It begins with goodbye

by R. S James

  “I understand, but she is also my daughter, as much as you are.”

  “I know Mom, but she had sex with my husband and has been for the last eighteen months. And to top it off, I had to learn about this on our fifteenth wedding anniversary, while being professional, during the whole thing. I truly hope she is what makes him happy, and they can be together, but I’m not sure I can forgive this. It’s too big, and I’m so sorry it hurts you. I can come over early, later, or even the day before or the day after whatever is occurring, but don’t ask me to join, when they will be there. No, I will not help with a baby shower, nor will I be getting them gifts or letting them use my furniture. I’m done with them both.”

  “What about Carly and Carson? What are you going to tell them? You know Carly loves Clarissa, and Carson loves his father.”

  “I’m not sure, because if the kids read it on social media or a friend contacts them, there might be a lot of questions that I don’t have the answers to. I don’t want them to hate their dad. However, I will not lie to them. Okay, Mom. I’m at the lawyer’s office, so I’ll call you later. Please don’t tell them you talked to me. I just need a day or so. Maybe the kids and I will come get you tomorrow, and then take you out for dinner just the four of us. Sound good?”

  “Sure, baby girl. If you need me, I’m always here for you. I love you!”

  “Thanks, Momma. I love you, too!”

  Taking a deep breath, I look into the rear-view mirror, giving myself a pep talk. “Is this the right thing to do? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes. But will I be okay after? Yes, I most certainly will. Come on! Go got this, Claire.”

  Colton

  I’m such a fuck up. I don’t know why I listened to Clarissa, when she said I didn’t need to worry about a condom, and that she was on birth control. Yes, I’ve messed around before, but Claire has always forgiven me. I took Clarissa to the other hospital, thinking Claire would be at home, waiting for me for our anniversary dinner. Instead, not only did my wife find out I’ve been fucking her sister, but also, that said sister is pregnant with my child. The twins are almost done with school, and it appears I will be starting all over. Fuck my life. I didn’t want any more kids.

  As I waited for Claire to get out of work, I tried to come up with a reason good enough as to why I cheated. Then, I thought to myself what would be an okay reason for her to cheat, and there isn’t any. I could try and lie, but once the child is born, it will backfire. That is also one promise I’ve never broken. I’ve evaded, distracted, and flat out ignored questions from her, but I’ve never lied. I have no reason for why I cheated. I mean, anything I have ever wanted Claire has given me. I guess it’s the thrill of having what is forbidden. I’m forbidden from any and all other woman, and they are to me.

  The last time Claire caught me cheating I caught an STD. Thankfully, it was curable, but that should have been a wakeup call, yet it wasn’t. She has just been working so many hours, but I can’t blame her or even be angry at her. She doesn’t tell others our problems, and a lot of my buddie’s bitch, because their wives are always tossing their problems around to their friends. Not Claire, though. Hell, the kids don’t even know what I’ve done. I know how to play mind games with Claire too. She listens to everything I say, and I know she’s upset right now, but she will see that this is all for the best.

  Here is the real kicker I’m not sorry, and I can almost guarantee that I’ll cheat again. Maybe not with Clarissa, but it will happen again. It’s almost like I’m addicted to sex, and I need the thrill of it. One of my favorite things is sex in public with the fear of getting caught. I just can’t stop though. I always need someone to take care of me, which is why I’ve stayed with Clarissa so long. Too bad, she can’t satisfy everything.

  Claire

  Squaring my shoulders, I get out of the car, walking up to the doors. I open one, as I step inside, but there is no one at the reception desk. I wait a minute, and then holler a quick, “Hello?”

  Walking down the hallway, I see a door ajar with a light on, so I head in that direction. As I get closer, I see a gentleman, in a red polo shirt with black framed glasses and thick black hair, sitting at a desk. I knock on the door, and his head whips up. All the breath leaves my lungs. Damn, I haven’t felt the wind knocked out of me, since I fell down the stairs, when I was eight! He’s gorgeous. He has beautiful chocolate eyes, and I seriously feel like I gained five pounds just looking at them. Being married, I’ve never really looked at anyone else like that, but now, I can truly appreciate his beauty.

  He smiles, “Hello. Can I help you?”

  “My name is Claire Mercier, and I have an appointment with an attorney to start my divorce.”

  “Ah yes, I’m Morgan. I was hoping that was you and not some random person selling something. Come on in and have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink, or maybe something to snack on?” We shake hands, and I hold onto his hand a little bit longer than I should, but this man is breathtaking.

  “No, I’m okay. I just want to get this started and over, as quickly as possible.”

  “Okay, so start at the beginning, and tell me what caused you to end your marriage? Also, is there any way it can be saved?”

  The first part of our conversation starts with what has transpired in the past twenty hours or so. Next, I explain our past, and how he has cheated twice before that I know of.

  “We have done couples counselling and individual therapy, and I’m just done now. There is no saving our marriage, because I can’t save it alone, and he doesn’t care enough to try, so here I am.”

  “Okay, so you, and I’m sorry, what’s his name?”

  “Colton Mercier.”

  “Right. Do you and Mr. Mercier have any children together?”

  “Yes, a set of twins, Carly and Carson. They are sixteen. They’ll be seventeen in April, and then they will graduate from high school next year.”

  “Do you own properties together? Houses, condos, apartments, or anything like that.”

  “I know we own the house we are currently living in. However, it’s apparent my husband has been living a double life, so to be honest with you, I have no idea, if he went out and bought other stuff. I can tell you this though I don’t want anything, except the kids. I’ll find us a new place to live. Maybe that’s my pride talking right now, but I want nothing to do with him, and I definitely don’t need anything from him.”

  “Okay, but the judge is going to look at these items, and if he is keeping things from you, then it’s going to look so much worse for him, which is exactly we want. Do you guys own any vehicles together?”

  “I own my car, he owns his truck, and we bought the kids their own vehicles. They are in my name, until they are eighteen, and they also have jobs to cover the insurance and gas money. Again, other than that, no idea. I’m so sorry. I feel like this is a recurring nightmare.”

  “Claire, please don’t apologize because you’ve done nothing wrong. You actually did everything right. Most women wouldn’t have taken him back, after the first-time he was caught cheating, let alone the second. Plus, he’s still doing it now. I just need you to understand that, if you ever decide you don’t want to follow through with the divorce, that’s fine cause you’re the boss. It’s whatever you want.”

  “I’m divorcing him. No doubt in my mind.” I say matter of fact.

  “Okay, so talk to me like I’m your friend. Tell me the story of Claire and Colton. How it began, the good, bad, and the ugly. I want to know everything. No matter how small you feel it is please just tell me.” I take a deep breath, and then let my mind go back to the beginning.

  “We met, when our cousins got married, and we were both just guests. I spotted him across the church, and he was breathtaking. I was fresh out of high school, so I felt as if I had the world at my hands. I had planned on attending college because I wanted to be a doctor and help heal people. I kind of went in that direction, but I took the scenic route. When we had the twins
, I refused to get married just because I was pregnant, and there had to be a better reason. So, the kids were around one, when we finally decided to get married.” I pause for a second because I know it’s about to get deep.

  “The first time I found out he had cheated was when his mom called me, asking to bring the kids over, so she could visit them. I took them over, and she asked me to go into Colton’s old room to get something. When I walked in, there he was with his old girlfriend, and they never stopped. I turned around, picked the kids up, and then left. I don’t know if his mom knew or not, but at the time, I was already suffering badly from depression, and I hated my body. He told me that it was my fault, because I didn’t have the same tight body anymore, so what was I supposed to do? I believed him that it was my fault, and that he wasn't attracted to my post pregnancy body. So, I started to walk, as much as I could, pushing the kids in a double stroller versus driving. Not long after that happened we started counselling.” I pause for a minute, trying to get myself together, before I continue.

  “Everything was good for a while, until he did it again. The second time I had to take the kids to the doctor for shots, and his mom called me asking me to go check on him at work. Apparently, he had gotten into an argument with someone, so he called her. When I got there, he was letting some girl go down on him. I threw him out, and he was gone for a year. During that whole time, he only came to see the kids once. They cried after he left, and he of course, shed his crocodile tears begging for forgiveness, saying he wanted his family back. I gave in and gave him another chance. I know it was cliché of me thinking he would change, but after a while, I finally realized a zebra can’t change its stripes.” He’s staring at me now with a look of sadness, but I turn my head, continuing on.

  “I continued with counselling, and that’s where I met Molly and Frank. Frank is gayer than Elton John, and Molly is someone who needed help at the time to fight her demons. We all just clicked, and they are the best friends that I could ever ask for. They helped me realize I was more than a mom or a wife. I’m a woman who still has hopes and dreams, and I deserve for them to come true. Late one night, I heard a song on the radio that became my life’s theme song “Stay” by Sugarland. It made me want to do better things.” This makes me smile a bit, while also reminding me of my dreams.

  “So, I went back to college and got my nursing degree in eighteen months, and Colton was pissed. He wanted me to depend on him emotionally, mentally, and financially. We fought a lot over me going to school. He would say, “If you truly love me, you don’t need to go to college or work.” If I hadn’t been in counselling, I wouldn’t have finished. I was so used to doing what he wanted, and I almost caved in several times, but Molly would remind me that I had dreams too, and if he loved me, then he would support them no matter what.”

  “Then, we had another bad fight, when I got the job at the hospital. That was when I worked only Monday through Friday. No holidays and no weekends, but that still didn’t matter. He felt like I should stay home all the time and have dinner on the table, when he got home. He also expected a lot of out of me sexually, too. One night I was home with the kids, and we had been in bed for about two hours, when he came home drunk. I could smell the alcohol on him, as soon as he came in the bedroom. I pretended to be asleep, as he stripped his clothes off. He mumbled under his breath the whole time, then he ripped the blankets off, and pulled my pants off, shoving roughly inside of me. I cried out in pain, but he just whispered into my ear, “Shut up! This is your job, as my wife, to give me pleasure.” I begged him to stop, but the more I begged the rougher he became. I honestly only stayed with him because I felt like I owed the kids a home with both parents. I think in a lot of ways I was there physically, but not emotionally or mentally. I know it’s considered rape, but he said it was the woman's duty, and that no judge or jury would withhold this from the husband. By this point, I was pretty much done, but I did still love him, as crazy as that sounds.”

  I pause for a minute again, and he doesn’t say a word, letting me process everything. “So, when the position for a trauma nurse came up, I applied for it, and then I got it. I was so happy, but he was so pissed that he pushed me down the stairs. There is a report at the ER, and I can get that for you.” I watch, as Morgan makes notes on a yellow pad. He still doesn’t interrupt me with words, but I can hear the small noises and read his face. It’s nice being able to bare my soul to someone.

  “I fractured my left arm and broke three ribs, which also punctured my lung. I was in the hospital for eight days. That’s the one and only time he hit me. I did press charges, and he spent the night in jail, before his mom bailed him out. That happened a few months ago, and I also took my name off his accounts and started my own. I tried for an order of protection, but the judge didn’t feel I was in danger, even though I had just been in the hospital due to him.” I know it’s because his family has strong ties with the judge, and that’s why it wasn't granted.

  “When the judge denied me, I started to plan my new life away from him, after the twins’ graduation. I’ve been looking for a new place to live, changed my life insurance policies, and made the kids my power of attorney. My will states that they get everything divided up equally between the two of them. The officer that I dealt with felt bad about the order of protection, so he checks in with me weekly. So yes, he cheated, but I was already in the process of leaving, which is why I think I’m not hurt as bad as I should be.”

  “What was it like, when you and Colton would go out with friends or family? Tell me about his behavior.” Morgan asks, and I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. I didn’t realize I had so much frustration, hurt, and anger pent up inside of me. I guess it’s true what they say that love is blind. Looking back on all of this, I should have left him many years ago.

  “When our friends would call to invite me or both of us to go out to dinner, play cards, or go to a movie, we could agree, but when the time came, he was full of excuses. His normal ones were I’m tired, we don't have the money, or we don't have anyone to watch the kids. I wanted to give our marriage one more chance, giving it one hundred percent, and that’s why I worked a full two months straight, so I could afford to get him the hunting trip to Alaska that he has been wanting. It was going to be the honeymoon we never had.” I pause for a minute because this is where everything changed in the last several hours.

  “Then I find out he has been cheating with my twin. When I saw them together, it finally just came to me. I’m never going to be enough for him, and he is going to always do these things to me. My heart hurts for my two kids, and the innocent baby who’s going to be born into such chaos.” I wipe a lone tear that falls from the corner of my eye.

  “So, I made the decision I would not enable him anymore, so here I am. I just want this to be over. I don’t want money, the house, or alimony. I want him to take care of his children and help them with college. They are old enough to drive themselves to see him, so there’s no way that I have to see him again, except for functions for the kids.” Feeling the adrenaline drain from me, I ask, “Can we continue this later in the week?”

  “Of course. I have enough to get started, and it will be early in the week, when I get a hold of you. If you have anything else or need anything, please feel free to call me. I’ve put my personal information on this card for you to put my info into your phone, so I know you have it. If you decide to rent a place, please call me with the address.”

  “Thank you so much for all of your help. Do you happen to know about how much will this cost me?”

  “Let’s just worry about that later.”

  “I really need to do this on my own, so please just tell me.”

  “Six hundred dollars is the retainer, but I’ll take anything you can put down to start. It’s also going to depend on how long of a process it is. I know you want it done quickly, however, we have no way of knowing, if he is going to drag it out. So again, we will figure it out, when the time comes.�
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  “I have three hundred and fifty-dollars cash, right now. If you need the full amount, I can go get it.”

  “No, I can’t accept any money today, because the person who usually handles the billing isn’t in, until Monday. How about we just settle, when this is done. It won’t be a problem, I promise.”

  “Don’t you have to take money from me, so everything is lawyer-client privilege or whatever?”

  “No, you’re my client. Which means, anything and everything you say to me is between you and me no matter what, unless I need to get any help from my colleagues. That’s the only exception.”

  “Okay, as long you’re sure.” My tone is one of pure confusion. This kinda feels almost too good to be true.

  “Yes, I’m positive. Thank you for coming in, and also, thank you for choosing us as your attorneys.”

  “I didn’t choose an us. I chose you.”

  “If someone hires a law firm, then you hire everyone that works there, and not just one lawyer. We have law students, lawyers, and secretaries working here.” I must look a bit anxious because he adds, “I promise to do as much as I can without involving anyone else. Is that, okay?”

  “Yes, thank you. I work Monday from noon until midnight, but I’ll be able to check my phone throughout the day. Again, thanks for coming in on your Saturday morning off. I hope you have a good rest of your weekend.” We walk out of the building together, and I go to my car, as he locks up.

  I start my car, and then reach over to I get my phone out of my bag. Holy shit. I have fifteen missed calls and five text messages from Colton.

  Colton: Where are you?

  Colton: Claire, we need to talk.

  Colton: She doesn’t mean anything to me. Please, don’t do this to us or the kids.