She was Dying Anyway

by P. D. Workman

  “You didn’t say anything in your email about a boyfriend,” he said, “but I saw some pictures at her mother’s house… it looks like she was in a relationship before she died?”

  “Well…” Bridget drew the word out, not committing to an answer immediately, which Zachary thought seemed suspicious. “Yes, she did have a boyfriend. But I didn’t want you to jump to conclusions and focus on him, because I’m sure he had nothing at all to do with her death.”

  But that was what she had asked Zachary to investigate. She should have given him all of the pertinent details if she really wanted him to come to the proper conclusion.

  “His name is Lawrence Long,” Bridget revealed, uncomfortable with the silence. “He’s a really sweet guy. Like I said, I’m sure he had nothing to do with Robin’s death, so I don’t want you going after him like he’s a suspect.”

  “He has to be a suspect. The boyfriend or partner is always a suspect.”

  “He didn’t have anything to do with it, Zachary. Trust me on this one.”

  “I still need to talk to him. He might know things that no one else could tell me.”

  “But he didn’t do it,” Bridget said firmly. “He didn’t have anything to do with Robin’s death.”

  “Do you have any contact information, or do I need to look him up?”

  She knew that he could find Lawrence Long and all of his details. Zachary was a private investigator. Skip tracing and background searches were his bread and butter. He had access to all of the best tools. If she didn’t provide him with the information, it would take him all of ten minutes to search it out himself.

  “I don’t have his address or his email… but I do have a phone number.”

  “That will do.”

  Bridget was still prickly, but she gave it to him with yet another assertion that he hadn’t had anything to do with Robin’s death.

  “Does he know that I’m looking into this? Have you talked to him about your suspicions—your concerns,” Zachary amended his wording before she could interrupt him to do it herself.

  “Yes, on a basic level. He knows that I was surprised by how suddenly she went, and that I have an ex who is a private investigator. I didn’t tell him outright that I was going to have you look into it, but he knows enough that he won’t be surprised.”

  “They were just dating?” Zachary asked. “Not married?”

  “Uh… yes… just dating.”

  “Did she give him medical power of attorney?”

  “I don’t know. Does it matter? He didn’t end up having to make any medical decisions on her behalf. She was gone before then.”

  “If she gave him medical power of attorney, he might be able to get me access to her hospital records. Her family doesn’t want me to have anything to do with it, but if Lawrence was her representative…”

  “You’d have to ask him.” Zachary was about to speak again when she interrupted him. “But Zachary…”

  “What?”

  “You may not find him any more accommodating than Robin’s family. He believes it was just a natural death.”

  Zachary wasn’t about to give up on Lawrence before he even had a chance to talk to him. There was still a chance the man could get Zachary permission to see Robin’s records.

  “Bridge…”

  “Yes?”

  “Out of everybody involved with Robin, you’re the only one who thinks that it wasn’t a natural death.”

  “So?”

  “Are you sure you’re not transferring your own feelings onto Robin?”

  “This isn’t about me.”

  “It could be. If you hadn’t gone into remission, this is something you could have been facing.”

  “This is something I did have to face,” Bridget countered. “I already had to make these decisions. I had to decide how long I was willing to fight the cancer. I had to decide which treatments I would accept, just how far I would go.”

  There was an unexpected lump in Zachary’s throat. He should have poured himself a glass of water before calling her. He cleared his throat and swallowed, trying to continue the conversation without letting his voice break.

  “And did you discuss that with Robin?”

  “No. No, of course not. It’s so personal. The answer is going to be different for everyone. Robin and I were friends, but… not that close.”

  “She never told you how long she wanted to continue treatment, or whether she would want to end her suffering at some point.”

  “She wouldn’t,” Bridget’s voice was brittle. “She was still fighting. She hadn’t given up. She didn’t end her own life.”

  “Are you prepared for the fact that I might find something different?”

  “You won’t. I know Robin. This might have been a medical error, but it wasn’t suicide.”

  Lawrence Long was the man Zachary had seen with Robin in the picture on Vera’s mantle. He looked younger than Robin, a slight black man with short braids all over his head, a thin mustache and thinner soul patch. Zachary recognized the pain and grief in his eyes, still all too fresh in the wake of Robin’s death.

  Lawrence had been reluctant to meet with Zachary, but he had agreed. They had arranged to meet at a coffee shop rather than at Lawrence’s home. Zachary’s brain immediately went into overdrive analyzing this fact. Was there something at Lawrence’s home that he didn’t want Zachary to see? Was there a secret, or just several days’ worth of takeout or dishes that he hadn’t been able to deal with during his period of mourning? Did he want to meet at the coffee shop so that he wouldn’t be reminded of his grief and would have more incentive not to cry in front of Zachary? Or was it somewhere he had gone with Robin and he wanted to be near her memory?

  Lawrence nodded a greeting when Zachary introduced himself, and offered his hand to shake. It was thin and narrow, like a woman’s hand, and he offered it like a dead, limp fish, not gripping Zachary’s hand when he took it. Zachary let go hastily. Was this spiritless, self-effacing man really the dynamic and strong Robin’s partner?

  They both sat down, and a waitress came over with two cups of coffee Lawrence had already ordered. Zachary took a sip of his and then set it down.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss,” he offered. “I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you.”

  He could imagine; he’d been through plenty of loss of his own. But it was a lesson he’d learned from social media articles on dealing with other people’s grief. Never presume to know how they are feeling. Let them tell you instead.

  Lawrence nodded. “It was such a shock. I know that seems like a ridiculous thing to say, because we all knew she had terminal cancer. But it was still a shock, to leave her seemingly stable and strong one day, and to find out the next day she was dead.”

  Tears brimmed in his eyes, but he stared off into the distance and didn’t shed them.

  “That’s what Bridget said,” Zachary agreed. “It was just such a shock. She didn’t feel like it was Robin’s time to go yet.”

  “I guess we were wrong about that.” Lawrence took a drink of his coffee.

  “I suppose so. Bridget thinks that maybe there was an accident or medical neglect involved. Something the hospital did or didn’t do…”

  Lawrence tapped his fingers on the table. His eyes were far away. “No. I don’t think that. We were all surprised, but the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. No one knows the mind of God.”

  It was similar to what Gloria and Vera had said. Zachary knew better than to let the religiosity bother him. They were just words, platitudes like the prayer Isabella had kept repeating after Declan’s death. The words didn’t really mean anything, but ritual behavior sometimes helped people deal with their grief. It was better than falling into a bottle.

  “You think it was just God’s timing?” he asked. “Nothing else?”

  “Yes. They were very good at the hospital. I never had any concerns about Robin’s care. She never complained about them…” Lawrence trailed off, t
hen made a face, wrinkling his nose and giving a little grimace. “I mean, she didn’t complain any more about them than she did about anything else.”

  “She did have complaints, then?”

  “Robin had high expectations. She was often disappointed when other people didn’t rise to meet them. But there wasn’t anything she said that I thought meant anything… it was just normal, everyday stuff.”

  “Like…?”

  “I don’t know. Bringing dinner late. Fire alarms going off in the night. Nurses not showing up promptly when she pressed the button.” Lawrence shrugged. “I don’t want to imply that she was a drama queen, but… the littlest things could set her off.”

  “Yeah, those don’t sound like things that were unusual or indicated a problem with the care.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Overall, you think she was satisfied with the care?”

  “Overall.”

  “How was she the last few days? I understand she was in more pain, the staff were trying to control her high blood sugar… was there anything else? How did she seem to you?”

  “I really don’t see the point of any of this,” Lawrence said abruptly. “Nobody has said that there was anything irregular about her death. The doctor already signed a death certificate. Her body was released to the funeral home. Why are you asking questions?”

  “I’m sure it’s nothing,” Zachary assured him. “I’m just asking a few questions, but everything seems to be just fine. Perfectly normal. I just want to be able to reassure Bridget that there was nothing unusual about Robin’s death. She just died a little earlier than anyone had expected.”

  “Bridget,” Lawrence repeated.

  Zachary wasn’t sure where Lawrence was going. They had already mentioned Bridget, that Zachary was her ex, that she had some concerns.

  “Yes. You met Bridget…”

  “Yes, I know,” Lawrence said impatiently. “But what does she have to do with any of this? She’s not police or FBI or anything. How can she start an investigation?”

  “I’m a private investigator, not a police detective or agent. Anyone can hire me. And Bridget asked me to look into Robin’s death.”

  “But you aren’t anyone.”

  Anyone official, he meant. Anyone with a badge.

  “Uh… no. I’m not anyone.”

  “Don’t you need my permission to investigate? Or Robin’s family’s?”

  “No. I don’t need anyone’s permission.” Zachary didn’t like the direction the conversation was going. He needed to change something before it all broke down. “Were you Robin’s medical attorney?”

  “What?”

  “Did you have the authorization to make medical decisions on Robin’s part if she was unable to? If she had a stroke or went into a coma. Had she appointed you to make decisions for her?”

  “No.” Lawrence frowned at Zachary like he was saying something crazy. “Robin was able to make her own choices.”

  “But she knew that at some point, she might not be able to. She didn’t make any arrangements?”

  “No.”

  Zachary nodded. So Lawrence would not be of any help with Zachary getting his hands on Robin’s medical records. He let his breath out slowly. It didn’t matter, then, whether Lawrence approved of the investigation or not. But it was still in Zachary’s best interests to distract Lawrence from who had authorized anything.

  “That’s fine. I just wondered. When was the last time you saw Robin? Was she in good spirits? Or was she in pain?”

  “I saw her on Thursday, but she was pretty tired and I didn’t stay for long. Wednesday was the last day I spent any length of time with her.”

  “How was she Wednesday?”

  “She was good.”

  “One of the nurses said she was in more pain the last few days. But Wednesday was good?”

  “She had a lot of pain, down in her bones… I don’t know if that meant the cancer had spread to the bones… they weren’t monitoring to see how it was progressing… they knew it had spread and they couldn’t stop it. We didn’t think she’d have any more pain-free days and I guess we were right.” Lawrence wrapped his fingers around the mug, trying to draw in the heat. “We had… our last date.”

  Zachary blinked away the stinging in his own eyes. He gave a nod of encouragement. “What did you do on this last date?”

  He expected something brief. Watching a movie together on her in-room TV or having bowls of ice cream. One poignant moment that they never guessed would be their last bit of happiness together.

  “Robin had planned the whole day. She had it all laid out. We went to the park for a horse and buggy ride. She’d always wanted to do that. She bought a hat just for that ride. We had a picnic on a blanket in the grass, wicker basket and real china and all. Laid in the sun for a long time. She said the sun felt good on her bones. She was very tired, but she’d planned it all out, so she didn’t want to go back to the hospital…” Lawrence paused for a sip of coffee. He cleared his throat and went on. “We went to the carousel. She couldn’t sit on one of the horses, but the ones with a sleigh and a bench… I wrapped the blanket around her, and we just went around and around until I was too woozy to handle it anymore. We ordered popcorn and cotton candy, but she couldn’t eat more than a bite or two of each.” Another pause while Lawrence wiped his eyes and stared out the coffee shop window for a while. “We sat in the car, listening to the radio, and she fell asleep. When the sun went down and the stars came up, I woke her up, and we watched for a falling star to wish on.”

  He didn’t seem inclined to say anything else. Zachary let him sit in silence for a few minutes before speaking up.

  “That sounds like a wonderful day.”

  “It was our last date. She had it all planned out, exactly what she wanted to happen.”

  “Maybe she did sense that her time was getting short.”

  Lawrence’s mouth twisted. Zachary looked away, giving him his private grief.

  Zachary thought for a long time about his meeting with Lawrence. It left him with an unsettled feeling; too many questions had not been answered. It didn’t fit together the way he expected it to, even though Lawrence had provided some of the key pieces that should have laid Bridget’s worries to rest.

  He wasn’t sure what path to pursue. He knew how he wanted to proceed, and that was to bring Bridget into the investigation. He always appreciated Kenzie’s suggestions and her medical knowledge, and there was always the tantalizing possibility that they might be able to move on to a more intimate relationship; but his relationship with Kenzie wasn’t the same as what he had had with Bridget. Bridget had been his one love, the one bright light in his life, and if there was a chance of getting her back…

  “Zachary?” He was startled by Bridget’s voice in his ear.

  “Oh—Bridget!” He blinked at the phone in his hand, not even aware he had dialed it.

  “You did call me.”

  “Sorry, I was distracted. I wondered if you wanted to… get together to talk about the investigation. Discuss what I’ve found so far and where to go next.”

  “Oh…” Bridget’s voice was hesitant. “Have you found anything?”

  “Nothing certain. No real evidence. But some things came up in my discussion with Lawrence…”

  “Okay. Well, then, I guess we should get together to talk. Later this afternoon?”

  “That would work for me, if you’re free.” Zachary assumed that Gordon would still be at work, so there would be no chance that Bridget would bring him along or be pressed for time. “Do you want to come here?”

  “Better if we meet in a neutral setting, I should think,” Bridget decided. Even though she never seemed to have a problem showing up at Zachary’s apartment on her own whim.

  Zachary accepted her suggestion, and a couple of hours later, they were wandering through the very park Robin and Lawrence had spent their last date in. Bridget selected a bench for them to sit on for their chat. Zachary sat close to h
er, but his mind was drawn to the romantic ride, picnic, and other special experiences Robin planned before her death.

  “So…?” Bridget prompted, attempting to bring Zachary back down to earth. “What did you find out?”

  “Do you mind waiting for a minute?” Zachary didn’t wait for her to answer. He stood up and fished a tiny digital camera from his pocket. He took a panorama of shots, turning in a circle to get the full 360 degrees. “Could we walk over to the carousel?”

  “Zachary…”

  “I’m not just being impulsive. Come with me and I’ll tell you what happened.”

  She conceded and walked by his side over to the carousel, while he told her about the last date. Bridget’s eyes darted around the park as she envisioned everything that had happened. She was quiet while Zachary took pictures of the carousel and other sights.

  “What do you think it means?” she asked finally. “You think she knew she was dying, and it was her final good-bye? A bucket list of all of the things she wanted to do on a date?”

  Zachary shrugged. He had been telling himself that all of the pieces fit together, but he knew that they didn’t.

  “Vermont has legal euthanasia.”

  She frowned at him, tiny creases appearing between her eyebrows. “End of life choice,” she corrected. “Not euthanasia.”

  “If Robin had wanted to end her life after finding out that her cancer was metastasized and she only had months to live, she could have asked her doctor for assisted suicide.”

  “Yes.”

  “But she didn’t do that. No one has said that she wanted to choose to end her life on her own terms.”

  “No. They’re all pretty religious. They probably thought it would be a sin.”