Not in the Cards

by Alex Westmore

  A light bulb flashed. “Oh, I get it now. You want to put me back on the street.” Standing up, Delta walked over and joined Henry at the window. She looked out at the office outside. Department politics bored her. The feds and their bureaucracy annoyed her. The press and their power irked her. It seemed that at every turn, somebody was getting in the way of her doing what she did best: be a cop on the streets. “That’s it, isn’t it? Put the heroine back where she belongs before we get any more heat from the press, and maybe she won’t tear us a new asshole for putting her on Training Patrol in the first place. Is that it?”

  “Something like that.”

  Turning toward him, Delta snarled. “Yeah? Well, the whole thing stinks. I’m not a puppet to be manipulated according to public opinion. You put me on TP to teach me a lesson and to show the others what kind of a captain you’d be if anyone didn’t play the game your way. So don’t bullshit me or the press into believing otherwise.”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  “The hell it wasn’t. You used me as an example and now that the media is knocking at your door, you want to take me from the corner you sent me to save face? Thanks, but no thanks.”

  “I’m afraid it’s a little more complicated than that.”

  “Is it? Well, I don’t care! This is my career we’re talking about, Captain, and I don’t want to be involved in the political mish-mash of this department. I won’t be a pawn to be moved at the whim of the chief or Internal Affairs or even you, for that matter.”

  “Now wait a minute—”

  Delta blinked. After having some asshole slap her around and put an Uzi to her head, and after nearly burning to death, Delta felt no inclination to be diplomatic. And she didn’t give a damn.

  “No, you wait a minute. I’ve done what you asked me to do. I took a rookie to the streets, and we—” Suddenly, Delta stopped. “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re taking Carducci off, aren’t you?”

  Inhaling slowly, the captain played with his moustache. “He really messed up, Delta. You know that. If someone had told me he had no sense of direction, he would never have been on the streets in the first place.”

  From somewhere deep inside her, a ball of fire ignited and started moving toward the surface of her subconsciousness. This flaming sphere, this righteous indignation had a name. And that name was Miles Brookman.

  “So, that’s it? Is that your inspired compromise? Take Carducci off the street and label him a failure so you can slip me right back out there without looking stupid. This makes me sick.”

  “Jesus Christ, Stevens, give me a break here! He can’t give or take directions correctly, he’s got an attitude problem and he—”

  “Makes the perfect scapegoat. At least have the balls to admit it, Captain.”

  “Now see here—”

  Delta laughed. “Or what? You’ll fire me? You want to play petty politics, Captain, then I just joined the game. You can’t fire me right now unless you want to look like the biggest dumbass west of the Rockies, so don’t wave your finger in my face. If you’re going to make a decision about me or Carducci, then at least have the guts to do it above board. If not, then stop wasting my time.” Grabbing the door, Delta paused. “I had hoped you were different than the other captains, but you’re not.”

  “Delta, wait.”

  Delta gently closed the door, but kept her hand on the knob. “What?”

  “First of all, I’m not playing games with you. I have to do what’s in the best interest of this department. I happen to believe that means you’re on the street—”

  “And Carducci’s behind a desk.”

  “Damn it, Delta, the man has no sense of direction! I can’t allow another one of my officers to be put at risk again because he can’t tell north from south or east from west!”

  “What about his potential? Are you going to throw that away too, just because he has some directional problems?”

  “He has a handicap, Delta, one I should have been made aware of. I think it’s best for everyone involved if I take him off TP and find someplace else for the kid to work. That’s my decision.”

  Delta folded her arms across her chest and considered his words. She knew the best thing to do was to go along with the decision and dump Carducci while she had the chance. Yes, he almost cost her her life, but she had made a bad decision once and didn’t she live with the fact that it might have cost Miles his life?

  But then, the right thing, the way she had been taught by Miles, was to stay there and fight for her partner, much as Miles had done on any number of occasions when Delta had broken the rules. The right thing was to return the favor that had been done for her all those years ago and give Carducci a fighting chance to deal with his handicap. The right thing was for Delta to refuse to be dominated by the media, by self-serving players in a game she couldn’t stand playing.

  But this time, they were talking about the dreams, the career, of a man who didn’t want to be anything else but a cop. She knew that by the way he polished his badge in the car when he wasn’t driving. She knew it by how well he fired a gun. And she recognized it when she saw the pride on his face whenever he got behind the wheel. Tony Carducci may be a lot of things that Delta didn’t care for, but deep inside, the guy was a card-carrying cop. He simply needed someone to give him the chance to show it.

  “I don’t want a new partner.” Delta stated firmly.

  “What?” The captain asked incredulously. “You’re joking.”

  “Look, Captain. I, more than anyone, know that Carducci has a lot to learn. But who doesn’t? No one comes out of the academy a perfect cop. No one ever becomes a perfect cop. We all have a few wrinkles that need to be ironed out, that’s all.”

  “Not like this one.” Scratching his head, Captain Henry looked at Delta a long time before sighing. The sigh seemed to let his stomach out and it rested securely against his belt buckle. “What’s with you, Delta? You don’t even like Carducci. I would have thought you’d be glad to be rid of him.”

  Liking or not liking Tony hadn’t occurred to Delta. There were unwritten, unspoken codes of honor cops adhered to among themselves. For better or worse, and all that jazz, really meant something on the streets. Miles had shown her that good cops were secure with their partner’s strengths and willing to work out the weaknesses. No one was perfect—not Miles, not her, not Carducci.

  For better or worse.

  “You busted me to TP, sir, because you believed I could make a good cop out of him. And now, even before I get a chance to do so, you want to dump him. I’d just want it to go on the record that I think you’re making a mistake by letting him go. Carducci has so much untapped potential and I think I’m just the one who can tap into it.”

  Shaking his head, Henry opened the file on his desk and studied the contents of the first page before refocusing on Delta’s face. “You are an enigma to me, Stevens—as unpredictable as they come. I expected you to dance a good old Irish jig when I cut him loose. Instead, I get the fight of my life. What’s with you?”

  “When I came to this department, sir, Miles Brookman taught me a great deal about partner loyalty. I don’t know whether or not Carducci’s ‘geographic handicap’ can be resolved, but I’d like the chance to try. Don’t take the bat out of my hands before I get to the plate.”

  Captain Henry grinned. “Somehow, I’m sure you’d manage to get a hit anyway.” Rubbing his chin and returning his gaze to the file, Henry finally shook his head. “The chief won’t hear of it, and frankly, neither will IA. The chief won’t have this department looking stupid because we keep one of our finest on Training Patrol.”

  “Then don’t.”

  A silence hung in the air as the captain deciphered Delta’s cryptic words.

  “Turn the tables in our favor. Tell the press that you’ve decided to keep me on TP so that I can teach other cops to do what I do. They’ll eat it up. You want good press? That’s the way to do it.” Crack came the sound of the metamorphic bat. />
  A sudden glimmer came to Captain Henry’s eyes. “Now, that’s an interesting twist.”

  Delta leaned across the desk and rounded third. “Captain, don’t base your decision on publicity or politics alone. We’re talking about a man’s career here. I’m willing to take a chance on him, to try to work with him. Why don’t you give him the same courtesy?” Delta paused a moment. “Do me this favor.”

  Locking eyes with Delta for a second more, Captain Henry then turned away and stared out the window. “I’m not one for politics, Delta. I’m just a cop who wants this department to be the best it can be. If it were up to me, I’d go with you on this one. As it is, I’ll have to talk to the chief and see what he says. I can’t make you any promises, but I’ll see what I can do.”

  “So, can I keep Carducci in the meantime?”

  Captain Henry pulled his moustache and shook his head slowly. “For the life of me, Delta Stevens, I’ll never understand why. But yes, you keep him until I have a chance to run it by Walker. But please, keep him out of trouble until then.”

  Delta suppressed a grin. “Thank you, sir.” Grabbing the knob on the door, Delta turned and let a little bit of the grin creep out. “You won’t regret it.”

  “I already do.”

  “Really?”

  Captain Henry shook his head and smiled. “In my days, Stevens, a man was willing to give his life for his partner. I just hope to hell that doesn’t happen to you.”

  “Me, either. Carducci’s a good cop, sir. You’ll see.”

  “I hope so. Oh, and Stevens? I’m going to give you some leeway on your attitude here, and chalk it up to that wicked looking bump on your head. But if you ever talk like that to me again, I’ll bounce you outta here so fast, it’ll make your head spin. You read me?”

  “Loud and clear.” Swinging the door open, Delta let the rest of the grin spread across her face.

  Closing the door behind her, Delta felt victorious as she trotted around the bases. Glancing over at Carducci, he looked like someone had trotted over him. Sitting alone in the muster room, his head hanging down, Tony knew his career, his dream, was on the chopping block and that Delta held the cleaver. He simply didn’t know that she had chosen not to use it.

  “Hey there,” she said, taking the seat next to him. “You’re looking mighty glum.”

  “You don’t have to beat around the bush, Delta. I know what’s coming down. I may look it, but I’m not stupid.”

  Delta studied his rugged profile. On the outside existed this manly man who appeared to be more full of himself than a teenage movie star. He was arrogant, mouthy, conceited, and obnoxious. A man who knew he was good looking and charming and who used those strengths to gain entry into women’s hearts. Yet, inside, Delta knew he was just a boy—a boy who wanted to be a policeman more than anything in the world. That boy sat before her now, expecting to be told that his dream was over.

  Delta remembered that feeling well.

  In the days following her elimination of the man who had been sent to murder her, Delta carried this exact posture as she waited for the noose to squeeze one last time. It had been the worst feeling, the scariest feeling in the world, waiting and wondering if someone was going to take her dream away. And many, many people stepped forward on her behalf during the long Internal Affairs investigation into the shooting—people like her CHP pal, Bear, and other cops, who came to her rescue when she needed them most. They had spoken highly of Delta’s competence, of her character, of her ability to get the job done. They had stuck by her then because that was the spirit of law enforcement: you were in it together, or you were sunk.

  She had not sunk. And she wasn’t about to let Tony sink, either. Even if he did screw up, he deserved the same consideration her colleagues had given her. Directional capabilities or no, Delta was resigned not to turn her back on him. Miles hadn’t when she messed up. Miles had told her that the spirit of the law was always more important than the letter of the law.

  It was in that spirit that she sat before Tony now. “You scared?”

  Not looking up, Tony nodded. “I blew it. Now, I have to pay. It sucks, but that’s how it is.”

  “Is it?”

  Looking at Delta out of the corner of his eye, Tony nodded. “I fucked up, Delta. I’m sorry. I’m just glad you and the kids are okay.”

  Laying her hand on his broad shoulder, Delta held his gaze. “Look, you made a mistake. Yes, it could have been a costly one, but it wasn’t. Carducci, you’ve just learned what the public still doesn’t get. We play those odds every night we go out there. We make life and death decisions in the same fraction of a moment it takes someone to flip television channels. And sometimes, we make the wrong choices. Sometimes the cost of those choices is priceless, sometimes it isn’t. I’ve killed a man, Carducci. In cold blood. I raised my gun and I blew him away. I’ve lived with that decision ever since. Do I regret it? No. I regret that it came to that, but I don’t regret the action. That’s what you need to do. Regret that you made an error, but don’t regret that you tried to help me out.”

  Tony straightened up a little and turned to fully face her. “How can you be so understanding, Delta? The guys are right. I nearly got you killed.”

  “Right. You forced me into that house. You made me stay in there when I felt like I was melting. Carducci, I made choices that placed me in that position. You didn’t have anything to do with that. It just wasn’t my time to go yet, that’s all. And when it is, there will be nothing you or anyone else can do about it.”

  Tony cast his eyes down at the floor. “Too bad the others don’t see things through your eyes.”

  “The others aren’t you partner.”

  Tony glanced back up at her. “Yeah, well, not for long. I can’t change what happened.”

  “You’re right. There’s nothing you can do. Fortunately, there’s something I can do and I’ve done it. You coming or not?”

  “What?” Tony’s eyes flashed a tiny bit of hope at her.

  “You still don’t get it, do you?” Grinning, Delta rose and patted his shoulder. “If I teach you nothing else, Carducci, let me make sure this one thing gets through to you: above all else, never burn your partner. Never turn your back on him when he’s down, never point the finger at him, and never, ever, throw him an anchor when the brass is on his ass. You got that?”

  Suddenly, a look of enlightenment dawned on Tony’s face. Jumping to his feet, he threw his arms around Delta and hugged her. “You mean, I still have a job?”

  Pushing him away, Delta nodded. “On one condition.”

  “Anything.”

  “You knock off the macho-man horseshit when we’re on duty. I don’t care how you act when we’re not working, but from now on, be real with me and not a one-dimensional caricature of what you think cops are about. I want to see the person Tony Carducci is. You can be a cop and a human being at the same time. I want to see that happen.”

  Tony nodded vigorously. “I can do that.”

  “Good. Now, the only other thing we have to worry about is working on teaching you north from south.”

  Tony nodded. The shimmer in his eyes made Delta smile. “Can I ask you one question first?”

  “Depends.”

  “He was gonna can me, huh?”

  Delta shrugged. “I don’t really know. It’s over now, and time to move on.”

  “You could have thrown me an anchor, Delta, and everyone in the city would have understood. Why didn’t you?”

  “You said one question.”

  “It’s the last one, I swear.”

  Opening the muster door to a very quiet front office, Delta waited for Tony to join her. “I’ve seen that fire burning in your eyes Carducci. You want to be a cop so bad, you can’t see anything else. Don’t think I would have gone out on a limb for you if I hadn’t seen how desperately you want that badge. I know what that feels like. Something tells me you’re worth the chance.”

  “Am I that big a risk?”

/>   Delta smiled. “No more questions.”

  Tony stopped and looked deep into Delta’s eyes; a moment between partners that only other cops understood. A look that said they were, in fact, in this together.

  “I owe you, Delta.”

  “The only thing you owe me is the assurance that down the road, when I need you most, you’ll be there with your gun blazing and your courage sitting on top of your badge. Give me that, and I’ll call us even.”

  Tony smiled. “You got it. Anything else?”

  Delta grinned and started out the door. “Yeah. Leave the aftershave for your dates. It gives me a headache.”

  A voice came over the air announcing that Megan’s flight was ready to start boarding: elderly, disabled, and children flying alone first.

  Inhaling slowly, Delta steadied herself. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t cry. She didn’t want to send Megan off on a sad note. After all, this was an exciting time in Megan’s life and Delta wanted to be excited with her.

  Still, she could feel the tears push their way past her resolve and touch the edge of her eyes.

  “I don’t want to cry,” Delta said softly, holding Megan’s hand. “But I can’t seem to help it.”

  Taking Delta’s hands in hers, Megan held it tightly. “There’s nothing wrong with crying, my love.”

  “I want to be happy and excited for you.” Delta felt like the incredible shrinking woman. Her usual strength was long gone.

  “Honey, this isn’t goodbye. It’s more like ‘see you in a bit.’”

  “It sure feels like goodbye.” Delta hated herself for acting so wimpy, but she couldn’t seem to muster up the courage to let go.

  “Shh. I’m not leaving you, Delta.”

  The voice came on again and announced that the back rows of the plane were boarding. Every muscle in Delta’s body stiffened. “Ten weeks. Ten weeks and you’ll come home to me.” It wasn’t a question.