Son of Mary

by R. S. Ingermanson

My knees wobble beneath me, and I do not know what to say. With all my heart, I wish to follow after Rabbi Yeshua. I wish for HaShem to make a justice on the land. Make a justice on murderers and Samaritans and all the goyim. I wish for HaShem to rescue his people, who cry out for justice. I wish for HaShem to avenge the blood of my brother.

  But I am afraid I will run like a woman again. All my life, I thought I feared nothing. At Pesach, I saw I was wrong. I am not the rock of courage I thought I was. If I say yes, I fear to dishonor myself again by running. To say yes now is to say yes forever.

  Andre’s face shows that he longs to follow Yeshua, and yet he too holds back. Big Yaakov also.

  Yoni’s face shines.

  Yoni is young and foolish and naive. He would say yes at once, but he holds back so as not to dishonor those who are older and wiser.

  Andre and Big Yaakov look on me.

  If I say yes, they will say yes also. That is a heavy weight.

  I lean against the side of my boat, more weary than I ever was. I love the lake, the wind, the rain, the work. It is a good life and a good living.

  But I love Rabbi Yeshua more, who forgives his friends for running like women and comes looking for them in love and does not shame them. For a man like Rabbi Yeshua, I should do anything and follow anywhere. Even if he has a smirch on his name.

  If HaShem wishes for Rabbi Yeshua to redeem Israel, HaShem will take the smirch off his name. That is not a hard thing for HaShem.

  My father in the next boat seems to be holding his breath. He taught me to love Torah and say the prayers and follow after HaShem. He would not wish for his sons to go, but he would wish for his sons to please HaShem.

  I step up onto the pier. I step down into my father’s boat. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him. A deep sigh rises within me. Perhaps this is foolish and perhaps it is not, but it is what HaShem calls me to do.

  I breathe the lake air deep, a free man for one breath longer. “Rabbi Yeshua, I will follow you wherever you go, forever.”

  “And I also,” Yoni and Andre and Big Yaakov say, all in one voice.

  I feel as our anchor is lifted and our line loosed and our oars set in place.

  My father frowns on Rabbi Yeshua. “Where are you taking my sons?”

  “Yes, where?” Zavdai asks.

  Rabbi Yeshua wears the face of a man who has received a precious thing in trust and will guard it with all his might and strength and soul. “Wherever Abba sends me. Wherever I am, there is the kingdom of HaShem.”

  My heart leaps within me, but my mind can make no sense on this saying. It is another paradox. When the kingdom of HaShem comes, it will crush the kingdom of this world. If the kingdom of HaShem were truly here, Rome would lie in dust and ashes, and HaShem would reign in Jerusalem, the city of the Great King. The thing is a mighty paradox, and therefore it must have some mighty explanation.

  Rabbi Yeshua himself is a paradox.

  Now I will be part of that paradox too, until forever.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Yoni of Capernaum

  I sit in the synagogue with my mantle enfolding my head and joy enfolding my heart. It is Shabbat, and the village hazzan has finished reading from Torah and the prophets.

  Today is the day I have longed for all my life. Today, Rabbi Yeshua will make a move. Today he will announce the kingdom of HaShem. Today will begin the Day of Vengeance.

  I know because Rabbi Yeshua explained the matter last night, mostly. He and his mother are staying in my father’s house. He sleeps in my room, and his mother sleeps in my grandmother’s room. We talked late on how we will defeat the four Powers. Rabbi Yeshua told me what happened in the Temple at Pesach with his brothers. He said he understands better now what is the first Power. He said HaShem says we are to begin a new thing today, only he did not tell what it will be.

  I am sure it will be the Day of Vengeance. I am ready to fight. We spent all winter telling repentance to Israel, and I am sick to my death of it. I would be happy if I never told repentance to anyone again. I wish to attack the Great Satan. I still think we should burn the granaries of Egypt, but Rabbi Yeshua only smiled when I told him. He said HaShem has another plan. I promised to obey Rabbi Yeshua, so I will wait. Only I am very impatient.

  I think now is the time. I think here is the place. I feel the Shekinah. I see it on the face of Rabbi Yeshua.

  I think the president of the synagogue sees it also. His name is called Yair, and he owns the village salting house. He has a daughter two years younger than me, who used to tease me when I was a boy, only not lately, now I am a man. Imma tells me every week how Sara the daughter of Yair is a good worker. I do not see why Imma says so every week. I heard it the first time.

  Yair is a big friend on our family. My father spent all winter telling Yair about Rabbi Yeshua and boasting how I was gone with him to tell repentance to Israel. Also, how we will call up an army to fight the Great Satan in the spring. And now it is spring and Rabbi Yeshua is here and today is the day.

  Yair looks on Rabbi Yeshua and makes a big smile. “Rabbi Yeshua, Zavdai the fish-man says you are a prophet. If you wish to expound on Torah or the prophets, please, you will speak a word to us.”

  Rabbi Yeshua nods and strides to the bema and sits in the Seat of Moses, the chair where a man sits to expound Torah and the prophets.

  All the synagogue holds its breath to hear him speak. They all must have heard by now that Rabbi Yeshua is a mighty prophet of HaShem who will smite the Great Satan. They expect much from Rabbi Yeshua, and they honor him with their silence. And they know Rabbi Yeshua stays at the House of Zavdai, so our family has a big honor also.

  Rabbi Yeshua’s eyes smile, and he seems to look only on me. “The kingdom of HaShem is like a lump of leaven, which a woman hides in three measures of flour.”

  He raises his eyebrows to ask if we have understood the matter.

  I do not understand the matter at all. How is the kingdom of HaShem like leaven? Why would a woman hide it in flour? That is a foolish place to hide leaven, for it will grow and grow and not stay hidden. And why three measures? One measure of flour is three times the size of my head. Three measures is enough to feed a hundred men. When Father Abraham entertained HaShem unawares, he made cakes from three measures of flour. That was a mighty meal. Is Rabbi Yeshua saying we are to entertain HaShem unawares? Is he saying the kingdom of HaShem is to be a great feast? I thought the kingdom of HaShem was to do with smiting the Great Satan. I do not understand the matter. Rabbi Yeshua has made a paradox.

  I look all around and see that nobody understands the paradox. Now I do not feel so foolish. For a moment, I thought the Genius of Capernaum had lost his wits.

  But my stomach has become a big knot. I never heard a rabbi teach like this. A rabbi should begin with Torah or the prophets and then expound the matter according to the sayings of the fathers. A rabbi should not begin with a paradox about some woman. That is a bad beginning. Tonight in my room, I will explain the matter to Rabbi Yeshua.

  Rabbi Yeshua stands.

  Is he finished already? A rabbi never stands while teaching.

  Rabbi Yeshua tugs at his beard, and again he looks only on me.

  I feel a great warmth in my belly.

  He spreads his hands like a fish-man casting a net. “The kingdom of HaShem is like a net cast in the lake. They pull it up and find many fish. The good fish, they keep. The bad fish, they throw away. That is what the kingdom of HaShem is like.”

  I like this saying better. It is to do with the judgment on the last day. That will be a fearful day, for the wrath of HaShem will fall on the earth. I am terrified of the wrath of HaShem. I saw it once when I was a small boy. If it falls on me, that will be a bad matter. But I repented already, so it will not fall on me. It will fall on the goyim, and that is a good matter.

  I think I know the meaning of Rabbi Yeshua’s tale. The bad fish are the goyim, and the good fish are the sons of Israel. The net is those of us called by Rabbi Yes
hua to fish for men. I like that Rabbi Yeshua put me in his tale. I like that he did not make a paradox.

  Rabbi Yeshua waits for a moment. He has the look of a craftsman, only he crafts words, not stone or metal or wood.

  The men in the synagogue whisper to each other behind their hands.

  I think they are still confused by the paradox. I am still confused by the paradox.

  When it becomes quiet, Rabbi Yeshua speaks out again.

  “The kingdom of HaShem is like an oil lamp, set on a stand. The light shines out, and those who live in darkness see its light. If the lamp is covered, who will see its light? That is what the kingdom of HaShem is like.”

  I like this tale very much. Israel is the oil lamp, a light given to the nations. HaShem gave Israel Torah and the prophets so that those who live in darkness will see a mighty light and repent. But the goyim do not repent, because they are evil and dogs. When the kingdom of HaShem comes, the goyim will be cast into Outer Darkness, for they have refused the light, and Israel will become the kingdom of HaShem.

  “The kingdom of HaShem is like—”

  “Leave us alone, Yeshua from Nazareth!” It is a loud voice and angry, and it comes from the door behind Rabbi Yeshua, at the head of the synagogue.

  I know that voice. My heart stutters, for the man who owns the voice is a big trouble on the village.

  The voice belongs to Yoseph ben Yoseph, only the village calls him Yoseph the Rage, for he has a spirit of rage. Twenty years ago, his woman died in childbed, leaving him with five daughters. A man does not need daughters. A man needs sons. But Yoseph cannot get sons, because no woman will have him on account of his rage.

  “Have you come to destroy us, Yeshua from Nazareth? Have you come to mock us before the time? We know who you are. You are the tsaddik sent from HaShem. Leave us, for—”

  “Silence.” Rabbi Yeshua’s voice is so strong it makes my bones quake. So kind, all my fears run away.

  I did not know any man could speak like that.

  The Shekinah burns in Rabbi Yeshua’s eyes.

  Yoseph the Rage has his mouth open as he will scream, only no sound comes out.

  All the synagogue is silent for terror.

  Rabbi Yeshua speaks in a calm and quiet voice. “Come here, friend.”

  Yoseph the Rage snarls and takes small, cunning steps toward Rabbi Yeshua, like a lion stalking prey.

  I want to run to save Rabbi Yeshua, but my feet have forgotten how to move. My hands are hot, and sweat runs down my back. I think I will vomit.

  Yoseph the Rage stops. His mouth hangs open, and spit dangles from his lip. He looks as he is preparing to pounce.

  I want to shout Rabbi Yeshua to run away now to save his life. My throat is so dry I cannot speak. Anyway, if Rabbi Yeshua runs away, I am afraid Yoseph the Rage will pounce on me.

  Rabbi Yeshua smiles on him and does not look afraid.

  I think Rabbi Yeshua does not know the matter of evil spirits.

  An old man from Bethsaida came once to drive out the evil spirit. He brought new ropes for tying up Yoseph the Rage. He brought herbs that smelled foul as the haryo of many ten thousand dogs. He brought an iron pot for burning the herbs. He said he would shout the evil spirit away.

  But his ropes were useless. Before the men of the village could tie up Yoseph the Rage, he attacked and scattered them. He beat the old man many times in the face until blood ran out of his nose. He bit off the old man’s ear and ate it, and then he ran away to the hills for two days. When he came back, he did not remember anything. The village elders did not even try to punish him, because it was the evil spirit that did it. Also, they feared for their ears.

  Yoseph the Rage is only ten paces from Rabbi Yeshua now. He glowers and snarls and waits for his moment to spring.

  “You spirit of rage, come out of him.”

  Yoseph the Rage springs at Rabbi Yeshua.

  Rabbi Yeshua springs at Yoseph the Rage.

  They meet in the air.

  Rabbi Yeshua catches Yoseph’s arms in his two hands. He lands light on his feet, holding Yoseph out at the length of his arms. “Spirit of rage, come out of him!”

  Yoseph the Rage snarls for his fury and spits Rabbi Yeshua’s eye and tries to kick him in the underparts.

  Rabbi Yeshua twists aside. “Come out of him now and do no harm!”

  Yoseph the Rage screams a big scream.

  I never heard such a scream. There is a bad rage in that scream.

  Yoseph the Rage rips loose from Rabbi Yeshua and staggers back.

  “HaShem says to come out now!”

  Yoseph the Rage writhes in a big agony, like a wild dog I saw once that some boys crippled with clubs and threw in the fire alive. He screams many ten thousand screams. He falls to the stone floor holding his head as it is coming off. He gives a shriek more mighty than he ever did.

  His head flails around and around like a loose sail in a high wind.

  It smites the floor so hard I think it cracks the stones.

  All his writhing stops. He lies on his back, unmoving. His body is twisted and his eyes are closed.

  Yair shouts, “Water! Bring water! He is knocked senseless.”

  Rabbi Yeshua steps toward Yoseph the Rage.

  I think it is a trick. I think he is luring Rabbi Yeshua in. I try to shout a warning that he should beware on his ears, only the words stick in my throat.

  Rabbi Yeshua kneels beside him. “Friend, HaShem says you are free.”

  Men crowd forward to see.

  I cannot breathe, and my heart beats so hard it aches in my chest. I push through the crowd to pull Rabbi Yeshua away.

  Rabbi Yeshua touches the face of Yoseph the Rage.

  Yoseph the Rage opens his eyes.

  Rabbi Yeshua gives him a kiss and a kiss and a kiss.

  Yoseph the Rage smiles.

  I never saw him smile.

  Yoseph the Rage laughs for joy.

  I never heard him laugh.

  My head feels light, and I cannot draw breath. Sending away an evil spirit is a heavy thing, but Rabbi Yeshua made it seem a light thing.

  All the synagogue shouts for amaze at this mighty wonder.

  They think it is a great thing, but they are fools. It is a bad thing.

  Rabbi Yeshua was in the middle of telling the kingdom of HaShem. Then Yoseph the Rage broke in on him.

  Now everyone has forgotten the matter of the kingdom of HaShem.

  I am so angry I think I will swallow my tongue for my fury.

  Rabbi Yeshua sent away the evil spirit, but the evil spirit outfoxed him. People will be talking on the evil spirit for three weeks and a day. They are not talking on the kingdom of HaShem.

  Today will not be the Day of Vengeance after all.

  Rabbi Yeshua knows the matter of evil spirits, but he does not know the matter of strategy.

  This evening in our room, I will explain it to him.

  Yeshua of Nazareth

  I am more confused than I ever was. HaShem said today I would make a move. That he would show me what move to make. He gave me some tales and I told them. I do not think anyone understood them. I am not sure I understood them.

  I was waiting to see if HaShem would give me a tale of repentance to tell Capernaum, but he did not. Then the man with the evil spirit came in, and I knew what to do.

  I do not know how I knew. I have seen men with evil spirits in the past and never knew what to do. But today I knew and I did it and the evil spirit fought me, but I was not afraid and I won.

  I do not know what this has to do with the kingdom of HaShem.

  Everyone thinks I have a plan.

  Yoni asked me last night what is my plan.

  I do not have a plan.

  My only plan is to do what HaShem tells me, and that is not a plan.

  I wish I knew the whole mind of HaShem on this matter. I wish—

  I am standing before the Throne.

  The Messengers of HaShem shout with a great shout. They dance
all around me. Their joy pulses through me.

  I feel my own joy welling up inside me.

  I dance before the Throne.

  HaShem comes off the Throne.

  HaShem begins dancing.

  I am undone. HaShem is dancing.

  ‘You did well, my son.’ HaShem gives me a kiss and a kiss and a kiss.

  I am twice undone.

  For a time, there is only joy.

  I do not know how long the joy lasts. It feels like many ten thousand years. All heaven rejoices over this one man, who was a slave and now is free.

  Free.

  In an instant, I see a new thing.

  The kingdom of HaShem is freedom.

  When a man is set free from an evil spirit, he has a share in the kingdom of HaShem.

  That is a new thought to me. It should not be a new thought. I feel as I have walked in my sleep all my life and have suddenly wakened.

  The kingdom of HaShem is freedom.

  HaShem smiles on me and dances for all his might.

  The Messengers make a circle around me, shouting for joy, dancing for freedom.

  Joy grows in my heart, greater and greater, like a roaring fire. I am sent to make my people free. Every man I make free is a victory for the kingdom of HaShem.

  I no longer feel confused. I still do not know the whole matter. I think there is more to be said on the matter. But I understand enough to fight the next battle. At last I have a plan.

  The vision fades.

  I am back in the synagogue.

  No time has passed.

  All is still a big confusion.

  Yoni tugs on my sleeve. His face tells that he thinks I made a mistake in the matter. Yoni sees further than my other men, but he does not see far enough.

  Not yet.

  But he will.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Shimon of Capernaum

  “No, no, no! Rabbi Yeshua will eat at our home today!” I am sick to my death of shouting on these fools who wish to take the honor of feeding Rabbi Yeshua the Shabbat meal. The honor is ours and we will keep it.