Lost Soul (The Dirty Souls MC Book 1)

by Emma Creed

  “You know me and your old man were best friends. Two of the original Dirty Dozen. He sat beside me in that chair right there for ten years before he left to set up his own Charter,” Prez lifts his glass up towards the VP spot that Chop now occupies.

  “We rode together, fucked whores together. Ain’t nothing in this world I wouldn’t have done for that son of a bitch. Hell, I even raised his boy.” He slams his now empty glass down, topping it back up, reminding me that I haven’t touched mine. Consciously I bring the tumbler to my mouth and take a swig of the thick, amber liquid. The burn numbs my insides as it slides down my throat and settles in my stomach.

  “I’m grateful for that, sir,” I take the opportunity to tell him, knowing that I don’t say it often enough.

  “You know Mary-Ann never wanted this.” His heavy fist lands heavy on the table. “Nights like tonight remind me why,” he laughs. The guy’s old lady is turning stiff as we speak and he’s fucking laughing.

  “I saw it in your eyes,” he changes the subject. “The day your pa left this world, I saw the determination, the hunger. You wanted in. You wanted retaliation for it. Am I right?” The humor dropped right out of his voice.

  “Yes, sir,” I agree, it’s been my focus since I got here. I just hope that I haven’t fucked it for myself.

  “Well, tonight you proved yourself. You saved my girl, took a fuckin’ bullet…” His lips pick up into a smile. “So you’re in.”

  “What?” I check I’m hearing him right.

  “You made the cut kid…” Prez moves to the cupboard at the back of the room.

  “We already voted last week, I wanted to save this for when you turned eighteen, but tonight I couldn’t be any fuckin’ prouder.” My eyes fall to the cut he’s holding, the same one my Pa wore. The one I’ve been waiting to wear since as long as I can remember.

  “I don’t know what to say, Prez,” I manage, still trying to catch up with tonight’s shit show and how it’s turned out like this.

  “I do need you to answer me a question though.” Prez sounds serious as he holds out my new cut for me.

  “Sure,” I shrug, taking the cut and sliding it on my shoulders.

  “Why Hayley? I get that you could only save one of ‘em, but Mary-Ann was like a mother to you.” Prez looks puzzled.

  “I dunno, instinct I guess,” I answer. Prez nods, seeming to accept my answer, but I’m not finished, I’m curious myself.

  “Honestly. I always wondered if you sent me to live with them as some kinda test. Like you wanted to see which life I really wanted. I’d choose this club over anything. I was born to wear this cut...” I grip the lapels of it tight, remind myself that I’m actually wearing it. “But you gave me a mother and a sister at the same time, and I won’t pretend that I don’t care about them, because I do. I chose Hayley because I’ve lost a mother, I lived through it. But I ain’t ever lost a sister before. Didn’t quite know how I’d handle that…” There it is again, that horrible feeling in my chest brought on by thoughts of any harm coming to her.

  “I cared for them, but I’m no civilian, Prez. I belong here,” I assure him in case there’s any doubt.

  “You’re right there.” Prez grips the back of my head. “And you’re fuckin’ smart boy, your dad would be proud.”

  “I like to think so.” I knock back what’s left in my glass.

  “And Hayley, you really see her as a sister?” he asks, a small hint of threat in his tone.

  “Yes, sir. I love her like she’s my own flesh and blood.” I see his satisfaction, and it makes me relax a little.

  “Jess, I don’t know why the Bastards went after my family tonight,” he admits, taking his seat again. “But until I find out, I’m gonna need someone looking out for my girl, someone she trusts. Last thing I want is to scare her with Squealer or Screwy, you think you’re up to it?”

  “Yes, sir,” I nod, there ain’t no one better for the fucking job.

  “Boy, you stop with that sir shit, I’m your Prez now.”

  “Sure. Sorry, Prez”

  “And for the record, I was never testing you. I saw something in you that reminded me of your father, I trusted it. Kinda hoped you’d naturally take on the brother role with Hayley. Never expected you to be smart enough to hide it from me though. You must have got that smart shit from your momma.” He sniggers.

  I smile because he’s probably right, I never knew her, she died when I was two, but Pa was always telling me how smart she was.

  “So, you’ll look out for Hayley for me?” he asks

  “No need to ask, she’s family,” is my response.

  “Yeah... Well, you proved that tonight. She can never know about this. I don't want her thinking she's in any more danger. But you gotta stay close, and I want her shielded as much as possible from the shit that goes on around here. She may have to be around the club from now on for protection, but it doesn’t mean she needs to know what we're about.”

  “Sure thing, Prez,” I nod in agreement.

  “Me and the brothers already talked about you moving up here after you patched. You can lodge up with Troj. We had to give Grimm his own place. He didn’t take to sharing his space too well.”

  “Sounds good,” I agree, trying to imagine anyone sharing a cabin with Grimm, he’s always struck me as a little tapped. Troj would be the perfect roommate though. We were both prospects, and around the same age. Without competition, he’s the prettiest person with facial hair I’ve ever seen. His impressive height teamed up with long, brown hair has bitches dropping their pussies at his size elevens. But being deceived by his charming looks is a costly mistake to make, the kid is fucking lethal. He grew up on the streets, and he fought on them too before the club found him. Troj was discovered when he knocked Squealer clean out during a bar brawl. Squealer was, and still is, almost double his size. Pure man muscle, like his twin Screwy. So a kid taking him off his feet got Prez’s attention. They ended up bringing him back to Manitou Springs with them. It wasn’t like Troj had fuck all to stay in Denver for. I’ve always been convinced that he’d get his patch before me, guess I’d been wrong.

  Living with Troj would be a blast, but my excitement didn’t stop me worrying about Hayley. She knows nothing about the club, been kept away from it her whole life, and now for her protection, she’s gonna be forced to live in the center of the chaos.

  “You've had a long night, go get ya head down,” Prez’s voice interrupts my thinking.

  “Prez?” I ask thoughtfully, he tips his chin at me.

  “Can I go to her? I mean she's probably gonna wanna see a familiar face and you’re gonna be busy tonight.”

  “I think that would be a good idea, Jessie, I’ll send the doc up to the lodge.” His head gestures to the door permitting me to leave. And despite the horrors of the past few hours, I step out of church feeling ten-feet tall. If I’m nothing to anyone else, I’m everything I’ve ever wanted to be.

  I’m a Dirty Soul.

  AGED 16

  Something shifted between us the night Mama died. Jessie changed, he suddenly became my rock.

  I moved into Daddy’s lodge at the compound straight away, and hated it from the moment I got there. I was no longer an ordinary girl, sheltered from club life. I was a part of it, and despite knowing jack shit about club business, I wasn’t stupid. I was aware of the other shit that went on around here that Daddy and Jessie tried to hide from me.

  Jessie held me the whole way through Mama’s funeral, and it made me happy and sad at the same time seeing him wearing his daddy’s cut. I know how much becoming a Dirty Soul meant to him, but I couldn’t help feeling sad for my own selfish reasons. I may not know much about the club, but I know the club rules, and the biggest one of them is that Prez’s daughter is off limits.

  The whole club showed up for Mama. Charters from miles away all riding in to show their respects. For me, only one person’s presence really mattered, and it was his hand I squeezed for strength as I watched Mama g
et lowered deeper into the damp, worm-riddled earth.

  “She’s not there you know,” Jessie whispered to me under his breath, as if he could read what I was thinking. I looked up at him, my vision blurry through tears.

  “She’s in here.” He moved his finger up and tapped it gently against my temple. “Always here,” he spoke so softly, smiling at me through his own pain.

  I didn’t care who saw when I slipped my hands under his cut, wrapping my arms around his waist, burying myself into him. I comforted him just as much as he did me. I’d known since I was ten that I loved Jessie Donavon, what I’d learn over the next few years was how much I’d needed him.

  Two years passed, and living at the club dragged from one long day to the next. There was always a drama, and soon Mama’s death just became one of them.

  For everyone else, but not for me.

  In between working for Chop and Skid at the garage, as well as dealing with club stuff, Jessie hung out with me as much as he could. He’d tease me, I’d irritate him, and I loved every moment we spent together.

  He dropped out of high school the day he patched in, and didn’t give college a second thought. Meaning that I had to share rides to school with Tommy and Maddox. They were both obviously jealous of Jessie’s club status. Though, I doubted either one of these jack asses would ever make it to prospect, let alone the full cut.

  The club became quieter after Mama died, most of the families who lived here chose to transfer to other Charters. Guess they figured if the Prez’s old lady couldn’t be protected, they were safer elsewhere. Only Tommy, Chop’s son, and Maddox, whose Mama worked down the club at night, were any traces left of what had once been a family-based club.

  I’ve suffered a long day. Tommy and Maddox have been chatting their usual, delusional shit the whole journey home. So when Tommy pulls in to the yard, I get out of the car and head straight up the track towards Daddy’s lodge.

  “Hey baby girl, you wanna study?” Tommy yells after me, leaning over the roof of his car

  “I’m good thanks.” I look back over my shoulder. The pair of them make my skin crawl, all they ever talk about is how they want to study their smart ass’s out of the club life. I’ll admit to being the teeniest bit jealous. School’s never been something I’ve excelled at. A part of me can’t wait until I get to drop out like Jessie did. The other part wants to cling on to normal, to do college and live the dream that Tommy and Maddox talk about, not that I’ll ever admit that to them.

  I often wondered what Daddy wants for me. He made it clear from the day I was born he didn’t want me involved in his club. Situations forced his hand. I’m here because there was nowhere else for me to go. I don’t belong here, but it’s the only way he can keep me safe. Though he’s never taken the time to speak to me about it, I know me being here is an inconvenience.

  “Figured... Prez’s daughter’s too good to hang out with the likes of us,” Tommy taunts, interrupting my thought train. Maddox mumbles something under his breath that seems to amuse them both. I don’t care, my eyes have already fallen behind them, where Jessie is walking towards me.

  No, not me. Them. And something is up. I can tell by the pace of his strides and how his arms swing at his sides. Furious eyes focus on Maddox, and the angriest scowl I’ve ever seen on his face tells me Jessie is really pissed about something.

  There’s no hesitation as he reaches out and grabs Maddox by the back of his head, smashing him face first into the hood of Tommy’s car. When he drags his face back up, I see blood seeping from his nostrils. Jessie’s fist grips tightly at Maddox’s hair, tugging his head back so far that I see the boy’s Adam’s apple bulging from his throat. I watch it quake as Jessie mouths something that looks a lot like a warning tightly into his ear, something that has Maddox bobbing his head in agreement, like a good little bitch.

  If I wasn’t so shocked—and incredibly turned on—I’d laugh.

  “Chill man,” Tommy sniggers, holding up his arms, but Jessie ignores him, dropping Maddox in a heap to the floor. He leaves the two of them behind and chooses to walk towards me, dusting his hands together while that cocky grin spreads across his lips.

  “Hey pretty girl,” his chin lifts up at me.

  Christ, he is perfection. His hands still dirty from working on engines and his overalls stripped down to his waist. He’s wearing his cut over his bare chest and his white T-shirt hanging out his back pocket. I never imagined I’d find a cut and a violent streak attractive in a guy, but Jessie pulls them both off.

  He walks me over to his truck and gives me a ride up to Daddy’s lodge. I’ve lived there since the night Mama died. That’s another reason I hate living on the compound, Jessie doesn't live with me anymore. He lives in one of the cabins down by the lake, with the one they all call Troj.

  It’s not all bad, Jessie does spend a lot of time at our place. Daddy’s never home, too busy running the club. So, most of my company comes from him. Of course, I always feel a surge of jealousy when he leaves in the evenings, I hate thinking about him down at the club, acting like the other brothers do. The thought of the women down there throwing themselves at him, grates against all my nerves.

  “Don’t listen to those asswipes, Hay,” Jessie tells me. As we walk into the kitchen, he pulls a chair out from under the table and twists it round so he can straddle it. I open the fridge and I’m instantly depressed at how empty I find it. A trip to the grocery store is well overdue.

  Pouring us both the last of the juice, I take the seat opposite his.

  “Guys like them don’t know how to act around the chicks they like, so they become jerks.” He downs his juice in one swallow, then takes a pack of smokes from his cut, lighting one up and tosses his zippo on the table once he’s used it.

  “Those guys don’t like me. They hate me,” I correct him, sliding an ashtray across the table, reminding him to use it.

  “That’s what you think, pretty girl.” His eyebrows wiggle, and I throw him a glare back that’s stern enough to make him change the subject.

  “So, what we got for dinner? I’m starving,” he asks, blowing a steady stream of smoke from between his lips.

  “Sorry, fridge is empty, I gotta go shopping.” I roll my eyes, I’m the only one that ever worries about things like groceries around here.

  “I’ll take ya,” he offers. “And we can stop at Bernie's on the way back, grab a burger and a shake.”

  I beam back at him because nothing beats a Bernie Burger. Quickly finishing up my juice, I rush to my room to change, making sure to pick out something that will show off my curves. I have to be more careful now that I’m around Daddy more often, but the tight vest and skinny jeans I choose seem to flaunt my assets without it being too obvious.

  “So, what did Maddox say that got you all riled up?” I question Jessie ten minutes later as I climb into his truck, Jessie never takes the bike when I’m with him. And yes, of course I’ve asked him to.

  He pretends he hasn’t heard me, his fingers tapping the steering wheel to the music that comes from the stereo.

  “Come on I’m curious,” I reach out to tickle his ribs knowing that it’s his sensitive spot, but he manages to shoo me away. “What warrants getting your face dented into the hood of a car around here?” The sickly-sweet voice I put on is rewarded with a smile from him but he soon turns serious again.

  “You don’t need to know.” He shakes his head.

  “Yeah, I do, Jessie. Don’t do that,” I warn, my own smile fading as I straighten myself up in the bench seat.

  “Do what?” He pretends like he has no idea what I’m talking about.

  “What you always do, trying to shield me from the truth, it pisses me off,” I sulk.

  “You gonna make me wash your mouth out with soap now?” he asks, looking at me with his forearm resting over the wheel, taking another shot at skirting around the truth.

  “Jessie…” I warn him again.

  “You really wanna know?” he sighs, hi
s voice almost begging not to make him tell me.

  “I really wanna know,” I assure him.

  “Okay fine,” he shrugs. “Tommy said some shit ‘bout Prez’s daughter being too good to hang out with him, and then that Maddox fucker…” He takes a long inhale through his nostrils, looking as if he might back out of telling me.

  “Jessie. I can handle it.”

  “Fine. He said that you weren’t too good to be choking your throat around a DSD like a club whore.” Jessie’s eyes drop to the wheel, and for the first time in a long time he looks embarrassed.

  “DSD?” I screw up my face. Jessie lets out another long breath before explaining.

  “Dirty Soul Dick.”

  I press my lips together tight to stop myself laughing.

  “That’s ridiculous.” I let a little giggle escape, and it seems to ease him up slightly.

  “I know right? Especially since his mama's sure had her fill of it over the years,” Jessie sniggers, making me instantly wonder if Maddox’s mom has had her fill of him.

  “Idiots don’t know shit. I wouldn’t choke.” I wink cheekily, waiting for his reaction.

  “Girl… You’re barely sixteen years old.” Jessie takes his eyes off the road to eyeball me like I’ve gone crazy. “And I don’t wanna hear that shit coming from you again... you’re set for better things than this place. It ain’t what your mama wanted for ya,” he reminds me, his tone turning serious.

  “Says the guy who has wanted to wear the cut since he sprouted his first pubic hair,” I tease. I know this because I used to sneak into his room when he was out, he’d draw the club’s patch on just about everything.

  “You eat, sleep, and shit this club, Jessie,” I point out.

  “Yeah. I do, but we’re talking about you now.”

  “Well then, don’t I get a say in what I want?” I cross my arms over my chest.

  “Sure. So tell me, pretty girl. What. Do. You. Want?” he asks with a curious smile that reaches all the way to his blue eyes, and for the briefest of moments, I feel brave enough to tell him. My heart pumping full of adrenaline as the words near my tongue.