Az

by A A Bavar

  I knew exactly where to find the body, but I wasn’t ready to simply appear there and face the unknown. I wanted to think about it, plan the proper way to retrieve my first soul and fulfill my contract with Mother. There was no precedent, no one to learn from, so it was all on me. And the fact that I was about to start a tradition that would last as long as Man existed didn’t make it any easier. All I knew was that it had to be noble and dignified. I decided to walk and let my mind process what I had to do. I imagined the body laying neatly on the ground, with a face that was peacefully serene as if in a deep sleep and waiting for me. I was so wrong.

  Soon, I came to a narrow dirt trail that cut through the fields and headed west to the hills and Mount Qasioun beyond. I stopped and looked up at the mountain, it wouldn’t be long now. Suddenly, a lonely crow hopped out from the field onto the road ahead of me, and for the second time that day I was staring into the tiniest light within darkness. It almost seemed like it wanted to guide me and started to hop along the path. I followed it and within a few steps – much sooner than I had anticipated – there it was, in an unceremonious display of barbaric violence, the most unimaginable and horrific scene. I gasped and stopped as my eyes fell onto a misshaped mass, and although I knew what it was, my mind refused to comprehend. A bloodied corpse, garmented only with a loin cloth, lay in a contorted heap on the path. It was the grown body of a young child who I had watched so often as he played in the fields and grew to be a righteous, young man. It was the body of Abel, son to Adam and Eve and brother to Cain.

  I shut my eyes, but my mind was determined to keep the image of death alive and displayed it in minute detail on the black canvas of my mind. My head felt light, somewhat disconnected from the rest of my body, and my ears buzzed incessantly. I heard a repetitive rasping sound and in my detached state, it took my mind a while to realize that it was the sound of air entering and leaving my lungs as I breathed. Suddenly, my body was burning, and I was aware of every bead of sweat that was on my forehead. If I could think clearly enough to define it, I would call it an out of body experience; but maybe I really was floating. I grabbed my temple with both hands in an attempt to keep my head from swaying and slowly opened my eyes. Nothing had changed. The day was still bright with sunlight, and Abel was still dead. With great difficulty, I forced my trembling legs to take me to his mutilated corpse. As I stood there and looked down, my whole body started to quiver and then shake uncontrollably, and before I knew it my legs buckled and I fell, landing hard on my hands and knees. The earth, just inches from my fingers, was drenched in blood, and I could smell its metallic scent. I shifted my gaze from the bloody dirt to Abel, but what was I looking at? I had never seen death, let alone a gruesome execution like the one splayed before me. Abel’s neck was cut all the way across, leaving his head almost completely severed from his body. My chest tightened to the point where I couldn’t breathe and I thought that it was going to crush my insides and implode right before I threw up. My head spun as I retched again and again in between painful gasps for air, until finally, the world around me faded into a hypnagogic haze. My eyes went black and I heard the chilling, animalistic scream of a murderous beast. I thought I was also going to die when I realized that the screeching beast was me.

  I don’t know how long I lay there, but when I opened my eyes, Abel was staring at me. I felt a cold shiver and scrambled to my knees, and although I tried to look away I could not take my eyes off of Abel’s. We stared at each other for a hauntingly long time, the magnetic attraction between life and death. I can see his eyes looking at me today as I saw them then, an expression of surprise, disbelief, even awe. I didn’t know anything about death then, but it was clear to me that for Abel it had come unexpectedly and quickly. I reached over and with a tremulous hand closed them. His skin was cold.

  “A terribly horrid scene to witness.”

  The voice came from behind me. It was an unexpected intrusion and the sound made me jump skyward with such intensity that my wings snapped open and immediately enveloped me like a shield. I turned and looked down, even though I knew who was standing below. I took a breath and landed with a thud in front of Lucifer. His appearance, as usual, was dazzling. His robe was covered with golden details and precious jewels, and he looked handsomely unperturbed and calm.

  “What are you doing here? What do you want?” I said, my tone much harsher than I intended. But I was angry and embarrassed at my reaction, and he looked so unaffected and uncaring that I felt justified.

  “I don’t want anything, brother. Just thought I could help.” Lucifer smiled in sympathy, but his eyes betrayed him. He was there to gloat. He had never accepted Man and every opportunity to prove his point was an opportunity that he couldn’t let pass. If he only knew that these moments were not rare in the least, maybe he wouldn’t be so keen to be there every time Man strayed. But – and I somehow always knew this – he had to be there because he was the reason for Man to stray.

  “I don’t understand what kind of animal could do this!” As the words left my mouth, I immediately regretted it. The statement was just an expression of my disbelief, but voicing it was a mistake. I had seen the cut and knew that it was not from a wild beast. The perpetrator was far more ruthless and insensitive than any animal; it was Man. But who? It didn’t matter, because Lucifer would make sure that our encounter was anything but pleasant. With my compliments, he had the ammunition that he would use against me, to goad me. It’s frustrating how I always did that, let my anger get the best of me where Lucifer was concerned.

  “You’re wrong. It was not an animal, brother, or at least not an animal in the traditional sense.” Lucifer paused, and the grin that appeared on his face was of pure satisfaction. It was annoying, but worse yet, I saw how he savored the moment. “Look around, what do you see?” asked Lucifer, as he shifted his position and took a step closer to Abel’s body, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on me.

  I looked from side to side, my eyes sweeping the area, but all I saw was the vast expanse of wheat. With Lucifer, it was always a battle of wits, a test, a challenge to see who’s better, stronger, superior. Why couldn’t he tell me and get it over with? I hated playing games. It only served to get me angry and in this case, anxious. My jaw muscles were beginning to hurt, and if I gritted my teeth any harder they would shatter, but it was the only way to contain my frustration. I momentarily closed my eyes and took a deep breath, suppressing the urge to lash out. I would not let him manipulate me into losing my temper, and as I relaxed a bit, I noticed the crow standing just beyond Abel and a bit to the left. Was it trying to tell me something? I strained my eyes, but all I could see was wheat. I slowly turned and stared at Lucifer.

  “I don’t see anything. What am I looking for?” I said in a controlled, almost resigned voice. “If you know, why don’t you just show me?” I was keeping my calm, but it was a facade, because I really wanted to jump and pound him to the ground. Thinking back, I’m sure he knew it, too.

  “As you wish,” he replied, “but I truly didn’t want to be the one to do this.” His silky voice could not mask the subtle condescension in his tone. He was enjoying every second of my discomfort. Without looking, he lifted his right arm and pointed. Then, suddenly, as we stood there staring at each other, a thunderous flash of red lightening exploded from his hand and flew through the air to where I had been staring moments before; the crow, now gone. The reflection of its blindingly reddish light off a metallic object was unmistakable.

  I jumped back in surprise, my whole body a tangle of nerves. I glared at Lucifer, but there was nothing to say. I turned and walked to where the object was and picked it up. It was a scythe, its blade covered with blood. In all my existence, I had never experienced such overwhelming feelings of confusion, anger and helplessness.

  “This cannot be!” I shouted in true disbelief. “This scythe belongs to Cain.” I spoke the last phrase in a whisper, almost to myself. I had no doubt that Lucifer was somehow involved and my feelings o
f helplessness and confusion led to utter fury. I gripped the handle of the scythe in both hands with such force that my knuckles turned completely white and the wood started to creak under the pressure. There would be accountability; now! I turned to face Lucifer with such speed that the motion caused the scythe’s blade to cut through the air with a loud and menacing swoosh.

  Lucifer didn’t seem a bit bothered or impressed by my outburst. Actually, it was my previous calm that was unnatural when he was involved. And although it had been an illusion, I had managed it for a short while. But now, we were home and in his territory. He gallantly stood there with his paternalistic wisdom and looked down at me. I stared back, the scythe held across my chest like a weapon, poised ready to strike. I wanted him to challenge me, engage me somehow, and maybe show remorse, anger, fear, anything at all! But his face was blank and unperturbed. He was a sadist and enjoying himself as usual.

  “What have you done?” I shouted, “Tell me!” My grip tightened even more around the handle of the scythe, and the creaking stopped as my fingers dug into the wood and left their imprints.

  Lucifer chuckled and said, “I didn’t do anything,” and tilting his head to the side while holding his hands up matter-of-factly, continued, “Cain was there, I was there, and Man showed his true nature. You shouldn’t be surprised.” I didn’t know what to say, so I just stared at him and hated him for his cavalier attitude. What the hell – but that would come later. I believe that my look of disdain and contempt must have touched him – it would be the last time, but Lucifer surprisingly abandoned his arrogant attitude and, now I see too late, reached out to me. His tone was cool but sincere, “I just wanted you to see why this creature of clay is not worthy of our respect or loyalty. They have the one thing that we as angels do not, and they use it haphazardly and with disregard just because they can, without any thought to their so-called nobility.”

  But I wasn’t listening. Not to Lucifer or even my own heart. The anger and disgust that I felt completely shrouded my judgement. I was caught up in the impossibility of Cain having done what he had done through his own volition. For me, free will did not exist, so for Man to use it in such an abhorrent and animalistic manner was incomprehensible. What I didn’t know was that Man and his free will would continue to challenge me at every turn throughout history, and that would eventually extinguish my sense of compassion. So, as much as I hate to admit it, Lucifer was ultimately right about Cain that day. I, however, was blinded my naiveté and simply didn’t know Man. What I said, and more importantly did next, sealed our fate and the last chance we had at reconciliation was lost forever. “So you admit that it was you who did this,” I spat, “just as you did in the Garden with Eve! What trickery did you use this time to make Cain commit this heinous act? Explain yourself!” I was distraught and it felt good to unload. Lucifer had to be responsible. But, if there was the slightest possibility that Man alone was capable of perpetrating such a horrific act, then everything that I believed in would be a lie and Lucifer was the better of us. That, I could not accept.

  Lucifer stepped back and took a deep breath. “Azrail, how can you be so blind? Listen to me. I did nothing but make Man become aware of his own desire and lust,” said Lucifer, a thin gaunt smile forming on his lips. “Free will took care of the rest.” I guess Lucifer just couldn’t help it, he had to be himself. He knew how to push my buttons and couldn’t resist. Either way, I wasn’t listening and had enough. If there could be redemption for Cain, I would get it. I jumped the distance to Lucifer, bringing the scythe down in a lethal arc as I landed in front of him. Lucifer sprung back and lifted his hands in a gesture of peace, but it was too late. Blinding sparks flew from where the scythe’s blade, covered with Abel’s blood, cut deep into the flesh of Lucifer’s forearm. Abel’s blood, the blood of the innocent, clashed like an explosive charge against Lucifer’s, fusing it permanently into the singed edges of the blade.

  Stunned, Lucifer staggered back into the wall of wheat, his wide, angry eyes riveted on the weapon in my hands. I could see in his eyes that he had never expected this and I felt shocked myself. In all of time, there had never been a physical confrontation among angels, let alone archangels.

  “You strike your own brother?” he barked, “And for what?” The last question was a genuine search for an answer to what he could not comprehend. His eyes were, once again, sharp and cold as he stared at me and waited for a response.

  At that moment, although I felt that I was justified in what I had done, I also felt remorseful, but my young pride would never allow me to admit it. “For justice. As obedience to Father and punishment for what you’ve done to Man,” I said, looking down at the marked blade, its edge now a dark red. “From now on, I will carry this scythe as a symbol so that I can always remember why Man strayed from the path of God.” And as I looked ahead, my eyes locked with Lucifer’s, and an understanding dawned between us. We had become adversaries in a never ending war in which only battles would be won. “You and I are no longer brothers,” I said, “but as day and night are bound by a common horizon, we are linked to one another by a common line, the soul of Man. From now on, I will do anything that I can to shield Man from you, and even if you do succeed to deceive him I will be there to offer redemption to every parting soul.” Unforeseen by me, the oath that I took at that moment changed my essence and completed my transformation. My wings, already jet black, reflected the darkness that surrounded and challenged me at every moment thereafter, and I discarded white and chose black as my disguise; maybe as a compliment to my new companion, the crow. I named it Bran.

  There was an intense moment of silence, and I believe that we both felt the rip of our brotherhood. A sadness washed over me, dampening my anger, and I felt the weight of the loss on my soul, and I saw, ever so briefly, the same cloud pass over Lucifer. But before I could say anything, Lucifer’s countenance changed and he returned my look with an amused smile. “An eternal battle for Man’s soul?” he mused. “Be careful what you commit to, brother, for tomorrow things never feel as they do today. You don’t understand the burden that you just accepted.”

  Lucifer’s comment was not an opinion, but a statement of fact in his usual and arrogant way. For him, it was the end of our conversation. At that instant, the slashed flesh on his forearm glowed red as the separated skin fused, leaving behind a cicatrice. Lucifer looked down at his arm and nodded. We both knew that this would be the first of many scars. He turned and as he was leaving said, “I will leave you now to care for young Abel. I think that Cain will be presently wandering my way and I need to show him the path he has chosen. How fitting that we both receive our first soul on the same day.” And as he disappeared, “Eternity begins today.”

  I brought the scythe down to my side and stared at the spot where Lucifer had last stood. I was not sorry for what I had said or done, for ultimately, it had to be and I had known it for some time. All I could do was lament what was to come, although I had no idea as to its magnitude. Brothers as we were, we were walking opposite paths with the human soul as the median. I shrugged off the emotions and walked to Abel’s limp body and knelt down. I knew what I had to do for Abel’s soul, but had no idea how to handle the rest. So, I let my instincts take over. Reverently, I held his face in my hands and with his lips inches away breathed into his mouth. A misty, diaphanous cloud swirled between us as Abel’s soul was retrieved into mine, its temporary vessel. It was momentous, the redemption of the first soul, and I was completely consumed by its presence. Through it, I felt the uplifting feeling of absolute freedom and was touched by the nobility of its essence. At that moment, there was no doubt as to the validity of my decision. Time and existence, however, have a way of clouding things.

  EIGHT

  Sometimes, when I think back to Cain and Abel, I recall how lost and frustrated I felt that day. Something precious had been violently taken from humanity and I wanted, needed, all of creation to partake in delivering justice. But I soon learned that I was alone
in this fight – as I had to be, and as humanity continued down its path of selfishness and destruction, I grew numb in my role as the savior of the soul. I learned how to use shadows, darkness, fire, thunder and lightning to instill fear in Man’s heart when wickedness was rampant, and offer redemption simply as a means to get back at Lucifer. For thousands of years, that was the way, but then, for a brief moment, I was touched by the light and once again believed in Man, just to have it savagely torn from me. This time, however, the pain was too unbearable and what I did today cannot be undone.

  The day of Abel’s death, the first murder, continued as bright and sunny as nature had intended. The darkness was in me as I hunted down my first prey.

  From above, I saw a young man with an uncanny resemblance to Abel. He walked quickly along the dirt road heading for the cluster of caves at the base of Mount Qasioun. His pace was brisk and his body movements tense as he nervously pushed his dark hair repeatedly away from his forehead with trembling fingers.

  I moved in for the kill and crash landed on the path in front of him. The ferocity of my assault shook the earth and sent dirt, rubble and stone in every direction. The young man stumbled awkwardly and screeched in pain as shattered shards of stone randomly cut into his body. But just as abruptly, everything was once again calm and quiet. He stood where he was, squinting through the settling dust, his eyes riveted on the not so angelic figure that was me – demonic would come later. I was crouched on one knee and blocking the path ahead of him. I looked up and the man gasped, but not because he had realized who I was. His eyes had fallen on the scythe – his scythe – which I held tightly in my right hand, its handle resting on the ground like a flagpole with its blade towering above me. Gently, Bran landed on my shoulder and cawed.