The Anti-Boyfriend

by Ward, Penelope

  “Excuse me.”

  She turned to me and smiled again. “Yes?”

  “I couldn’t help but notice the way your expression changed when my little friend here turned toward you. I know you didn’t mean any harm, but you should know there’s no reason to feel differently about her. She’s the happiest baby I know. And the most beautiful. She can’t understand what your change in expression means right now, but someday when she’s older, she’ll be able to sense what people might be thinking when they look at her a certain way. So please save your sympathy for someone who needs it.”

  The woman frowned, taken aback. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any harm. I didn’t realize I had done that.”

  Rather than respond, I stood up and walked outside with Sunny to get some air. She leaned her head on my shoulder, and I kissed the top of it.

  My reaction in there was probably a bit overboard; my emotions were out of whack with my impending departure. I guess I felt like I needed to stick up for Sunny now because I wouldn’t be able to do it later.

  After I’d grabbed my bearings and walked back inside, the sight of a smiling Carys brought me back to the present. She approached us with her cart full of food.

  “This place is great. Sorry I’m taking so long. I just never get to do this.”

  “I know. That’s why I gave you space. Take your time.”

  “Oh, no. I’m done. Let’s go check out so we don’t miss the sunlight.”

  After we got back to the house and put away the food, Carys took Sunny into their room to change.

  Carys emerged wearing a sundress that covered the swimsuit underneath. The tie of her swimsuit was knotted around the back of her neck. Sunny wore a little polka dot bathing suit with a hat to match.

  I pulled on the edge of Sunny’s hat. “Are you ready for the beach?”

  She wriggled her legs and squealed.

  While they were getting ready, I’d packed snacks and drinks into a cooler. We loaded the car and headed out. The beach was only a few minutes down the road.

  After we parked, we found the perfect spot on the sand, a ways away from the nearest group of people.

  We laid down a blanket, and Carys pulled out the beach toys I’d bought.

  My attention briefly wandered to a Jack Russell terrier playing in the sand.

  When I turned back around to look at Carys, she’d removed her sundress. My heart raced as I took in her bikini-clad body. I’d been looking forward to and dreading this moment at the same time. Immediately, the sight of her pert breasts straining through the fabric of her top reminded me of the way they’d tasted the night I sucked them into my mouth, reminded me how perfectly they’d fit into my palms. My hands tingled with the need to touch the taut, peachy skin of her stomach. Her body couldn’t have been more perfect. I hadn’t ever seen her so undressed in broad daylight. I couldn’t stop staring. When my eyes met hers and she blushed, I realized she knew exactly what I’d been thinking.

  “I was gonna put on sunscreen,” she said. “But I don’t think there’s a need, since the sun isn’t that strong right now. I put plenty on Sunny back at the house, though.”

  I knew it would kill me to touch her, but the opportunistic side of me couldn’t contain itself.

  “Better safe than sorry.” I grabbed the bottle. “Let me.”

  Carys slid over, and I began massaging the lotion onto her back. She had the smoothest skin I’d ever touched. My dick immediately stood at attention in my swim shorts. This was not good. After I finished, I turned away to focus on the Jack Russell again, hoping my erection would subside before she noticed.

  “Can I put some on you?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Thanks.”

  Now there was no chance of my dick downsizing. The feel of her soft hands rubbing over my back was fucking heaven.

  I let out a frustrated breath as she continued.

  “Thank you,” I said when she stopped. I didn’t turn around, though, not wanting her to see that I was hard.

  Focusing on some seagulls, I worked to distract myself. When it was finally safe to turn around, I noticed Sunny slapping her hands in the sand. She was having a freaking ball.

  Over the next several minutes, Carys ran back and forth to the shore to grab water in the buckets.

  I couldn’t contain my smile. “I can’t believe this is Sunny’s first time at the beach. I’m so glad she likes it.”

  “Yeah. I’m gonna have to find a way to take her more often—not exactly easy when you live in the city.”

  After grabbing my bucket, I built a sandcastle that Sunny soon mashed down into nothing. We were having the best time. People looked at us and smiled, probably assuming we were a family. In a way, we are. A pseudo-family. From almost the very beginning, Carys and Sunny had felt like family to me, though I’d tried hard to resist that feeling.

  Sunny enjoyed playing in the sand until we decided to take her for a dip before the sun went down and it got too cool. We took turns holding her as she splashed and laughed. I spun her around, her feet grazing the water, and lifted her over the small waves that came in. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had this much fun. Something about being around Sunny made you forget about all the unnecessary bullshit in the world. Her smile and laughter were contagious.

  When we got back to our blanket, Carys wrapped Sunny in a towel and sat for a while, cradling her and looking out at the water. An ocean breeze blew her damp hair around. Carys’ strawberry blond hair looked more reddish brown when wet.

  While they were chilling, I opened the cooler and cracked open a beer. I continued to watch them as they faced the water. I would never forget this peaceful snapshot in time. I will never forget them.

  Droplets of water dripped down Carys’ smooth skin, and I wished more than anything I could lick them off. My dick twitched, and I scolded myself for turning what was supposed to be an innocent moment into something else.

  When Sunny resumed playing in the sand, Carys turned toward me, her lean body now facing mine, providing a clear view down her top. My eyes were glued, my ogling obvious. I couldn’t help it. She was so fucking beautiful.

  The next thing I knew, a pile of wet sand hit me in the face. I’d been so wrapped up in eye-fucking Carys, I hadn’t noticed Sunny getting ready to propel it toward me. That woke me up for damn sure. Carys and I broke into laughter, and Sunny squealed.

  I should’ve been completely content, but there was a tightness in my chest that wouldn’t subside. Pretty sure it was my brain battling with my heart.

  * * *

  Later that evening, Carys took a shower while I watched Sunny out in the living room. Lately, Sunny had been holding on to furniture and trying to walk. But I never expected to see her take a few steps toward me on her own. She fell on her butt soon after, but it was a valiant effort.

  Carys had told me that while many babies walk by the time they’re a year old, there could be a delay with Sunny. Kids with Down’s typically walked later on average, closer to two. At fifteen months, Sunny was apparently ahead of the curve, because she was definitely attempting it.

  I turned on the TV and kicked my feet up, never expecting to see her moving toward me again from the corner of my eye. I soon realized she wasn’t holding on to anything. One foot in front of the other, Sunny was walking toward me.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I said, moving my feet off the ottoman.

  Struggling to balance, with a wide stance and wobbly legs, Sunny had a huge smile on her face. My heart raced as I reached my hands out to receive her. Her smile grew bigger until she landed in my arms.

  Oh my God. Sunny had officially walked. She walked. She was walking. Holy shit. I’d just witnessed her first steps, and Carys was in the damn shower! She’d missed the whole thing.

  Lifting Sunny up, I rushed over to the bathroom door and knocked. “Carys!”

  “Yeah?”

  “Sunny just walked! She walked several steps toward me.”

  Her voice echoed
. “Are you kidding?”

  “No! I wish I’d gotten it on camera, but it happened too fast.”

  I heard the shower turn off.

  A few minutes later, Carys emerged, wrapped in a towel, her hair drenched.

  “I can’t believe I missed it. I’ve been trying to get her to walk to me for weeks with no luck. She’s come close, but it never happened.”

  “I know. That’s why I feel so damn guilty. I didn’t even do anything. She just…did.”

  Carys’ skin was flushed, probably from the hot water. She shook her head. “She loves you, Deacon. You just have to exist, and that’s enough to motivate her.”

  I swallowed, unsure how to respond. I didn’t want Sunny to love me. I sometimes wished she’d forget me the second I left, so she wouldn’t wonder where I was.

  I looked at Sunny as she babbled, then turned to Carys. “Why do you think she loves me?”

  “I guess she has an innate sense that there may be some good in you—something the rest of us might not see.” She winked. “Kidding.” Then she disappeared into the bedroom to get dressed.

  After Carys came back out, we tried to get Sunny to walk again. But despite lots of encouragement, she wouldn’t repeat it. She made me seem like a damn liar.

  * * *

  Later, I leaned over the kitchen counter, watching Carys as she cooked dinner while Sunny played with her toys in the playpen. She’d prepared scrod with lemon and herbs, which was baking in the oven, and she was now chopping a salad.

  Once again, I couldn’t take my eyes off her, unable to stop thinking about how some lucky bastard would come along in the not-so-distant future. This would be his life; he would be just as content as I was right now. The difference was, he wouldn’t hurt them like I inevitably would. I knew I wasn’t right for Carys, but that didn’t take away how I was feeling right now. The thought of leaving made me sick to my stomach.

  I’m fucking crazy about her.

  I was about to ditch someone I cared about very much. I’d been pretending, when the truth was I ate, slept, and breathed Carys, probably from the first day we’d had coffee together. She just didn’t know it. And I was too much of a damn coward to admit my feelings. The past had proven that I couldn’t trust myself to keep them safe. They would eventually get hurt. And I’d be damned if I was going to let that happen.

  CHAPTER 18

  Carys

  TELL ME TO STAY

  The weekend after our getaway, I forced myself to get dressed up, despite feeling like the world was about to end. It was the night I’d been dreading. Deacon’s friend Adrian was throwing him a going-away party at a restaurant downtown. Sharon, who loved Deacon ever since he’d come to her rescue with the Bee Gees, had no problem coming to watch Sunny on a Saturday night so I could attend.

  It wasn’t often that I got dolled up and left the house these days, so I went all out, putting on a sexy, hot pink dress and sparkly heels I knew my feet would regret later. I used my new hair iron—another late-night impulse buy—to create large waves. It seemed kind of silly trying to impress Deacon’s friends when he was leaving in two days, but in all honesty, I knew it was Deacon I wanted to impress. Which was ridiculous. Did I think he would take one look at me and magically decide not to move, turning down a position that paid double? Yeah, that made a lot of sense.

  Before I left, Sharon said, “Carys, if for any reason you want to spend the whole night out, I can crash on the couch. My husband won’t mind parting with me for one night, and I won’t mind a break from his snoring.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t have any plans to be out all night. I have to come back at some point to sleep.”

  A slight look of amusement crossed her face. “Well, I was thinking maybe you and Deacon might want to be…alone.”

  I felt the need to clarify. “You know he and I aren’t together, right?”

  “Oh, I know… I just…can tell there’s something there and can imagine how hard his leaving must be. Thought maybe you’d want to say a proper goodbye. You know…” She winked.

  Is she serious? My cheeks heated. “That’s not going to be happening.”

  She nodded. “Okay. I just wanted to put it out there that I can stay the night. Didn’t want you to be uncomfortable asking me.”

  “Thank you, but that won’t be necessary.” When she kept looking at me, I felt the need to continue. “I mean, it’s not that I wouldn’t have wanted that with him. Deep down, I have…wanted that. It just didn’t work out, and now of course he’s leaving.” And that’s a little too much to be divulging to my babysitter.

  “Well, something tells me he’s going to take one look at you in that dress tonight and lose his mind.”

  I smiled. She was giving me a false hope I didn’t need right now. On that note, I kissed Sunny goodbye and made my way out.

  Mrs. Winsbanger opened her door just as I headed down the hall. That was a rarity. She never opened the door, only spied. She wore a floral house dress and fur hat. I don’t know if she constantly had a head cold or what, but the fur cap was apparently part of her standard attire. It certainly didn’t make sense for the middle of summer. She was probably in her mid-seventies and couldn’t have been more than four-foot-five.

  I looked down at her. “Oh hey, Mrs. Winsbanger.”

  She lifted her chin. “I hear Fuckboy is moving.”

  “Yeah. I’m actually going to his goodbye party.”

  “Haven’t heard a peep from him in a long time. Not since the day you yelled at him.”

  Come to think of it, she was right. No vocal action had come from Deacon’s bedroom since that day I’d announced I could hear him through the wall. I knew he’d had sex since then, but he must have chosen to do it away from home. Either that, or he’d taped someone’s mouth shut. I cringed.

  “He’s actually become a very good friend since then, Mrs. Winsbanger. And I’m sad to see him go.”

  “Watching him go is my favorite—nice ass.” She winked and abruptly shut her door.

  Hornball. She’s worse than me!

  * * *

  Deacon’s friends and co-workers had gathered in a private room Adrian rented out at the back of a restaurant downtown. It was a mix of well-dressed late-twenty-somethings, laughing and drinking. There were a fair number of attractive women, and I wondered how many of them had been with Deacon in ways I hadn’t.

  I spotted Deacon in the corner, talking to a couple of guys. He looked so painstakingly handsome, wearing a Polo shirt that clung to his contoured chest. His thick hair was parted a bit more than usual off his face. He was taller than most of the men in the room and stood out in the crowd. I was sure most of the women here wanted to climb him like a tree—myself included.

  He hadn’t noticed me yet. I waited in one spot for a bit, observing his interactions with his friends. He sipped some amber-colored liquor and seemed a little off—his smile forced as he made conversation. I wondered if the impending departure had him on edge. He looked around mid-conversation, as if searching for something. Or someone. Is it me? When his eyes found mine, he smiled wide and immediately excused himself to walk over. Maybe it was me he’d been looking for.

  To my surprise, he leaned in and pulled me into a tight hug, whispering in my ear, “Thank you so much for coming.”

  His hot breath sent chills down my spine. “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

  When he let me go, he took me in from top to bottom. “Carys…you…” His words trailed off. “You look absolutely stunning.”

  Feeling my cheeks heat, I looked down at myself. “Thank you. I tried. I wanted to look good for your party.”

  “You don’t have to try. You’re so beautiful. Always. Even when you’re in a fucking T-shirt with coffee stains or food stuck in your teeth. But right now, you’re taking my breath away.”

  I didn’t know what to make of this, except to say that for several seconds, it felt like we were in our own world. Everyone faded away.

  Th
en he took my hand. “Come on. I want you to meet my friends.”

  I relished the warmth of his hand as we made our way across the room.

  Deacon brought me over to a group in the corner and introduced me to several friends and a few people who also worked for the same company he did.

  A handsome man with dark, curly hair and broad shoulders joined us. “You must be Carys.”

  Surprised that anyone knew my name without being introduced, I smiled. “Yes.”

  “I’ve heard a lot about you.” He held out his hand. “I’m Adrian.”

  “It’s really great to meet you. Deacon talks about you all the time, too.”

  “I don’t know if I like that.” He winked. “Anyway, really happy to put a face to the name.”

  “You, too. And thanks so much for letting us use your family’s cottage. We had the best time.” The reminder of our overnight trip to the Hamptons made me momentarily sad.

  Deacon spoke in my ear, “What can I get you to drink?”

  Again, feeling his breath against me put my body on alert. This “celebration” definitely called for something stronger than my norm.

  “A dirty martini?”

  “You got it.”

  Deacon left the private area to head over to the bar in the next room. Things felt colder in his absence, a taste of what was to come in just a couple of days.

  When he returned with our drinks, he must have noticed my somber look. “Everything okay?” he asked as he handed me my martini, which had several Spanish olives floating in it.

  “Yeah…I guess it just hits me in waves that you’re actually leaving.”

  He nodded slowly. “It’s strange that we’ve never been out like this together in all the time we’ve known each other.”

  Forcing a smile, I replied, “Better late than never?”

  “I guess. Yeah. Just wish we had more time.” Deacon took a long sip of his drink.

  I stuck a toothpick into one of my olives and popped it into my mouth. “How are you holding up?”