Liberation Unleashed

by Ilona Ciunaite

  Infected humans cannot control life, even though they believe deeply that they can and that they must be able to. One day, they hope, everything will be just as they want it. Permanently. Happy forever. They will be at peace when all wishes and desires are met. It will happen one day in the happy tomorrow. The hope is so strong. The mind dreams endless what-if scenarios and creates hope and desire as well as fear—fear that a desired outcome may never happen. But if you look at nature, there is no such thing as hope. Hope is the life preserver that the drowning human tries to grab. Hope is a symptom of delusion; it’s mind-fog, a glorified hypnotic thought, the opposite of hopelessness.

  Infected humans want something else all the time. They are the flow, but the I Virus in the mind says otherwise. People want to choose what is best for themselves, but how can they ever know what is best? From the point of view of people who believe they are separate, it’s definitely not what is that would be best for them.

  How to Remove the Virus

  The solution to the I Virus? The surgical removal of it, one human at a time, by running an antivirus program that goes through the files, destroying and deleting the infected parts. Then the system can be started afresh.

  To start the healing, all you need to do is look with honesty and courage into the truth, into the obvious.

  There is no “you” that you think you are. There is flow of life—effortless, spontaneous—happening by itself, right here, right now. Sensations are happening, thoughts are passing by; they are not your thoughts; there is no thinker. The thinker isn’t someone special—the thinker is nothing but the thought.

  Noticing Is Effortless

  If you feel tension when trying to look at what is, you are trying too hard. Stop trying. Looking is a matter of noticing what is already here, not inventing or imagining something that needs a huge amount of energy to sustain. It’s not mental gymnastics, and there’s no medal that you have to go for. Soften, breathe—smile even. Take your time to relax and simply notice what is happening in the present: sensations, muscle tension, feelings, subtle eye movements, sounds, smells. This sort of noticing is effortless; attention moves and focuses on different perceptions, different information coming in. Thoughts rush in to label what is being noticed. No special state is required; it’s everyday ordinary business.

  Looking, noticing, and seeing are all the same action expressed through different words that can be used interchangeably for our purposes. If I asked you to tell me what is behind your back right now, you could answer by doing one of two things: by thinking and remembering, or by turning your head around and actually looking back and describing what you see. If I ask you to look for your phone or keys, you would quite naturally, without forcing it, take a look with your own two eyes and locate them. That’s how to look.

  Looking is finding out what is true in experience. It is a nonverbal action of focusing attention on a target. Thinking is verbal—it is naming experience. Both work together as one mechanism. If you can’t see for yourself, you cannot describe it in your own words (but you can attempt to describe it using someone else’s words, from memory).

  You may say that you are trying really hard and still cannot see, and you might even ask if some people just cannot see. Ironically, trying to see is imagining or presupposing that you do not see—the opposite of looking at what is here already, in this very moment, right now. Of course, you already see what is here now. No effort is required: what you see is undeniable. This action is plain, simple, and ordinary. Look around.

  Try This for Yourself Take a little journey with me. Focus on what is, on direct, immediate, actual experience. Notice sensations in the hands and feet, light, and sounds; just listen, feel. Soften, allow, indulge.

  Let all of this be okay for a minute and a half. Whatever this is. Just sit with it, allowing all that comes up to be here. Notice sensations of being, vibration, aliveness. Are you “doing” being or is being “on” by default?

  Feel the sensations and see how the mind attempts to describe all that it focuses on.

  Notice the sensation in the left foot. There is a sensation, plus thoughts about it. Is there a feeler of sensation? Is there a feeler of feeling? Does feeling happen to another sensation? Stop reading for now and close the eyes for a bit.

  Now turn the attention to feeling the emotion that is most evident now. See how the mind names it. The action of labeling creates a sense of solidity and identity. But what is underneath the concepts? A raw sensation, a flow of perceiving. Be with the flow and watch what is happening. This is what is, in all its glorious simplicity.

  Can you see a difference between looking/noticing and thinking? What is the main difference? Have a look now to verify for yourself. Write it all down.

  Thinking Is Not the Same as Looking

  Look for your self, the one you supposedly are or own. And by look, I mean exactly that: Check. What is actually here? Like this: Touch your right ear. Touch your left foot. Touch the chair. Then touch what you call “myself.” Where does a finger land?

  Looking in experience can only be happening now, not in the thoughts about past or future. So any time you don’t know where to look, bring attention back to what is.

  Expect that this should be somehow different and… here you go, you are trying to fit what is into a frame of thoughts, into concepts. Is pigeonholing “what is” even possible? Soften, breathe, and look again.

  The only thing to understand is that looking is not about understanding. It’s about recognition.

  Expectations Are Like Clouds That Cover the Sunshine

  Such a lovely day on the seaside. Sunshine, light breeze, and sounds of the sea, seagulls, and distant traffic. It’s delicious to sit on a bench in the sunshine and just be. This moment is complete. Nowhere to rush to. Nothing to plan. There is peace and a sense of deep joy, of being alive. The heart is wide open, streaming love.

  I had a few glimpses into the gorgeousness of just being before awakening, but they were fleeting and short. The mind would start wandering and get lost in dreamy images of past and future, possibilities, and probabilities. Now I can sit and just be, without getting sucked into the story land, enjoying the view and listening to the orchestra of aliveness.

  This peace and delight is underneath all judgmental thinking, and it is available at any time. But to get here one needs to leave behind all problems, hopes, and expectations the same way we leave shoes at the door upon entering our house. You may say that it’s easier said than done and, of course, you are right, because even though the mind is seeking peace, it feels that peace is threatening. As if peace would mean an end to the stream of thoughts, the death of the narrator.

  Expectations are the biggest obstacles to seeing this moment as it is. They are the shoulds and should nots, the wants and don’t wants—the musts, needs, and other mind weeds. These thoughts have a pull, and once they arrive they have the power to drag one into the story and—puff! The peace is lost.

  The mind creates expectations, as this is what it is used to doing; this is its job. It’s a habit, an addiction. It seems obvious that everyone has expectations, plans for the future, and ideals to seek. If you don’t have goals and expectations, there must be something wrong with you, right? It’s so ingrained in our heads that it’s not even possible to raise these questions: Do we need expectations at all? In daily, ordinary activities, in a practical sense, are expectations useful?

  Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live without expectations? Well, the first thing I noticed living without expectations is that there is no more tension, nor constant need to get somewhere. The feeling of being in a hurry, of not enough time, is gone. Thoughts about time no longer feel like pressure. All that needs to be done gets done at the right time, no later or earlier. With that, all thoughts about what someone else will think if I do not deliver are gone too. Gone are the judgments and excuses that used to be popular topics in the “thought show.” The mind no longer creates future scenarios in whi
ch it looks for solutions to imagined problems, to the what-ifs. It doesn’t even go there, as this exercise does not add to experience but only redirects the focus to dreamland, which the mind now recognizes is futile. It can be entertaining and fun to wander into imagination, and if that’s what’s happening, then yes to that.

  I am a tattoo artist. I used to have nightmares in which I saw people sitting and waiting in the reception area while I was busy tattooing and rushing around. The waiting people made me feel uncomfortable, and I felt that they were annoyed with me. I dreaded that there wasn’t enough time. I could not meet their expectations, which were not even mine, and with this realization came a heavy feeling of guilt: I’m not enough. I should be different. I need to try harder. They are judging me. I must improve myself… Aaaaah! How can I escape? Where is the Exit sign?

  The house of suffering is built on unfulfilled expectations, unmet wants and desires.

  All searches for freedom are built on the expectation that says, Once we get “there,” life is going to be so light and easy, so rosy and blissful, that we will be happy forever and ever. Seeking is based on the expectation of finding lasting happiness by trying to fix something that is not as it should be. Resistance stops as expectations drop and openness is noticed. Seeking and expectation are one process driven by the belief that something needs to happen in order to be content and happy now. One could live in a paradise and not notice if the mind is busy creating I can’t wait for this to happen scenarios, constantly dreaming about something else.

  A spring cleaning of the head to remove all of those useless expectations is the only thing that needs to happen. It’s really simple: notice expectations as they arise and see how they hold an image of how it should be in contrast to how it is. Feel the gap. See where they come from—your mother, family, partner, kids, boss, community, bank manager. Are these expectations really yours? Do you have to meet these expectations? What happens if you don’t? Notice the tension that is connected to the wanting. Feel the sensation. What is that?

  Of course, the tension is here because of the fear that expectations won’t be met. The feelings of sadness, regret, shame, guilt, blame, anger, desperation, and hopelessness, perhaps a wish to die, are all close friends of expectation. If one can let go of wants, shoulds, and should nots, triggers are released too. No more expectations, no more fear that they won’t be met, no more resistance to what is here now. In the end, all that is left is surrender.

  The mother of all expectations is hope. It’s one glorified expectation that tomorrow will be better than today. Hope is a thought about the future that gives birth to expectations. Hope is something that humans have and, yes, it’s very nice to see wishes and hopes come true in stories and movies—The Happy Ending. But have a closer look: the more you hope, the less you see what is here and now that can be appreciated right this moment. Letting go of hope is not really about practicing appreciation, but rather a noticing of what is already here, which opens the door for what is happening to flow freely. Ahh! It feels so good just to be! The smile breaks out and the joy tickles. Ahh! That feeling. And one more thing: the flow is a never-ending continuity right here, right now. Being aware does not get switched on and off; however, the content is ever changing, like a kaleidoscope of a multicolor experience. In other words, this that is happening now is impermanent. Appreciate this now, because this, too, shall pass.

  Expectations are like clouds that cover the sunshine of living this moment fully. If you expect that you should no longer feel unwanted emotions, it is like you are saying no to these feelings when they come up and no to experiencing them fully. Feeling all emotions is the same as having the freedom to live life fully; to experience whatever presents itself, without thinking that it should be different, is priceless. Freedom to experience, to feel, to express, to love is already here. Just look behind the curtain of expectations. Don’t expect to see only the happy side, because that expectation, too, is a prison. The rich fullness includes all.

  Try This for Yourself Write all this down. When you write, the mind focuses and is forced to look closer.

  What do you expect from… ?

  What do you not expect from… ?

  What do you want from… ?

  What do you not want from… ?

  Dig deeper and find the hidden expectations.

  Write them down, too.

  Open up with complete honesty.

  When you think that all expectations have been brought up…

  look for some more.

  Write them down.

  Read what you have written and let it all sink in.

  Let it all be okay.

  Acknowledge that these expectations are running in the system.

  Take a look in your experience right now. Is anything really missing?

  Realize that life goes on regardless of how you expected it to go.

  Check whether you have control over what is happening and when.

  How about now?

  Does this care about what you want this to be?

  See if you need all those expectations or if it’s okay to let them all go.

  Take a closer look to see if expectations are useful in a practical sense.

  See if anything would be lost if those expectations were dropped.

  Which expectations would be hardest to let go of?

  What are you really looking for? Write all that comes up.

  And if this exercise does not have the expected effect, you may bring your precious expectations to the Liberation Unleashed forum and work through them with someone until there is shiny clarity.

  Just like weeds in the garden, sneaky expectations may come back. Don’t let them ruin the show.

  Fear Is Sensation

  Fear informs us about itself through an intense sensation. There is a distinct flush that gets triggered by thought, sound, color, smell, taste, or touch. Fear makes itself known as a sudden contraction. It’s not pleasant and may set off a chain of reactions. It’s felt as a strong no to whatever is triggering it.

  Imagine for a second that you are in a desert, a wide-open space. You are walking for hours, in circles. You go up yet another hill and see a closed door. It is standing right there, very obvious, and it is locked. There’s no key around. No key in your pockets. The door does not move, does not open; it just stands there. You are stunned and cannot move forward. So you sit by the door, and sit some more, thinking, guessing, and dreading what might be behind it. It feels as if the door is guarding something, something that you need but cannot see. At the same time the lock is having a laugh; it has done it’s trick, making it appear that there is something important behind the door that is protected. There is another way to find out what is behind the door. No need to unlock it, no need to push it open, just take a step to the side and look behind that silly door. There is nothing there! The desert continues in all directions, and the door stands there, but it’s not an obstacle to your journey.

  Fear feels and acts like that lock on the door. It stops one from going further. Fear is a signal to step back; it’s a warning of danger, real or imagined. The feeling can be so strong that it may paralyze thinking and acting.

  Fear is a sensation. It is not to be avoided but rather noticed and felt. It is not good or bad in and of itself. It is doing its job, keeping the self-image and belief structure safe and intact. It’s protecting the I Virus from being found out. At the center of the belief castle is a special belief: you as a separate human being, a perceiver of life, in charge of your own choices.

  There are many techniques and ways to deal with fear, but let’s try something different.

  Try This for Yourself Acknowledge the presence of fear when it shows up.

  Remain aware that fear is here.

  Thank it. Thank it for coming.

  Just let it be here for a minute, and see that it’s okay for it to be here. Bow to it in honor.

  Then look behind it.

  What is there? Is anything showing up
?

  If something does, what is behind that?

  Just like that locked door in the desert, you can look from the other side. All you need to do is take a peek, out of curiosity, and see what is there behind that door.

  You don’t need to go into feeling, nor do you need to analyze the fear endlessly; instead, look at what is hiding behind that sensation of fear. If you feel fear, acknowledge it; if you don’t feel it, then don’t look for it. There really is nothing to be afraid of.

  If the fear is too big, there are ways to reduce it. I recommend the emotional freedom technique (EFT) or whatever works for you. Some people experience a lot of fear during the EFT process, whereas some experience none at all. There is no rule.

  Questioning core beliefs does not destroy anything real. Only the false falls away, the false that distorts the view—that holds tension, anxiety, and suffering. The false falling away may feel like a loss, but nothing worth keeping gets lost.

  In other words, nothing stops being what it already is. Beliefs that no longer serve are no longer needed, and it’s okay to move past them and explore with fresh eyes.

  Bypassing fear, making friends with it, using it as a radar to find places of old conditioning that still need cleaning up, are different ways to relate to fear. In these ways, fear can be appreciated. After all, it has been doing such a great job so far.

  So take a peek, look behind the fear. What is there that feels threatened? You may find one of two things: nothing at all or something that wants to be seen. Keep looking to see what is there.