The Maze

by Luciana Correa

The calm voice I had heard before the blessed dark curtain of oblivion had wrapped me up broke into my sleep. “You’ve gotta drink some water. Take it.”

  The cold rim of a glass touched my lips and a strong arm helped me to rise from the pillows. I drank without opening my eyes. I felt my head being lowered again and went back to sleep.

  I can’t say for certain how many times I drank water and slept over and over and over. That soothing male voice was always there.

  One day I opened my eyes and I had no more fear. Confused thoughts weren’t playing havoc in my mind either. I looked around and I was in my own bedroom. My brother was watching me, sitting in the chair I usually sit to work.

  We have always been distant because the age difference was effective to prevent our blood bonds become friendship. Don’t take me wrong. My brother has always been my protector. I can relax when he is around because I know I will be safe. Yet, his eyes were worried when he leaned towards me. “Are you feeling fine? Can you move?”

  I thought the question weird and tried to move. A strange pain hit my feet soles and ran upwards to my thighs. The fire burned in my veins and I choked with a strangled scream. Marcus was up in a jump and held me. My body convulsed like lightning struck and darkness enveloped me again. But that time I could hear my brother’s voice clearly. “You can’t sleep again, Leah. Fight. Let’s do it, sis. Open your eyes. Do it now.”

  The evident anguish etching his voice pulled me into obedience. I struggled to do his bidding. His face came into focus slowly. “That’s my girl! Yeah! You’re gonna manage it, sis. Open your eyes.”

  I felt strong again and could move without pain. “What’s up with me Marcus?”

  He sighed and pressed my face against his broad chest. “I hoped you had the answer for that.”

  I put some distance between us and only then I noticed my dilated tummy. My eyes ran over my body. I was really astounded. That wasn’t anything but a baby bump. Advanced pregnancy and that was for sure.

  In the middle of my awe, I heard my brother move back to the chair where he had been sitting. His voice sounded sad and hurt. “How did it happen, Leah? Why didn’t you look for me? Why didn’t you tell me? Where have you been all the months we didn’t talk? What the hell was in your head when you went to that nowhere town and just stopped contacting me? Who is the guy who called me to tell me you were home and needing my help? Can you guess how frightened I got when I arrived here and saw you pregnant, unconscious and totally alone? It took you five days to wake up! Five days and no one could explain this madness. I called that doctor who was in your cell phone’s contacts. That doctor Hans said you are fine, the babies are fine and you only need to rest. He told me to take you to have some tests run and nothing else. It was four days ago. You’ve wakened up only now. I’ve been sitting in this chair for five days, worrying my life out.”

  I heard all my brother’s sad and anxious words in silence. The thing I felt strange in my body had an explanation. My swollen belly was due to pregnancy. But who was the father? It made no sense at all. I couldn’t remember anything that remotely could be connected to pregnancy. I licked my lips and stared into my brother’s eyes. “I don’t know what to say. I can only recall running away with the hotel’s room maid from men who had invaded my bedroom."

  The image of the young woman with a broken neck flashed before my eyes. For whichever unconscious reason I omitted the fact, I don’t know. My memories were disturbing to say just a little. Marcus looked straight into my eyes. "Leah, you are twenty-eight and an acknowledged professional. You have no need of being afraid of talking to me. I know we have never been close but these babies are my nephews. I'm here to back you up. Say the truth, please."

  I leaned on the pillows and we locked eyes. "Every single word you said makes the reason why I would never lie. I've just opened my eyes and I have no idea how I ended up pregnant."

  He was shaking when he rubbed his short cropped hair back and forth, back and forth. "Are you for real?"

  "Yeah, I am. You should have talked to the man who called you. He probably has the answer we lack."

  "He never left his number, nothing, really. He only told me you needed me and hung off."

  Marcus was looking at me thoughtfully and his eyes were glued to my distended tummy. "What are you gonna do? The boys are gonna be born in less than a month, according to the doctor."

  I lowered my eyes to my pregnancy affected body. I put my hand on my abdomen and I felt it move immediately. I lifted my hand frightened and Marcus sighed. "They move a lot. I can see it clearly from where I am."

  My eyes rested on my brother and hot tears streamed down my cheeks. I've always dreamed of being a mother. Suddenly, I was pregnant, by the end of pregnancy term. No memories, nothing. No dad for my kids and only a male voice as a remembrance. I spat my frustrated words, following the never ending tears. "It's a nightmare."

  "Let's find a doctor. Someone must be able to unlock your memories."

  Unhappily so, the things didn't happen so easily. My memory didn't come back and in the due time the kids were born. It was the fastest and the most strange delivery ever. In less than half an hour my body opened and my children saw the light. When I called my brother the two babies were on my bed already, wrapped precariously in my bed sheets. We went to the hospital and after some simple procedures, I was taken to a bedroom until the day after when I was cleared to go home. Before that, though, all the hospital visited with the most beautiful babies ever born in the institution.

  The boys were identical twins. Two small copies of myself. My children were strong, healthy, and bigger than the kids their age. Their beauty couldn't touch my heart though. I only looked at those two beings for whom I had no motherly love whatsoever and got afraid. Fear so strong and powerful, overwhelmingly so, would ride me hard. It was a strange feeling that stopped me, taking me in such a strong hold that I never managed to breastfeed them. My heart seemed to be ready to jump out of my chest. I felt like running away fast from their tiny bodies. The psychiatrist in charge of my case diagnosed me. I had post-trauma amnesia and post-delivery depression.

  Marcus took me and the boys to his house. My reaction never changed through the time. Those small babies had the power of throwing me into panic attacks when I was in their presence. I would scream and run to the farthest possible place.

  Marcus and his wife offered to look after them and bring them up. Ana wasn't able to bear children and she loved them as if they were hers. As for me, I couldn't stand being with the twins in the same room. I signed the papers and they became Marcus's and Ana's responsibility. It was unavoidable once I wasn't able to take good care of them. It was the last decision before taking back my life that had come tumbling down under such a heavy drama.

  Chapter Three