Not in the Cards

by Alex Westmore

  Taking the notes from Connie, Delta suppressed a grin. At first, when she heard that Connie had named her computer Eddie, she thought Connie was half a bubble off. It was only after they became friends that Delta realized she was wrong. Once, on a dare, someone bet that Connie couldn’t access NASA’s files to see the physical image of the space shuttle Columbia. After pocketing some $250 worth of bets, she smiled proudly as she pulled the information from the computer.

  “You’re something else,” Delta said, touching her lightly on the shoulder.

  Connie nodded. “Yes, I am. But just what, we may never know.”

  During the Zuckerman case, when Connie’s life was on the line, Delta broke more rules than Evil Knievel broke bones to insure Connie’s safety. Connie would do the same for her if necessary. Hell, she already had. That’s what made them such a great team. They never kept score. In all of Delta’s life, her relationship with Connie had always been the most important one. Delta might disappoint her own lovers, but if Connie ever needed her, Delta was always there. Always.

  Scanning the paper, Delta saw a number of commendations for Captain Henry for his strategy and calm under fire.

  “Look here. Says he was given a commendation by the mayor when he talked down a hostage-taker. All civilians went unharmed. Not bad.”

  “I’m telling you, Del, he looks good.”

  “Yeah, well, he could stroll in here wearing a Purple Heart for all the good that’s gonna do me. He may look good on paper, but he’s a politician just like the rest of the high mucky-mucks.”

  Taking back the paper, Connie folded it and slipped it neatly into her chest pocket. “Did he say why he was making this decision?”

  “Well, not in so many words. He said he wants me to ‘mellow.’ Can you believe it? Mellow. What a bullshit word.”

  Eyebrows furrowed, Connie rubbed her chin. “At the risk of further pissing you off, I’d have to say it’s not such a bad idea.”

  “What?” Delta said incredulously. “Whose side are you on here?”

  “You know I’m on your side. I just don’t think you’re seeing this as clearly as you might.”

  “What’s there to see? Because of my file, I’m being railroaded into a position I’m probably not qualified or ready for. How much clearer can it be?”

  Connie took Delta’s hands in hers and squeezed. “Want to know what I honestly think of all this?”

  Delta looked down at their hands and ignored someone knocking to come into the bathroom. “If I say I don’t want to hear it?”

  Connie grinned. “I’ll tell you anyway.”

  “See how you are?”

  “How I am, my friend, is extremely supportive of you and your life. Ever since Miles was killed, you’ve taken it upon yourself to be the law even when you’re off duty. Delta, our last escapade put stitches in your leg, had my lover kidnapped, and left me emotionally and physically drained. I woke up in a sweat for a week straight before it was all over. I kept seeing him over and over again. I kept hearing his insane laughter pierce through my sleep. I know how it affected me and I know it touched you as well. Hell, it still does. Give yourself a break. Let someone else take point for awhile. Let someone else put his ass on the line every night. Take a minute to smell the flowers. You’ve earned it.”

  Releasing Connie’s hand, Delta slowly rose and walked over to the sink. Yes, the Zuckerman caper nearly cost them their lives and the lives of the women they loved. In the same way she had relived it every night since it happened, Delta painfully remembered a little girl’s broken body and saw her cold, dead eyes, staring up at her through the haze of an unwanted memory.

  Affected her? She had been afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of having yet another nightmare. Elson Zuckerman may be dead, but he still haunted the living. He had left his share of scars on her; some were physical, most were emotional, but they were scars she would carry for the rest of her life.

  “I’m not sure I even know how to slow down.”

  Connie rose and joined her at the sink. “Hasn’t counseling helped at all?”

  Delta winced. She and Megan went into therapy shortly after the Zuckerman case. She thought they were going in for couples counseling, but when they started to delve into their relationship problems, it became clear that it was Delta’s half of the relationship that needed the work.

  “Slowing down, mellowing, taking a break—no matter what you call it, it amounts to the same thing: I only know how to go full speed.”

  Connie reached up and lightly touched Delta’s cheek. “Right. And those of us who love you just don’t want to see you crash.”

  “You think I will?”

  “I think it’s time you really focus on what you and Meg are trying to do in your sessions and use this opportunity to get a handle on both your relationship and your career. If you’re not careful, Storm, you may lose both. Then where would that full speed get you?”

  Delta nodded. “I hear you.”

  “Do you? Then hear this. I’ve never seen you take an assignment you can’t handle. You can do this, and you know it. You just need to put your heart into it. Whenever you do that, you’re unstoppable.”

  A grin forced its way to Delta’s face. “Flattery isn’t your style.”

  “And quitting before you begin isn’t yours.”

  “Touché.”

  “Wouldn’t it be better than being behind a desk?”

  Delta nodded. Anything was better than pushing paper. “Yeah.”

  “Then give it your best shot. Some rookie is going to be awfully lucky to have the Delta Stevens as his or her teacher.”

  Delta grinned sheepishly. “Thanks.”

  Touching Delta’s shoulder, Connie unlocked the door. “Look, I’ve got a ton of work to do. Meet me at Harry’s after work? If you’re still in doubt, we can discuss it more then.”

  Delta nodded. “Only if we can agree on one thing.”

  “And that is?”

  “I may slow down, I may even take a breather, but I will never mellow.”

  Connie turned and hugged Delta tightly. “Good. I’d hate to have to change your nickname to Sprinkles. Somehow, that just doesn’t fit.”

  Tossing her head back and laughing, Delta nodded. Storm it was, and Storm it would always be.

  Pulling into Harry’s Bar, the newest cop hangout, Delta turned off the truck’s engine and laid her head down on the steering wheel.

  She knew things would be different when she came back after her suspension, but she never imagined just how different. Driving over to Harry’s, all Delta could think about was working with someone who would ask too many questions, try too hard to impress her, and generally make a nuisance of himself. She couldn’t envision herself explaining why the shotgun was always her weapon of choice, why vans were one of her greatest fears, or why she called Connie whenever she needed information that was not readily available on the streets. She couldn’t picture herself stepping aside to let some rookie fumble his way through a procedure she could do with her eyes closed. And worst of all, she could not see herself opening up and being honest with someone who was just a temporary partner. It would be like having a stranger in the car every night. The way Delta saw it, temporary partners were like scab laborers; they had no real investment or loyalties and they would be the first to bail when the heat was on. And she didn’t need that.

  Thinking back to her last counseling session, it seemed as if everyone in her life was asking her to slow down. They all wanted her to have a life outside of the beat. Clearly, she was the only one who thought she already did. Didn’t anyone understand that being a cop wasn’t just a job? To Delta, it was a lifestyle, a way of being, an attitude, a mindset. What happened on the streets each night didn’t end when the shift ended. The images, the feelings, the sights, smells, and sounds stayed with her long after a crime scene was cleaned up.

  And still, everyone wanted her to stand back and watch the action instead of participate in it. The captain wan
ted her to teach, Connie wanted her to smell the roses, and Megan wanted her to put their relationship first. None of them understood that Delta didn’t know how to do any of those things. All she had ever wanted to do was be a cop. And once she put that badge on, once she made her first collar, she was hooked. Nothing felt like making a major bust. Nothing matched helping someone find their lost or kidnapped child. Nothing compared to a high-speed chase or busting open a crack house. She loved it more now than she did when she was a rookie, and she was damned good at it.

  But at what expense?

  After the Zuckerman case, Megan laid down the law: either go to couples’ counseling or give up the relationship. After only four sessions, Delta realized that her attitude about her work was the one thing that everyone agreed needed to change. Unless she put her badge away and became Megan’s lover at the end of a shift, Megan would leave. Who wouldn’t?

  Life with a cop couldn’t be easy. Every night, Delta put her life on the line, and every night, Megan would wonder if Delta was coming home. Cops hung out together, spoke in languages and codes that no one else understood, and shared grotesque and macabre images civilians only saw in the movies. They carried off duty weapons, didn’t hesitate to get involved off duty if they saw someone breaking the law, and carried their badges next to their credit cards. The hours were impossible, the days off erratic, and the overtime increasing. It came as no surprise to Delta that cops one of the top divorce rates; second only to the entertainment industry. A cop’s spouse too often has to settle for emotional, if not physical, crumbs.

  And Megan had made it clear that she would not.

  Heaving an exhausted sigh, Delta opened her billfold and winced. She had forgotten to get cash and was left with only her credit cards.

  “Way to go, Storm,” she grumbled to herself, hesitating before pulling her gold card from her wallet. One of the first assignments the shrink had given her was to try to feel comfortable leaving the badge in the truck.

  “Take your wallet, Delta, but leave the badge. Be just Delta, not Officer Stevens. If a fight breaks out, or a crime is being committed, let the officers on duty take care of it. Be a person first. Can you do that?”

  Ugh. Delta hated that question. She remembered fumbling for the right words, for any words, that could possibly convey how naked she felt without the shield.

  Plucking the credit card from the wallet, Delta closed the billfold and set it on the seat. Why was this so hard?

  “Hey, Con. You going to sit in this truck all night?” Startled, Delta turned to find Connie’s face peering at her through the window.

  “Sorry.” Taking her jacket from the back, Delta laid it on top of her wallet and her nine millimeter off-duty weapon. She rarely went anywhere in the city without it, and now...

  “Del, are you okay?”

  Covering up the wallet and the weapon, Delta nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just...ah, hell, never mind.” Jumping from the truck, Delta checked to make sure both doors were locked. She felt like she was leaving a baby in the truck unattended.

  Opening the glass and brass door to the bar, Delta waved to the man on bar tending duty. Harry was a tall, beefy man with thinning red hair and a stomach that betrayed his love of Italian food. He’d opened the bar for bikers, but when cops claimed the space, few bikers stuck around.

  Nodding to other cops who were belly-up to the bar, Delta grabbed a small table across from the pool table and waved the waitress over.

  The bar’s motif was what had attracted so many cops to it in the first place; the gangster style of the twenties and thirties. On the far wall were black and white photos of Dillinger, Ma Barker, Bonnie and Clyde, Baby-face Nelson, and assorted notorious criminals who had made their marks on history. There were original newspaper clippings detailing their exploits on one wall, and replicas of some of the weapons they carried on the wall above the bar. Harry had some incredible antiques from the period scattered about the place. Harry used to laugh when he told the story about how he won the bar in a poker game, and to this day, Delta still didn’t know if she should believe him. What she did know was that she loved the warm atmosphere of the bar, in spite of the smoke and noise.

  “I’ve been thinking—” Connie started as soon as she sat down.

  “Uh oh.”

  “I’ve been thinking that the captain is laying this on you, so you have a chance to prove yourself to him. He wants you to be a team player; he’s obviously heard rumors to the contrary. Look at it this way— you have the unique opportunity to start fresh with a captain who seems willing to give you a clean slate.”

  “Sounds to me like he’s already made up his mind.”

  Connie shook her head. “I don’t think so. I think he’s caught in the politics between the chief, the mayor, Internal Affairs, and anyone else who thinks we let Elson fall. He doesn’t want to lose you, but he can’t come in looking like a patsy, either.”

  Easing back into her chair, Delta watched a fairly handsome young man bending over in his too-tight jeans as he eyed the cue ball. His opponent, a heavy-set biker with a long, ZZ Top beard leaned on his pool stick and scratched under his armpit. The biker was obviously oblivious to the fact that many of the people in the bar were cops.

  “You could be right, but that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. Being tested, as it were, doesn’t build a very strong bond between the tester and the tested.”

  “Maybe not, but I, for one, would like to see you focus more energy on your relationship than on your job. I’m worried about you. Megan’s worried about you. You’ve been so quiet lately.”

  “I’ve been on suspension, Con. What’s there to be excited about?”

  “Exactly. Since the suspension, you’ve been moping around, piddling your time away. This was your chance to have some fun, lighten up, and enjoy yourself, but instead, you just sat around.”

  Delta shrugged. “Life’s just not as much fun without my work.”

  Connie nodded. “And that, my friend, is precisely why we’re worried.”

  “You don’t think I can do it, do you?”

  “I think you can do anything you put your mind to. But I do know you’ve never put your mind to making your relationship your first priority. You’re going to lose her if you don’t. And if putting you on TP helps save your relationship, then I am all for it. I’m sorry Del, if that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s how I feel. I love Megan, too, and I’m not real keen on the thought of you losing her.”

  Delta flinched. She couldn’t stand the thought of losing Megan, either.

  “Del, ever since Miles died, you’ve gone full blast. You tucked your head and ran like the dickens, plowing over everything that stood in your way. You’ve taken so many risks, it’s as if you’re trying to make up for his death.”

  Watching the curly-headed young man grin foolishly as he swiped money off the pool table, Delta shook her head. Laughing in a man’s face when you take his money was a surefire way of having your own face rearranged. When the young kid asked the biker and his buddies if they wanted a chance at double or nothing, Delta turned away.

  “Slowing down won’t make you lose your edge, Del, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  As the four ball spun into the corner pocket, Delta barely managed a shrug.

  “If anything, you need a fresher perspective. Everyone needs to take a step back every once in a while. It’s not a sign of weakness to take a look at the big picture.”

  In her mind, Delta knew that Connie was right. It was her heart she was having a hard time convincing. “It still feels like I’m giving up patrol to be a meter maid.” Hearing another ball slam into a pocket, Delta turned to see the young player smiling arrogantly at the biker and his buddies.

  “Will you at least give it a chance? Open your mind up a bit and see this as a way of killing two birds with one stone.”

  Watching the handsome player sink the eight ball and grab the remainder of the money from the table, Delt
a heaved a sigh. “Well...I’ve discovered silver linings in stranger places. I suppose I can give it a try.”

  Smiling widely, Connie clapped her hands together. “Great. Now, can you be a bit more enthusiastic about it?”

  “Enthusiastic? Hell, Connie, it’s all I can do to choke it down. Now you want me to do it with a smile on my face?”

  Connie nodded. “Yes.”

  “Forget it. I’ll give it my best, but I won’t do it with a smile. I’ll try my hardest and hope like hell everything turns out okay.”

  “Just okay?”

  Delta nodded. “Hey, anything could happen out there on TP.”

  Connie’s eyes grew larger. “Anything?”

  “Sure.” With a mischievous grin, Delta ordered another round.

  “Now you’ve really got me worried,” Connie said, grinning back at Delta. “Suddenly, you have that look in your eyes.”

  “What look?”

  “The look that spells t-r-o-u-b-l-e.”

  “Trouble? What kind of trouble could I possibly get into on Training Patrol?”

  Rolling her eyes, Connie sighed. “That, my friend, is the $64,000 question.”

  When they finished their drinks and conversation, Delta slowly stood and stretched. “I’d better shove off. I don’t want Gina to think that I keep you out too late at night.”

  Connie laughed. “Sit down. There’s one more thing we need to talk about.”

  “Uh oh. I didn’t do it, I swear.”

  Moving closer to Delta, Connie’s laughter melted down into a warm smile. “Relax, Con, you’re not in trouble.”

  “Whew. So, what is it?”

  Connie inhaled slowly and ran her finger around the rim of her glass. “Gina and I are going to have a baby.”

  “Excuse me? Did you say baby? As in infant? As in tiny human being?”

  Nodding, Connie’s grin spread from ear to ear.

  Delta’s eyebrows rose along with her voice. “Really? A baby? You’re having a baby?”