The Marvelous Land of Oz

by L. Frank Baum

  "But Destiny had singled me out, humble though I was, for a grander fate!One day I crawled near

  148to a country school house, and my curiosity being excited by the monotonoushum of the students within, I made bold to enter and creep along a crackbetween two boards until I reached the far end, where, in front of a hearthof glowing embers, sat the master at his desk.

  "No one noticed so small a creature as a Woggle-Bug, and when I found thatthe hearth was even warmer and more comfortable than the sunshine, Iresolved to establish my future home beside it. So I found a charming nestbetween two bricks and hid myself therein for many, many months.

  "Professor Nowitall is, doubtless, the most famous scholar in the land ofOz, and after a few days I began to listen to the lectures and discourses hegave his pupils. Not one of them was more attentive than the humble,unnoticed Woggle-Bug, and I acquired in this way a fund of knowledge that Iwill myself confess is simply marvelous. That is why I place 'T.E.'Thoroughly Educated upon my cards; for my greatest pride lies in the factthat the world cannot produce another Woggle-Bug with a tenth part of my ownculture and erudition."

  "I do not blame you," said the Scarecrow. "Education is a thing to be proudof. I'm educated myself. The mess of brains given me by the Great

  149Wizard is considered by my friends to be unexcelled."

  "Nevertheless," interrupted the Tin Woodman, "a good heart is, I believe,much more desirable than education or brains."

  "To me," said the Saw-Horse, "a good leg is more desirable than either."

  "Could seeds be considered in the light of brains?" enquired thePumpkinhead, abruptly.

  "Keep quiet!" commanded Tip, sternly.

  "Very well, dear father," answered the obedient Jack.

  The Woggle-Bug listened patiently--even respectfully--to these remarks,and then resumed his story.

  "I must have lived fully three years in that secluded school-house hearth,"said he, "drinking thirstily of the ever-flowing fount of limpid knowledgebefore me."

  "Quite poetical," commented the Scarecrow, nodding his head approvingly.

  "But one, day" continued the Bug, "a marvelous circumstance occurred thataltered my very existence and brought me to my present pinnacle ofgreatness. The

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  150Professor discovered me in the act of crawling across the hearth, and beforeI could escape he had caught me between his thumb and forefinger.

  "'My dear children,' said he, 'I have captured a Woggle-Bug--a very rareand interesting specimen. Do any of you know what a Woggle-Bug is?'

  "'No!' yelled the scholars, in chorus.

  "'Then,' said the Professor, 'I will get out my famous magnifying-glass andthrow the insect upon a screen in a highly-magnified condition, that you mayall study carefully its peculiar construction and become acquainted with itshabits and manner of life.'

  "He then brought from a cupboard a most curious instrument, and before Icould realize what had happened I found myself thrown upon a screen in ahighly-magnified state--even as you now behold me.

  "The students stood up on their stools and craned their heads forward to geta better view of me, and two little girls jumped upon the sill of an openwindow where they could see more plainly.

  "'Behold!' cried the Professor, in a loud voice, 'this highly-magnifiedWoggle-Bug; one of the most curious insects in existence!'

  "Being Thoroughly Educated, and knowing what is required of a culturedgentleman, at this juncture I stood upright and, placing my hand upon my

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  "THEE STUDENTS STOOD UP ON THEIR STOOLS."

  152bosom, made a very polite bow. My action, being unexpected, must havestartled them, for one of the little girls perched upon the window-sill gavea scream and fell backward out the window, drawing her companion with her asshe disappeared.

  "The Professor uttered a cry of horror and rushed away through the door tosee if the poor children were injured by the fall. The scholars followedafter him in a wild mob, and I was left alone in the school-room, still in aHighly-Magnified state and free to do as I pleased.

  "It immediately occurred to me that this was a good opportunity to escape. Iwas proud of my great size, and realized that now I could safely travelanywhere in the world, while my superior culture would make me a fitassociate for the most learned person I might chance to meet.

  "So, while the Professor picked the little girls--who were more frightenedthan hurt--off the ground, and the pupils clustered around him closelygrouped, I calmly walked out of the school-house, turned a corner, andescaped unnoticed to a grove of trees that stood near"

  "Wonderful!" exclaimed the Pumpkinhead, admiringly.

  "It was, indeed," agreed the Woggle-Bug. "I

  153have never ceased to congratulate myself for escaping while I was HighlyMagnified; for even my excess-

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  ive knowledge would have proved of little use to me had I remained a tiny,insignificant insect."

  "I didn't know before," said Tip, looking at the

  154Woggle-Bug with a puzzled expression, "that insects wore clothes."

  "Nor do they, in their natural state," returned the stranger. "But in thecourse of my wanderings I had the good fortune to save the ninth life of atailor--tailors having, like cats, nine lives, as you probably know. Thefellow was exceedingly grateful, for had he lost that ninth life it wouldhave been the end of him; so he begged permission to furnish me with thestylish costume I now wear. It fits very nicely, does it not?" and theWoggle-Bug stood up and turned himself around slowly, that all might examinehis person.

  "He must have been a good tailor," said the Scarecrow, somewhat enviously.

  "He was a good-hearted tailor, at any rate," observed Nick Chopper.

  "But where were you going, when you met us?" Tip asked the Woggle-Bug.

  "Nowhere in particular," was the reply, "although it is my intention soon tovisit the Emerald City and arrange to give a course of lectures to selectaudiences on the 'Advantages of Magnification.'"

  "We are bound for the Emerald City now," said the Tin Woodman; "so, if itpleases you to do so, you are welcome to travel in our company."

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  The Woggle-Bug bowed with profound grace.

  "It will give me great pleasure," said he "to accept your kind invitation;for nowhere in the Land of Oz could I hope to meet with so congenial acompany."

  "That is true," acknowledged the Pumpkinhead. "We are quite as congenial asflies and honey."

  "But--pardon me if I seem inquisitive--are you not all rather--ahem!rather unusual?" asked the Woggle-Bug, looking from one to another withunconcealed interest.

  "Not more so than yourself," answered the Scarecrow. "Everything in life isunusual until you get accustomed to it."

  "What rare philosophy!" exclaimed the Woggle-Bug, admiringly.

  "Yes; my brains are working well today," admitted the Scarecrow, an accentof pride in his voice.

  "Then, if you are sufficiently rested and refreshed, let us bend our stepstoward the Emerald City," suggested the magnified one.

  "We can't," said Tip. "The Saw-Horse has broken a leg, so he can't bend hissteps. And there is no wood around to make him a new limb from. And we can'tleave the horse behind because the Pumpkinhead is so stiff in his Jointsthat he has to ride."

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  "How very unfortunate!" cried the Woggle-Bug. Then he looked the party overcarefully and said:

  "If the Pumpkinhead is to ride, why not use one of his legs to make a legfor the horse that carries him? I judge that both are made of wood."

  "Now, that is what I call real cleverness," said the Scarecrow, approvingly."I wonder my brains did not think of that long ago! Get to work, my dearNick, and fit the Pumpkinhead's leg to the Saw-Horse."

  Jack was not especially pleased with this idea; but he submitted to havinghis left leg amputated by the Tin Woodman and whittled down to fit the leftleg of
the Saw-Horse. Nor was the Saw-Horse especially pleased with theoperation, either; for he growled a good deal about being "butchered," as hecalled it, and afterward declared that the new leg was a disgrace to arespectable Saw-Horse.

  "I beg you to be more careful in your speech," said the Pumpkinhead,sharply. "Remember, if you please, that it is my leg you are abusing."

  "I cannot forget it," retorted the Saw-Horse, "for it is quite as flimsy asthe rest of your person."

  "Flimsy! me flimsy!" cried Jack, in a rage. "How dare you call me flimsy?"

  "Because you are built as absurdly as a jumping-

  157jack," sneered the horse, rolling his knotty eyes in a vicious manner. "Evenyour head won't stay straight, and you never can tell whether you arelooking backwards or forwards!"

  "Friends, I entreat you not to quarrel!" pleaded the Tin Woodman,anxiously." As a matter of fact, we are none of us above criticism; so letus bear with each others' faults."

  "An excellent suggestion," said the Woggle-Bug, approvingly. "You must havean excellent heart, my metallic friend."

  "I have," returned Nick, well pleased. "My heart is quite the best part ofme. But now let us start upon our Journey.

  They perched the one-legged Pumpkinhead upon the Saw-Horse, and tied him tohis seat with cords, so that he could not possibly fall off.

  And then, following the lead of the Scarecrow, they all advanced in thedirection of the Emerald City.

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  159 Old Mombi indulges in Witchcraft

  They soon discovered that the Saw-Horse limped, for his new leg was a trifletoo long. So they were obliged to halt while the Tin Woodman chopped it downwith his axe, after which the wooden steed paced along more comfortably. Butthe Saw-Horse was not entirely satisfied, even yet.

  "It was a shame that I broke my other leg!" it growled.

  "On the contrary," airily remarked the Woggle-Bug, who was walkingalongside, "you should consider the accident most fortunate. For a horse isnever of much use until he has been broken."

  "I beg your pardon," said Tip, rather provoked, for he felt a warm interestin both the Saw-Horse and his man Jack; "but permit me to say that your jokeis a poor one, and as old as it is poor."

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  "Still, it is a Joke," declared the Woggle-Bug; firmly, "and a Joke derivedfrom a play upon words is considered among educated people to be eminentlyproper."

  "What does that mean?" enquired the Pumpkinhead, stupidly.

  "It means, my dear friend," explained the Woggle-Bug, "that our languagecontains many words having a double meaning; and that to pronounce a jokethat allows both meanings of a certain word, proves the joker a person ofculture and refinement, who has, moreover, a thorough command of thelanguage."

  "I don't believe that," said Tip, plainly; "anybody can make a pun."

  "Not so," rejoined the Woggle-Bug, stiffly. "It requires education of a highorder. Are you educated, young sir?"

  "Not especially," admitted Tip.

  "Then you cannot judge the matter. I myself am Thoroughly Educated, and Isay that puns display genius. For instance, were I to ride upon this Saw-Horse, he would not only be an animal he would become an equipage. For hewould then be a horse-and-buggy."

  At this the Scarecrow gave a gasp and the Tin

  161Woodman stopped short and looked reproachfully at the Woggle-Bug. At thesame time the Saw-Horse loudly snorted his derision; and even thePumpkinhead put up his hand to hide the smile which, because it was carvedupon his face, he could not change to a frown.

  But the Woggle-Bug strutted along as if he had made some brilliant remark,and the Scarecrow was obliged to say:

  "I have heard, my dear friend, that a person can become over-educated; andalthough I have a high respect for brains, no matter how they may bearranged or classified, I begin to suspect that yours are slightly tangled.In any event, I must beg you to restrain your superior education while inour society."

  "We are not very particular," added the Tin Woodman; "and we are exceedinglykind hearted. But if your superior culture gets leaky again--" He did notcomplete the sentence, but he twirled his gleaming axe so carelessly thatthe Woggle-Bug looked frightened, and shrank away to a safe distance.

  The others marched on in silence, and the Highly Magnified one, after aperiod of deep thought, said in an humble voice:

  "I will endeavor to restrain myself."

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  "That is all we can expect," returned the Scarecrow pleasantly; and goodnature being thus happily restored to the party, they proceeded upon theirway.

  When they again stopped to allow Tip to rest--the boy being the only onethat seemed to tire--the Tin Woodman noticed many small, round holes inthe grassy meadow.

  "This must be a village of the Field Mice," he said to the Scarecrow." Iwonder if my old friend, the Queen of the Mice, is in this neighborhood."

  "If she is, she may be of great service to us," answered the Scarecrow, whowas impressed by a sudden thought. "See if you can call her, my dear Nick."

  So the Tin Woodman blew a shrill note upon a silver whistle that hung aroundhis neck, and presently a tiny grey mouse popped from a near-by hole andadvanced fearlessly toward them. For the Tin Woodman had once saved herlife, and the Queen of the Field Mice knew he was to be trusted."

  "Good day, your Majesty, said Nick, politely addressing the mouse; "I trustyou are enjoying good health?"

  "Thank you, I am quite well," answered the Queen, demurely, as she sat upand displayed the tiny golden crown upon her head. "Can I do anything toassist my old friends?"

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  "You can, indeed," replied the Scarecrow, eagerly. "Let me, I intreat you,take a dozen of your subjects with me to the Emerald City."

  "Will they be injured in any way?" asked the Queen, doubtfully.

  "I think not," replied the Scarecrow. "I will carry them hidden in the strawwhich stuffs my body, and when I give them the signal by unbuttoning myjacket, they have only to rush out and scamper home again as fast as theycan. By doing this they will assist me to regain my throne, which the Armyof Revolt has taken from me."

  "In that case," said the Queen, "I will not refuse your request. Wheneveryou are ready, I will call twelve of my most intelligent subjects."

  "I am ready now" returned the Scarecrow. Then he lay flat upon the groundand unbuttoned his jacket, displaying the mass of straw with which he wasstuffed.

  The Queen uttered a little piping call, and in an instant a dozen prettyfield mice had emerged from their holes and stood before their ruler,awaiting her orders.

  What the Queen said to them none of our travelers could understand, for itwas in the mouse language; but the field mice obeyed without hesitation,

  164running one after the other to the Scarecrow and hiding themselves in thestraw of his breast.

  When all of the twelve mice had thus concealed themselves, the Scarecrowbuttoned his Jacket securely and then arose and thanked the Queen for herkindness.

  "One thing more you might do to serve us," suggested the Tin Woodman; "andthat is to run ahead and show us the way to the Emerald City. For some enemyis evidently trying to prevent us from reaching it."

  "I will do that gladly," returned the Queen. "Are you ready?"

  The Tin Woodman looked at Tip.

  "I'm rested," said the boy. "Let us start."

  Then they resumed their journey, the little grey Queen of the Field Micerunning swiftly ahead and then pausing until the travelers drew near, whenaway she would dart again.

  Without this unerring guide the Scarecrow and his comrades might never havegained the Emerald City; for many were the obstacles thrown in their way bythe arts of old Mombi. Yet not one of the obstacles really existed--allwere cleverly contrived deceptions. For when they came to the banks of arushing river that threatened to bar their way the

  165little Queen kept steadily on, passing through the seeming flood in safety
;and our travelers followed her without encountering a single drop of water.

  Again, a high wall of granite towered high above their heads and opposedtheir advance. But the grey Field Mouse walked straight through it, and theothers did the same, the wall melting into mist as they passed it.

  Afterward, when they had stopped for a moment to allow Tip to rest, they sawforty roads branching off from their feet in forty different directions; andsoon these forty roads began whirling around like a mighty wheel, first inone direction and then in the other, completely bewildering their vision.

  But the Queen called for them to follow her and darted off in a straightline; and when they had gone a few paces the whirling pathways vanished andwere seen no more.

  Mombi's last trick was the most fearful of all. She sent a sheet ofcrackling flame rushing over the meadow to consume them; and for the firsttime the Scarecrow became afraid and turned to fly.

  "If that fire reaches me I will be gone in no time!" said he, tremblinguntil his straw rattled. "It's the most dangerous thing I ever encountered."

  "I'm off, too!" cried the Saw-Horse, turning and

  166prancing with agitation; "for my wood is so dry it would burn likekindlings."