Something Missing (The True Love Series Book 1)

by Hazel Robinson

  Taking a deep breath Susan replied, “I was just ten.”

  This was the first time she had opened up to Polly about anything from the time before she went into care; Polly knew almost everything that had happened to her after that, but nothing from before.

  Polly cleared her throat and took the risk to ask more. “So, after that you never had any contact with him?”

  “Nope. When I arrived at the first foster home I asked if I could phone them, but they wouldn’t let me. Then the Sisters of Evil found the picture and teased me over it. You know what happens after that.”

  Polly did, and she didn’t want to drag Susan back down that road again. She lifted the photo back out of the bag and looked at it closely. Two children, so happy. Polly had never seen Susan smile and laugh like she was doing in the photo. It made her sad to think that this was now a missing part of her. “And you hid the photo so they couldn’t find it?”

  “Yes, and I think over time my mind blocked it out. I suppose with everything my body was going through, my mind kept small memories safe. You know, I can hardly remember any of the happy times I had growing up, but I was ten when I left so, I must have had quite a few.”

  Polly placed the photo in Susan’s hand and kissed her on the forehead. “Well maybe this is all a sign. Maybe you and Max will pick up from where you left off and he will help you heal some of those wounds. Maybe all these dreams mean something.”

  “Ha! What? My true love will still be waiting for me? I don’t think so; anyway, he is probably married now with kids and everything. And besides I’m a little too damaged to love.”

  Polly stared at her for a moment. “Don’t you ever say that! I find it easy to love you. And anyway, you’ll never know unless you get your ass to that train station.”

  Susan laughed and packed the last few items. Neither of them really wanted her to go but they both knew it would be the start Susan needed to the life she deserved.

  CHAPTER 2

  Susan sat on the train and waited for her life to start again. As she stared out of the steamy window, she sank into thoughts on what her hometown would be like after 14 years away.

  She was excited to be free of the hell she’d been living, but a part of her felt uneasy about the road ahead. Her life didn’t have a habit of going well. As she stepped off the train, everything looked the same; everything except Susan. She was no longer the little girl who played in her Grandma’s garden or played at the beach with her friends. No, she was very different now. Life had marked her. She asked herself a hundred times if this was what she actually wanted – if this was the way to a new life, backtracking over an old one, but there was unfinished business here, stuff that she knew she had to do.

  Susan jumped into a taxi and headed to her Grandma's house. Excitement built in her stomach. Her Grandma’s house was her safe place, the place she always went to in her head when things were bad. It was home, and her chance to start again. To put her life on the track it should have always been on. As the taxi pulled up, she stared at the house. As hoped, it was just the same as the day she left. She paid the driver and accepted his offer of help with her bags. She took the key from the envelope she’d received from the solicitors and saw how her hand trembled as she turned the key in the lock. As soon as the door opened, she dumped her bags in the hall and ran around the house like a child. Inside, the house was different; tenants had been living in it for the past fourteen-years but moved on recently. It had been lucky timing for Susan because it had become impossible to stay in London, what with all the bad memories.

  After a long weekend of receiving her new neighbors, unpacking, and getting to know the place again, Susan could not wait to get a glass of wine and settle on the sofa with her favorite book. Fortunately (or rather dangerously, depending on your perspective) the local shop and off-license was just a short walk away. She was surprised to discover the same man running it, and even more so by the fact that he recognized her immediately. He chatted to her about who had been living in the house whilst she was gone and gave her the low-down on the general town gossip, reminding her of names that she hadn’t thought about for years. The more he spoke, the more she started to feel truly like she’d arrived home.

  Instead of heading back to the house she went to the beach. She’d spent a lot of time wishing to walk on it again; it held so many happy memories for her. As she walked along the shore, she watched the sun setting in the distance. She thought back to the night she had discovered she had to leave. The memory was painful, and she felt a tear slip down her cheek. No one could have imagined what would happen to her when she left, and no one could have stopped it. Not really. Feeling in need of that drink, she turned in the direction of home. That’s when she saw him. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as the tall, dark-haired man walk towards her.

  Max had seen Susan a few times over the weekend, and he had desperately wanted to go over and say something to her, but he hadn’t known what to say. When she’d walked past the garage earlier, he almost plucked up enough courage, but something had stopped him. She looked amazing, way out of his league, but he plucked up the courage now there really was no way of avoiding her.

  “Hello!” he said, smiling awkwardly, and stuffing his hands deep into his pockets.

  Susan blushed. She had been checking him out as he walked towards her and had liked what she’d seen. She hadn’t expected a stranger to stop and introduce himself; it certainly wouldn’t have happened back in London.

  “Hi!” she cleared her throat, conscious that she might be blushing, “Sorry, do I know you?” Then her eyes met his and her heart gave a little dance, ‘it’s him’ she thought.

  “Suzy? Is that really you? What has it been? Fourteen years?”

  “My name is Susan,” she said warily, still unable to really associate this hot bloke in front of her with her childhood friend. She needed to be certain before making a complete idiot of herself. “Sorry, I can’t quite place your name,” she said coyly.

  The man looked slightly hurt and replied, “It’s me, Max.”

  She tried to calm the butterflies, but they were fluttering all over her body.

  “Max! I can’t believe it’s actually you,” she said running into his arms and almost sending him flying. They began to laugh, and they laughed until tears rolled down their cheeks; but they were tears of complete joy.

  They headed down the street side by side, Susan tucked her windblown hair behind her ear and caught a glimpse of Max, he was watching her every move.

  “I still can’t believe that it’s you.” Max smiled, opening the door to the bar. “When did you get back?”

  Susan took her seat at the table. “Friday. I`ve moved back in to the old house.”

  Max ran his hand through his hair. “I still can’t believe it’s really you; you haven’t changed a bit.”

  “I`ve changed more than you know, Max” she said. Her voice couldn’t hide the years of sadness.

  They sat and talked for hours; about their childhood and what Max had been up to during her absence. Susan felt completely at ease for the first time in a long time. Max did most of the talking, explaining about having to take over his dad’s business when his dad had died. He also spoke about finishing school. Susan offered little, and what she did, she said quietly; little bits about her time growing up and school, but she wanted to keep much of herself private. Max sensed that she was hiding something but kept the thought to himself. He did not want to push her away, he was just happy to have his best friend back after so long. When Susan’s grandmother had died, she’d ended up in foster care in London and he never heard anything about her again until today. He had often thought about her.

  She could never have imagined the little boy chasing her around the beach would grow to be so handsome; everything about him was perfect. As she sat there, she felt a force flow between them, pulling them together; it was to strong that she didn’t know how long she could fight it before doing something embarrassing.
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  After walking her home, Max punched Susan’s number into his phone and promised to text her in the morning. He was keen to meet up and talk some more. Susan smiled, looking forward to it already. She could happily listen to him talk all day she thought as she threw her keys onto the table. With a smile on her face, she sank into the sofa with her book and the glass of wine she had promised herself three hours ago. Every page she read, she had to re-read, her thoughts were all over the place, but mainly they were about Max.

  She dialed Polly’s number, keen to share her news. “Pol, it’s me. I’ve met him… I mean, Max, I’ve met Max and we’ve been for a drink and...”

  Polly laughed, “Susan, hey girl, slow down. What are you on about? Who have you meet?”

  Susan calmed herself down. “Max! Pol, it’s Max. I met him at the beach; he wants to take me out. What do I do, Pol?”

  “Okay, okay, just relax your panicking; you already know the guy so… just catch up. It’s fine.”

  Susan flopped onto her bed. “You’re right; God, I wish you were here with me.” “Susan, listen, seriously, is he hot?” she laughed.

  “Hot? Polly, what? No! I mean yes! Shut up, that’s not the point!”

  She finished her phone-call and headed to bed; before long she was back in her dreams; she dreamt about running her hands over his chest – it was obvious he had a body built of muscle. She imagined running her fingers through his dark hair and staring in to his bright blue eyes. She woke, hot and bothered. She needed to get him out her head; she didn’t need any complications in her life, not when she was just starting again. She was damaged; a relationship with Max wouldn’t be good for either of them.

  Susan caught sight of herself in the mirror, she looked like crap; she’d hardly slept, and when she did, her dreams were filled with Max. She knew that she should think of a way of cancelling their meeting, but she needed to see him again. Grabbing a cup of coffee, she sat in the kitchen and scoured the Internet for local jobs, occasionally jotting down a note between checking her phone. After an hour searching, she slammed the laptop shut and headed off to the bathroom.

  “God you look like shit,” she said to her reflection.

  She needed her hair cutting and her mono-brow threading. She hated the way she looked, so she wore clothes that covered her body. She didn’t want anybody to suspect the mess under her clothes. She climbed into the bathtub. When she’d finished getting ready, she checked her phone for the hundredth time.

  “Still no text?” She said to the wall. “What the hell? She tucked her phone back into her pocket and slammed the door behind her before heading off to town.

  Two hours in the salon and an hour in the few clothes shop and she was feeling her fresh start beginning to take place. ‘Look better: feel better,’ she thought to herself lugging her bags out of the taxi; nothing would ever take her pain away but shopping sure could mask it. She left her bags in the hall and went to the kitchen to put the kettle. As she waited, she pulled out her phone and cursed when she realized that it had been on silent. Her phone flashed three new messages:

  Message 1: Hey! Sorry it’s later than I said. Busy day at garage. Do u still want 2 meet later?

  Message 2: Hey, me again. Just checking I’ve got right number for Suzy? Pls let me know

  Message 3: Guess I’ll drive by to check you’re O.K.

  “Shit!” she said, running upstairs, grabbing her bags on the way. She threw on the first thing she could find and finished just as a knock came at the door. She brushed herself down and skipped down the stairs.

  “Hey, Suzy, you okay?” He smiled. “I got worried when you didn’t reply.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine, my phoned died," she replied. “Do you want to come in?” She moved to the side to let him pass.

  He nodded. “Thanks. We could still go out somewhere, if you want?”

  She looked down at her leggings and baggy jumper and said, “I think in would be better, I’m not really dressed for out,” she laughed.

  “I think you look fine, but in is cool with me.” He gave a small grin that looked decidedly flirtatious.

  Max followed her in to the kitchen.

  “Do you want a drink? I have beer or coffee and I think I’ve a bottle in the wine rack over there if you want to have a look?” She pointed to the other side of the kitchen.

  “Beer is fine,” Max answered, staring back at her with a smile on his face. Susan could feel her cheeks going red. He continued to look at her.

  “What?” she demanded with a nervous smile.

  “Nothing, I just can’t believe how much you have grown up yet your still Suzy, I mean you still look like Suzy. Following her into the living room, he settled in the old armchair. He wasn’t trying to make her uncomfortable, but he couldn’t help but watch her every move; he needed to know more about her.

  Susan felt out of her depth. She could feel his eyes on her. She flicked through her

  DVDs nervously. “Thought we could watch a film?” “Cool,” he said still grinning.

  “Sorry, I haven’t had time to unpack yet.” She paused, suddenly gripped by a warm burning inside. She shook the naughty thoughts away and returned to looking through the box.

  “Any favorites? I’m not a massive film fan – I’m more of a book worm, so you’ll have to forgive my collection.” She pushed the box towards him.

  “Let’s see,” he said, chuckling.

  Looking through the box nothing really grabbed him; besides he wanted to find out more about her, not sit in silence watching a film.

  “I have an idea,” he said pushing the box away, “why don’t we just sit and catch up; it’s been so long since I’ve seen you and I want to know what I’ve missed.”

  Her stomach did a little turn. The things he’d missed out on weren’t exactly the things she wanted to share. She hesitated, worried about what she should tell him? She didn’t want him running for the door. She breathed in deeply,

  “Well if we’re going down memory lane then we’re going to need that bottle of wine.”

  They sat at the kitchen table with a glass of wine. Susan began by telling Max about how she went into foster care and how the family didn’t like her; she told him how the children had been cruel and called her names so that she cried night after night. She went on to tell him how the parents made her feel unwelcome, as if she were a burden, when in truth they were getting a substantial cheque from the government for their pains. They sent her to school in clothes that were too small, they refused her dinner, having had free cooked lunch at school; her uniform had never been clean and as soon as she came home, her foster parents would send her up to bed so that they could have family time together, without her. Their own children were indulged with the money that had been intended for her. In all ways she was made to feel like an outsider.

  Max’s smile slipped. She could feel his pity. It wasn’t what she really wanted from him. She wanted to be honest with him, she wanted him to know her, but she wasn’t sure that he could handle the rest of her upbringing. She drew a close under the conversation.

  “So, I guess that’s Chapter One done with,” she laughed sadly.

  “Bastards,” he said, shaking his head. "I can’t believe you had to go through that.” Susan poured them both another glass and sat back in the chair. “I don’t know what to say, Suzy. I’m sorry, I really am.”

  She felt warmth spread through her; it was a feeling she couldn’t remember feeling since childhood. It felt a little like love. She wanted to say more, give more of herself to him, but she was frightened that he might think her too damaged.

  After Max left, Susan knew nothing would be the same. He had already given her hope of the happiness she yearned for so much. She went to bed and couldn’t help but smile. They had agreed to meet up the next day for a meal and to see were things went from there. Susan knew Max was looking for more than she was offering; she could tell he liked her, but he didn’t know yet that she could never give him the life he wanted.<
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  Max, on the other hand, felt very pleased with himself. From the moment he had bumped into her on the beach, he knew he wanted her more than anything in the world. He wouldn’t let anything stand in his way; she was all he could think about, and he wasn’t going to let her past stop him. He knew she had demons but that didn’t bother him; she was stunning in every way. His heart skipped a beat when she stepped into the room or when she looked up at him or tucked her hair behind her ear before looking away. God, he wanted her so badly.

  For the first time in a long time, Susan woke up feeling amazing. She jumped out of bed with a smile on her face and went down stairs for a coffee. She sat at the table and checked her phone. There was a text from Max:

  Message 1: Hey, you, just wanted to say good morning (and I’ll pick you up at 5.)

  Her smile turned into a big cheesy grin, which then turned into panic as she tried decided what she was going to wear. She decided to take advice and rang Polly.

  After a long telephone conversation, they planned for Polly to visit in a couple of weeks, once Susan had settled in properly. It gave her incentive to start unpacking. She turned the stereo on and opened the nearest box; it needed to look like a home if she was going to stick around and have houseguests. She placed her books on the bookcase, and then poured herself a glass of wine whilst dancing around the kitchen like a giddy schoolgirl.

  Two glasses of wine later, she found herself in the bathroom trying to do something with her hair; she settled on straightened with minimum makeup. She checked herself in the mirror and smiled. She’d changed so much in the few days she had been back at Winchelsea. A few months ago, she couldn’t have dreamed about getting this dressed up, let alone going out for a meal with a gorgeous, hot guy.

  Thinking back to her previous life she’d had very few friends and had kept herself very private. She’d filled a lot of her time reading her angel romance books; fairy tale romances in which a fallen angel would come into her life and end all her misery. She knew that the books were filling her head with unrealistic expectations and reinforcing the idea that she would never be good enough for a happy life with the man of her dreams. She’d built a wall to stop herself from ever being hurt. She spent her days mooning over book heroes because they weren’t real and could never hurt her.