Anyone but Her

by Erica Lee

  “Oh? Is that so? Because from where I’m standing it looks like you found yourself another straight girl to seduce.”

  “Hey, that’s not fair,” Reagan answered a bit more firmly.

  Jamie let out a sardonic laugh in response. “Not fair? Do you really think you should be talking about fair right now? I brought you along because I needed you. I needed my best friend. Some best friend. You see a pretty girl, and what? Getting in her pants is more important than almost ten years of friendship?”

  Reagan shook her head in frustration. “No, it’s not like that at all. The only thing I admitted was the fact that our relationship was fake. I’m not just trying to get in someone’s pants or seduce a straight girl, and it’s honestly offensive that you would even say that.”

  The fact that Reagan hadn’t told him I was gay wasn’t lost on me. I wasn’t surprised though. Of course she wouldn’t say anything. Just like she hadn’t actually said anything about Jamie, who was, apparently, most definitely gay. I felt guilty just watching as he said terrible things to her, but I couldn’t find my voice. It was all too much.

  “If that’s not what you’re trying to do, then please explain to me why you’re out here kissing my sister. Tell me why you would come on to someone who is clearly straight.”

  “Actually, you dense knob, I came on to her.” I was surprised by the sound of my own voice and the confession I had just made, but I couldn’t stay quiet anymore. It wasn’t fair to Reagan.

  Jamie shook his head, as if he didn’t believe a word I was saying.

  “Yes, Jamie, it’s true. I… I’m… I like girls.”

  Jamie scoffed. “You expect me to believe that when you can’t even say the word gay? I think I would know if my sister was gay.”

  He really had my blood boiling at this point. “Oh yeah, Jamie? Well, I didn’t know you were, so I guess you could say we both missed the clues.”

  “No one in this family is gay! You’re not gay. I’m not gay. Just drop it.” From the quiver in his voice, I was pretty sure Jamie was crying. There was no way to know since he turned and stormed off.

  “Jamie, wait!” Reagan yelled.

  “No, Reagan! I have nothing to say to you right now.” Jamie took a few more steps, then turned back around. “You know what? I’m not surprised none of your past relationships have worked out. You have horrible taste in women. Case in point—going for a straight girl.”

  “Well, shit. It looks like you found the words.”

  Instead of responding, Jamie continued to retreat back to the house. I stared at Reagan, who didn’t take her eyes off of him until he disappeared into the night. From what I could see of her face, I could tell she was fighting back tears. Instead of crying, she turned to me and placed a firm hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

  I couldn’t do more than shake my head. After everything Jamie had said, I knew I should be the one comforting Reagan, but as she wrapped me up in her warm embrace, it was my tears that began to flow.

  ***

  I woke up the next day feeling completely exhausted. I had tossed and turned most of the night, replaying the whole scene over and over again. I thought about what I did say and didn’t say. What I should have said and shouldn’t have said. I was angry at myself for being careless, but even more angry at Jamie for how he reacted. Reagan was great through the whole ordeal, holding me close and allowing me to recount the same moments countless times. I knew she had been hurt by Jamie’s words, but she pushed that all aside to focus on my feelings.

  We reluctantly made our way down to family breakfast, having no idea how Jamie was going to act after last night. I asked Reagan once again if she thought there was any chance Jamie would tell our family what he saw and she rolled her eyes at me for what had to be the millionth time since last night.

  “I keep telling you. If there is anyone who is more afraid of your parents than you, it’s your brother. He won’t say anything that could come back to him.”

  I nodded nervously, praying she was right. “I just hope he’s done acting like a complete ass wipe.”

  Apparently, he wasn’t. We barely made it into the kitchen when he stood from the table and hurried over to Reagan to place a quick, but firm kiss at the edge of her lips.

  Breathe. Do. Not. Kill. Him.

  “Morning, babe. Sleep well on the air mattress? If that’s getting uncomfortable for you, I’m more than fine moving to the couch.” He turned to me next. “Or, you know, if you don’t feel like sharing your room anymore. It’s a new experience for you, so I thought you might be over it.”

  Seriously? What was so hard about wrapping his mind around the fact that I might be gay?

  “Actually, I’ve been quite comfortable at night. Charlie’s made sure of that.” Reagan’s voice was dripping with sarcasm that only Jamie and I could pick up on.

  I wasn’t sure whether to say something or hide my face in embarrassment, but the fact that Jamie was now at a loss for words was all the encouragement I needed. ”And I had a lot of experience with sharing my room when I lived in California. Although, I must say, I’ve never enjoyed sharing a room with anyone as much as Reagan.”

  Jamie grimaced, but instead of the anger I expected to see, his expression appeared more sad. But that wouldn’t work with me. I couldn’t feel bad for him. Not after all of the terrible things he said to Reagan.

  The sound of hands clapping together caused all of us to look across the room. Our eyes fell on my mother who was now walking toward us, a wide smile on her face. “That’s so nice to hear. It makes my heart happy every time I see you two getting closer.”

  I wrapped an arm around Reagan’s waist and pulled her closer to me, trying not to react to the feeling of her body so close to mine. I was trying to piss off Jamie, not out myself. Before I could say anything, Jamie wrapped his arm around Reagan from the other side.

  “It makes me happy too,” he lied. “But Mom, if it’s okay, I’d like to take Reagan out on a date tonight. I think she and I have a lot we need to talk about privately.”

  I groaned internally at his efforts. “I hate to crash your date, but I think I should be included in that too.”

  “Oh! That’s a wonderful idea!” my mom squealed. “A double date!”

  My ears perked up at the word double date. “Wait. What?”

  “You want to go on a double date with your brother and Reagan. That’s so sweet.” She started searching the room as if she were on a mission. “Naomi! Could you come here?” Once my cousin-in-law had joined us, my mom turned to her excitedly. “Do you have Travis’ number? Charlie is ready for that date!”

  Naomi’s eyes lit up. “Yes! Of course! I’m sure he’ll be so excited. I’ll grab his number for you and you can give him a call.”

  My shoulders dropped in defeat. “Sounds great,” I muttered. It was a last-minute invite. He probably wouldn’t be available anyway.

  ***

  As luck would have it, Travis was free for a last-minute date with a complete stranger. I felt guilty even asking him, knowing that I was leading him on for no reason other than to appease my mother. To make matters worse, I had barely seen Reagan all day and I couldn’t tell if it was because she was avoiding me for some reason or Jamie was purposely monopolizing all of her time. It irked me that he was the one being a jerk, but also the one to get her full attention. This whole situation felt ridiculously immature. It was like Jamie and I were back in middle school, fighting over who got the last popsicle. Not that I was trying to compare Reagan to food, even if she was delicious.

  Speaking of being edible, in that moment, Reagan walked out of the bathroom wearing the same outfit my mother had vetoed for high tea a few weeks prior. Only this time, the button up was dressed up with a skinny white tie. Damn. I thought she looked hot wearing it the first time, but the tie made it even better. I let my eyes roam over her body, then grabbed the tie to pull her closer to me.

  I kept a loose grip on the tie, twirling it around in my hand
as I spoke. “You know, this doesn’t look like the outfit a girl who’s trying to impress a guy would wear.”

  Reagan lifted one eyebrow. “Then I guess it’s a good thing it’s not a guy I’m trying to impress.”

  I sighed and closed my eyes, allowing myself to lean in close to her just long enough to enjoy a small whiff of her perfume. “I missed you today.”

  The small, but sincere, smile that spread across her face was enough to ease some of my anxiety from earlier. “I missed you too.”

  I let out a relieved sigh. “I’m so happy to hear that. I was worried you might be mad at me.”

  Reagan’s eyes left mine and she stared intently at the carpet. “Well, to be honest, I was a bit peeved to be used as a pawn in your weird sibling rivalry this morning.”

  “That didn’t seem to stop you from spending the whole day with Jamie.” I winced at my own words as soon as they left my mouth. I was pretty sure I had just confirmed her point, but that didn’t stop me from feeling angry over it.

  Reagan looked back at me with an expression I couldn’t read. “It’s complicated.”

  “Is it? Because he was a huge dick to you last night, so I’m not really sure how you’re even talking to him right now.”

  Reagan groaned in frustration. “Trust me, I’m still super pissed about that. I’m not really sure how I’m going to move past it any time soon. But it’s a lot more complicated than you could possibly understand.”

  “Try me,” I answered flatly.

  “Could you stop?” There was no masking the annoyance in Reagan’s voice, but as quickly as it had come on, I watched her expression soften. “I really don’t want to fight with you.”

  I squeezed her hand before letting it drop again. “I don’t want to fight with you either, and for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry I made you feel crappy.” I then lowered my voice. “I promise I’ll make it up to you later.”

  The way my body hummed when Reagan wiggled her eyebrows at me was enough to make me forget all about our almost-spat. I was contemplating stealing a kiss when I heard a throat clear behind us.

  “Charlie, your date is here.”

  I cringed at the way Jamie emphasized the word date, but placed on my best fake smile.

  I was greeted by a much more sincere smile when I made it to the bottom of the stairs. “Wow, you’re even more beautiful in person.” Travis beamed and took a step toward me, clearly contemplating what his next move would be.

  Before he could make a decision, I reached my hand toward him. “Charlie Miller. It’s really nice to meet you, Travis.” His hands were rough and calloused and his handshake was firm—a trait that most girls would probably love, but my mind drifted to Reagan’s soft touch. I longed for that touch. As if she could sense my need, Reagan’s fingers landed lightly on the back of my arm.

  “You two ready to go?”

  The smoothness of her voice, mixed with the comfort of that touch, were almost enough to make me drop this whole facade and come out to my family on the spot. For years, I feared what would happen once my parents found out, but one touch made me feel like I could overcome whatever they threw at me.

  “Let’s do this.” With Jamie’s voice, Reagan’s hand dropped away, and all of that bravery dissipated. If my own gay brother had this poor of a reaction, I couldn’t even fathom how my parents would react.

  Jamie reached for the door, but before he could turn the knob, it was opened from the other side.

  “Mary Beth! Oh honey, I’m so happy you were able to find someone to bring along,” my mother cooed as she walked into the hallway to greet our newest guests. “Jarrett, it’s always so nice to see you.”

  I looked toward Jamie and Reagan, who both appeared just as confused as I felt.

  Sensing the tension, my mother closed in on all of us. “I stopped by the farm to get some fresh eggs today and mentioned your plans to Mary Beth. We both agreed it would be good for all of you if she came along. You were all so close at one point. There is no reason to allow the past to get in the way of that.” She then turned back toward Mary Beth. “I’m so happy to see that you brought Jarrett. Both of you have always felt like children to me.”

  Instead of acknowledging my mother, Mary Beth turned toward me. “I hope this isn’t too weird for you, Charlie.”

  It took everything in me not to roll my eyes at her. “Of course not. The past is the past. No need to hold onto something that is long over.” I let my eyes linger on her for a moment, before focusing on Jarrett. “No offense, man.”

  Before anyone could respond, my nana padded into the hallway. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw all of us standing by the door and studied everyone, before letting her eyes settle on Mary Beth and Jarrett. “You two look weirdly familiar.”

  Mary Beth returned my nana’s bewildered grimace with a wide smile. “Of course, Nana. It’s me, Mary Beth. I spend a lot of time here with…”

  “Oh I know,” Nana interrupted. “Both of you are in pictures hanging over there. I always thought that was weird.” Without waiting for a reply, she shuffled away, mumbling under her breath about how everyone born after the Great Depression had serious issues.

  “Shall we go?” I repeated, ready to get this night over with.

  ***

  Dinner was as awkward as I suspected a dinner filled with exes and closeted gays would be. Jarrett and Jamie spent most of the night making inappropriate frat boy type jokes, while Mary Beth took every opportunity she could to make some backhanded comments about how quickly people move on. The only thing getting me through was my view across the table and the way Reagan’s eyes lit up every time they met mine. Although, it was hard to enjoy these moments when I also felt guilty. Travis had been the perfect gentleman all night, opening my door, pulling out my chair, and refusing to participate in the douchebag banter with the other two guys. Which was exactly why I agreed to go on a walk with him while everyone else had another drink. I owed him the truth or at least some semblance of it.

  Once we were a safe distance from the restaurant, I stopped walking. “Listen, Travis, I need to be honest with you. I only came on this date to appease my family. I know that probably sounds strange, but sadly, it’s the truth. You seem like a really great guy, so I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

  To my surprise, Travis laughed lightheartedly. “Don’t even worry about it. I hope this isn’t too forward of me, but I kind of figured out early on that there was someone else you would much rather be with than me.”

  “Please don’t tell me you’re talking about Jarrett. My taste has improved immensely since high school.”

  Travis laughed again. “It certainly has. Reagan is a very pretty girl.”

  “Travis, I’m gay.”

  “I kind of already figured that out, Charlie. Your wandering eyes didn’t help you keep that secret too well.”

  “No, I know. I just had to say it out loud. I’ve had a really hard time admitting that to anyone in this town.”

  Travis reached over and squeezed my hand. “Well, I’m really happy you felt comfortable enough to say it to me. I realize the whole date thing didn’t work out, but if you ever need anything, I’d be happy to be your friend.” We headed back toward the restaurant, but Travis stopped me before I could walk back in. “I feel like I should point out the fact that the sky didn’t fall after you made your confession to me. It’s none of my business and I have no idea what the deal is with Jamie and Reagan, but your feelings clearly aren’t one-sided. I just hope you don’t let fear keep you from getting what you deserve.”

  That makes two of us…

  Chapter 9: Reagan

  I hoped the awkward triple date we were forced into (thanks to Jamie’s big mouth) would be enough to knock some sense into him, but three days later, he was still acting like a macho idiot. To make matters worse, his actions seemed to be affecting my relationship with Charlie. Sure, we still fell into bed together every night, snuggling close after pleasuring each
other multiple times, but neither of us dared to talk about what was to come. With less than a week left before Jamie and I went back home, I had so much I wanted to say and I could tell she did too. Our unspoken words were acting as a wedge, slowly pulling us apart.

  The days passed by slowly, the two of us barely interacting since Jamie made sure to monopolize all of my time. I was still pissed at him. The cruel words he said to me repeated in my head, but even more so, I was pissed at how he was treating Charlie, refusing to believe she could be gay since she didn’t fit the stereotypes. I wanted to call him out. Tell him how I really felt about the way he was acting. But he didn’t give me the chance. As if he knew I would dig into him the moment we were alone, he made sure we were always with another family member.

  Still, I continued to play my part. I barely recognized the guy in front of me, but I had made a promise, and no matter how much he pissed me off, he was still my best friend. One benefit to this was I had figured out the way his mannerisms changed right before he was going to be a jerk, giving me a warning. So, when I felt Jamie start to squirm in his seat beside me while we ate dinner at home with his family that Wednesday night, I knew something was coming. Although, nothing could have prepared me for what he was about to pull.

  “Mom and Dad, I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t think it’s right that Reagan and I are being forced to stay in separate rooms. We’ve been very considerate of following your rules, but since we only have a few more days until we leave, could we please stay together?”

  All eyes, with the exception of Nana’s, immediately fell on Jamie. “You know the rules, young man,” his father stated firmly. “Until there is any sort of serious commitment, we cannot allow you two to cohabitate under our roof.”

  Jamie’s eyes darted between myself, his father, and Charlie. “Reagan and I are engaged,” he blurted out.

  “Excuse me?” Charlie hissed, letting her fork drop back onto her plate with a loud clunk.