Liberation Unleashed

by Ilona Ciunaite

  While standing in the kitchen, imagine a unicorn comes to visit. Say hello. Touch the horn, pat his back. Have a conversation with the unicorn about where he has been and how the kids are. Smile at this beautiful creature.

  Then have a look. What happens to the unicorn when it’s no longer imagined? Is there a “no-unicorn” here instead? Did the unicorn disappear?

  Focus on the image of yourself, the separate, individual entity. Is it an image in the mind or something perceived via senses? Is there anything that may disappear?

  When you have made the connection between what is imagined and what is not imagined but actually happening, explore each perceiving channel further. Can you see a self with eyes, hear it, touch it, smell and taste it? Can you find the self?

  Is there an “I” or a “self” in touching, smelling, tasting, seeing, and hearing? Test it with each sense.

  How and when is self experienced?

  Is it constantly here or does it come and go?

  Is there the sense of separateness right now, in this moment?

  Is there a sense of oneness?

  What is separate from what?

  What do you find in experience right now?

  What is limited, and by what?

  What is here right now?

  Look, not at an absence, but at what is actually here, happening right now.

  Step Four: “I” Is a Thought—Thought Does Not Think

  Contrary to what we have been fed since childhood, “I” is not a soul or a being; “I” is a thought. It is not a being, it is just a label. The word “being” should only be considered a verb, not a noun.

  “I think, therefore I am.” The simple meaning of this famous phrase, attributed to René Descartes, is that the simple act of someone wondering whether or not he or she exists is, in and of itself, proof that he or she does exist. At the very least, this phrase states that there is an “I” who does the thinking.

  But let’s not believe what somebody else says. Let’s test it.

  Close your eyes and find that which is always present.

  A feeling of aliveness, an aware being-ness, an “I am.”

  Stay with the feeling.

  Is it personal?

  It feels personal because of all those years you thought you existed as a separate being.

  In actuality, it is a sensation plus a labeling of the mind as “me.”

  Look at thoughts.

  Where do they come from?

  Can you control them?

  What influences thoughts?

  Do you know what your next thought is going to be?

  Can you stop a thought in the middle?

  Can you stop a thought from coming?

  Can you think just happy, pleasant thoughts for half an hour?

  Answer these questions for yourself, and notice the thinking process.

  How do thoughts come?

  In bundles, one after another, or one at a time?

  Does one thought give birth to another?

  Is the I-thought coming from a different place than all other thoughts?

  Is “I” the thought or the thinker?

  Notice that thoughts come and go by themselves. They are just thoughts and, like clouds in the sky, there is nothing that controls them; they roll one after another and there is no way to stop or get rid of them.

  Look at the mind as a labeling machine. Experience happens, labeling follows. Noticing, observing, and witnessing happen, and labels pop up right after.

  Write down what you notice about the thinking process. While writing, notice how a thought comes and the hand writes it down.

  Is there a thinker?

  Is there a reader?

  To what do these thoughts rise?

  Notice the body breathing.

  Look. Is it breathing by itself or is there a breather?

  The label says, “I breathe.” Is there an “I” that does the breathing? How about when you sleep? Does breathing need a breather?

  Examine simple and ordinary actions, like walking, eating, listening, and dancing. Every experience is followed by an “I did this” commentary. But look closer: Is there a walker, an eater, a dancer? If language says that there is a subject or object doing action, is that true in your direct experience?

  Play with the labeling for a bit. Notice that “I” is a label, a word that precedes other words in the English language structure. Right now reading happens effortlessly, and if you just stop for a second, thoughts appear and start labeling. “I” is one of the thoughts.

  Dig deeper:

  Can a thought think?

  Can a thought do anything?

  So, if “I” is a thought and thought does not think, where is the thinker? Is there one? “I think, therefore I am,” can now be broken down to:

  “I” is a thought itself.

  “I” does not think.

  There is no “I.”

  Thinking happens.

  By itself.

  Step Five: There Is No Separate Self at All in Reality

  Check it:

  Is there a gap between the experienced and the experiencer? Is there an experiencer, a center to which life happens?

  It’s a good idea to get out into nature at this point in the process. Watch the sky, trees, animals, babies, and other people. See how everything moves and wiggles, including tree branches, grass, animals, birds, humans, thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Notice that the thoughts that arise are dependent upon what is being noticed, what is being experienced. See how attention moves freely, noticing whatever stands out the most. Life “lifeing” is one big orchestra of happening.

  Watch life, aliveness, and how everything is flowing effortlessly. Expand your focus. Notice how everything simply is. Perceiving is happening. It’s here, now, alive.

  Notice how the word “seeing” can be called another word, such as “color.” Seeing color is what we call “seeing.”

  There is no one behind the eyes, no watcher, no observer; there is only watching, only observing happening in the present moment. There is no agent that switches seeing on and off at will. The mind is doing its usual business of labeling experience, and it is doing so by itself, without effort.

  When you look at what is looking, what is there?

  Don’t try to fit that which is into the frame of what you think you should be seeing. Don’t make this about happy, relaxed feelings or a state of bliss. Notice what is actually happening. It may as well be frustration, tension, confusion, or seeking to realize something. Notice that, with closer inspection, it’s a sensation that is being felt. This is what is actually happening, including the story about the sensation.

  The thing is, you are seeing this already. If there is doubt, notice that. Look right at it, see it for what it really is—another mechanism of protection. Just that. It is just a thought that arises and passes away. Keep looking at the obvious. Focus. Is there a focuser? Or is focusing happening?

  You are seeing it already at this point; all that is needed to recognize this fully is noticing that it’s already the case.

  At this point there is nothing that you need or can do. Let it unfold. There is no agent that can let this unfold. See that there is no one who can do anything. No one to let this happen. No one to even surrender. It all just happens, with and without your consent. It’s all happening already—noticing, recognizing, seeing. Trust that what is, is.

  There are many traps here, and you may need to focus hard. Everything that is not direct looking is a distraction from looking. The mind may be creating all kinds of distractions, but just remember to hold focus.

  At this point, if you need help, please visit the Gate Forum at http://www.liberationunleashed.com, where you can get help from our dedicated team, free of charge. Having somebody to talk about this is priceless.

  At this point in the seven steps, you either see that you see it or you think that you don’t see it.

  The Bahiya Sutra (see http://awakeningtoreality.blogspot.sg/20
08/01/ajahn-amaro-on-non-duality-and.html) puts it all so simply and clearly. Play with it. Spend time with it. See the world through this lens.

  In the seen, there is only the seen,

  in the heard, there is only the heard,

  in the sensed, there is only the sensed,

  in the cognized, there is only the cognized.

  Thus you should see that

  indeed there is no thing here;

  this, Bahiya, is how you should train yourself.

  Since, Bahiya, there is for you

  in the seen, only the seen,

  in the heard, only the heard,

  in the sensed, only the sensed,

  in the cognized, only the cognized,

  and you see that there is no thing here,

  you will therefore see that

  indeed there is no thing there.

  As you see that there is no thing there,

  you will see that

  you are therefore located neither in the world of this,

  nor in the world of that,

  nor in any place

  betwixt the two.

  This alone is the end of suffering.

  Step Six: How Does It Feel to Crash the Gateless Gate?

  Has anything changed in normal everyday situations? Are there any changes in ordinary everyday activities? What hasn’t changed at all?

  Write it all down.

  What is different now compared to before you started the investigation?

  If you have passed through the Gateless Gate, it becomes obvious that there is no Gate. There is no “I” who needs to or can cross the Gate, and there never was. You may be glad to find that seeking has dropped away.

  Answer this question: Is seeking still here?

  If yes, what other expectations are there to let go of?

  One thing is for sure, you are not going to hear angels singing, nor a sonic boom when you pass through the Gate. Doing so is just like seeing and recognizing that there is no imaginary spoon—there is a dropping of a belief. The shift can be very subtle, or it can come with intense bodily reactions and experiences; it does not matter how it is for others, how it happens for you is perfect for you in every way. Smooth or wild, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that the assumption of a separate self drops away.

  Step Seven: Falling

  Right, step seven is when it gets interesting.

  Since the core belief has been busted, a lot of lost beliefs will still be hanging around. Imagine a computer system: If you delete a program, there will still be files left behind that hinder the computer’s performance, slowing it down. So what do you do? Defragment the system, tune it up, and clean up the files.

  Knocking out the core belief is like a tsunami to the system. It leaves a lot of debris behind, a lot of corpses to take care of. What you want to do at this point is clarify, clarify, and clarify some more. Keep eyes open, let the beliefs surface. Keep looking. They will come up one by one ready to be examined and released. Don’t fight them. Hold on to nothing. As soon as you start holding on to beliefs and ideas, you get stuck; you feel right about something and feel like you have an opinion. To unstick, just let it all fall off. That means question everything you are certain about.

  I call this stage “falling” because all that is untrue falls away, and all that is true falls into place and starts making sense.

  Some say it takes a few months to settle in, but everyone is different. So there is no way to know how long it will take for the system to reboot and rebalance. Faith in truth is your friend. Looking is the tool that has to be used over and over again. A burning desire to get the last bit of I Virus out of your system is another friend, as is a readiness to let go of everything that does not serve anymore. Doubt your precious beliefs and keep investigating. This is only a beginning, not an end. You have not crossed the Gate of happy ever after; no, the Gate is a tiny first step, a very important one, but not a final one by any means. Crossing the Gate is only a step over a line—an imagined one at that.

  Look closely at the most precious beliefs that are close to the heart, in the no-touch zone. They are the ones that you really want to inspect up close. You will recognize them by feeling resistance. Follow resistance. It is here to let you know that another bit of the lie is sitting somewhere waiting to be noticed.

  When the sticking point is removed, life becomes easier; there is a real sense of freedom, appreciation, effortlessness, trust, and awe. There is freedom in every situation. There is freedom to express without feelings of guilt, of fear, or of being wrong. “Freedom” does not mean you are free from a negative situation, but that you are free within the situation, free to experience fully whatever life brings. When you feel free, you no longer look at life through the lens of “me.” Instead it’s wide open, ready to be explored. Freedom may be an end to seeking, but not an end to exploring.

  There are many traps, and one can get stuck in ideas and concepts.

  Even the idea of no self can become another belief, a new identity. One can go to extremes and start building a new belief castle based on no self. To avoid this, keep looking, keep checking. What is here right now, right this moment? Where is this no self? Did it replace the self? Has Santa been replaced by “no-Santa”?

  As soon as you are convinced of something labeled “truth” and convinced of how things are, you are stuck in concepts. As soon as there is knowledge, there is believing in stories. Knowing and knowledge are not the same. After realization happens, there is a lot of unknowing that follows. There’s a falling away of the old, while the new is falling into place; then the new falls off as well.

  There is no end to falling. In the beginning it can be intense. It all depends on how easy it is for you to let go of holding on. There is no one to hold on, but grasping still happens. Falling continues, there is no landing place, no solid ground to hit. Eventually it smooths out and one relaxes into it and learns to fly.

  So What?

  Nothing changed, but everything looks different. If this make sense, then the Gateless Gate was crashed, the illusion of separate self is seen through. The nonexistent line is crossed and there is no way back.

  The End of the Search, but Not the End of Our Exploring

  Crashing the Gate may be the end of seeking, but it is not the end of exploration. Seeking may not stop immediately; it may still have momentum. The recognition of no self is just the beginning of seeing life and “your self” in a new light. It takes time to clean up all the mess, to settle in and adjust. The journey continues, the story carries on, but thoughts have been seen to be thoughts. The story is no longer solid, true, or real.

  “So what?” you might ask. You may still feel like a separate being, but now you have the ultimate tool: looking! So keep on looking. Keep noticing, keep asking questions. Keep finding silence, being, and presence, and rest in them. All you need is already here. Trust that life is unfolding by itself and that there is no other way than this.

  You will know when deconstruction is over. Until then there is work to do. By “work,” I mean two things:

  Question what you know is true.

  Rest in being.

  Some Things Change Quickly, Others May Take Longer

  There is so much to explore, and life will bring all that wants to be seen into the present moment. So whatever shows up is here to be looked at. Say yes to it all. See everything as an opportunity to deepen. Question everything, and little by little you will notice changes in everyday life: less judgment, more openness; less thinking, more appreciation; less story, more being; less structure, more flow. You will notice that some habitual thoughts no longer arise. The story changes in a way that allows more space for simply being.

  There might still be expectations, confusion, and doubt. That’s normal at this stage. You may be wobbling between “I get it” and “I don’t get it.” You may be thinking that this is not enough, that some experiences need to happen, that you should be happy and blissful all the time.

 
When these thoughts arise, bring the focus to what is here now. There is no other time or space. Just this. And look again: what is here that wants this to be different, and what feelings are here about that? Come back to stillness.

  The search may be over, but the journey continues. This is an opening, an invitation to look deeper, to free the mind from conditioned patterns, to become aware of habitual thinking, to unhypnotize yourself from the dream of separation. This is where you start living authentically, spontaneously, and are okay with all that comes. This is where you rediscover the beauty of being.

  Don’t Hold On to Anything

  My only advice at this stage is to hold on to nothing. Don’t hold on to anything.

  When beliefs start falling, when certainty is no longer there, it may be scary and painful, but all of this is part of the cleaning-up process. Bring attention to the here and now, notice what is happening, rest in being, and, at the same time, question all beliefs—one by one.

  You may look into time, world, body, emptiness, awareness, space, impermanence…the list continues, and wonder what these things are. There are many great teachers who offer different ways to explore. I would like to mention Adyashanti, Greg Goode, Rupert Spira, Byron Katie, and Alan Watts.

  I highly recommend connecting with others who have crossed the Gate, in person or online. Sharing your experiences and getting support when needed is priceless. You will always be welcomed by the Liberation Unleashed community, where you will find people to talk to. Trying to explain looking to a friend or family member may be met with rolling eyes and resistance, so being able to connect with people who understand can be very helpful. If you feel lost, don’t worry—it too shall pass.

  Here and now, all is always as it should be. How to know that? It’s already here. Isn’t that wonderful?

  You may now find that feelings are much more intense, unfiltered, and raw, or that emotions come up and pass quickly. You are free to feel, to experience, and to enjoy the intensity. It’s juicy and makes you feel alive. The gift of freedom is being able to feel free to live life in its fullness, which includes all.