Cavelost

by Courtney Privett

  "What do you have in your bag? Useful things, I hope." I didn't look at him as I spoke. His mud-stained face irritated me.

  He stared at his knees and shook his head. "Not particularly."

  "Show me."

  He sighed and dumped the contents of his satchel on the ground between us. Papers, pens, a letter opener, several books.

  I handed him the letter opener. "This is the closest thing to a weapon you have, so keep it close."

  "I could borrow your sword." He stared out at Yana. She held her hands above the water and bubbles burst from her fingertips. She giggled and dove beneath the surface.

  "You're shit with a sword and you know it. You're a politician, not a fighter."

  "I'm..."

  "Stop, Daelis. You know perfectly well what you are. And what I am. I was hoping you'd have something useful in your satchel, but all you've got is that little knife. Was hoping you'd at least have some food."

  Daelis brushed his dirty hair away from his eyes, then leaned toward me to pick up his papers. He shuffled them into a neat stack and returned them to his satchel. "Last thing I remember before being here was working in my office at the Citadel. It was late, well after midnight, and I was finally ready to go home so I was putting everything away. Nothing after that. I suppose I was ambushed soon after. Had I known, I would have packed a bag you'd approve as moderately useful."

  "I'm not blaming you for that. One of the few things in our shared history that isn't your fault." I picked up his books and flipped through the pages. Wait. I knew this one, a tome about insects. The handwriting was mine. "I transcribed this one. While I was working for you. Why are you carrying it around?"

  Daelis snatched the book from my hand and shoved it into his satchel. His nose twitched. "I found it when I rearranged my office. It fell behind a cabinet years ago. It had no logical place in my office so I was going to put it in my home library. Must have been one of your early manuscripts. The lines are crooked and your calligraphy borders on atrocious at times. You certainly improved over the course of your employment."

  "That's only because I was trying to impress you. Then you shattered my heart. You had me convinced we had a future together, and then you tossed me off a cliff and left our son with the title of Bastard instead of Lord. How many other girls did you do the same thing to? Ten? Twenty? More?" I needed to stop talking to him. He made me furious. He'd never apologize for what he did to me. Daelis is always right, and everyone else is wrong. It's written into the laws of nature.

  "One," Daelis whispered.

  "Liar. I've heard so many stories about you, about your conquests, about the young women whose hearts you destroyed. About..."

  Daelis's fingers brushed my wrist, then quickly pulled away. "One, Katrin. The rest are only rumors. Just one before you and none after."

  "Liar." He must think I'm either gullible or stupid. Or both. "Don't call me Katrin. No one calls me Katrin."

  Daelis held his hands over his mouth and exhaled loudly. "One, Rin. Five years before you. Delinda. Human, like you. My father was furious when he found out about her. He had her exiled to Uptown and I've never met our daughter. Her name is Eilie, she's five years older than Shan, and that's all I know about her. I met you and history repeated itself. I pushed you away before my father found out because I didn't want you to be exiled like Delinda was. As long as my father is still alive and holds the title of Duke Goldtree, High Lord of the Jade Realm, my personal life is under his control. When he decides I'm to marry some elven Lady I've never met, I will be forced to agree with a smile. That is the way of the nobility."

  "I was always a temporary toy to you, a disposable possession. You used me, then tossed me aside. You told me you loved me. Then you felt the movements of our child under my skin, a child you'd known the existence of for months before then, a child you whispered words of love to when you thought I was asleep. You panicked and threw us into the gutter with nothing but a bribe and a threat." I stood, my back to him. The water called to me, begged me to enter its depths and allow myself to regain my calm. Self-soothing was part of my training as a hired sword. It was important to remain impassive in dangerous situations. Fear and anger get people killed.

  "I do love you." Daelis mumbled, or at least I thought he mumbled. I must have heard him wrong.

  "What?"

  He coughed lightly. "I did love you. I wished my world didn't conflict with yours, but it was inevitable. I knew we were incompatible, and I knew us being together would be a disaster, but I was very young and very naive and I made a mistake. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry things turned out as they did."

  "I've never heard you say those words before." I peeled of my shoes and hiked up my trouser legs. The cool water felt wonderful under my feet. I wanted to submerge my entire body, but I wasn't about to remove my clothes in front of Daelis. There was a time when I freely revealed myself to him, but that was years ago and I am no longer that stupid little girl. "Didn't know you knew how to apologize, even insincerely."

  "My apology is sincere, as were the rest of my words. I do not expect you to believe me because I have done nothing to deserve your trust. I am truly sorry for what I did, and if it somehow became possible to dance through time, I would return to that earlier time, admit our relationship to my father, and ensure that we were exiled together instead of being forced apart."

  I was done with him. I promised myself I wouldn't kill him, but I was done with his idiocy. "That is not what I would have wanted, not at all, and certainly not for Shan. Exile is a horrible fate, one you have no understanding of from your perch in your golden cage. The past is over and done with, and frankly, I'm relieved now that I didn't marry you. You're nothing but a selfish beast. Can we... can we just set this argument aside for now and focus on getting out of the caves? You're destroying the calm I've been working so hard to maintain. Just please... please don't say anything to me unless it's relevant to our current situation."

  Silence. Uncomfortable silence. Yana splashed in the darkness of the far side of the pool. I turned around to see Daelis's glossy eyes fixed on me. He quickly shifted away and laid on his side on the ground.

  Daelis arranged his satchel under his head before covering his eyes with his arm. "I told you we were incompatible, and seventeen years apart hasn't changed that. I'm going to sleep. You go swim with your creature, or gather those disgusting mushrooms, or do whatever else you have to do to prepare for escape from this vile place. Take a nap, write foul things about me in your journal. Just be prepared to keep moving because I refuse to stay here any longer than necessary."

  He fell into silence and I stripped off my clothes to join Yana in the deep water.

  Day 8, part 2

  Yana stands over Daelis, devouring a cave salamander while he continues to sleep. The animal is about the length of her forearm and it was still alive when she started on it. It's disgusting and I want to look away, but the expression on her face worries me. It's almost gleeful. Is the salamander that tasty, or is she plotting something?

  "If you're considering hurting him, don't," I whisper. Daelis is a heavy sleeper, but he may wake if he suspects we're talking about him.

  "Why? Rin not like him. Rin argue with ugly elf. I hear." Yana takes a huge bite out of the salamander and barely chews it before swallowing. She holds the mangled beast out in my direction. "Want try it? Better than mushrooms."

  I try not to cringe. I'll just avert my eyes and concentrate on my penmanship. "No, thank you. Salamanders... well, they give me a bellyache. Anyway, You're right that I don't like him, but as the skilled fighter here, I'm responsible for him. He wronged me, but not so severely that he deserves death."

  Yana sits next to me with her legs folded at an awkward angle. "I not kill. Salamander tail go in his shoe instead."

  "I won't object to that." I suppose a little amusement won't hurt. I can already visualize his disgust when he finds it. "Hey, Yana, what do the Uldru do for fun?"

  Yana used
the back of her hand to wipe the salamander juice from her chin. "We like fun. Swim, catch things, little magics, carve and play rock toys. Not lots time for fun, but Varaku allow when not working. Play make progress, say them." She takes a final bite of the salamander, then carefully tucks it into Daelis's shoe. "I sleep now. Go sleep, Rin. Talk more later."

  Sounds like a good idea to me.

  Day 9

  "Rin, I found an orc. A dead orc, but still an orc." Daelis's voice echoed around the tunnel bend and slammed into me like a punch to the ear.

  "How dead?"

  "Dead dead. I'm not resuscitating the thing, if that's what you're hoping for. Come see."

  We were an hour or so away from the quartz pool, in a passage I hadn't tried before. Pockets of mud bubbled up from the floor and the stench of sulfur hung in the thick air.

  "Orcs is people like you?" Yana asked. She stayed close to me and occasionally reached over to grab my hand. Even before Daelis shouted, the carefree child from the pool was gone and replaced by someone whose eyes were full of fear. This was worrisome. Perhaps she sensed we were getting too close to the Varaku. Or something worse.

  "Yes, mostly. A little rougher, a little more violent. Big teeth, big bodies, egos nearly as big as Daelis's. Honorable people, though, lots of traditions. Many elves and humans are afraid of orcs, but I'm not. I've worked with enough of them to know they are the same as any other race—a mixture of all traits, good, bad, and in between. I'm friends with many of them.”

  "I not understand words." Yana released my hand and dashed ahead. I followed her around the bend.

  Daelis was right about the orc being "dead dead." The remains were mostly skeletal. Spiders were busy working on the little withered meat left on the limbs. Glowing mushrooms sprouted from the skull and the ragged clothes were coated in some sort of slime mold.

  "Oh, come now, Daelis. I think she can still be saved. Don't be so pessimistic."

  Daelis stared at me with disgust. "How do you know it's a she?"

  I crouched to get a better look at her. "Easy. Skull shape. Smaller and females don't have the forehead ridges that males have. Her teeth are in great shape, so she was either quite young or a hygiene enthusiast."

  I grimaced as I reached into the filthy remains of her tunic. I didn't have to dig to find what I was looking for. Orcs, as well as members of many other races, wear pendants with family symbols so they can be identified if they die in battle. The pendants are returned to the families, both by allies and enemies, so loved ones know the original bearer is dead. I wear one, as does Daelis, though I'm certain he's never seen physical conflict in his life, aside from the broken nose my brother gifted him.

  The orc's skull detached as I pulled the pendant chain over it. It rolled across the floor and stopped at Yana's feet. She bent down, plucked a mushroom from the brow, and popped the glowing fungus into her mouth. Daelis, who was already nauseated from shoving his bare foot into a shoe full of chewed salamander, visibly blanched.

  I held the pendant up to the lantern light. It was a rounded rectangle of embellished, tarnished silver. Cattails flanking a stylized bear head. I flipped it over. The word MOR was jaggedly inscribed in the center. I knew this orc.

  I cleaned the slime off the chain and placed it around my neck. The pendant was a little heavier than my own, but the weight wasn't uncomfortable. I'll return it to her family if I make it out of here. If I don't, whomever finds my body can return both of ours.

  Daelis and Yana stared at me expectantly. I cleared roving memories from my head and said, "Her name is Mor Ragemire. She was a warchief of the Broken Quagmire. Good woman, honorable. I worked with her a decade ago to root out a spy in her clan. May she ride in eternal honor."

  Yana's shoulders quaked. "Dead are dead. No more. Bad place here. We go this way. Air is better this way."

  I stepped away from Mor and followed Yana and Daelis into the acrid darkness.

  Day 9, part 2

  So, I killed something. Not a Varaku, something else. Yana calls it an Egrute or Stupid Eating Thing. Great, big, hairy purple ball of a wingless bird with razor-sharp talons and a long beak full of fangs.

  The Egrute hopped down from an overhanging ledge, its beak snapping and a low-pitched droning sound rising from its throat. My sword was up in an instant as Yana shrieked and ducked behind Daelis.

  The creature was nearly as tall as me, and much wider. Its eyes were wild as the arm-length beak sought a fresh dinner. I swung my sword twice, first detaching the beak where it met the face, and then cleaving the head from the body. The remaining sections of the beast staggered back and forth for several seconds before stepping off the ledge and plummeting into the chasm below.

  "Are there more?" I asked. I spun around to see Yana sheltered under Daelis's arm. He held his letter opener in his free hand. I wished that I had searched around the orc's body for a weapon for him to use, but I doubt he would be physically able to wield anything she may have had. I have some difficulty with bulky orcan weapons, and I am well-trained and sturdy. Daelis is typical of a southern elf—lithe and graceful, but slight of build and physically weak. I doubt he has ever trained in any sort of combat, but even if he has, he would be incapable of using a greatsword or morning star. If we make it back to Jadeshire, I need to set up some short sword lessons for him so he learns to be slightly less useless.

  "Egrute hunt alone. Always," Yana said, her voice shaking. She slipped away from Daelis and kicked the creature's loose body parts off the ledge. She spat after them. "Stupid eating thing. Stupid. Eat Uldru. Eat everything. Kill, kill, kill, always kill. Good Rin killed Egrute instead. Rin is strong and good."

  Daelis wobbled. His knee buckled and forced him to catch himself on the wall. He set his lantern on the ground and stared fearfully at the chasm.

  "Do you need to rest?" I asked.

  He shook his head. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were wide.

  Yana's nose twitched. "We stay here. Rest. Bad things not come by fresh Egrute smell. Bad things bad, Egrute bites worse."

  "There is no shame in resting," I said. I sheathed my sword and sat on the ground. The ledge was wide enough that I didn't feel like I was about to fall off. "I've been exhausted since this whole ordeal started, and you're not used to adventure like I am, so it must be worse for you."

  "You didn't even flinch. You killed it like you were brushing away a fly." Daelis sank to his knees. Sweat beaded at his temples.

  "I can detach my emotions from my surroundings. That's what makes me such a good..."

  "Assassin."

  "Mercenary. Believe it or not, there is a difference." I dug in my rucksack until I found a bag of pumpkin seeds. I tossed it to him before pulling out my journal. "Here, eat some of these. Not too many or we'll be out for good. Yana, do you still have those mushrooms or do we need to forage some more? I'm going to log the day so far in my journal, and then we can all have a little rest before moving on."

  Day 9, part 3

  Rin, you fell asleep with your journal open on your lap. I only read the first couple pages. Despite my curiosity, it felt too personal to continue reading. I'm sorry for intruding, but I feel compelled to leave you a note.

  I thought at first that you were relentlessly stalwart, almost unnaturally so. It made me suspicious of you, and up until now I still believed you were the one responsible for my situation. I was wrong. Your words show me that you are just as confused and frightened as I am. I don't have your experience or resilience, and I'm having a difficult time keeping my anxious heart from bursting through my chest and plummeting into the crevasse at our feet. Latent fears of small spaces, dark places, and gnashing teeth are rising to the surface and I'm afraid they may reveal themselves before long.

  You're not the same person you were all those years ago, when we were young and both made decisions we still regret. I don't recognize the person you are now, but I'm grateful you're here. If there is anyone in the realm who is capable of saving us from this cav
ern, it's you. Like you said, I'm useless. I'm not a fighter or a spelunker or a survivalist. If you had left me where you found me, I wouldn't have made it even this far. You know this as well as I do, and I'm thankful that you decided to take on the burden of my dead weight. I suspect you're only playing responsible mother to the two lost souls you found in the deep, but that maternal instinct is so profoundly and wonderfully written into your nature that it makes me appreciate you more now than I ever have before.

  I'm not entirely certain how I will reparate for the horrible things I said to you seventeen years ago, and all the years I lost with Shan. I don't know if I even can. It was wrong to place my family name at a higher value than my own child. Such stupidity in my youth, and I didn't quite recognize how idiotic I was and for how long until I met you again in this vile place. We age a little differently since elves live somewhat longer than humans, but I'm not much older than you. I know immaturity is no excuse. I'm habitually reprehensible—a selfish fool who deserves your loathing. It was cruel to be so reckless with your heart, and I'm sorry.

  Don't waste time forgiving me. Let's just escape alive—me, you, and your foundling. I think she's taken a liking to me, so don't hold that against her.

  Daelis

  I am Daelis Goldtree, Lord of Jadeshire. Son of Daelon and Ranalae. I am 40 years old and I will live to see more years. We will not die here because Rin will save us all.

  Day 10