel.”

  He groaned and curled up.

  “Sick,” he moaned. Axel held him up, but turned his head so he could be sick without choking. Water and mostly digested lunch came up.

  Diego continued to cough and shudder but he seemed unable to get enough air to properly cough.

  “Hospital,” Axel said softly.

  “By the time the ambulance gets here, you can get him to the hospital,” Catalina said. She shrugged out of her thick Carhartt coat and wrapped it around Diego along with the saddle blanket.

  “I want to stay with you,” Diego pleaded, his blue eyes lit by pain and determination.

  “Take him on the ATV. I’ll get the horses back and call off the search,” Catalina said. Her eyes surveyed his and she touched his hand. “You saved him, Axel,” she said softly. “He’s going to be fine. Now you need to get him checked out. I’ll tell August and Cruz and meet you at the hospital.”

  She squeezed his arm again and fluidly rose.

  He was still rubbing Diego’s back in a circle. He’d settled a little—some of the tension leaving his gangly body—but Axel’s heart still thundered in his ears. He kept seeing Aurik in the river. Aurik’s body being swept away, his hands up flailing and his face rising above the water and the debris over and over until it didn’t. And him running alongside, slipping and sliding and trying to get ahead so that he could catch his brother.


  “Axel, you good?” Catalina looked poised to spring into action.

  “What?” He had to drag himself back from eighteen years ago. He wasn’t holding Aurik. He hadn’t lost him again in the rushing, murky water that had clawed his brother away from him. He hadn’t saved Aurik. But he had saved Diego.

  “Diego’s fine,” Catalina said, watching him, a little worried.

  “Fine,” he repeated the word.

  “But you need to get him to the ER for a checkup,” she said. “I’ll tell Cruz to meet you there,” she repeated.

  Cruz. She’d want to see her son. Axel forced himself to his feet. He picked up Diego even though he struggled. That had to be a good sign, didn’t it?

  “I’m sorry.” Diego turned his face into Axel’s soaked chest. “I know I was supposed to wait to ride, but you weren’t there. And Mommy said… She said I had to stay at school, but I don’t want to. Don’t send me away again.”

  The poignancy in his voice was broken by a spell of coughing. Axel wanted to reassure Diego, but he couldn’t. He didn’t have the right. And now? He had even less. He shut down everything he was feeling and instead concentrated on what had to be done.

  He’d drive the ATV to the bunkhouse. Get his truck. Drive to the hospital.

  *

  Cruz got the call from Catalina before she was halfway to the ranch. There had been an accident, she’d said. Axel was driving Diego in, but it was just a precaution, she’d said. August would leave his meeting in town and meet her at the ER. Catalina would come as soon as she stabled the horses.

  “Why is everyone coming, if it’s just a precaution?” she’d demanded, her anxiety ratcheting.

  “You and Diego are family,” Catalina said. “So go easy on Axel, please. He’s been through enough.”

  “Axel?” Cruz repeated, not understanding at all.

  She drove back to the hospital too fast, too scared and too angry. She wanted someone to blame, but the arrow kept swinging wildly back to her. She hadn’t explained the situation to Diego at all. She hadn’t listened to his feelings. She hadn’t answered his questions. Why? Because she had no answers.